Funny how the wife can't work full time because of mental health issues but those issues aren't affected by spending money they don't have on luxuries.

When I read that the wife will only work part-time because of mental health issues, I saw red flags. Combine this with her unwillingness to give up her coffee and takeout, I'm guessing she's just an entitled princess with a c**p ton of buzz word excuses.

Obviously OP's wife needs a reality check about their finances, and it's a tough nut to crack if she won't pitch in to sacrifice and make things work when things are tight. That said, nobody wants to feel like they are ganged up on by their spouse and mother-in-law, and I'd bet she felt pressured to let his Mom poke her nose into their business. OP and his wife should have been capable of looking at expenses and figuring out where to save money together - it's not rocket science. She may have been more open to discussing things like take-out and coffee if she didn't feel like she was being blamed and outnumbered.

No one needs Starbucks; they want Starbucks. Wife is selfish and doesn't care OP is stressed out. He should just leave her now; she's shown him who she is.

Split finances and watch her downfall

I never understand people like this. How can a grown human being justify spending on things that are unnecessary when they're broke? "Can't give up take out"?

Being so broke that you need to hit up food banks is also bad for mental health, and they usually don't have organic produce to choose from! If she is that fixated on organic, have her start a kitchen garden at home to grow the veggies herself.

When the economy went bad back in the early 2000's and lost my job and couldn't afford extras, I cut out everything I could. Even dropped my internet service for a few years until l I could afford it again. The wife is being unreasonable about their finances.

LOL! The wife doesn't want to work because it's bad for her mental health (lazy) and she is the big spender. Tell her to f**k right off and work full time or stop spending. Stupid twat.

My husband and I had a similar issue.. Our first grandson was born and I spent alot of money. That summer . So my husband and i agreed that i get a job. Fair enough. fast forward a year later when our isnurance angency started to struggle (in California. the agreement now is that i put X amount of dollars into our jpint account for bills and house hold things . anything left over is fun money . it has been working well. There are times there is no fun money for me but thats part of being in a partnership and adjusting to constant financial changes . This lady in the post is selfish and out of touch with reality.

Your wife is wrong and being unrealistic. I don’t know how you can maintain a household on two part time jobs. You both either need to be working full time or each get a second part time job.

I did a spreadsheet once of everything I spent money on because I should not be broke at the end of every month. It was illuminating to say the least. I can usually get to payday with about £100 still in account now by cutting things like take aways and also drinking less. Proper grocery shopping instead of day to day. I don't meal prep but have learnt bulk buy and freezing is a good thing.

Save what you can on your end. See what you have left over end of each week for a month. Then just ask your wife to go one week on the budget. And see what she's left with. I bet you would still have more each week than her. Give up rakeout? Ok yeah give that up. Organic? Well maybe supplement it with growing your own if possible or local farmer markets without supermarket markups (used mark a lot in that one). Your wife doesn't see the bottom of the barrel coming up fast. When saving are gone more than half belts have to tighten. I'm cutting back as much as I can. Haven't had a raise in two years. Car is falling apart. But I'm trying.

And.....Here we see why many of the current generations "can't afford" a house, or . Not willing to give up anything. not willing to give up her takeout? are you kidding. I am guessing you have 2 car payments, $100+ a month cell phone plan for just the 2 of you, and some premium streaming services too. Plus she's too lazy to work FT (bad for her mental health...whatever) Yeah, you ain't ever retiring. Since you are broke, now might be the most cost effective time for a divorce

Mental/physical health can indeed be an issue with managing ongoing routines. There’s so much here we don’t know about the wife and how she copes, manages, what issues she might struggle with, etc. It’s easy to say “just do such and such”, but there are genuine health issues where this simply does. not. work. ADHD, for example. No matter how much a neurodivergent person wants to do the disciplined thing, the neuro brain processes things very differently, and doesn’t do what it’s owner wants. ADHD isn’t a superpower, it’s a genuine liability in the world of everday, circular tasks. I do think having MIL be the advisor was a mistake, even though wife initially agrred. It adds too personal a dimension; outside advice would have been better. One commenter did a lot of positive reframing - emphasizing alternatives and temporary short-term solutions. An outside adviser might be able to do this as well, while helping set up rewarding goals to help the wife stay on track.

Wow, so a wife who works part time because "full time is bad for her mental health" declines to cut down on her takeout.. when they are in financial trouble, and when her husband is the main bread winner. Where do these people even come from? But a side note - I'd never accept someone telling me I'm f-ing anything. You should never swear at your partner, this is awful...

As a mother and someone who has lived through financial issues I would have sat down, itemized the spending then presented them with a budget to follow that included a personal allowance. Maybe not much, but money they could spend however they wanted while following the rest of the budget.

NTA in this situation it is understandable that the f*word sneeked in. But why are you so harsh on the Wife who apparently has never been in this situation. Downscaling is hard especially if you never had to. She might feel ashamed or humiliated that this is happening ... denial is a real thing. Somebody needs to sit her down and explain to her that things happen, there is no blame or shame connected to this situation and that it is only temporary. OP and his mother went through hart times and clearly know how to get through this without piling up a huge amount of debt. You can even gamefy this to put a positive spin on a not so fun situation. Whoever cuts back the most in a week gets a little reward could be anything ... a day in the park ... sonething that does not cost money but lets you guys spend quality time together. And critizisiing her for mental health problems is a low blow. OP seems to know she has real problems. Let her know that nobody is judging her and that it will be