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45 Modern Parenting “Trends” That People Just Can’t Stand, As Shared In This Online Thread
Raising tiny humans is a challenge that many parents gladly accept, even though they know that navigating the trials and tribulations of the journey can be overwhelming. After all, parenthood is always evolving. New ideas, technologies, and methods come about and demand that moms and dads adapt to the modern parenting arena and raise their little bundles of joy in the best way possible.
But while everyone wants what's best for their kids, some controversial tactics inevitably stir heated debates. So when a Redditor called ShopFastWhere reached out to 'Ask Reddit' wondering, "What parenting 'trend' you disagree with?", the answers started rolling in. In fact, the question sparked a much deeper chain of questionable and even toxic parenting behaviors that people are, quite frankly, sick and tired of seeing.
Below, we've gathered some of the most illuminating, blatantly honest, and thought-provoking arguments to share with you all. So continue scrolling, upvote the examples you agree with, and let us know what current parenting trends you don't agree with in the comments.
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#1
Can we make gender reveal parties illegal?
Trust me. Nobody wants to attend your gender reveal party. Just have the baby shower and be done with it. For adding yet another event to celebrate your pregnancy is just narcissistic.
Jan Rosier 2 years ago
Should by upvotable by a lot more than 1. Also, as a Belgian, why an effing baby shower?
RELATED:
#2
Leaving American mothers with absolutely no support, no paid parental leave, no decent childcare options, poor postpartum healthcare, and then criticizing them ad nauseam for the choices they are forced to make in the hellscape that is American motherhood.
Steve Robert 2 years ago
Unfortunately so true. We have become the definition of a third world country.
From day one, moms and dads get bombarded with heaps of advice, usually unasked, about how to raise their children. Wait, scratch that. They get flooded with tips and how-tos even before they can welcome their little bundle of joy into their lives.
While virtually anyone has an opinion on the matter, and many seem to believe that their way is the right way, the topic remains a delicate subject. After all, there are as many parenting tactics as there are parents, and each person comes up with their own child-rearing style, tailor-made to fit the unique relationship between them and their kid.
But even if there’s no universal recipe on how to raise children, it’s easy to see that some of the trends parents choose these days are controversial at best and toxic at worst. So to gain more insight on the topic, we reached out to a lifestyle blogger and a working mom of two energetic girls, Holly Connors. After a decade of working in psychology, Holly is now the author of the acclaimed site Simplify Create Inspire where she helps families make their lives easier.
#3
I told my kids quite openly about my punk years and raving years and living in a van doing gig job years, encouraged them to do whatever they liked
and they both rebelled by doing really well at school, not taking loads of drugs (neither of them even drink!) and getting themselves sensible careers.
there's no hope for the youth of today. squares, the lot of 'em
Carol Emory 2 years ago
Next thing you know, they will be wearing sensible shoes and budgeting their money. IDK how we failed them. SMH.
#4
The parents that say “real” moms don’t have c sections. That s**t needs to stop.
"Parenting is the one area of life in which no one is the expert," Holly told Bored Panda in an email. "Not even the experts have all the answers for what is right or wrong in every scenario. As a result, parents are constantly trying to figure out what works best for their own families and this can lead to strong opinions and disagreements with each other."
One common topic that keeps resurfacing in some form or another is how parents introduce and familiarize their little ones with the digital world. "For example, I know of some parents who have opted against letting their children use social media while others believe they should be allowed access at an early age. In our household, there are a lot of tech limits but some supervised access is a way to ease children into something that will be a big part of their future," Holly said.
#6
Encouraging transgendering or using alternate pronouns JUST because your child exhibits some behaviors that aren't overwhelming part of either of the gender binary.
It's fine if your daughter or son wants to engage in activities that stereotypically are engaged by the other sex. Tomboys are a thing. Experimentation is normal it's not just a sign of being trans.
Hair cuts, toys, clothes etc. Don't drop knowledge far too advanced into children's heads. Let them come to these conclusion of their own volition. Your child is not an accessory
Fred Twiglett 2 years ago
Yeah, hi, trans person here. 1: "transgendering" is not a word. "Transitioning" is the process of moving from one gender to another. 2: There is no such thing as a parent who pushes their child to transition. The notion that this is common among "libtard" parents is a right wing fantasy. 3: For conservative readers, children have just as strong a sense of themselves as you do. You knew what gender you were as a child. How come you don't accept that they do?
#7
Parents who won't use "no" with their kids.
Susan Bosse 2 years ago
Choosing to not discipline your children is a form of abuse and is doing the kids such a MONUMENTAL disservice. I giggle any time I see these kids giving the parents a horrid title because, honey, you created this.
