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Someone Asks Women What They Think Is The Worst Thing About Being A Man, And They Deliver (30 Replies)
It’s hard to stand in someone else’s shoes. Especially when it comes to the opposite gender. So when someone asked the women of Reddit what they think would be the worst thing about being a man, the answers flooded in. 37.6K comments later, it became obvious that a lot of redditors get it.
The male gender is a tough role to play and you’re constantly expected to act in a certain way. Hence, one woman replied that the stigma around being a guy is already tough. Another said that “not having your emotions taken seriously” would be the hardest part. Let’s dive into some of the most honest responses that will make us rethink the things about gender that we take for granted.
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#1
My father was a single parent raising a young girl at a private catholic gradeschool. He went to all my girlscout parent meetings, came to all the mom-daughter and dad-daughter events like dances and breakfasts, and even volunteered every year for the school’s bake-off (usually only moms participated). He did all these stereotypical motherly events so I wouldn’t feel left out. But he got heavily judged and ridiculed by other mothers solely because he wasn’t my mom and therefore shouldn’t be allowed to participate. The community there was so catty and everyone gossiped about him. Yes he was a single dad, but he also admitted he would wanna do that stuff anyway because he wanted to spend time with his daughter. Couldn’t imagine being judged for wanting to hang with your kid at a baking contest and being told it’s wrong.
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#2
“I was raped”
“Haha good one”
Foxxy (The Original) 4 years ago (edited)
Yup, this one irks me a lot. We wonder why men are the biggest risks of suicide when they are made to feel weak, as a joke, unbelieved etc when it comes to abuse, mental illness etc. We need to do more as a society to prevent it and help these men before it’s too late.
#3
Probably the stigma. I've seen a single father get shouted at for being with his kid when at a park for 'trying to kidnap children'. The dude wanted to make his son happy, not molest him ffs.
Foxxy (The Original) 4 years ago
I have heard a few cases like this. A single father was checking into a hotel with his daughter but the police were called because they suspected him of trafficking kids. A man was moved on an aeroplane because he was sitting next to an unaccompanied minor and had a woman sit there instead. Men are often seen as perpetrators first. Guilty until found innocent.
Recently, there has been a surge in discussions about so-called traditional gender roles and norms. Last year, the American Psychological Association released 10 guidelines for psychologists working with males. It has addressed a variety of problematic points related to “traditional masculine ideology” like gender role strain, oppression, and gender bias. The experts who worked on the guidelines have concluded that suppressed emotions in men "cause damage that echoes both inwardly and outwardly.”
Fredric Rabinowitz, a professor of psychology at the University of Redlands, believes that these men who feel oppressed by gender roles have their emotional being deteriorate with time. “We see that men have higher suicide rates, men have more cardiovascular disease, and men are lonelier as they get older,” he told The New York Times. Helping to expand their emotional repertoire is key to tackling such psychological problems. “We don’t try to take away the strengths that men have.”
#4
I would not be allowed a moment of weakness. Bad day? You can't cry unless your mother just died. Hurt yourself? Suck it up and go to the hospital. Feeling self conscious about your body? Nobody cares. Feeling ill? SoMOne HaS a MaN COld!!!!!
Claes Gustavsson 4 years ago
What? I cry quite often – most of the time are dogs involved, music or general kindness.
#5
"Oh, you got stuck taking care of the kids today, huh? Giving Mom a day off, finally?"
Dads know what I'm talking about.
#6
Being sexually assaulted by a female and people telling me that I'm "lucky".
Bored Panda contacted Donatas Paulauskas, the senior advisor at the Office of the Equal Opportunities Ombudsperson and asked him about some of the most common male gender stereotypes.
Donatas told us that one of the most unjust, yet very common, stereotypes about men is that they aren’t emotional. “Men tend to exhibit fewer emotions due to their upbringing, and that’s why they can’t identify and express their feelings as well as most women.” Throughout the years, men learn to hide their emotions and keep them all to themselves in order not to appear unmanly.
The term “toxic masculinity” has recently come into the spotlight. “It refers to the radical concept of masculinity.” Donatas explained: “it’s characterized by aggression, anger, disdaining view of fellow men and women, and denial of one’s emotions and vulnerability.” Toxic masculinity is viewed as harmful because it’s toxic to the man and those around him.
#7
As a woman, I will never, ever have any doubt that my children are mine.
Foxxy (The Original) 4 years ago
Well sadly there have been many times where the babies have been switched at birth.
