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“How Dare You”: 31 Times Someone Falsely Judged A Person And It Stayed Rent-Free In Their Head
Have you ever assumed that someone was too quiet and shy only to later learn that they had the most crazy personality? Just like that, we’ve all made split-second judgments about one another at some point that may or may not be true. The problem begins when those judgments are forced onto the other person.
This thread is full of people who were shocked by the baseless assumptions someone else made about them. These stories may make you overthink all the times you’ve presumed something about a person.
More info: Reddit
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#1
I went to walmart while taking a break from painting the nursery. I was fairly spattered in paint and trying to pick a pizza. I heard a lady tell her kid "that is why you go to school so you don't have a job like that". There are layers to just how f****d up that was. Not the least of which is house painters can make pretty decent money.
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#2
That I'm probably just some uneducated immigrant who can't speak English.
I'm Mexican, I drive a truck for a living. I make more doing this than putting my bachelor's to use. I don't talk much because I'm tired, grumpy and depressed all of the time.
#3
That I was being horribly disrespectful in a church ceremony.
In reality I was my little sisters Confirmation sponsor (Catholic rite) and was also in end stage liver failure. Was on lots of meds for pain and my brain was marinating in ammonia so I had several head drops (like when you're falling asleep) during the 2 hour mass.
Woman next to me berates me for being 'so rude and disrespectful'
Luckily my mom found her afterwards and tore her a new one.
It’s normal to make assumptions; our brains do it to help make sense of the world around us. There’s an interesting thing that happens to us on an everyday basis involving our unconscious mind. We collect data through our senses and match it against previous experiences to understand what may happen next.
It’s physically impossible to stop and check the accuracy of everything we see, hear, smell, or taste because it would be very time-consuming. So, these brain shortcuts are needed for our sanity. However, the issue with these mental models is that they can hurt other people if we choose to voice our assumptions. Not all of our snap judgments will be accurate 100% of the time, and if we blurt things without evidence, it may not end well.
#4
That I can't possibly be smart enough to do my job (STEM) because I'm an attractive woman. (Not assuming here - have had guys say this to me explicitly.) It does help quickly weed out the a******s when I'm dating, though.
#5
That I’m lazy because I really enjoy videogames. B***h, I have a full-time job, House, car, wife, and a dog. I also do most of the cooking, cleaning, dog-walking, and general chores around the house because my wife works crazy hours. Lazy my a*s.
#6
I hate men because I’m a lesbian. Not being sexually and romantically attracted to men doesn’t mean I hate them. Sometimes talking to my straight gal friends, it seems like they are the ones that do lol.
CanadianDimes 6 months ago
I had an ex BF who thought I was a lesbian because I broke up with him. My dude, it is NOT all men. It’s just you.
As you’ve probably noticed from these posts, many judgments and assumptions about people don’t really reflect who they are. We form these ideas based on our lived experiences, and it colors how we see friends, family, and strangers. Since we’re so busy looking for things that confirm our beliefs about others, we also find it hard to accept if they’re not the way we assumed they were. This shows that we should probably keep our presumptions to ourselves and be willing to change them once we’ve been shown the truth.
#7
Someone thought “just because I’m ugly id date anyone”.
Tabitha 6 months ago (edited)
F**k that b******t. Listen, when I was younger I was a bit zaftig (just Google it, ffs)—-this was back when the perfect body was size 0. I wore glasses, and still do. I was not what was considered hot. The best I got was ”kinda cute, but really smart and funny”. But you know what? I NEVER lacked for male companionship. Never. And I dated some really hot and sexy guys that the other girls were too scared to talk to, or who thought those guys should automatically be chasing them. All I had to do was strike up a funny or pithy conversation with them, and they were hooked. Seems there’s value in “kinda cute, but really smart and funny” as opposed to size 0 and not much else. Especially now that I’m older. The girls who skated by on looks alone when they were younger are struggling to keep up with the “really smart and funny” one now that we’re all older and looks aren’t the number 1 attractor anymore. BTW, I actually married one of the really hot and sexy guys I dated, much to the chagrin of the size 0 girls who secretly wanted him, but he made it crystal clear he only had eyes for me. You see, in the dark, your intelligence and wit are what draw them to you. Plus, a slightly zaftig curvy body is much softer than hard bones.
