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There’s a lot of stuff you learn about parenting along the way. The wisdom you’ve gathered that you wish you could share with your younger self. After all, it would make a lot of lives easier. Recently, Ted Gonder, a dad of three, did just that. This fall, he penned an honest open letter to his childless 24-year-old self about how to be a supportive partner during the “becoming parents” phase.
The post instantly went viral. So far, it has received over 68K reactions and 56K shares on Facebook, with many tagging their significant others in the comments. So, while Ted’s former self might not get the message, some soon-to-be parents will probably benefit from his advice.
More info: Facebook | Instagram
Image credits: Ted Gonder
Image credits: Ted Gonder
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After seeing Ted’s open letter go viral, his wife shared her take as well
Image credits: Franziska Gonder
Image credits: Ted Gonder
“We didn’t do a lot of the traditional parent prep, like reading books or taking prep courses,” Ted told Bored Panda. “Our preparation path centered around a few key practices. First, we invested in strengthening our relationship by going for a walk together every morning in the forest by our house; all those steps we walked together helped us work through undiscovered differences in perspective and align as a team to prepare for parenthood.”
Image credits: Ted Gonder
“Second, we went on a ‘family retreat’ for a weekend and wrote down our family vision, values, and manifesto — a short guiding document that sets a shared vision between us of how we want our family to operate and who we want our family to become. Starting a family with your spouse is like cofounding a company, so having a clear purpose and shared North Star helps! And third, we are lucky that in our ‘preparation’, my wife was able to lean on her own mum and just pick up the phone any time she had a question.”
Image credits: Ted Gonder
Ted believes that, to some extent, no non-parent will ever be ready to become a parent. “It is the biggest life transition most people will ever experience, and no amount of book knowledge will prepare you for all the real-life scenarios you’ll face,” he said. One thing he and his wife have noticed is how most forms of preparation focus on the baby: how to breastfeed, hold, sleep, etc. but they don’t really hear a lot of people using the pregnancy time to invest in themselves or their relationship. “For my wife, for example, she credits daily pregnancy yoga and kettlebell workouts as the main reason why she was able to birth three very large boys with relative ease and be back on her feet and very active again just a few weeks later.”
Image credits: Ted Gonder
“The first thing I will say is that being with Franziska as she became a mother made me fall in love with her all over again, and showed me yet another of the thousands of reasons why I made an amazing choice of partner and how lucky I am to have found her. I’m lucky to be married to my best friend.”
“I personally didn’t realize the importance of working out for fatherhood until after my first son was born and I started getting backaches and tendinitis from all the carrying, so have held a rigorous exercise regime since then that’s been a game-changer,” the father continued. “But what I did do before our first was born was get a life coach who helped me get perspective on my life priorities and set a clear picture of how I could balance my work responsibilities with being a committed and engaged dad, something nobody had ever taught me how to do.”
People were deeply touched by his wise words
What do you think ?
Rissie 5 years ago
I honestly believe so many couples would benefit from this in stead of birthing classes. Those do not prepare anyone for what I've seen if them. There's a few things you can prepare for. Understanding how the actual process works. That it will change your life permanently and that usually hormones and sleep deprivation affect women very heavily. Empathy is the magic word that's very often left out.
Rissie 5 years ago
@Michal Men do many awful things because of hormones. No one said hormones don't affect both sexes. But in the case of giving birth to a child, the changes and demands on a woman's body are substantial. Now if you had any knowledge of giving birth or raising kids, you'd know that. I'm just promoting the idea of getting people aware beforehand in stead of letting them figuring it out by themselves. For the plain and simple reason you're mentioning. If you're prepared you can use your conscious thinking to compensate (somewhat). If you don't, hormones and sleep deprivation will take you on a wild walk. Besides that, your assumptions are hilariously uneducated.
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Aleksandra 5 years ago
It's not "how to help your wife", it's "How to be a good partner and father". I wish everyone had such support
Monika Soffronow 5 years ago
I wish I could give you a hundred UPVOTES for this! Men should man up and shoulder their part of the jobs that need to get done. That is all there is to it.
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Sterrinatu 5 years ago
I'm surprised to see the negativity in these comments. While I find this post repetitive as we have seen this kind of thing on here a few times, I don't find it offensive in any way. Some guys do need to understand it's a team effort to take care of a baby.
Rissie 5 years ago
I honestly believe so many couples would benefit from this in stead of birthing classes. Those do not prepare anyone for what I've seen if them. There's a few things you can prepare for. Understanding how the actual process works. That it will change your life permanently and that usually hormones and sleep deprivation affect women very heavily. Empathy is the magic word that's very often left out.
Rissie 5 years ago
@Michal Men do many awful things because of hormones. No one said hormones don't affect both sexes. But in the case of giving birth to a child, the changes and demands on a woman's body are substantial. Now if you had any knowledge of giving birth or raising kids, you'd know that. I'm just promoting the idea of getting people aware beforehand in stead of letting them figuring it out by themselves. For the plain and simple reason you're mentioning. If you're prepared you can use your conscious thinking to compensate (somewhat). If you don't, hormones and sleep deprivation will take you on a wild walk. Besides that, your assumptions are hilariously uneducated.
Load More Replies... Aleksandra 5 years ago
It's not "how to help your wife", it's "How to be a good partner and father". I wish everyone had such support
Monika Soffronow 5 years ago
I wish I could give you a hundred UPVOTES for this! Men should man up and shoulder their part of the jobs that need to get done. That is all there is to it.
Load More Replies... Sterrinatu 5 years ago
I'm surprised to see the negativity in these comments. While I find this post repetitive as we have seen this kind of thing on here a few times, I don't find it offensive in any way. Some guys do need to understand it's a team effort to take care of a baby.
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