#8
Hands down always being the villain. a colleague of mine was a bit on the heavier side, but decided to get into shape and started jogging. so he jogs around his block daily until his smart watch tells him his quota for the day is full. that day he was a bit late but went for a jog when the sun was setting. not many people out there, but as he was on his way, some girls saw him jogging their way, got scared and called the cops on him for obviously trying to chase them to rape them or something. now, the guy didn't know about the call, he just sees two girls seeing him coming, turning around and running away and he's like 'what the f**k?' until the cops come for him. you know, for the biggest offence in the whole human history: trying to get fit. i felt really bad for him.
#9
Having a higher suicide rate but depression and other mental illnesses being pretty taboo.
But Donatas warns that toxic masculinity should not be seen as equal to the traditional view of masculinity. “This one has a lot of positive features like courage, determination, and confidence.” Only when we emphasize these features too much, men are pressured into being supermen. And that, of course, is impossible.
Luckily, more and more modern men are willing to get rid of the stereotypes. “Men are more active in searching for their inner voice, authenticity, and are becoming less afraid of coming across as unmanly.” Donatas believes that there should be an active movement towards changing the old-fashioned standards of masculinity in our societies.
#10
Being expected to be the "breadwinner" generally by society
Being less likely to gain custody of my own kids in a separation
Being "disposable" in times of war
DIY.
And... Having to deal with my own balls. What if I sat on one. Ouch.
#11
Being arrested for defending myself against an abusive partner.
WilvanderHeijden 4 years ago
Yes, it's strange how cops (and the total legal system) are prejudiced in cases of domestic violence.
#12
I think the "gay panic" stuff would be the most annoying. Guys can't make physical contact other than punching each other in the shoulder or high-fiving without it being considered gay. Sometimes I wanna give my friend a platonic hug or touch their hair or something, and if I was a man I'd probably be afraid to do that.
Kaisu 4 years ago (edited)
Physical affection between men has historically been much more common than it is nowadays. Nowadays it's the toxic masculinity born out of the stereotype of the masculine, macho man that has brought with it the notion that guys being affectionate with each other somehow indicates that they're gay.
#14
Not having your emotions taken seriously, then lashing out because of it and then seen as violent because you just want to be understood. I had that with abusive parents but normally people don't treat me that way because I'm a woman. I can't imagine what an entire life of not having your feelings acknowledged in a healthy way feels like.
"Suck it up and be a man"
#15
Being in a crowded urinal. Everyone has the dicks out standing next to each other. Like what the f**k just make stalls why have them in the open.
Branden Hart 4 years ago
Thats why WE don't have queues at events - 4 to a urinal - and remember the rule, dont look, point or aim at anyone else!
#16
I'd be afraid to be a male teacher. How easy would it be to give a girl student a grade a failing grade they deserve or just pissing them off any kind of way, but it's a crazy one who ends up accusing you of something awful?
While that's specific, it's a general fear. Just the accusation itself will cost you your career.
#17
Being a father of a daughter or even babysitting. The complete mistrust that people give them is astonishing. If she starts throwing a tantrum in public, people always assume the worst. I would want my daughter to give my husband hugs and love him the same as she would love me in public but people just view it differently.
#18
The constant pressure in society that the man has to pay for meals, drinks, etc. I feel like it all would add up really quickly.
#19
Being considered a possible threat by strangers, probably. Like, I get it, you never know, but it would probably suck.
Either that or the dick and balls. Like, they’re just dangling there? Are they in the way? How do you straddle stuff? Will you accidentally squish them? Do you have to like, tuck them into your underwear?
#20
Most women think there's nothing wrong with being abusive and cruel with men. It's so upsetting watching women treat men like absolute s**t. To top it off, men are expected to still act like "a gentleman" and also they're not allowed to feel vulnerable, or to feel sad, angry because some lady was just "a little sassy" when in reality she was being abusive piece of s**t
K. 4 years ago
Abusive women can employ many different methods to hurt. While I don’t agree with it, I have to put my two cents on the table. As a society, we don’t allow women to be assertive and reprimand them for having unpleasant feelings/behavior, so they resort to passive-aggressiveness and actual violence when overwhelmed and usually directed towards their partner. I am aware that in many pockets of developed countries, you see more assertive women. I am aware that men can be passive-aggressive too. I’m just offering an observation for some people’s behavior. Also, they may be expected to act like a gentlemen and a proper lady, but abusers don’t adhere to that and do employ a variety of methods to hurt and diminish their partners. Sometimes it’s not even intentionally insidious, but a relic that has been ingrained by human behavior. Psychology is a relatively new field, and not everyone has access to therapy or ways to modulate their toxic behavior.