When it comes to the reasons parents adopt controversial methods to raise their kids, Holly explained some of them may be simply "repeating the cycle from their own upbringing without questioning its effect."
"Others may be trying to micromanage their child's life in order to protect them from making mistakes or experiencing failure similar to their own childhoods, even if that means overly controlling their environment," the creator of Simplify Create Inspire added.
Turns out, people may turn into controlling parents because they simply want what’s best for their kids — in their own minds. "This is usually done in an attempt to protect their children from a place of love, but often it can cause more harm than good as the child attempts to gain their own independence.
#8
Parents trying to create golden child by enrolling it in thousands of extra activities, something musical, tutoring on STEM subjects from first year of school, some sports activity, etc. To the point where child is basically on doubleshift with school and all extra activities with extremely tight schedule.
Kids are missing out on becoming independent from young age like riding bike around or using public transportation because helicopter mommy drives them from activity to activity all day to met tight schedule, they are robbed out of their childhood and usually create only shallow relationships with people they met during activities but don't have time to expand on them.
Carol Emory 2 years ago
On the other hand, if your child expresses a passion at an early age, encourage it. No...I don't mean foster little Susie's dream of being a Unicorn when she grows up. But if your kid wants to be a dancer, a chef, a firefighter....find what they will need to make that happen and encourage them.
#9
I work as a waitress and I notice some parents allowing their children to do whatever they like in a public place and then not cleaning up after them or apologising… no, it’s not my job to clean your child’s mess, it’s yours - you don’t come to a cafe just so you don’t have to clean up. I am talking food all over the floor, opening up sugar packets and throwing them everywhere, taking clean cutlery setup for patrons who need to use it and throwing it everywhere and leaving it like that… no. Just no.
#10
Stop comparing your kid with other kids when you are disappointed at them for not achieving *your* expectations
Carol Emory 2 years ago
Don't compare them or shame them. Do some research to find out why they are struggling. I had one friend who thought her kid was lazy because the child skipped school and had failing grades. Turned out she had undiagnosed dyslexia. Another kid started getting bad grades out of the blue. At first we thought he was getting bullied until his grandmother notices him squinting at the TV. Turned out he just needed glasses.
"In addition, there are those who think that their parenting style is the only 'right' way to do things and will go to great lengths to defend it. This can be more damaging as it creates tension between family members, in school settings and especially on social media."
However, Holly assured us that there is definitely no single "right" to raise a child. "From cultural differences to the special needs of an individual child, every parent's journey is unique and no two are the same. There may be general principles that parents can follow, but they will still need to be adapted to each individual family's dynamics."
#11
Parents who are way too involved in their adult children’s lives. Your kid is 23, you don’t need to call his boss to talk about anything unless your kid is dead.
Headless Roach 2 years ago
However else can I ask the boss to give my baby 30mins longer lunch break today, because I will be bringing him a home cooked meal?
#12
Disregarding your kids personal physical boundaries for the sake of being ‘polite’. This goes for both parents and any other adult around children. Sorry, if my kid doesn’t want to give you a hug or a kiss on the cheek (or even a high-five for that matter) it ain’t gonna happen. Doesn’t matter who you are to them.
It should never be expected or pushed on a child, period.
#13
Never saying sorry to your children. Not really a trend though because this has basically always been like this
Lama 2 years ago
I remember once having a big fight with my mom (we used to almost never fight) when I was around 12/13. I hid under my desk in my room, and just a few minutes later my mom 1. Knocked on my door, 2. Asked if she could come in, 3. Apologized for taking her bad mood out on me and 4. Asked if I was okay and wanted to come downstairs to try again. I don't even remember her saying anything particularly bad in that fight, but I will always remember her being human that day. Flawed, but fair and caring. It was the best lesson I could learn at that age. Still miss you mom <3
"At the end of the day, we can assume that all parents want what is best for their children, even if their method and approach might not always be the most popular or agreed upon. We are individuals with unique views and experiences, so it is important to keep an open mind when discussing different parenting approaches."
#14
Blaming teachers for kid's problems.
Are there some bad teachers? Of course. But blaming the teacher/school when you yourself won't discipline them is refusing to take responsibility for your parenting choices.
#15
Publicly shaming their kids. Often for not doing something they'd never expect another adult to do.
#16
Using the line "let the kids express themselves" when the kids are running around screaming and tearing things up. I'm not saying you have to hit your kids to get them to behave but do something. Stop them yell at them do what you have to do just try to do something to discipline your kids.
