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Parents Share What Disappointed Them About Having Kids, And Here Are 50 Of The Most Honest Responses
About nine-in-ten American parents say that the role is rewarding for them all (53%) or most (35%) of the time and a similar share say it is also enjoyable all (43%) or most (47%) of the time too.
But there are moments when the job becomes stressful. Interested in these situations, Reddit user
ApprehensiveShock655 made a post on the platform asking its users: "What's the worst part of having a child?"
People's desire to educate others and vent, coupled with the anonymous nature of the internet, has allowed the post to receive over 18,300 comments, many of which are direct answers to the blunt question. Here are some of the most popular ones.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
The weight gain! During the pregnancy I gained 35 lbs. My belly has stretch marks. My boobs are all saggy.
And it’s not even fair because my wife only gained like 15.
RELATED:
#2
Losing them. My 15 year old son died suddenly on Tuesday morning. His dad went to wake him for school and he wasn't breathing. He had no health conditions and we don't know the cause of death yet. My baby is just gone.
Every single part of parenting is a challenge. But losing a child is a pain unlike anything I've ever known. Having a child is taking a risk that someday your whole world could be shattered, and there's absolutely nothing you can do to stop it.
ETA: Thank you so much to everyone who has commented. This has been such a devastating time for me, and it really does help to know that people out there care enough to comfort and grieve with a stranger. Thank you all, from the bottom of my heart.
Dizzie D 1 year ago
This post kind of negates all the other posts on here complaining about being tired or loss of freedom or 'can't do what you want'. I'm getting that this Mother would trade places with these people anytime and rather feel utterly exhausted her whole life than lose her son. I can't imagine what she's going through. Stop stressing about the small things and appreciate what you have. Some people also can never have children and want them desperately. I don't think there is one thing I regret about having my son, not one thing.
#3
New parent here (baby is less than 6 months old).
The worst part so far is all the unsolicited advice. Apparently everything you know is wrong, and the only reliable source is "trust me, I raised kids 30 / 60 years ago, this is how it should be done".
Well, Sharon, I saw your work, and I am not a fan.
StrangeOne 1 year ago (edited)
It will not end. If anything it gets worse. You just develop a backbone later.
#4
Worrying about them for the rest of your life.
BigThistyBeast replied:
My dad died at 64 in 2017. Grandma is still around and she’s 96 now. Every time I see her she starts crying and tells me stories about him as a child. Breaks my heart that she still is in pain from it. Outliving your children must be horrible no matter how old you are
#5
The days drag on, but the years fly by.
#7
When you have a child who has severe difficulties (whether physical or mental). In our case, my daughter has a severe mental illness. Everyone gets pregnant and thinks everything is going to be wonderful and the kid is automatically going to grow up and get good grades and have friends and do normal kid things. That’s what you think and that’s what everyone tells you. It’s a cruel thing to realize that in reality, generics is a lottery and some of us WILL lose. Some kids will NOT have the life you envisioned.
Natalia Shoemark 1 year ago
And sometimes those perfect Facebook photos and posts hurt! I guess the only thing you can do is be proud of your family and the culture you've created amongst yourselves :) there's all kinds of winning that doesn't include goals!
#8
When you give them life advice and they listen to their stupid 17 year old friends instead. Most frustrating thing ever.
Also, I'd like to apologize to my parents for when I was 17 and stupid.
#9
If they are born with severe disabilities, you will need to take care of them or make plans for their care for as long as they are alive. It’s heartbreaking, many marriages don’t make it. My utmost respect to parents of special needs children.
Neuridivergent 1 year ago
And those that want to outlaw abortion are not stepping up to adopt these kids from parents who never be financially able to take care of these kids.
#10
That even though one may raise them as good as possible, that child may still turn out to be an evil human being.
#11
My daughter is almost 18. For me the worst part was losing my little buddy who always wanted daddy. She would hug and kiss all the time, say I love you and I was always her safe space.
She turned 13 or 14 and that was the end. She became a teen and didn’t need mom and dad or affection anymore. I didn’t know it happened like that.
I know she loves us, but they just stop showing it. It’s a big loss actually.
#12
Having to deal with their total lack of self-preservation. They are creative and come up with all kinds of ways to try and kill themselves, keeping ahead of the game is exhausting.