#21
Probably being forced to never... well, feel. There are so many people who make fun of guys for having feelings or even showing them. I would never be able to deal with it, and my heart broke the day my boyfriend told me his exes used to verbally abuse him for crying in front them.
Helen Haley 4 years ago
If someone makes fun of a guy for having feelings, that is the other persons issue, not the guys. Guys are totally allowed and encouraged to have feelings. So much healthier.
#22
Having to chase after women. I’d give up halfway, honestly.
#23
I would be terrified of my dick getting stuck in a zipper
#24
Being expected to be more effective at physical labor, being expected to do more dangerous work, receiving less empathy when struggling with emotional issues.
Draco Malfoy 4 years ago
The amount of times that the lack of being able to share emotion has come up is quite sad. I think these stereotypes need to change
#25
Having to be the person physically in charge in a threatening situation. Like always being with a man when walking home from a party in a sketchy area at night. Yes there is safety in numbers but the dude is expected to be protective regardless of level of awareness, self defensive, or drunkenness. That’s a lot of pressure.
Draco Malfoy 4 years ago
That sucks. Nobody should ever feel like they are being pressured into something that they don't want to do.
#26
How is DYING 7 YEARS SOONER not on the list?
Zachary Goldstein 4 years ago
Because we all are human. at the end of the day, we know that we all are going to die and we don't treat it any differently than females do.
#27
Trans woman here. I guess I have a unique perspective because I've lived life on both sides of the coin in many ways. Things that suck about being a guy: You are always expected to be the initiator/pursuer You are not permitted by society to be expressive in your appearance There's an extreme woman-favoring asymmetry in dating apps, which like it or not, is how many young couples meet nowadays Compliments are few and far between Nobody gives a [crap] how you feel, nor do they want to hear about it If you do not have a requisite level financial success, you are worthless Nobody wants to be affectionate with you unless you're dating them, and even then, your needs for physical affection are misconstrued for needs for sex
Kaisu 4 years ago (edited)
I'm a woman but I've definitely noticed that a lot of men have issues with people not being platonically physically affectionate with them even when they might need it. You can't be physically affectionate with male friends because that's "gay" and female friends might take it as you hitting on them. I'm really sorry for any guy who has to feel like they don't get the platonic physical affection they need and I hope we can change this soon!
#28
Only 1 orgasm at a time.
#29
Overall, I think it’s more difficult for guys to get dates.
Full Name 4 years ago
You "think"? Go to a dating app. It's full of women complaining about getting too many messages to respond to. There are BUSTED women with profiles who come off as shitheads who complain about too much attention. Men are absolutely societally expected to ask for the girl's number, or ask for the date etc. It's awesome when a girl takes initiative.
#30
Balding for sure
What do you think ?
Titas Burinskas 4 years ago
As a man, I find the imagined fear for your own balls to be extremely hilarious.
Vincent Philippart 4 years ago
Wer are not equal on that. For me the fear is very, very real.
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Francesca Annoni 4 years ago
If I'm with our kids I'm taking care of them..if my husband is with them he's babysitting? Why, they are not his children?
Sardonic Scribe 4 years ago
As to Michal's response... his numbers are somewhat skewed, but here is an article pertaining to it... https://www.kqed.org/science/11450/new-dna-studies-debunk-misconceptions-about-paternal-relationships
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Мышь из Нижний! 4 years ago
Women and men both we have our own problems, and we should to support eachother.
Kaisu 4 years ago
That is true in the sense that toxic masculinity is a big problem in America and why some American men tend to see European masculinity as "gay"
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Nothanks L. Walk 4 years ago
This has given me a newfound respect for women, seeing that they have such insight into our pain. I always secretly hated women for having it so easy in life, but taught myself that the imbalance was just because they had to bear the monthly cramp and torture of childbirth, the indignity of objectification, and the pressure of outwardly appraisal by the world. Perhaps we should stop both sides of this b******t and just let everyone be human? Hug each other, communicate, and stop judging? At the end of the day we're all amorphous free minds, not the primate meatsacks those minds happen to manifest in.
