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30 Times Know-It-Alls Shamed Moms For The Stupidest Reasons, As Shared In This Online Thread
It scares us how little empathy some people have for strangers, especially those with children. Instead of trying to consider what it’s like being in their shoes, they’re quick to judge you with their overly smug, holier-than-thou attitude. When it comes to parenting, it feels like absolutely everyone you meet has an opinion on how to do it best—and God forbid if you do things differently! You’ll get an earful of criticism… or you’ll literally get chased through Home Depot.
Redditor u/katmio1 started up a discussion on the r/BabyBumps online community that proves just how tough some parents have it. The internet users opened up about all the times that they’ve been mom-shamed. Scroll down for their candid stories.
We wanted to learn about the best ways to handle mom-shamers and to figure out why people have such strong opinions on parenting, so we reached out to Samantha Scroggin, the host of the witty and relatable 'Walking Outside in Slippers' parenting blog. Scroll down for Bored Panda's interview with her.
Bored Panda has also reached out to u/katmio1 via Reddit, and we’ll update the article as soon as we hear back from her.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
My kids are grown. But it's the same, anywhere, any time ... I always felt I was battling "perfect Mom syndrome" and constantly being shamed for just about anything imaginable.
Y'know what? I have the advantage of TIME. I can look back and blow raspberries at them because my kids were healthy as horses, grew to be terrific adults, and I couldn't be prouder of who they are as human beings.
Moms ... Tell the shamers to kiss your a**e. You do you. If you're giving love and good care, it works. Job done well. You are doing GREAT, and I beg you to just thumb your nose at them, and keep doing you.
I send every one of you a warm hug (if you want it) of support, encouragement and courage.
Nadine Debard 1 year ago
I wish I could upvote this one more. Fellow pandas, bring it to the top!
Some strangers are incredibly judgmental of others. Some go so far as to shame parents publicly. We were curious to get parenting blogger Samantha's take on the reasons why this happens, and what the best way to react in these sorts of situations might be.
"I say if you have the courage to call someone out for parent-shaming, good for you. But you want to be sure you're not in turn also taking part in parent-shaming yourself. It's likely easier to say something if you're closely involved in the situation. For example, if the parent-shaming takes place during a conversation with several parents in a group you're part of," Samantha shared her thoughts with Bored Panda.
"In that case, you can probably talk about how you handle a similar situation in a more open-minded way, without directly attacking the parent-shamer. The more we can be open about our own acceptance of different parenting styles, the more we are doing to make being open and accepting cool."
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#2
I’m shamed for owning reptiles. Yes, my snakes are totally going to eat my cat and baby. We’re all definitely in mortal danger, oh the horror, goodbye cold cruel world. 🙄🙄🙄 then I’m suddenly an a*****e for being sarcastic about it, which makes zero sense because how else am I going to respond to idiots?
Oh, or what about the cat stealing the baby’s milk and suffocating them? I’ll ask “omg how do I protect my tits from this future atrocity” and again I’m an a*****e and a bad mom for not taking it seriously. As if the safety of my bosom isn’t serious in a fictitious situation that will never happen, pft.
#3
Kiddo contact napped till he was 7 months, it still makes me cringe hearing my MIL when my hubby mentioned to her that our son only sleeps if he’s held, she looked at me and said “ I wonder who’s fault that is!”
F**k off, let me comfort my child.
I’m dealing with the trauma you left behind for not comforting your child when he needed you. Don’t tell me I’m at fault for choosing to allow my child drift to sleep feeling safe.
crazy_rat_owner 1 year ago
I had this from my MIL "you'll spoil that baby if you keep picking her up all the time!!" You can't spoil a baby with comfort and safety.
According to the mom and blogger, parenthood is "an emotionally-charged topic" because "it's the most important role many of us have in our lives." Emotions flare and tensions can rise if someone suspects a parent might not be doing their best to look after their children.