#8
I worked with a girl who came from a big family and when I told her that I'm an only child, she went on a rant about how I must be spoiled and that my parents "f****d me up" by doing everything for me. As if that's the only outcome that an only child could have.
DennyS (denzoren) 6 months ago (edited)
People always think us only-kids are always spoilt. They don't consider that we have the pressure that is shared by siblings rolled into one.
#9
I was in target and stopped to look at a really cute swim suit for a baby that was on display in the aisle. Two older ladies passed by and one of them said “she’s way too young to have a child” nose in the air. I was in my mid 20s, probably the same age or older than she was when she had kids.
XanthippeⓐWulf🇨🇦️️🇬🇧 6 months ago
Maybe they weren't even talking about the OP. 🤷♀️ How do they know that they didn't just catch a bit of conversation that was seemingly about them, but possibly wasn't? I know people make nosy comments all the time, but also not everyone is paying attention to us as much as we'd like to imagine.
Psychologists say that people love jumping to conclusions. It’s almost a need for us to form assumptions that can help make sense of confusing situations. That’s why people make so many inferences every day without even waiting for any evidence.
One prime example of an unfounded assumption was by Dr. Dionysius Lardner in the 19th century, who believed that passengers would asphyxiate if they sat in high-speed trains. What can one say? After all, we’re human and flawed, and our memories are colored by biased lenses.
#10
A girl I met for a date on an app once said to me at the end of the date that I should see her again because a guy of my height won't have many options.
#11
I was hanging out a friend and it had been about a month after we had met etc, and they said, "The best thing about you is that you're happy being mediocre". This felt especially bad as at that time in my life, I had just had a string of failures and was already pretty down.
Did I say that out loud? (he/him)cis/het 6 months ago
Nothing wrong with being mediocre and happy. I think more people should try it.
#12
“No wonder you’re so *depressed* you’re a lazy millennial who thinks everything is handed to him”.
Our tendency to assume and presume can also lead to a whole host of misunderstandings in personal relationships. If you’ve ever read too much into a partner’s mood or expressions only to be proven wrong later, you’ll get exactly what I mean. Sometimes, we put words in people’s mouths and conjure up all sorts of ideas of what they “really” mean. Not only is that unhealthy, and most likely incredibly biased, it only ends up hurting everyone involved. Professionals say that when we avoid making assumptions and focus on open communication, our relationships will improve.
#13
-That I'm mentally well because 'I don't look like I'm depressed.' This one isn't necessarily rude, but can be annoying after awhile.
-And also, that I'm dumb, shy, and/or a pushover.
Lil Miss Hobbit 6 months ago
I hate the "you don't look..." Thanks, I hide it well so that you can experience a normal social interaction with me.
#14
People always assume I’m mean (when I’m literally the nicest person people have ever met according to people whom actually know me) all because I have a RBF.
XanthippeⓐWulf🇨🇦️️🇬🇧 6 months ago
Can relate. My friends & family call it my resting murder face. I'm autistic, and when I'm not masking/mimicking, I guess I look like a b***h because I don't naturally emote. Yes, I'm happy, why do I gotta make my face look like this 😁 all the time? So tiring lol
#15
That I was stupid enough not to figure out that the guy I had a crush on in middle school was paid to go on a date with me as a joke. 10+ years later I’m still pissed. Though based on how he’s doing now I dodged a real bullet there lmao.
According to Dr. Sirota, a psychiatrist, we need to “simply pause as we’re jumping to our conclusions and ask ourselves, ‘How do I know this?’” She said that if the answer to that question involves anything other than factual information or evidence, then we might be at risk of making an incorrect assumption.
One of the best ways to work around our tendency to presume is to be brave enough to ask the other person what we want to know. Asking direct questions will help clarify many things and clear the air. Soon, all the festering judgments will go out the window.
#16
My mother thought for the longest time I was gay. I have nothing against homosexuality, but this was when I was in middle school.
She even asked if I would rather look at a boy or a girl in a swimsuit.