Meyer Weinstock 4 years ago
It is nice and refreshing to see that some women understand the gender-role pressures that many of us have, regardless of age, generation, or situation. -Dr M
Drew Sauveur 4 years ago
When I was a kid, my Mom and Uncle ran 2 daycare centers. From about the age of 11, I would go there after school, and help out, make snack for the kids, clean up, etc. I loved working with the kids, especially the really young ones, just enjoyed making them laugh and keeping them occupied. At 16, I honestly wanted to work with kids, and started working towards going to college for an ECE (Early childhood educator) degree. Because I was a bigger guy, a group of the kids parents came to my Mom and threatened to take their kids out of the daycare unless I was removed from the daycare. They were worried because I was a man, and they didn't want me around their kids. I stopped working there, finished highschool, and went into construction instead. Now I babysit a different set of kids...
Vincent Philippart 4 years ago
I'm so sorry to read that. This is unfair.
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fainasKeturatis 4 years ago (edited)
I am that guy (not THAT guy) who people find fearsome at times. I was told a lot of times for being always angry in the mornings when I am simply sleepy and lightly swollen (or simply feeling heavy if you prefer). Also, I like walking on foot and used to take a walk home when late at night after getting back from the military unit. People tend to cross the street if I am not in my uniform.
Christine M Quigley 4 years ago
I think it's the toxic masculinity that's so prevalent in America that hurts men. Fed by so much violence in our media, the warped attitudes that men shouldn't cry, don't show emotions, and should always be ready to fight is unhealthy. The constant pressure to preform, whether its on the job, in the bedroom or in the gym. It must be exhausting. People judging you constantly and second guessing your intentions.
Rah Soft 4 years ago
you should have added one more issue to this list the clueless ness of some commentators here who have decided that its all to do with toxic masculinity, or oppression or gender roles. for god sakes why would you ask men and then go and get a quote from a supposed equality officer ??? who goes and spouts toxic masculinity. men get a hard time, abuse, violence against them etc because we have a society that decides that it has the right to abuse men and are enabled by various groups with their own agenda. .. and i say it again. for the feminists. you are the reason why this happens, nothing to do with oppression , patriarchy etc( there is no patriarchy, and no amount hocus pocus mickey mouse academic studies is going to back you up). If society made every perpetrator( of all genders) own their s**t instead of giving a pass for gender or being a mother, then a lot more change would occur and society would be better off. If you want to downvote, go ahead, be butt hurt about it.
Vincent Philippart 4 years ago
I get where you are coming from, but I have a different reading on the term "toxic maculinity". My understanding is that toxic masculinity is the set of representations and social standards that expect of men to be strong, unfeeling, agressive, dominant. It leads to some men being just that, and causing harl around them, but it also leads to men being treated unfairly because they are expected to be that. I feel like those are two sides of the same coin. We can only get rid of it all if we stop putting pressure on men to conform to a model that is toxic for us.
Load More Replies... CbusResident 4 years ago
On the recurring theme here, of expectations of toughness, that can be good for people, can lead to improvement. When I was 14 and my sister was 16 she was much bigger and stronger, would crush me in arm wrestling. Once after opening a jar that I couldn't she said: 'You're like a little girl.' And laughed. But it was kind of funny even then. I knew she loved me, she was just telling it like it was. Now, I know I'm way, way stronger than she is. She's had to ask me to lift things she couldn't lift. And when I'm pushing through a tough set of push-ups or pull-ups I use these memories of her being much stronger, chuckle, and say to myself: 'Ok, another good set of reps makes it even less likely that she'll ever be stronger than me again.' Many other examples exist and it's been women urging me to toughen up about as much as men have. That makes sense from an evolutionary psychology standpoint: the women also want the men to be tough to help protect the family, the kids, the tribe.
Vincent Philippart 4 years ago
You're experience was breezy, good for you. My experience was a bit different. I was a "girly boy", so adults (teachers especially) incited other kids to harrass and bully me to toughen me up. It worked. I lost tha ability to feel feelings for about 20 years, am only slowly rebuilding it now.
Load More Replies... CbusResident 4 years ago
Also: being told all the time that we have a 'male privilege', and it never being specified what that actually is. What is/are the actual rights that confers upon us that women don't have? Going to college? Starting a business? Working for a big company or the govt. or a nonprofit? Being a physician or professor? Women have done every one of these things. But don't worry, they'll still get bonus points when they apply for a gig and we still have it as a mark against us that we're a male.