"I think when we become parents, we can tend to feel like the guardians of all kids, not just our own. And when we someone parenting their kids in a way that is very different from us, and potentially even harmful to the kid, there can be an urge to say something about it," Samantha, the host of 'Walking Outside in Slippers,' said.
"But while we should all be alert for child abuse, I believe it's important to let other parents take care of their children in a way that makes sense for them."
#4
My husband was on paternity leave while I went back to work and I was asked this same question routinely. “Where’s your baby??” - “Errr I left her sitting in her stroller outside the door, what do you mean??”
Whenever I did say that her dad was watching her, people went like “Woooow… good man!” And in my head I was like… y’all would never say that about a woman.
#5
When my twins were three I took them to Barnes & Noble by myself and they both had meltdowns at the same time. One peed his pants and the other one wouldn’t put down the train from the train table in the kids section. I was sitting on the floor in front of the doors trying to get them to calm down because I physically could not carry them both to the car myself and a lady in her sixties comes up to me and says, “Is this how your generation parents these days?” I was dumbstruck. I wish I had said something at the time but I was incredibly stressed out. Ended up driving to my moms and crying for an hour.
Me 1 year ago (edited)
If the new way to parent means: trying to find a gentle way to get along with the emotional struggles of kids that have to deal with stressful situations instead of: shouting at them and hitting them: YES! And as a mom of four year old twins I can absolutely feel this situation
#6
Both at restaurants ironically...first was a busser said I should know what I'm doing when putting a car seat into a high chair. I did know what I was doing, he just wasn't listening to me.
Second one was when the 3 of us went out to eat when my son was still well under a year. I held him while his dad ate, then we switched. Baby happened to poop right after I handed him to dad, so he got up to go change him. The older lady behind me said in Spanish what a disgrace I was for forcing dad to change the baby and how dare I hand him off to him so I could eat. I don't look like I speak Spanish but I am fluent so I'm sure she thought she was being sneaky til I turned around and gave her a dirty look.
Narwhal Blast 1 year ago
So the dad participating in taking care of their children is the sin? How great this world would be if that was an actual problem and the rest would be taken care of...
The fact of the matter is that pretty much everyone judges everyone else. All that really differs is how we do this. Some keep their observations to themselves. Others are incredibly subtle and gentle in how they criticize others. However, some individuals are far too aggressive in how they phrase their insights to others and could use a lesson or two in manners and diplomacy.
Oh, they might have good intentions (keeping someone’s kids safe), but we all know what the road to hell is paved with. You can’t just go around criticizing strangers for how they raise their kids. Odds are that you’ll be wildly wrong if the thread that u/katmio1 started is anything to go by.
#7
My mother in law told me that she didnt get stretch marks from her three pregnancies unlike me.
I had severe morning sickness on all my pregnancies, too and was hospitalized due to dehydration plenty of times. Mother in law kept gloating about how all her pregnancies were such a breeze unlike mine.
#8
Someone chased me through a Home Depot and then tried to report me to the manager because my baby didn’t have a hat on. It was cold out, but she’d already had heat rash three times that week and was otherwise bundled. Not that the screaming lady wanted to hear that. She just screamed “BABY NEEDS A HAT!” even louder.
Narwhal Blast 1 year ago
How about saying it nicely and let the parent decide? Especially if the parent is capable of making decisions like that and not incapacitated in any way.
#9
Wanting to use a Snoo. My husband's grandmother calls it "that awful moving baby straitjacket machine" and will *not* stop going on and on and *on* about how back in *her* day, moms just soothed their babies manually instead of "relying on a machine."
Also, using a traditional daycare instead of letting the in-laws watch baby. LOTS of drama over how "no one will love your baby as well as family can!" Well, I'm sorry, I would LOVE to get free daycare, but they also watch SIL and BIL's unvaccinated kids, sooooo that obviously isn't going to be an option. Free daycare isn't worth risking exposure to measles and a bunch of other diseases that would be extinct if not for this stupidity.
