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40 Women Share The Times Men Had To Comment On Their Appearance When Nobody Asked Them To
Interview With Author
Can you imagine receiving an unwelcomed and slightly ignorant comment about your hair, tattoos, or figure? Well, if you’re a woman, you probably can. Unfortunately, some guys out there feel the need to vocalize their judgment about women’s looks with no regard for their feelings whatsoever.
So when user peanutstail raised a question on the Two X Chromosomes subreddit, “Ladies, what are some of your favorite, completely unsolicited comments about your appearance you’ve gotten from men?” hundreds of replies started raining down, each more unbelievable than the previous one.
Whether it’s men expressing their opinions on the street, at a funeral, or literally moments before getting onto an operating table, it’s mind-boggling to read some of these stories. So check them out below and let us know what you think in the comments!
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#1
This one was actually really awesome, and I’ll never forget it. I was leaving the subway in Manhattan on my way to a portfolio presentation for a large gift company, hoping to god I’d land a big commission that was being discussed. I was outfitted for the occasion in a suit I’d specifically bought. As I ascended the stairs, from behind I heard, “I can see that you’re headed for an important meeting, and that you’re an artist. You look fantastic, you have taste, and you can do this. Knock them dead.” I turned, and the man who gave me these words just nodded, and smiled. It wasn’t predatory or demeaning- he meant it. And I landed the commission.
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#2
I almost never wear makeup, but I got the whole works done for my best friend's wedding when I was her maid of honor. Throughout the day, I kept getting gross comments like, 'Oh, see how pretty you can be if you actually made the effort?' I was just generally feeling miserable.
Due to the scheduling, I only met up with my plus one after the main ceremony, on the way to the afterparty. We get into our car, and he looks me dead in the eye and just says, 'You look like a clown.' I could not stop laughing. I felt like a clown!
It was just really nice knowing that he didn't care that I suddenly looked gorgeous to everyone else in the room. The makeup wasn't me, it made me look like someone I wasn't, and he hated it for that reason alone.
We reached out to the author of this post, peanutstail, to talk about how it feels to receive unasked-for comments and why do some men say them in the first place. The user got the idea for this thread after going to a club with a friend: “A guy I was chatting with randomly telling me it looked like I ‘didn’t take very good care of my hair,’ she told Bored Panda.
“I was so taken aback by his blunt, completely unnecessary, and insulting comment that came completely out of the blue that I didn’t even know what to say.” When peanutstail got home that night, she started reflecting on her past experiences with men where they “nonchalantly gave me rude, hurtful, and unsolicited comments about my appearance (specifically my hair; I have naturally frizzy hair so this is always the one they go for).”
She continued: “Honestly, thinking about it made me so pissed that I just wanted to blow off some steam, and I figured what better place to do that than Reddit? And since I know this is a very common phenomenon with women, I wanted to hear other women’s stories about rude comments they’ve gotten about their appearance from men.”
#3
The neighbours came by to see me leave for my high school prom. The little 6 year old boy next door saw me come down the stairs and gasped and said "she looks like a princess", it was 14 years ago and still the best goddamn compliment a male has ever given me.
#4
This old guy, at the bar my grandma would go to, told me my pants were too tight. They were regular jeans, not even skinny jeans or anything like that. I said, 'Why, can you see my d**k?' It embarrassed the s**t out of him.
The author admits that she expected to get more than a few replies, but honestly didn’t think it would blow up as much as it did: “I think how much it resonated with all the women on this subreddit shows just how big of an issue this is.”
Also, peanutstail mentioned that many people found it relevant because this is an extremely common occurrence in our patriarchal society. “Since society seems to equate a woman’s worth with how closely she meets conventional beauty standards,” many men seem to feel like they must “point out when the women in their lives don’t measure up to those standards,” she explained.
“It’s honestly heartbreaking, because so many of us try and actively coach ourselves to not base our self-worth solely on our appearance, and one off-handed comment from some [jerk] at a bar can single-handedly undo a lot of the mental work we’ve done to value ourselves for who we are and be comfortable in our own skin.”
#5
Before I climbed on the operating table for a spinal procedure, the anesthesiologist — a white man in his 50s — stopped me and, for the THIRD TIME, asked if I was sure I wasn't pregnant. I told him again, there's no possible way I'm pregnant, but I'll take a pregnancy test if he wants. Then, he said he didn’t believe me and that I was 'too cute not to be pregnant,' 'that I’ve got to have tons of guys climbing all over me because I'm so cute,' so 'how am I not pregnant?'