Among the new questionable trends that emerge in parenting, one usually stands right at the top of the list — parents who become over-involved and hover over every aspect of their child's life. Even though it seems this helps protect the child from hurt, danger, and failure, in fact, it's taking away the opportunity to learn.
According to Holly, kids of all ages benefit from learning how to make decisions for themselves. "Parents can help create an environment where this is possible by encouraging kids to think about their choices and helping them weigh out the pros and cons of each one," she advised.
"When children are given no control over their environment, there is no opportunity to learn from their mistakes in order to build up resilience or problem-solve. This can make it much harder for the child to adapt to the real world when they are older."
#17
Not just a parenting trick, but the whole "breaking someone down to make them stronger!" thing... That's just f*****g abuse and will 99, 9% of the time NOT WORK and only make people hate you.
#18
Destroying their children’s electronics as a punishment.
#19
tiktok mommy bloggers.
theres a huge spike of mommy bloggers on tiktok especially who are posting vids of their babies in the bath, in swimsuits, or in their diapers and when people comment like 'uhhhh maybe you should take this down, theres pedophiles online' the moms blow up and accuse everyone of being a pervert by 'sexualizing her baby'. But the moms are yelling at the concerned people! Not the pedophiles! I cant remember the account name but the situation was f*****g horrifying. For some context for non-tiktok users, the amount of shares/saves/bookmarks on posts is public. Also, if youre popular enough, tiktok pays you per view/interaction/save, so a lot of content creators get money from tiktok. On this mommy blog, the vids of her daughter in her swimsuit or in the bath had about 5x as many saves/bookmarks. At first when people pointed this out, mom ignored it. Then she called anyone who mentioned it a pervert. Then she said she cant stop pedophiles from coming to her account so she cant do anything about it. Then people were like 'wait, you agree that pedophiles are watching this?? and you keep making videos?? arent you basically making cp at this point??' and then it was just a whole s**t show from there. Shes still up and running.
i feel like this shouldnt be a controversial take, but if you're profiting off of pedophiles watching your baby in the bath, you learn that thats whats happening, and you continue to make videos of your baby in the bath to make money from pedophiles, congrats-- you have become a child porn peddler.
Unfortunately, high-control parenting can lead to dire consequences like low-self esteem, "as it communicates the idea that the parent does not trust them or believe they can make the right choices," Holly said. "It is much better for a child's development if the parent gives them some autonomy and allows them to explore their options, so long as they remain safe."
Holly argues that the best way to encourage independence in kids is by "setting boundaries, providing structure, and allowing them the room to explore and make decisions on their own. This helps build up their confidence while also giving them the opportunity to learn from their mistakes."
#20
Shoving tablets in their face instead of doing things with them
The Doom Song 2 years ago
This.... as an ex hospitality worker it made me sad how many parents did this
#21
Shaming your kids on social media. Like, making them hold a sign that states what they did and putting a picture of it on the internet. And we wonder why the world is full of bullies...
#22
Having worked in early childhood education, there are a lot of parents who focus on academics rather than social emotional skills, self care, and social skills. "Mrs. Parent, that is absolutely wonderful that 4 year old Raighdyn can read at a second grade level and does 25 worksheets every night, but can we discuss the fact that he has panic attacks, sensory issues, hits his class mates and doesn't know how to wipe himself? No? Oh, ok, you'll give him a worksheet to learn about it. Great..."
Seriously, parents need to tell their preschool and kindergarten teachers that play based learning is the most appropriate learning style for EVERY CHILD at that age. It doesn't matter if they are advanced and can do the desk work, they still need to build so many other non-academic skills that will bolster their ability to "student" effectively in the future. I recently resigned from my much loved position in a preschool because the administration was trying to go against the state standards and have us start teaching preschoolers how to read. They moved a more senior teacher out of her room against her will and inserted a more malleable, newer teacher in because she was willing to do what they wanted, and guess what happened? Her class was a NIGHTMARE. Now that class is in Kindergarten and they are having so many behavior issues that they can't even teach.
DOWN WITH WORKSHEETS!
Thank you for coming to my Ted talk.
Kel_how 2 years ago
Oh God yes! In my district, we're supposed to teach Social Emotional lessons twice a week. After trying a few times, I told our school counselor that many of these kids need one-on-one therapy because their issues go beyond a 20 minute talk about cooperation or respect. Multiple kids are being raised by grandparents or other family members as a result of drugs, alcohol, abuse, or prison. Most are living in poverty and live in dangerous neighborhoods. And some of our ESL population are undocumented and fear deportation. There's no way my Masters in Teaching prepared me to be a social worker and psychotherapist.