Narwhal Blast 1 year ago
Yes, using technology to your and your children's advantage while you can afford it is so bad!
We’re often told not to judge others while we’re growing up, but it’s something that we do both consciously and unconsciously. Some people do this because they want to feel better about themselves. So in order to seem superior, they put others down, even if they don’t ‘deserve’ it. Judging others is their way to protect their identity while attacking others.
It can also be a way to conform: we mimic others’ opinions because we don’t want to stand out; we want to be part of the collective. We adopt the thoughts of the general public because we want to be part of it.
#10
I was walking from the store to my car and my two didn’t have a hat. It wasn’t even that cold and he was all bundled up in his stroller but wouldn’t keep hats on so I didn’t bother. This woman came after me screaming at the top of her lungs that she would call cps on me. She scared the hell out of me and made my kiddo cry. Psycho!!!
Brocken Blue 1 year ago
I do not even begin to understand what a person’s thought processes when they start chasing down perfect strangers in parking lots to tell them how to live their life 🤦
#11
Yogurt. F*cking yogurt. Apparently chobani has too much sugar. This coming from the same lady giving her kid ranch veggie straws and chex mix. Not a judgement on her, btw. Just seems incongruent to say chobani has too much sugar and then give snacks with ingredient lists longer than my arm and full of salt.
Also, bedtime routine as an infant. Which at least they recanted and admitted they thought I was "crazy" and now think I'm "genious" for maintaining.
And finally, there was an entire period of time where my in-laws thought my husband and I were neglectful because we didn't helicopter our daughter and shout "BE CAREFUL" any time she climbed on the couch after she was 1. They still get upset when she slides down her slide on her knees at 3yo. It's taken 2 years of modeling Montessori inspired methods and language to get them to cool off and realize kids are capable and preventing them from trying actually just makes them less capable.
Narwhal Blast 1 year ago
I used to get stressed out about that with my nephew as well. Meanwhile, the parents were way more relaxed. I learned to relax a little and say no when I have to.
#12
Husband shames me if the kids nails aren’t cut or if I didn’t do anything.
Like I don’t already do everything else? You can’t cut the nails? You can do everything I do.
I’m leaving his a*s soon anyways.
However, in some rare cases, judging other people can actually end up being healthy. But this requires maturity and mindful use. For example, when we perceive society and ourselves critically, we can figure out what our values are. This can help us set goals for ourselves and work toward improving our flaws if we happen to spot any!
A stranger running after us and telling us that we can’t raise our children right is bound to get us upset, especially when we know for a fact that they have no clue what they’re talking about. But a kind word and a dash of (unsolicited) advice might actually be helpful from time to time. It all depends on the intent and the delivery!
#13
Daycare. Husband and I both work full time. Neither of us have great relationships with our moms (traumatic childhoods, abusive, hoarders to the highest degrees). But we’re supposed to let one of them keep son daily while we work because daycare is unsafe. 😐
#14
Feeding my baby with pumped milk instead of directly breastfeeding him at the moment: DiD YoU AsK YoUr PeD AbOuT tHaT? Oh just eff off with that question.
Full of Giggles 1 year ago (edited)
My cousin shamed me for buying breast milk. I had twins during the formula shortage in the US last year. I couldn’t breastfeed or pump because I was placed in a medical induced coma for three weeks after an emergency c-section. I couldn’t buy enough formula to feed my babes. My only other option was to buy breast milk from a milk bank. Cousin said a good mother would have found a way to breastfeed her children. This is the same woman who thinks smearing fresh aloe on a child’s forehead will reduces a fever so her opinion is about as useful as an appendix.
#15
i got shamed for patting my newborn too hard while burping him. by a friends aunt. And I burst into tears afterward.
she was wrong btw. you need to pat harder than you think to get the gas out.