The surgical tech also sexually harassed me after watching what the anesthesiologist had said. I reported them both for sexual harassment at my surgical follow-up appointment. The surgical tech was fired, and the anesthesiologist 'retired early.'
#6
I've only had one comment from a male I can remember appreciating. I was at a gas station and I went inside to grab some coffee. A guy was walking past and without stopping he said "wow, you're so beautiful! The hair, the outfit, the makeup. It's really working for you. You are gorgeous. Have a great day!" It was so genuine and friendly and the guy kept on his way without looking for a response. It was nice that there was no apparent underlying motivation, nothing sexual, just nice.
What’s even worse, many of the commenters wrote that some of the most hurtful things said to them “came from their male family members, specifically their male family members comparing them to their cousins/sisters/mothers.” Not to mention that some women revealed that guys made “sexual comments about them when they were as young as 8 or 9. Even more disturbing is that oftentimes these comments came from close male family members.”
“Another crucial thing to take away from this post is that women are not safe from these comments at any age, and we need to do everything in our power to protect our young girls,” the author explained. “The sad thing is that there is no age limit for female sexual objectification, and we need to raise awareness on just how damaging this objectification is to our long-term mental health, safety, and self-image.”
#7
Had a jerk tell me this when I was a teenager dressed up for Thanksgiving in a grocery store "Guys don't make passes to girl's who wear glasses." My response,"Oh yeah? Girls won't accept passes from guys who behave like asses!"
Little Wonder 2 years ago
An old man said that to me at work once and I said "Why, don't like women who can see properly?" and he was very put out. To be fair, I'm not that quick witted, I stole that line from my Aunt.
#8
I had a friend tell me that he wished he could put my personality into his girlfriend's body, because, then, he'd have the perfect woman.
He managed a two-for-one insult, pretty impressive.
When asked why do some guys believe they have the right to comment on a woman’s looks, the author revealed that it’s hard to give a clear-cut answer. “I think that part of the reason men tend to comment so openly and unthinkingly on our appearance is that they naturally tend to be more blunt and open about things with their male friends, and since they say these types of things to their buddies, they think that it’s okay to say it to us.”
It could partly come from an inability to see things from our perspective: “Men aren’t valued solely based on their appearance in our society, so while negative comments they receive about their appearance may make them upset, I don’t think they can truly relate to the sense of degradation and loss of self-worth women experience from such comments.”
#9
I had the random guy who sat next to me in class tell me that my scarf 'removed my neck.' He said that since I'm short, the look wasn't doing me any favors. It was in the middle of the winter. Unfortunately, my biological need to not freeze my butt off was getting in the way of his right to be physically attracted to me.
#10
Oh bonus comment! I was pregnant at the DMV and no one would give me a seat (120 degrees in July and I’m like 8 months and have hyperemesis) and so I was leaning against a rail in line to renew my license since I needed it to leave the hospital since my POS ex wasn’t driving me home after I delivered and just in case my mom couldn’t, and some loser sitting down tells me I’m a selfish, hateful woman for having anorexia while pregnant and not giving my baby what it needs. I am more than proud to say I looked at him and threw up all over the floor between us and on his pants and shoes before crying to apologize for the vomit, and the DMV workers rushed to my aid, cleaned me up, took my photo, and sat me in an air conditioned testing room to wait for my papers.
Peanutstail wanted to add that since our patriarchal society “holds women to such unrealistic beauty standards, men experience shock and disappointment when women in real life both don’t meet those standards or choose to abide by them.”
“A core belief of the patriarchy is that the female body is solely for male enjoyment and pleasure,” the author added. “And so when a woman … wears whatever she wants to feel comfortable in her own skin, men implicitly feel like it is an affront to their right to enjoy her body, and they thus feel the need to make their displeasure known.”
#11
I was walking through campus wearing a hot pink skirt and a cute guy walked up to me and said "Hey I like your skirt! No hetero!" And walked away. That guy was awesome.
#12
Crossing the street all dressed up going to a club, guy walking the other way just says, "Flawless dress,"and keeps walking.
#13
I was walking with my two-year-old nephew to get the mail when we crossed paths with a man I'd never met before. My nephew is very outgoing and starts happily blabbering to this dude. The guy crouches down toward nephew, locks eyes with me, and tells my nephew, 'Mommy needs to start dressing her age. You need to tell her she's not a teenager anymore, and she looks pathetic!' He then burst into obnoxiously loud laughter and walked off.