Carrie de Luka 4 years ago
Here are a couple of lists detailing what is considered male privilege. https://www.itspronouncedmetrosexual.com/2012/11/30-examples-of-male-privilege/ AND https://everydayfeminism.com/2016/02/160-examples-of-male-privilege/
Load More Replies... Vincent Philippart 4 years ago (edited)
Thanks so much for this Luicija. Without diminishing in any way women's very serious issues, we need to aknowledge men's, and especially boys', issues. It can be very, very rough, and there is no support system whatsoever to help those who need it outside of the gay community. "Masculinism" and "men's issues" have been hijacked by toxic conservative men, and you can't talk about these problems because you're instantly branded as a phallocrat. You can be a feminist (woman or man) AND care about the impact on men of the unforgiving culture that is modern masculintiy.
Christina Uhlir 4 years ago
The "male" characteristics are attributed to men, the "female" characteristics are attributed to women by society, not by genome; every individual RANDOMLY inherits 50 % of genes from mother and 50 % of genes from father. - Nature vs Nurture, what shapes us? Well, it doesn't matter what Nature says, people usually raise their children the way society wants them.
Jonathan Etherington 4 years ago
Not true. Men and woman have substantial biological differences in general temperament, intellectual distribution, and interests. These differences have been overwhelmingly proven to actually increase with reduction of social pressure. For instance, average man is more interested in things than 80% of women and the average woman is more interested in people than 80% of men. Men who have great ability in the fields of math and science tend to only have great ability in those areas, which causes them to funnel into STEM fields. Women with great ability in math and science also tend to have great ability in other fields, allowing them a far larger scope of possibilities. This, mixed with the fact that women are generally far less interested in things, which is a substantial aspect of the STEM fields, is why these fields are mostly made up of men despite the fact that women are statistically more likely to be hired and promoted in the STEM fields.
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Coffey Murphy 4 years ago
When that time of the month shows up and IAM in agony and crazy...er, I think about being a man...and then I thought about sweaty balls, crabs...in the military and not being able to scratch...I decided being a woman isn't so bad ;)
Cordi Schmidt 4 years ago (edited)
The way me and my boyfriend are treated by our families regarding 'house roles'. I love doing physical work so I do the cooking, assembling furniture, fixing broken stuff... - I am a crafts girl, but often called 'the man in our relationship' which is simultaneously a praise and an insult. Unfortunately, he is doing 'just' the invisible stuff like maintenance of our electronic devices, wi-fi, and most importantly - helping me with my bad mental health which is a really hard job and I admire his unending patience! In eyes of our families, he is doing nothing and should be more masculine. But I know couldn't have chosen a better man.
Hugo Raible 4 years ago
The #whataboutism displayed by the bored panda "K." is really a great example about what level of empathy men can expect from society and "feminists".
John Louis 4 years ago
A bit of advice. The moment you make a statement or think something that assumes somebody's motivation or seems to encompass everyone in a group, stop and challenge yourself. The other is to simply ask such questions as, "How hard is it to shave in the morning?" etc.
WilvanderHeijden 4 years ago
Wow, I'm amazed by the some of the comments here. A woman falsely accusing a guy of rape is the victim? Falsely acused men don't suffer from the allegations? Denying that courts are prejudiced when it comes to custody in divorces? Seems that the harsh truth is a bit too harsh for some people.
Don Powell 4 years ago
I replied to few of the instances above. Some people aren't going to like them. Well, I'm a 62 yr old grandpa. I've been thru some s*&t. I was at a negative 63 points on here at one time. Experience helps.
Cori 4 years ago (edited)
My ex husband was so shut down. I don't know how many times I heard things like 'I don't do that feelings s**t.' Trying to connect with him was like trying to connect with a piece of lumber. It wasn't his fault. He was mentally, emotionally, and physically abused as a kid (though he doesn't see it that way). I felt (and still feel) terrible for him. But it is impossible to help someone who a) will not acknowledge there IS any problem and b) refuses to let anyone in. His answer is to get the heck out of Dodge when s**t gets too real, which is exactly what he did. We have irreparably damaged a lot of otherwise good men by treating them like machines from the time they could walk. It does your boys NO favors to raise them in this way. I'm breaking the chain with our two boys. Their emotions will always be validated by their mama.
Tor Rolf Strøm 4 years ago
These are very interesting! A lot of good points here, great to see content like this for a change on here. I could however do without all the men in the comments pointing out that I'M NOT LIKE THAT I CRY ALL THE TIME! etc. Like OK we get it, you guys are different and javascript:void(0);sensitive. That's not what this is about.
litalaney 4 years ago
That's a part of the problem though, guys who do show their emotions being labelled as "different" by other guys
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Biljana Malesevic 4 years ago
we are all people. No all women want just "free meal" on date, even though they hate the guy. No all women want "provider" and not all women insist he always pay for all. Also, I bet at least 90% women do not think woman hitting man is funny in any way. Or rape, who ever is raped, is NEVER funny. It's a crime. period. We never think raping man is funny never.