#16
My step-son had hep c when we gained custody of him. Because we weren't sure when we'd be able to get him his $90k medication to cure him , we did a no salt, no sugar, no processed food diet for him. (To prevent further liver damage) My in-laws felt I was stealing his youth. He was cured in February and now he's allowed to eat whatever, but they really constantly tried to sneak him stuff he couldn't have and made me feel terrible about denying him that junk.
Zedrapazia 1 year ago
It's depressing to see that this costs so much, and insurance won't do it's only damn job to cover the cost. America, am i right? Glad the child is better now, despite the malicious circumstances
#17
Not allowing a myriad of people to look after my child, not using a dummy (pacifier), not using a baby Walker, my baby not sleeping all night. Keeping my child away from family when they’re sick, using nappy cream to clear nappy rash…. Spoiling the baby by picking her up when she needs me to, tending to her needs etc
Opinions are like arseholes, everyone has one.
Nannychachi 1 year ago (edited)
You know when I picked my babies up? EVERYTIME THEY CRIED! Why? Because they needed security and soothing. Did I catch c**p for it? Yes. Did I care? Nope. Let's guess who's kids grew up to be independent, self-sufficient and happy. Hmmmm........
#18
When my daughter was a month old I had an older lady zoom by me on an electric scooter and shout "THAT BABY LOOKS COLD"
It was summertime and she had a onsie with leggings on. Just no socks, so apparently that = cold.
#19
Oh I've got one! This happened when my daughter was around 3 months old. My mom was visiting from out of state and we were in a touristy and busy part of town. My daughter was hungry so we sat on a bench I pulled out my nursing cover and nursed her. Some lady came walking by and said in nasty voice "that baby needs some vitamin D."
So basically I got shamed for nursing my kid with a nursing cover and not exposing her to the afternoon summer sun. I wish I had told her to f**k off but I said nothing lol.
Zedrapazia 1 year ago
They know the Teletubbies need a new sun baby. Your baby has been chosen. Expose it to the sun. Always!
#20
I got called a lazy mom for using a baby carrier that i should carry the baby in my arms. Please note that i had just gotten cleared 2 weeks before i had the baby to hold any weight in my left arm because i had broken one of the bones in my elbow.
Katy McMouse 1 year ago
Anyone who has had to lug a baby in a baby carrier for even five minutes, knows that it is absolutely not a "lazy" endeavor.
#21
My grandma asked if I had heard about the “new safe sleep practices” that included *gasp* no toys in the crib! When I told her yes & we practice safe sleep she told me that was cruel. Don’t worry, I’m pretty sure the 8 day old infant isn’t upset about not having toys in her bassinet grandma 😂
Michael Largey 1 year ago
If a child is asleep, it doesn't know if there are toys in the crib or not.
#22
Having no socks on in warm weather
ETA: not giving water to my infant. After I explained to him that BM has 80% water and will satiate my infants thirst, My dad said under his breath, “poor baby, they’ll just make you stay thirsty”, all upset!!!! I just rolled my eyes and continued on with my life
JoJo Anisko 1 year ago
"While it seems unnatural to not provide water to your little ones early on, there’s legitimate evidence as to why babies shouldn’t have water until they’re about 6-months old. The World Health Organization (WHO)Trusted Source notes that babies that are breastfed don’t need additional water, as breast milk is over 80 percent water and provides the fluids your baby needs. Children who are bottle-fed will stay hydrated with the help of their formula." https://www.healthline.com/health/parenting/babies-drink-water
#23
Wanting to work. Told my mom as soon as my husband and our little family move and his schedule is determined I'm gonna work. My mother had the audacity to ask if he'll allow it. **ALLOW?!** Excuse me but I am grown and will happily put my child in a daycare or school type service so she can learn and I can work. I don't **have** to work but I want to. This isn't the 50s 😒
According to her she didn't need to ask any man for permission to do anything (including my step) but she has the gall to ask me if my husband is okay with me wearing crop tops, tighter dresses, certain jeans, and working. FFS
What_the_actual_sloth? 1 year ago
Some of these people should learn how to be decent. Or at the very least, keep their opinions to themselves as they know full well their opinions have some similarities to their a$ses. No one asked for one and they're shıtty regardless
#24
Cloth diapering… everything from “why in the world would you do that when they makes disposables,” to “you better keep some disposables on hand,” to “well that won’t last.”