It was really weird. I was also dressed completely benign, but I was in my late 20s with blue hair, so that must have been his issue
It’s important to note that “obviously not every man thinks this way, and there are plenty of nice and polite men out there who kindly keep their mouths shut about the way their female colleagues look.” However, the user thinks that the vast majority of these nasty comments “can be attributed to the factors listed above.”
So if we want to see change, we need to start conversations about such remarks: “As with all women’s issues, I think it’s important we raise awareness of this phenomenon both so men can realize that their words have consequences, and continue to break down these completely unattainable and unrealistic beauty standards that have kept women in chains for years.”
#14
A grown-ass, middle-aged man told me my legs 'went on forever' at my grandfather's funeral. Mind you, I was 14.
Littlemiss 2 years ago
Not only was it highly inappropriate, he just proved what a dirty old man he was at a fn funeral! They live amongst us.
#15
When I was in college (about 18), an older street musician (not homeless) told me he admired the confidence of my stride. Totally genuine and not even remotely sexual. That’s one of the best compliments I’ve ever received.
#16
I once had a dude tell me, 'You really don't need all that blush,' when I had no makeup on and a bad sunburn across my face.
Tons of dudes can't tell what makeup looks like at all. I'm embarrassed for them when they say stuff about it.
Luther von Wolfen 2 years ago
I prefer no make up and if I'm involved with a woman, I'll let her know that, but I'm aware that women wear make up because they choose to. My preference is not the deciding factor.
She’s hoping that discussions about this problem “will show just how rampant female objectification is and the devastating effects it has on our psyche for years to come.”
“Hopefully, enough men will see this post and learn to think more carefully before they make any potentially hurtful, appearance-related comments to the women in their lives, and all of the women who see this post will be reminded that they should stand up for themselves when men say such things to them.”
#17
I was told that it's so refreshing to see a woman on a night out with no makeup on, and how I am a natural beauty...while I was wearing a lot of make up!
#18
'Your underarms are dark, isn't there a cream you could use for it?' And that is how I got flowers for the first time in my life.
#19
I was dragging a canoe to a launch spot on the side of a road while a truck drove by - the passenger yelled out “you’re beautiful! The way you are!” It was unexpected, unnecessary, and made my day.
#20
I used to be a forklift driver. A truck showed up at the warehouse I worked in, I drove out to unload his truck. He turns to me and says "are you supposed to be on that?"
Without skipping a beat I said "nah, I just walked in off the street and thought I'd give it a go".
I unloaded everything off his truck with no issues and went inside without looking his way, I didn't even need to see his jaw drop moment.
#21
I'm young looking for mid 30s and work in a predominately old white male white collar industry. I'm heavily credentialed, upper management, on track to take over our office in the next 10 years. Yet, here's my favorite comments from clients and peers completely unsolicited:
1. You must be a great secretary, you have your own corner office. ((There is nothing wrong with being a secretary but a sexist assumption))
2. Are you actually credentialed? You look more like PR or recruitment or something, a pretty face to get more work. ((Same))
3. (When pregnant) don't worry, the baby weight will come off quickly. (I was not worried)
4. You look nothing like your professional photo, guess the job can really age a person (I wasn't wearing makeup in person)
5. I liked your hair better when it was darker. You looked more sultry. (I came in to work after getting highlights)
The list goes on.
I know a lot of these comments are more because I'm female rather than my actual looks but it still references my appearance when it doesn't matter.
#22
This one has always stuck with me: 'Those socks are very provocative on you.' I was 17, wearing tall socks with shorts, a flannel, and a tank top (a typical 2010s outfit, lol). I was at a small house party with other teens in a basement, and I knew one person there. The reason I remember it? It was the host's dad who said it after giving me a body check up and down. I was like, 'Okay, thanks?'
I never wore tall socks like that again
#23
When I was 17, my cousin said out loud for everyone to hear: "wow, you got fat! Your arms are huge!"
I had started overeating after he sexually abused me.
#24
If we are sharing "favorite" but in reality least favorite its this one:
"Woops, I thought you were your mother, you look just like her" said by my dad's alcoholic friend when he groped my butt, and who, BTW, had no goddamn business putting his hands on my mother either.