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Jace 4 years ago
This is an interesting list. A LOT of it has to do with two major issues: 1. Men’s application of, and subscription to, a toxic notion of masculinity. Masculinity is fine. Toxic masculinity is terrible. 2. The statistics on violence and abuse: it is mostly men. A good amount of that is due to number 1, above. ———— ATTENTION to anyone trying to blame feminism for any of these negatives of being men: The ONLY people I’ve ever known who actively fight against this s**t have been feminists. I know no “men’s rights” people fighting to ban male genital mutilation, for one example. I also don’t see “men’s rights” bros fighting toxic masculinity.
Full Name 4 years ago (edited)
Thanks so much for this article. I urge everyone to check out the documentary The Red Pill. Women have issues, and so to men. Men trying to say "we have issues too" is NOT trying to diminish women or take away from their needs. Also, something is messed up with the comments in this article. I went to reply to several that once I hit "send", both my comment and the one I was replying to disappeared. This happened 4 or 5 times.
Hugo Raible 4 years ago
The Red Pill is a great documentary - a real eye opener, made by a (at that time) feminist. Highly recommended.
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Fish Boden 4 years ago
This mostly sucks and features some b******t claims. I'm just cross with myself for reading.
Titas Burinskas 4 years ago
As a man, I find the imagined fear for your own balls to be extremely hilarious.
Vincent Philippart 4 years ago
Wer are not equal on that. For me the fear is very, very real.
Load More Replies... Francesca Annoni 4 years ago
If I'm with our kids I'm taking care of them..if my husband is with them he's babysitting? Why, they are not his children?
Sardonic Scribe 4 years ago
As to Michal's response... his numbers are somewhat skewed, but here is an article pertaining to it... https://www.kqed.org/science/11450/new-dna-studies-debunk-misconceptions-about-paternal-relationships
Load More Replies... Мышь из Нижний! 4 years ago
Women and men both we have our own problems, and we should to support eachother.
Kaisu 4 years ago
That is true in the sense that toxic masculinity is a big problem in America and why some American men tend to see European masculinity as "gay"
Load More Replies... Nothanks L. Walk 4 years ago
This has given me a newfound respect for women, seeing that they have such insight into our pain. I always secretly hated women for having it so easy in life, but taught myself that the imbalance was just because they had to bear the monthly cramp and torture of childbirth, the indignity of objectification, and the pressure of outwardly appraisal by the world. Perhaps we should stop both sides of this b******t and just let everyone be human? Hug each other, communicate, and stop judging? At the end of the day we're all amorphous free minds, not the primate meatsacks those minds happen to manifest in.
Meyer Weinstock 4 years ago
It is nice and refreshing to see that some women understand the gender-role pressures that many of us have, regardless of age, generation, or situation. -Dr M
Drew Sauveur 4 years ago
When I was a kid, my Mom and Uncle ran 2 daycare centers. From about the age of 11, I would go there after school, and help out, make snack for the kids, clean up, etc. I loved working with the kids, especially the really young ones, just enjoyed making them laugh and keeping them occupied. At 16, I honestly wanted to work with kids, and started working towards going to college for an ECE (Early childhood educator) degree. Because I was a bigger guy, a group of the kids parents came to my Mom and threatened to take their kids out of the daycare unless I was removed from the daycare. They were worried because I was a man, and they didn't want me around their kids. I stopped working there, finished highschool, and went into construction instead. Now I babysit a different set of kids...
Vincent Philippart 4 years ago
I'm so sorry to read that. This is unfair.
Load More Replies... fainasKeturatis 4 years ago (edited)
I am that guy (not THAT guy) who people find fearsome at times. I was told a lot of times for being always angry in the mornings when I am simply sleepy and lightly swollen (or simply feeling heavy if you prefer). Also, I like walking on foot and used to take a walk home when late at night after getting back from the military unit. People tend to cross the street if I am not in my uniform.
Christine M Quigley 4 years ago
I think it's the toxic masculinity that's so prevalent in America that hurts men. Fed by so much violence in our media, the warped attitudes that men shouldn't cry, don't show emotions, and should always be ready to fight is unhealthy. The constant pressure to preform, whether its on the job, in the bedroom or in the gym. It must be exhausting. People judging you constantly and second guessing your intentions.