#13
Having to take care of a sick child when you are also sick. For me that has been the most challenging part so far.
Settled for Infamy 1 year ago (edited)
It's also guaranteed that your child gets better before you and has energy to burn when you are facing the worst of it
#14
For me I just really like to be alone sometimes. Before kids I would just go downstairs and watch a tv show, play PlayStation, or play guitar and my wife would do her own thing as well. Now, I have maybe 1 hour of alone time (sometimes none) every couple of days. It’s at 11 at night and I’m tired as f**k then and the next day.
It’s the hardest part for me. Love them to death, but it’s hard to be “on” all the time with work and them when at home.
Deborah B 1 year ago
I don't get this. Parents need breaks, and not just together, they need alone time. As we got older my parents would set themselves "quiet time/writing time" when they were not to be interupted except for serious injury or emergency. "If there's a lot of blood, and you can't make it stop bleeding, you can interrupt me." "If it's just smoke, or a small fire, put it out, and tell me later"
#15
Playing the lottery of having a healthy child. Our daughter was diagnosed with schizophrenia during her teens. It's a rollercoaster of emotions. We have our good days and bad. Having to explain the diagnosis to people who feel uncomfortable being around our daughter because of the stigma displayed in the news and movies. The worst, for me, is watching her friends and our family's children have a more "normal" life. It's like reopening a wound everytime someone gets married, graduates, or some other milestone in life.
#16
I'm so tired. Just tired all the time. I don't ever remember not feeling tired.
#17
Having depression and having depressed children f*****g sucks. If you have mental illness, and you’re kids get the same mental illness it will double your mental illness.
Mickysixxx 1 year ago
If you suffer mental illness such as depression and have kids you really need to do everything you can to minimise the symptoms (easier said than done I know, trust me) go see a therapist, take your medication and find a purpose. It's really hard to deal with but depression is contagious, anybody that has lived with depression can attest to that. Please seek help if you are feeling this way
#19
When people ask me this I say.
You know those video games where you have to escort a character to a destination without them being attacked.
That's parenting.
Those missions are a pain in the a*s.
#20
The worry that I’m a bad parent that’s doing things wrong.
StrangeOne 1 year ago
There's no right or wrong way to parent as long as you're caring, loving, providing, nourishing, teaching, guiding and allowing them some freedoms.
#21
I’m divorced and the worst part of having kids is being tied to my ex forever.
StrangeOne 1 year ago
In the blood in your child, yes, but you don't have to be in contact with your ex forever.
#22
It never gets easier, only different. Newborns not sleeping through the night gets replaced by teens staying out past curfew and you going down the deep rabbit hole of worry wondering if they were in a car accident, abducted or something else.
Sherri Martel 1 year ago
This needs more upvotes!!! My friends who are new parents always say "but it gets easier, right?" Yeah, nope. Physically it gets easier, but then emotionally it's constantly more and more complicated - your emotions and theirs.
#23
Watching them make the same mistakes you did even though you told them not to make those mistakes.
Little Jimmy.. if you borrow a bunch of money, those people are going to want it back and if they don't get it back they'll take stuff you won't want taken.
StrangeOne 1 year ago
In the end, we're all just humans trying to figure out how to get through life the easiest.
#24
The constant anxiety that you’re doing enough to shape them to make good choices,a good life,be a good person and for them to have the life they deserve.
StrangeOne 1 year ago (edited)
Trusting their ability at independence is really a trust test on how parents think they did to enable their independence. We seem to not give ourselves much credit.
#25
The loss of freedom. I can't just... go somewhere. Even with older kids, there's so much planning and thinking and getting ready.
I miss being able to just decide to go somewhere, and go there.
StrangeOne 1 year ago
I found planning the hardest to do because things often don't go to plan, and then what? For big, longer trips that required some prepping that's when planning happened. Other than that, if I decided to go to the zoo or swimming that day my kid would be excited to go and that's what we did. When she got older and I had more time to myself it hit me and I got this odd feeling that I could go out somewhere on my own, anywhere. I didn't have to just stay at home or bring along a kid. Felt pretty weird. I'll admit I was lost.
#26
Watching them grow. It’s the most rewarding heartbreak ever.