I was 13. My mom 43. It was not an easy, honest mistake. I told my brother who was 17 or 18 at the time. My brother chased his sorry ass out of our house and punched him in the face. My dad was drunk and oblivious at the time, but once he sobered up I guess he heard, because I was never brought around this guy again. I am unsure if that was when their friendship ended, because the guy would still call and my dad would still talk to him, but he was never mentioned outside of the phone calls ever again. My mom told me I shouldn't have said anything, because my brother was already pissed at the guy for coming on to my mom and me saying that just escalated the situation.
Once back in the house my brother was still in a mad rage and punched a cabinet door. My mom gave him grief about it, my dad just fixed the cabinet door. None of it was ever mentioned again.
Samantha Lomb 2 years ago
Poor girl. And it somehow becomes her fault for "mentioning it", not that of the drunk adult man.
#25
I've had a few guys tell me that my septum piercing is ugly and that men don't like that.
Samantha Lomb 2 years ago
Love how men expect their tastes to be the standard women aspire too. In fairness some older busybody women say the same too.
#26
My male best friend told me I'm always dressed correctly for the activity. I think it's an awesome comment and genuinely one of my favourite things I've ever heard.
#27
I was a cashier and scanning a guy's groceries when he felt it necessary to tell me that I'd be sexier without my septum ring. I was only 18 and fresh out of high school. That was my first job. The dude had to be at least 40. It was a totally unnecessary comment from a stranger, and it still makes me feel gross just thinking about it.
#28
Not from a man, but still hurtful nonetheless. My aunt, grandma, and mother were trying to help me find jeans. I kept telling them I was a size 10-12, but they kept dismissing it and said that I was a 16-18. It hurt my feelings really badly. The 16-18s were falling off of me, and when I went to show them the jeans that DID fit, the 10-12, they all just kind of got quiet. My hips look wide, but man did they really overestimate it that day.
#29
An ex-coworker's boyfriend would always tell me, 'Pretty girls have long hair,' because I usually kept my hair in a pixie cut or a chin-length bob. That guy was a douche.
#30
My new male co-worker tried to build rapport by asking me: 'Why did you become a graphic designer if you're not pretty and don't have a dad who owns a company? Women don't make it in this industry otherwise.'
#31
I have PCOS, so I can grow a beard most 16-year-old boys are jealous of. I've lost count of the number of times I've been 'advised' to shave or wax my face.
Most often in high school, I've been told that I have more hair than my brother. I even had an ex who commented that he now understood what all his exes were saying. People also question my gender.
It used to upset me, but now I can't find any f**ks to give them. I still remove my facial hair, but I do it for me, no one else (it gets itchy after a couple of days).
Little Wonder 2 years ago
Saaaaaaaaaame. I've had my face lasered which is a real time saver. Still need a few more sessions and then maybe I'll win the lottery and have the rest of my body done lol
#32
I loved this comment....I had a pixie cut for over a decade, it deterred many a boy. One day walking back into my apartment from the alley, this young kid who worked at the adjacent pizza place was taking the trash out and exuberantly yelled "I love your hair, it's just so practical, ugh" in a guttural tone that reeked of young hormones. It was so genuine and unhinged I still remember it.
AnnaBanana 2 years ago
Hairstyles can be like invisible armour. There are some really good styles like quiffs, mohawks, buzz cuts etc. plus all the amazing colours you can dye your hair, that tell people to back off on sight. I know when I'm feeling insecure, I'll wear my hair in the most 'out there' way I can because it keeps people away from me - it's like a security blanket.
#33
My guy friend told me I looked amazing and like I had lost weight a week after I had a miscarriage…that he was visiting to offer support for.
#34
Yeah, I have had the messy hair comment too. I have curlyish, wavy hair. To add insult to injury when I had chemo and lost my hair my then boyfriend told me that he and his 8-year-old son liked my wig a lot better than my real hair. He was an abusive alcoholic trash and I am so glad that I kicked him to the curb when I got my strength back after chemo and knew I would survive. By the way: he was almost bald.
#35
Besides men I'm dating complimenting me, I haven't really had men comment on my appearance. 95% of the time it's women with the comments. I prefer it this way. Except for that lady who said I was too pretty to be Mexican. F**k that.
#36
To grow out my hair. I used to have long hair close to my waist but decided to get a pixie cut, shave it off, and now back to pixie cut. No one but me and my spouse like it. My hair is thick and curly and I had loose curls (it was pretty, won't lie, but a pain to deal with). Never going back because hair like that just reminds me of being depressed and stifled by the expectations set for me.
#37
An old man told me I ruined my perfectly, beautiful body with all of my tattoos. At my place of work.