Lil Miss Hobbit 6 months ago
That is yucky to do to a child. Encouraging them to grow and accept themselves is one thing...projecting something on them based on your "idea" of them is not okay.
#17
Coworkers think I'm still 16 and can't handle complicated work, I'm 23 (baby-face asian face and short problem).
Igor914624 6 months ago
I don't agree with the whole discrimination based on appearance. If you can do the job, then you should get it. But I will say this. You may not like looking young now, but you will like it when you get older. At 22, I got carded for an R rated movie. My date didn't. She broke up with me because she couldn't handle the fact that I looked way younger than I was. Now at 60, it is a blessing. People think I am in my late 40s, so instead of being sidelined as the old guy in the office, I am regularly consulted about problems.
#18
That I was pregnant.
Not only have I never been pregnant, I have tried over and over to become pregnant without success.
Lara Verne 6 months ago
I once became pretty nauseous at work in the morning. so I excused myself and went home. Next day, I went to work and I realized that one of my coworkers assumed I was pregrant because of "morning sickness" and told everyone like it was an indisputable fact. Just because you're sick in the morning does not mean you're pregnant.
Some of the assumptions that people learned about themselves were certainly heart-breaking. It just goes to show how easy it is to assume something about a person and how long it can stay with them if we voice those thoughts. Hopefully this post helped you rethink the judgments you make.
What are some assumptions people have made about you that you absolutely don’t agree with? Tell us your story in the comments.
#19
Doesn't ever offend me at all, but it could really offend others. People always automatically assume I'm a guy whenever I play my online FPS and am good at the game.
#20
That my accent indicates my intellect.
Ace 6 months ago
There are still unrecognised prejudices based on regional accents from various parts of the UK, and underlying this is the idea that if you've been well-educated you'll have learnt to speak something more like RP ('Received Pronunciation - look it up if you don't know it, kinda like BBC English) so the more 'local' you sound the less likely you are to be highly educated. I'm guilty of it myself, based on being told by parents not to speak like this or like that and that certain ways of saying something were bad...
#21
In 5th grade I was the new girl in school and one of the girls in my class said I looked like a prairie girl straight off the farm.
She's still my best friend 16 years later lol.
#22
Just because I have these muscular [duck]ular forearms, babes are always asking me to twist the caps off of everything. The truth, I have really soft under hands, and caps tear me up really good.
Lil Miss Hobbit 6 months ago
They're probably asking you because you're a guy. Honestly, my little brother (not even 16) has stronger hands than me right now. I ask him to open things for me.
#23
My father and I were in Prague when we heard an English woman say to her friend, about us, *”they look so British they can’t be British”*, which I don’t think was a compliment. Okay, we were British but I think that was a bit uncalled for.
#24
Not rude. On several occasions I have been asked if I'm a musician, based on my hair.
#25
Yesterday in Biology class we where talking about Huntington disease. My teacher asked if anyone knew who Woody Guthrie is and no one knew. He looked at me and said "I thought you would have at least." I know I'm older then the rest of the class by at least 9 years, but damn I'm not that old.
#26
My teacher was trying to make small talk with me one day and apparently because I'm a weird, awkward kid she asked "you watch anime, right?". Like, I've literally never watched a second of any anime smh.
#27
I'm an Indian man. I am obviously a pervert.
I am a weightlifter therefore I am dumb.
Not Who You Think 6 months ago
People often look at me as dumb. The most satisfying thing to me is proving them wrong (without even having to try very hard).
#28
There was a sizable rumor for some years in high school that I cheated on an ex-girlfriend. It ended up getting debunked when people actually listened to me, but for a while that reputation really hurt.
#29
OK.
Living in Baltimore area in the 90's and we were looking at houses.
We were doing ok, not rich but comfortable enough to start looking at buying.
So we are driving with a realtor to look at a house. Can't remember why she was in the car.
So we are talking about this and that and out of the blue this woman says in the snootiest voice:
"Were you financially handicapped?" She was referring to my childhood, etc.
I know I cannot convey how arrogant and presumptuous this was in a post. You had to be there. This woman was basically suggesting that being middle class was a terrible medical condition or a birth defect.
I normally blow off a lot of stuff but I couldn't believe she had said that. I said, "NO!" and gave her my best WTF look.