At the end of the day, parents today face challenges that require them to keep up with the times and the increased demands of their roles. Holly argues that this whole journey is an ongoing process of learning and adapting to each individual child's needs. "Parents should strive for a balance between loving guidance and allowing their children to make mistakes and grow from them. This will give kids the best chance at becoming independent adults with the skills they need to succeed in life."
"We should also be mindful of our own biases and experiences, as these can influence how we parent and how we react to other parenting methods," Holly continued. "It is important to be open-minded and consider different perspectives before making decisions about how to raise our children."
"If we don't agree with something and it isn't causing any actual harm, just walk away," she concluded.
#24
Never lettings them fail. I see young people who enter the workforce having never failed at anything, because their parents simply swooped in and fixed whatever problem they may have had.
These young people have a real struggle adapting to and overcoming problems, and they often seem traumatized by virtually any setback.
Let your kids try stuff that isn't going to work. Let them fail to solve problems and achieve goals. When they get into a bind, let them struggle and fail. Help them to understand why they failed, and to develop strategies to succeed in the future.
D. Pitbull 2 years ago
The flipside of this... also don't lead your kids to BELIEVE that they failed when they haven't... then try to justify it as 'keeping your kid humble'. No... no that's called being a jackhole...
#25
Letting your kid eat whatever they want. Way too many kids hitting obese status by 10.
#26
Beating your kids till they fear coming home, I was one of those kids and I hated every moment of my childhood.
#27
Scaring their kids as a prank, regardless of whether it’s filmed or not, before the children can comprehend what a prank even is
“Let me put on this scary monster mask and jump out in front of my toddler”
#28
Sharing their childrens' problem to their friends. Parents should be trusted by their kids of keeping their problems. Maybe that's the reason why most kids and even teens dont share their problems to their parents but to their friends
#29
Not being able to discipline your own kids.
Discipline and abuse are two totally different things!
You either correct them now or let the "system" do it for you later.
Else Sakshaug 2 years ago
Please discipline your kids yourself!!! Don't "let the system do it later". Teachers e. g. have MORE THAN ENOUGH to do with teaching x numbers of pupils, where many have different needs, etc and do DEFINITELY NOT have time to bring up children who cannot behave in class because they haven't been disciplined at home.
#31
Treating your kids like they’re the center of the world. My son is the center of my world, but I can’t treat him that way. It would be a rude awakening when he’s not the center of attention wherever he goes.
#33
Enforcing religion, teaching kids materialism will make them happy, not looking into the child's mental health
phoenix_rising 2 years ago
This should be higher. Don't push religion on your kids, my parents did that to me and I've ended up having trouble with my parents and religion because of it
#34
Treating your child like they were perfect and blaming everyone else for your child's and your f**k ups.
Oh, and taking your child's side no matter what, even if they're wrong.
Widdershins66 2 years ago (edited)
Happened to me. Friend believed their two boys over EVERYBODY ELSE including friends, me, school, babysitter, playschool volunteers, shopkeepers, all unsundry... The boys were oh so hard done by. Btw, they were both expelled from their private school (UK). We actually fell out over the boys and I haven't seen or heard from them in 15 years.
#35
Some gentle parenting techniques go too far. My ex-nephew had a tantrum in the middle of my ex-MIL’s living room one day because his bagel was cut in half (typical toddler stuff). SIL at the time just kept saying in this over the top voice “ohh, I’m so sorry. I know you didn’t want your bagel cut. I know, it’s so hard, blah blah blah.” She just kept on like that to him forever while the rest of us just had to sit there with a screaming toddler melting down in the middle of the room. Remove him! Take him to another room and have him calm the hell down to behave with others. There’s gotta be a balance on supporting your kids through their feelings and teaching them how to function around others.
She also helicoptered him so much he was developmentally behind in motor skills/physically for a while cause she never let him fall or explore/ figure anything out like toddlers do. She treated him like he was made of glass.
Laura Ketteridge 2 years ago
That's not 'gentle parenting'. That's being a wimp. gentle parenting is something quite different. It's all about giving your child age appropriate choices, and giving then the tools and techniques to learn to manage emotional outbursts etc. What being described is the antithesis of gentle parenting.
#36
Homeschooling kids to protect them from what happens in the education system. I don't like everything that happens in schools, but kids need a real education and regular exposure to kids their age.
PleasantCrocodile 2 years ago
Homeschooling can be great when done well, as long as the child is enrolled in plenty of extracurriculars and the parents stay on top of things. I was homeschooled since kindergarten and at age 16 got into college, where i was a straight A student. While I agree that some parents can't be trusted with such a huge responsibility and eff it up, it's a little pretentious to say homeschooling is not a "real education."