Headless Roach 1 year ago (edited)
For me the most amazing part was developing contact - from the first curious glances at you, through babble, first words and sentences, up to full sarcasm mode 🙃 And every time I felt "I understand you, buddy"
#27
I'm only 9 years in, but so far it's been the sleep deprivation. Hands down.
ETA: I'm not still sleep deprived. My kids sleep great now at nearly 9 & 5. But that was the hardest part of parenthood for me so far.
StrangeOne 1 year ago
The sleep deprivation is very hard but I wouldn't say the hardest. It's not forever. Just seems that way. And then your kid is going off to kindergarten in the blink of an eye.
#28
Yeah co-sign on "constant worry." Having a kid is like having a little piece of your heart running around in the world. When they're sick or get disappointed or just feel sad, it's worse than having it happen to you. Yet at the same time, you need to let your kids work through those things to learn to handle them. If you give into the worry and try to shield them from everything, you risk creating harmful co dependence. So it's a constant struggle. But worth it!
Cheeky chicken 1 year ago
You're only ever as happy as your saddest child....something I read on BP a while ago so I'm sharing it again. It struck home with me
#29
Watching them stray down the wrong path. Wishing they’d listen to you.
#30
The cleanup.
From the moment the water breaks it's cleanup. Not just the entire birthing process on the "Big Day" either. Diapers spit up and tired messy mom give way to toilet training. Cleanup of every bodily fluid. Laundry, toys, and food crumbs find every nook and cranny of space. Then you have to navigate all of the emotional cleanup from sharing toys, to bad teachers, to bullies, to bad breakups.
It's almost always cleanup, but it isn't always bad.
Lynne Hammar 1 year ago
While they are out, you tidy the whole house. Within 5 minutes of their return, the entire house, it looks like a bomb went off
#31
They’re just always there. On you, behind you, in front of you, just a little speed bump impeding every task. Lol
#32
How much you sacrifice. Kids take everything you’ve got and then ask for more. They are endless, remorseless need machines. (Or at least they feel that way, for a looong time.)
But that’s just the deal. And if you’re up for it, it’s a perfectly acceptable deal. But even when you are all in and completely okay about the sacrifice, sometimes it really feels like a lot.
Headless Roach 1 year ago
Parenthood is not all about sacrifice. A propert balance is something you learn on the way... or not, though.
#33
Besides all the other things mentioned, having your internal organs rearranged. Some of them permanently.
#34
Your life's no longer yours. By time you get home from work, sort tea, sort kitchen, get then in bed you've about an hr before you gotta go to bed to start it all over again
Edit: when I say tea I mean dinner/supper, not a cup of tea
StrangeOne 1 year ago
LOL I got this is coming from a Brit. I get the confusion because when I first heard my Brit bf say he was going to eat his tea I was dumbfounded. "Like, you have tea you can eat?" XD Good times. The amount of responsibilities to keep a house, provide, nourish and nurture is astonishing. It's not all bad but it does take a toll on you.
#35
At least in America, it seems like society doesn't give a s**t about supporting families, financially.
Daycare is expensive as hell. Oh, school finally helped take care of your kids? Well, what about after school care? What about summer? Summer camps and after school care costs are nuts too. All of this adds up to the constant anxiety of failing your child, financially.
Sara Anderson 1 year ago
...or the feeling that you must stay in your toxic job because it's a decent paycheck and there's no guarantee another job is out there for you, so you just take the abuse to make the money to make the life you want for your kid, which of course leads to burnout and depression, but whatever. That's just adulthood, right?
#36
How your partner changes. My partner (M) and I (F) we’re thinking about having a child. He wants 2 I would love 3. We have one (2 years old). I cannot express how much he changed after the child…. He is a completely different person and not in a good way. He is always short tempered, which I had no idea before the baby arrived. (we are together for 10 years).
edit: this is what makes me think I am done at one… I cannot imagine what life would be with more kids, as he is angry all the time
StrangeOne 1 year ago (edited)
There are SOME men who suppress who they really are until they got you locked in and/or in a situation where they can't hide their anger and other issues anymore. They don't just "change", they stop pretending. *Women can be the same way. Yeesh.