In retrospect, I still cannot understand why she would think that even asking a question like that would be appropriate.
Michael Largey 6 months ago
"So we are driving with a realtor to look at a house. Can't remember why she was in the car." Could it possibly be because you were going to look at a house with her maybe?
#30
Travelling with my wife in Europe crossing border control when the immigration officers ask if she's ok and safe.
Did I say that out loud? (he/him)cis/het 6 months ago
Given the amount of human trafficking going on throughout Europe, especially involving forced prostitution, that's not necessarily a bad thing.
#31
I had an Emergency Room doctor tell me I looked like an anti-vaxxer.
What do you think ?
Sophie 6 months ago
In high-school one of my classmate hated me for no reason (in my point of view, I never had any bussiness to her or anything). She was arrogand every time I asked what was her problem with me, she said "ahh you silly nothing I was just kidding." I had good realtionship with more guys from the upper years, one of them especially good. I got to learn years after that this classmate went to one of the guy who we had like friends with benefits relationship and asked him like "Did you really have with those ugly b**** (me) anything?" and he simply asked her "before you call her ugly have you ever looked into a mirror?" This was something made my day even I got to learn this many years later.
Sophie 6 months ago
Another one still hurts I went on jeans shopping with soooo called friends, same hight, cca same bodybuilt. I said to her that she should try this size of jeans because it was a fit for me too, then the shop assistant said "it would be big for since you are fat" ... the size was good to her I said coz we were same height same weight... 174 cm 50 kgs cca.... Still hurts that rude shop assisnant comment...
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Apatheist Account2 6 months ago
As a middle-aged male checking out at a supermarket, I was asked if I needed help packing my groceries into carrier bags, by the slightly older female cashier - in a tone that suggested it wasn't something a man would know how to do.
Nimitz 5 months ago (edited)
I went to school with Tamara Lich (freedom convoy a*****e). I'll always remember when I met her. She was blond and had two blond boys who followed her everywhere. This was grade 9 and I had just moved there. She wanted to know what my family did and where my ancestors came from. She counselled me to be careful who I made friends with and that I shouldn't hang out with the "wrong sort of people." I thought she just meant I shouldn't hang out with nerds. It took me almost 20 years to realize she meant I shouldn't be friends with my new buddies who were black and Asian. I can't believe she thought I might be a racist and a Nazi like her. The most insulting assumption I've ever been hit with
Sophie 6 months ago
In high-school one of my classmate hated me for no reason (in my point of view, I never had any bussiness to her or anything). She was arrogand every time I asked what was her problem with me, she said "ahh you silly nothing I was just kidding." I had good realtionship with more guys from the upper years, one of them especially good. I got to learn years after that this classmate went to one of the guy who we had like friends with benefits relationship and asked him like "Did you really have with those ugly b**** (me) anything?" and he simply asked her "before you call her ugly have you ever looked into a mirror?" This was something made my day even I got to learn this many years later.
Sophie 6 months ago
Another one still hurts I went on jeans shopping with soooo called friends, same hight, cca same bodybuilt. I said to her that she should try this size of jeans because it was a fit for me too, then the shop assistant said "it would be big for since you are fat" ... the size was good to her I said coz we were same height same weight... 174 cm 50 kgs cca.... Still hurts that rude shop assisnant comment...
Load More Replies... Apatheist Account2 6 months ago
As a middle-aged male checking out at a supermarket, I was asked if I needed help packing my groceries into carrier bags, by the slightly older female cashier - in a tone that suggested it wasn't something a man would know how to do.
Nimitz 5 months ago (edited)
I went to school with Tamara Lich (freedom convoy a*****e). I'll always remember when I met her. She was blond and had two blond boys who followed her everywhere. This was grade 9 and I had just moved there. She wanted to know what my family did and where my ancestors came from. She counselled me to be careful who I made friends with and that I shouldn't hang out with the "wrong sort of people." I thought she just meant I shouldn't hang out with nerds. It took me almost 20 years to realize she meant I shouldn't be friends with my new buddies who were black and Asian. I can't believe she thought I might be a racist and a Nazi like her. The most insulting assumption I've ever been hit with
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