#37
ALL of them. There is no trend or even broad tactic that will work every kid. They need to know that love is unconditional but respect is not. That they have rights and responsibilities.
They have to know they are the most important thing in the world until they believe, and then you have to dial that back to where they understand that their parents love them but they are one member of a bigger society.
Parenting is hard, and every kid needs to be patented different. Every parenting trend is just one more layer of b******t trying to sell you stuff based on your fear of inadequacy.
Talk to your kids and put the phone down.
Source: ten years in child care.
Nykky 2 years ago
Thank you. If you're thinking of becoming a parent and aren't ready for a child with psychopathy or autism or for them to be especially sensitive or think they'll be independent at 5, you need to seriously rethink having children right now. You need to be ready for anything, and it's HIGHLY UNLIKELY that your kid will be a mini Einstein. It's very much more likely that your child will have high functioning autism, depression, anxiety, and/or ADHD. If you don't think you're ready for that, you are NOT ready for children.
#38
Filming or taking pics of crying younger kids and posting it on social media like it's cute/funny. Sure, they may be crying for a silly reason, but they aren't old enough to process their emotions properly, so to them it's a big deal. Maybe I'm being too sensitive, but it feels like their main protector giggling and taking their phone out to film them during a meltdown can't be something good for their emotional well-being and ability to trust in the long term.
#39
No punishments at all. You cannot tune a complex system with positive feedback alone.
Else Sakshaug 2 years ago
... just don't hit the kids! Take away one benefit e.g a piece of chocolate to pinpoint your statements.
#40
I used to bicycle long distances regularly to get to friends, swim lessons and when I was old enough, to work.
Now it seems you are a terrible parent if you let your child out of your sight? From the perspective of building independence, confidence and saving the planet from helicopter parents driving their kids everywhere can we please just let kids bicycle again?
Alvia Vseobecna 2 years ago
I understand your point but there are so many weird people around... in all kinds of neighborhoods. Depending on the age of the child there is only so much you can explain and not scare them to death.
#41
The lines between gentle parenting and permissive parenting are getting blurred.
I 100% believe children should have their feelings validated and be spoken to like actual human-beings. I abhor corporal punishment and feel that it is lazy and abusive. However, it is not good to have the pendulum swing too far the other direction. Too many parents make the decision to never say “no,” and withhold any form of discipline. Their kids grow into spoiled, demonic, terroristic little shits and believe the entire world should bend to their will.
#42
Kids/babies in dating app photos. I think there should be a rule against it no minors. Mind boggling how many guys have them on there.
#43
“Cry it out”. I think it’s cruel and didn’t do it with either of my kids. If my baby is crying it needs me, it’s natural instinct
Philler Space 2 years ago
Kids who don't cry are the ones who know they get ignored or punished for it. It's actually often a pretty reliable indicator of abuse. Instinctively, crying is asking for help; amongst the Five Fs (fight, flight, friend, flee, flop) it is the act referred to as Friend. Even crying in frustration or railing against God imply a mindset that believes in basic justice and support. Obviously once in a while a kid is going to be overwhelmed or just need a good cry, but consistently Ignoring or abusing it only teaches a child to be a bad friend and/or that you are one.
#44
Instagram for fetuses and babies, keep your children away from that kind of exposure
#45
Blaming the phone for any sort of pain
What do you think ?
Øptimist 2 years ago
Saying you'll love your child unconditionally but once they come out as gay, bi, trans, etc etc. you kick them out or something, it just baffles me that parents will be like that! if I EVER have children (probably won't) I'll support them unconditionally if they're part of the LGBTQ+
lauralett50 2 years ago
That makes my heart hurt for you. Sending hugs to you.
Load More Replies...
pug nose curly tail 2 years ago
Signing kids up for every single extra curricular activity available so you can post their pics on social media and brag about them while patting yourself on the back for being the "best parent in the world". No you're not. We know what you're doing and it sucks.
Øptimist 2 years ago
Saying you'll love your child unconditionally but once they come out as gay, bi, trans, etc etc. you kick them out or something, it just baffles me that parents will be like that! if I EVER have children (probably won't) I'll support them unconditionally if they're part of the LGBTQ+
lauralett50 2 years ago
That makes my heart hurt for you. Sending hugs to you.
Load More Replies... pug nose curly tail 2 years ago
Signing kids up for every single extra curricular activity available so you can post their pics on social media and brag about them while patting yourself on the back for being the "best parent in the world". No you're not. We know what you're doing and it sucks.
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