#37
Every time I'm no longer needed for something, it takes some time for me to adjust. I had no problem with never needing to change another diaper when he was a toddler, but it feels like every day of his teen years results in one more thing he can do independently. He's taller than me now and can reach into the cabinets just fine without my help. We've also stopped going for walks together, now that he has a cell phone.
I've been stay at home parent his entire life, and now I'm thinking about getting a job, but people don't want to hire me anywhere. That's been really difficult, too.
Sally Close 1 year ago
Don't give up. Keep applying for jobs. Someone will see your worth and value.
#38
My top thing I tell expecting parents is you no longer sleep when you see fit. Tired? Too bad, you’ve got responsibilities and a human/humans to keep alive.
This worsens because not only do you wake up when they do and go to sleep after them, but you’re also inclined to stay up later for doing whatever grownup stuff you enjoy. I’m so guilty of staying up way too late to watch shows that aren’t exactly kid friendly, my wife is all into the true crime stuff, so we get the kids to bed then stay up until 1-2 some nights watching stuff. Guess who doesn’t give a s**t? The kids. They’re up at 7-8 ready to rock and I’m yet to find their snooze buttons. I’m fortunate to function well on anything over 6 hours of sleep, her not so much. She’s currently passed out on the couch as I type this, for the exact reasons listed above lol.
Dontyouwishyouknew 1 year ago
I'm definitely guilty of this. It's in these hours when everyone else is asleep that I finally feel I can relax without anyone needing anything from me.
#39
It's like taking a 2nd job that lasts 18+ years with 24/7 schedule with no holidays or sick days.
StrangeOne 1 year ago
I've never felt of it as a job. You can have sick days if you know someone to watch them for you while you get better. I learned from a few bad illnesses that a very sick parent is not capable of properly providing care. It's okay to reach out for help. In fact, it should be encouraged.
#40
For me it's giving up a part of myself that I will never get back, don't get me wrong, I would choose to do it every time, but there is a mourn of a previous self and the sacrifice I need to do to become the best father I can be and that can be hard sometimes.
StrangeOne 1 year ago
I think that's just part of maturing and growing. When you become a parent it does speed up maturity but I've met parents who aren't really that mature, really. And there are some who are just so serious and strict I have to wonder if they recall ever being a kid.
#42
Right now it's the relentless illnesses! One kid brings something home, sick and off nursery for 4 days, recovers but two days later Mum gets, one day after Baby gets and one day later Dad gets. Its brutal, especially since kid 1 has recovered and doesn't understand why no one will play. Well maybe because we are all puking our guts up you wee gremlin!
#43
The strain on your marriage/relationship. We thought we were completely prepared since our child was planned. Then you add the responsibility and stress and the take away sleep. (Didn’t sleep through the night for 9 straight months) We were at each others throats every single day. We finally got ourselves figured out and are good now
StrangeOne 1 year ago (edited)
It's people romanticizing fantasies of what having a kid will be like. They get this picture of being a happy couple looking down at their sleeping baby in a pretty cradle, while mother hums a lullaby and dad hugs his wife, gives her kiss and offers to take over some of the night feedings. Reality: Mom and Dad are a sleep deprived wreck. Mom (or whoever cares for the baby) hasn't showered in a week, feels and looks like a deflated parade balloon. Dad is starting to get insatiably horny, pressuring his weary wife to satisfy his needs while she's having none of it. Her husband also starts to get jealous of all the attention the baby is getting and resentful of her and their baby. She needs to nurse and he wants to use that time opportunistically to turn feeding time into a breastfeeding kink. (Gross but it exists.) Wife is getting fed up with her husband turned man-child, horny-freak. Husband can't handle it and then emotions erupt.
#44
I have an infant. Right now, it’s:
Friends who don’t have kids and get upset because they can’t understand how your life has drastically changed.
News articles about pandemics and mass shootings, and knowing that you are raising a child in a world that generally doesn’t care about their well being.
Knowing that your child will eventually be hurt by others, and that you will be powerless to stop it… so instead you have to instill resilience in them. And you hope you do a good job because of how many bullies and a******s there are in this world.
Coping with the fact that one day they’re going to stop sleeping in your arms during naps, and laughing at your silly faces, and stop looking at you with absolute unsullied admiration.
The helplessness during their first bruise, their first illness, their first babysit session when you check your phone every five minutes because every single news story about terrible things that happen pops into your mind.