Rah Soft 4 years ago
you should have added one more issue to this list the clueless ness of some commentators here who have decided that its all to do with toxic masculinity, or oppression or gender roles. for god sakes why would you ask men and then go and get a quote from a supposed equality officer ??? who goes and spouts toxic masculinity. men get a hard time, abuse, violence against them etc because we have a society that decides that it has the right to abuse men and are enabled by various groups with their own agenda. .. and i say it again. for the feminists. you are the reason why this happens, nothing to do with oppression , patriarchy etc( there is no patriarchy, and no amount hocus pocus mickey mouse academic studies is going to back you up). If society made every perpetrator( of all genders) own their s**t instead of giving a pass for gender or being a mother, then a lot more change would occur and society would be better off. If you want to downvote, go ahead, be butt hurt about it.
Vincent Philippart 4 years ago
I get where you are coming from, but I have a different reading on the term "toxic maculinity". My understanding is that toxic masculinity is the set of representations and social standards that expect of men to be strong, unfeeling, agressive, dominant. It leads to some men being just that, and causing harl around them, but it also leads to men being treated unfairly because they are expected to be that. I feel like those are two sides of the same coin. We can only get rid of it all if we stop putting pressure on men to conform to a model that is toxic for us.
Load More Replies... CbusResident 4 years ago
On the recurring theme here, of expectations of toughness, that can be good for people, can lead to improvement. When I was 14 and my sister was 16 she was much bigger and stronger, would crush me in arm wrestling. Once after opening a jar that I couldn't she said: 'You're like a little girl.' And laughed. But it was kind of funny even then. I knew she loved me, she was just telling it like it was. Now, I know I'm way, way stronger than she is. She's had to ask me to lift things she couldn't lift. And when I'm pushing through a tough set of push-ups or pull-ups I use these memories of her being much stronger, chuckle, and say to myself: 'Ok, another good set of reps makes it even less likely that she'll ever be stronger than me again.' Many other examples exist and it's been women urging me to toughen up about as much as men have. That makes sense from an evolutionary psychology standpoint: the women also want the men to be tough to help protect the family, the kids, the tribe.
Vincent Philippart 4 years ago
You're experience was breezy, good for you. My experience was a bit different. I was a "girly boy", so adults (teachers especially) incited other kids to harrass and bully me to toughen me up. It worked. I lost tha ability to feel feelings for about 20 years, am only slowly rebuilding it now.
Load More Replies... CbusResident 4 years ago
Also: being told all the time that we have a 'male privilege', and it never being specified what that actually is. What is/are the actual rights that confers upon us that women don't have? Going to college? Starting a business? Working for a big company or the govt. or a nonprofit? Being a physician or professor? Women have done every one of these things. But don't worry, they'll still get bonus points when they apply for a gig and we still have it as a mark against us that we're a male.
Carrie de Luka 4 years ago
Here are a couple of lists detailing what is considered male privilege. https://www.itspronouncedmetrosexual.com/2012/11/30-examples-of-male-privilege/ AND https://everydayfeminism.com/2016/02/160-examples-of-male-privilege/
Load More Replies... Vincent Philippart 4 years ago (edited)
Thanks so much for this Luicija. Without diminishing in any way women's very serious issues, we need to aknowledge men's, and especially boys', issues. It can be very, very rough, and there is no support system whatsoever to help those who need it outside of the gay community. "Masculinism" and "men's issues" have been hijacked by toxic conservative men, and you can't talk about these problems because you're instantly branded as a phallocrat. You can be a feminist (woman or man) AND care about the impact on men of the unforgiving culture that is modern masculintiy.
Christina Uhlir 4 years ago
The "male" characteristics are attributed to men, the "female" characteristics are attributed to women by society, not by genome; every individual RANDOMLY inherits 50 % of genes from mother and 50 % of genes from father. - Nature vs Nurture, what shapes us? Well, it doesn't matter what Nature says, people usually raise their children the way society wants them.
Jonathan Etherington 4 years ago
Not true. Men and woman have substantial biological differences in general temperament, intellectual distribution, and interests. These differences have been overwhelmingly proven to actually increase with reduction of social pressure. For instance, average man is more interested in things than 80% of women and the average woman is more interested in people than 80% of men. Men who have great ability in the fields of math and science tend to only have great ability in those areas, which causes them to funnel into STEM fields. Women with great ability in math and science also tend to have great ability in other fields, allowing them a far larger scope of possibilities. This, mixed with the fact that women are generally far less interested in things, which is a substantial aspect of the STEM fields, is why these fields are mostly made up of men despite the fact that women are statistically more likely to be hired and promoted in the STEM fields.