Samantha Lomb 2 years ago (edited)
yep heard this one before. Or even worse they want to touch your tats. I had one guy from the gas company corner me in the hall of my apartment and start stroking the dragonfly on my arm. I have not opened the door for guests I didn't invite since.
#38
One day, I was walking from work to my gym. While at a crosswalk, a man in a beat-up, old pickup truck took the time to honk, roll down his window, and, completely unprompted, yell at me, 'Hey! You look like a b****!' As someone who does have strong RBF and has gotten, 'You should smile more,' many times, I was seriously taken aback. I usually have a witty response for the smile-more comments, but I think my jaw just dropped. I didn't even know what to do. He just drove away like nothing had happened.
#39
On Christmas, my siblings and I talked through almost the whole night — we were quite drunk at some point. My brother told us that he thinks my sister is more beautiful than I am. He tried to soften his statement by saying I'm also beautiful, but my sister more adheres to what people would think to be beautiful.
I was not too offended with him saying that, because my sister and I really love each other and something like this couldn't come between us. Also, I've developed enough self esteem by now to think of myself as beautiful without comparison.
It was just like a 'Why the hell are you telling us this?' moment, especially because my sister was immediately telling me that she always thought me to be more beautiful, etc. I just told her that I think we're both hot
#40
I worked in the same building as a man, and we'd said 'good morning' to each other for years. However, we had never really had a conversation. Immediately upon seeing my new pixie haircut (my hair was long before), he said, 'Oh, [my name], NO! That's just not you…no…'
What do you think ?
Casey McAlister 2 years ago
One guy commented under my Instagram photo: "I like it, but I think it's better to wear lighter colours and less makeup". I told him I'm not stopping him from wearing lighter colours and less makeup. Hope now that he has my blessing, he can finally wear less makeup and restore the harmony within himself.
deanna woods 2 years ago
I have gotten a rude comment and a nice comment. The rude comment was one of my classmates telling me that I was so dark that when I went in the grocery store the charcoal thought I was its mommy. The nice comment was when my professor in college was surprised I was graduating because he thought I was a freshman in college. At the time, I was twenty nine, but he thought I was eighteen. I have also been told that when people see me smile, it makes them smile and that I am one of the sweetest people that they have ever met.
Signe Manat Hansen 2 years ago
The age thing isn't a compliment. It's not inherently better to be a teenager.
Load More Replies...
Leo Domitrix 2 years ago
In the spirit of equality and fairness: Christmas party. My one guy friend got told out of nowhere by a stranger (woman) that he "would be sexy if he just lost some weight". My pal was devastated. Then his wife said to him, "Well, even total strangers see it," and, yes, they're divorced, and no, he wasn't overweight. He wasn't model-skinny either. So? Back the eff off. FYI, his wife is now his ex, and has taught their kids to mock his weight. Since she has an eating disorder, she's in no position to comment on anything weight-related, IMO, so just take that as a moral: If the doctor isn't worried, then ignore the rest of the voices.
Casey McAlister 2 years ago
One guy commented under my Instagram photo: "I like it, but I think it's better to wear lighter colours and less makeup". I told him I'm not stopping him from wearing lighter colours and less makeup. Hope now that he has my blessing, he can finally wear less makeup and restore the harmony within himself.
deanna woods 2 years ago
I have gotten a rude comment and a nice comment. The rude comment was one of my classmates telling me that I was so dark that when I went in the grocery store the charcoal thought I was its mommy. The nice comment was when my professor in college was surprised I was graduating because he thought I was a freshman in college. At the time, I was twenty nine, but he thought I was eighteen. I have also been told that when people see me smile, it makes them smile and that I am one of the sweetest people that they have ever met.
Signe Manat Hansen 2 years ago
The age thing isn't a compliment. It's not inherently better to be a teenager.
Load More Replies... Leo Domitrix 2 years ago
In the spirit of equality and fairness: Christmas party. My one guy friend got told out of nowhere by a stranger (woman) that he "would be sexy if he just lost some weight". My pal was devastated. Then his wife said to him, "Well, even total strangers see it," and, yes, they're divorced, and no, he wasn't overweight. He wasn't model-skinny either. So? Back the eff off. FYI, his wife is now his ex, and has taught their kids to mock his weight. Since she has an eating disorder, she's in no position to comment on anything weight-related, IMO, so just take that as a moral: If the doctor isn't worried, then ignore the rest of the voices.
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