There’s a lot of “worst parts.”
Luckily, it’s still all worth it.
Neuridivergent 1 year ago
Put your kid's schedule on your Google calendar and then share with your friend and ask "when do i have time for a four hour girls spa day once a month? And are you going to pay for it ?"
#45
It's incessant. It never stops. You never get a day off.
Going from having two days per week to relax and do whatever to literally never having a moment free from responsibility.
StrangeOne 1 year ago
I felt this way during the elementary school days. If you think being a parent means not having responsibilities with schools like you did when you were in school, HA! Being called to have a meeting with the principal or the teacher feels like you're the one in trouble. If your kid didn't do their homework a part of the blame feels like it's on you. They have to be brought to school and picked up. You go around their schedule and your job's. I mostly felt like I couldn't have my own schedule at any point of the week.
#46
#1 Watching them be in pain (physical or emotional)
#2 Cleaning up vomit
Paula Chaffee 1 year ago
This resonates most with me. Most memorable Mother's Day? The one I cleaned up kid, dog, and cat vom!
#47
Transitions. From baby to toddler, to little kid, to big kid…. Time passes by and with it they start growing into independent persons. A parent’s love grows with them, but te feeling of knowing sooner than later they will belong to the world…… And we adults posses the understanding that the world IS. This can be both beautiful and scary.
#48
Boredom.
Apart from the real life problems, like providing for them, health and constantly being worried. They are so damn boring. How long can you play with a toddler and not lose your mind? Entertaining small kids is so annoying.
Once they learn to read it gets so much better.
#49
Literally ZERO breaks! You are on call 24/7 for 18+ years. Never can slow down to even catch your breath. It is equal parts exhausting and rewarding. I always say I wish we had better respite for parents because we all need it!!
TheReader19 1 year ago
I don't agree, when kids get to specific ages they are quiet sel sufficient. Teaching them basic skills means that they can make little snacks and get on with things. Allow kids to grow and be independent benefits everyone
#50
At the beginning, planning things becomes much more complicated. Want to fly? Gotta plan for stroller and car seat. Which car rental place is in the terminal so you don’t have to haul all your kids stuff on a bus.
And things can get messed up just because your kid is having a bad day. You might be out at a restaurant and your kid gets mad because [insert dumb thing here] so you just need to pay your bill and leave, or eat in shifts with so someone can be outside with a mad toddler.
Don’t get me wrong, I love my kid and wouldn’t change anything but details that never mattered to me before become things you have to take into consideration.
What do you think ?
Cathy Jo Baker 1 year ago
Yet I get dragged because I never had kids. Best decision I've ever made. I knew I wasn't mother material and made sure I'd never be one.
BluEyedSeoulite 1 year ago
I hate that people get so judgy because someone decided not to have kids. It's 100% valid! Sometimes, I think they are just jealous of childless people. Life is a LOT less complicated and cheaper without kids. I also think it is a super responsible decision to not have kids unless you want them
Load More Replies...
Sherri Martel 1 year ago
The thing that 99% of these parents share is that we'd all still do it over again, even knowing these things. Having kids is hard and it sucks. It's also awesome and amazing. Bad and good can coexist.
Load More Replies...
Sponge Blob 1 year ago
God, these "recommendations" appearing on top of every page on Bored Panda really get on my nerves. Never have I followed them, just another tiny X to click, because it's obstructing article I actually want to read.
Cathy Jo Baker 1 year ago
Yet I get dragged because I never had kids. Best decision I've ever made. I knew I wasn't mother material and made sure I'd never be one.
BluEyedSeoulite 1 year ago
I hate that people get so judgy because someone decided not to have kids. It's 100% valid! Sometimes, I think they are just jealous of childless people. Life is a LOT less complicated and cheaper without kids. I also think it is a super responsible decision to not have kids unless you want them
Load More Replies... Sherri Martel 1 year ago
The thing that 99% of these parents share is that we'd all still do it over again, even knowing these things. Having kids is hard and it sucks. It's also awesome and amazing. Bad and good can coexist.
Load More Replies... Sponge Blob 1 year ago
God, these "recommendations" appearing on top of every page on Bored Panda really get on my nerves. Never have I followed them, just another tiny X to click, because it's obstructing article I actually want to read.
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