Load More Replies... Coffey Murphy 4 years ago
When that time of the month shows up and IAM in agony and crazy...er, I think about being a man...and then I thought about sweaty balls, crabs...in the military and not being able to scratch...I decided being a woman isn't so bad ;)
Cordi Schmidt 4 years ago (edited)
The way me and my boyfriend are treated by our families regarding 'house roles'. I love doing physical work so I do the cooking, assembling furniture, fixing broken stuff... - I am a crafts girl, but often called 'the man in our relationship' which is simultaneously a praise and an insult. Unfortunately, he is doing 'just' the invisible stuff like maintenance of our electronic devices, wi-fi, and most importantly - helping me with my bad mental health which is a really hard job and I admire his unending patience! In eyes of our families, he is doing nothing and should be more masculine. But I know couldn't have chosen a better man.
Hugo Raible 4 years ago
The #whataboutism displayed by the bored panda "K." is really a great example about what level of empathy men can expect from society and "feminists".
John Louis 4 years ago
A bit of advice. The moment you make a statement or think something that assumes somebody's motivation or seems to encompass everyone in a group, stop and challenge yourself. The other is to simply ask such questions as, "How hard is it to shave in the morning?" etc.
WilvanderHeijden 4 years ago
Wow, I'm amazed by the some of the comments here. A woman falsely accusing a guy of rape is the victim? Falsely acused men don't suffer from the allegations? Denying that courts are prejudiced when it comes to custody in divorces? Seems that the harsh truth is a bit too harsh for some people.
Don Powell 4 years ago
I replied to few of the instances above. Some people aren't going to like them. Well, I'm a 62 yr old grandpa. I've been thru some s*&t. I was at a negative 63 points on here at one time. Experience helps.
Cori 4 years ago (edited)
My ex husband was so shut down. I don't know how many times I heard things like 'I don't do that feelings s**t.' Trying to connect with him was like trying to connect with a piece of lumber. It wasn't his fault. He was mentally, emotionally, and physically abused as a kid (though he doesn't see it that way). I felt (and still feel) terrible for him. But it is impossible to help someone who a) will not acknowledge there IS any problem and b) refuses to let anyone in. His answer is to get the heck out of Dodge when s**t gets too real, which is exactly what he did. We have irreparably damaged a lot of otherwise good men by treating them like machines from the time they could walk. It does your boys NO favors to raise them in this way. I'm breaking the chain with our two boys. Their emotions will always be validated by their mama.
Tor Rolf Strøm 4 years ago
These are very interesting! A lot of good points here, great to see content like this for a change on here. I could however do without all the men in the comments pointing out that I'M NOT LIKE THAT I CRY ALL THE TIME! etc. Like OK we get it, you guys are different and javascript:void(0);sensitive. That's not what this is about.
litalaney 4 years ago
That's a part of the problem though, guys who do show their emotions being labelled as "different" by other guys
Load More Replies... Biljana Malesevic 4 years ago
we are all people. No all women want just "free meal" on date, even though they hate the guy. No all women want "provider" and not all women insist he always pay for all. Also, I bet at least 90% women do not think woman hitting man is funny in any way. Or rape, who ever is raped, is NEVER funny. It's a crime. period. We never think raping man is funny never.
Load More Replies... Jace 4 years ago
This is an interesting list. A LOT of it has to do with two major issues: 1. Men’s application of, and subscription to, a toxic notion of masculinity. Masculinity is fine. Toxic masculinity is terrible. 2. The statistics on violence and abuse: it is mostly men. A good amount of that is due to number 1, above. ———— ATTENTION to anyone trying to blame feminism for any of these negatives of being men: The ONLY people I’ve ever known who actively fight against this s**t have been feminists. I know no “men’s rights” people fighting to ban male genital mutilation, for one example. I also don’t see “men’s rights” bros fighting toxic masculinity.
Full Name 4 years ago (edited)
Thanks so much for this article. I urge everyone to check out the documentary The Red Pill. Women have issues, and so to men. Men trying to say "we have issues too" is NOT trying to diminish women or take away from their needs. Also, something is messed up with the comments in this article. I went to reply to several that once I hit "send", both my comment and the one I was replying to disappeared. This happened 4 or 5 times.
Hugo Raible 4 years ago
The Red Pill is a great documentary - a real eye opener, made by a (at that time) feminist. Highly recommended.
Load More Replies... Fish Boden 4 years ago
This mostly sucks and features some b******t claims. I'm just cross with myself for reading.
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