Update: almost 8 months in and I have never purchased a disposable diaper or wipe! Why would people assume you won’t succeed before you even try?!
#25
Not really shamed for it, but was texting my mom’s bff and mentioned I BF on demand. She said, “they used to call that spoiling the baby” I said, “yeah, she’s 10 days old, I give her what she wants.”
Edit: to be clear she wasn't saying I was doing anything wrong, just mentioning what mothers used to be told. When I told her I planned to spoil as much as possible, BFF was very receptive to it.
My pediatrician also mentioned not “spoiling” and to get babe used to a 3 hr feeding schedule. We opted to continue to feed on demand, but this is the difference between someone 60 and someone under 40.
#26
taking my daughter to the dog park with me this morning. its not exactly a dog park more like a small enclosed area in-front of my apartment complex. i only bring my daughter with me when i have no choice and when its empty so shes not getting in the way of other dogs. got mom shamed this morning for letting her run around in there while my dog did her business. lady told me to manage my time better and its not fair to dog owners that i let my kid in there with me (we were in there for less than 10 minutes) she then told me i need to manage my priorities and should have thought about my dog when i decided to have kids
Michael Largey 1 year ago
"Yes, m'am I do need to manage my time better - like by not wasting it talking to you."
#27
I was borderline shamed for.. grocery shopping.. with my newborn lol. Some lady commented to me that "she never took hers out that young" and that "hopefully your baby stays healthy" 🙄 I mean I have a husband who works very long hours so I have to do most of the grocery shopping and have other kids who also need to eat, but lady if you want to just go buy the groceries for me so I can stay home with my newborn then have at it 🤣
Bearseyeview 1 year ago
When my youngest was a fe weeks old was waiting at a bus stop with the stroller. An old biddy with a f*g and a hairy chin looked us over and said "that your first? I said "no, my third." " you don't want any more" she rasped "there's too any people in the world". So I smiled brightly and agreed with her before suggesting that all old people should adopt the ancient Greek solution of having a party, then drinking hemlock. And she slowly got to her feet and walked away.
#28
I got shamed by my dad for using ready made liquid formula and not the powdered stuff, like wtf lol
Kim Shannon 1 year ago
The day your dad can produce milk from his own body is the day he's entitled to an opinion
#30
My mom is very disappointed in me because I'm not going to be a stay at home mom and I plan to send my baby to daycare after my 12 week maternity leave is over. She strongly believes that the lack of stay at home parents (i.e. parents putting their kids in daycare because both parents work) is the root of the world's problems.
I'd love to be a SAHM but we simply can't afford it. My husband does not make enough money to comfortably support a family of 3 on his income alone. I make a bit less than he does, but enough to cover daycare with a bit left over, and we need every bit of it. Not to mention the risks of a long resume gap to my career and future earning abilities.
My mom also judges me for not living near her and the rest of our family. The area they live in is very overpriced because it's only 50 miles away from a trendy, high cost of living major city. My husband and I can't afford to live there. For what my parents' modest house would sell for, we could buy a nicer house in a better neighborhood here in the low cost of living area where we currently live.
What do you think ?
Tyke 1 year ago
Not shamed as such but it took several difficult conversations to convince MIL that no, I won't be putting an open bible in my newborn's cot... and no, I don't have an answer as to how else we'll stop the "evil spirits"
Tyke 1 year ago
Not shamed as such but it took several difficult conversations to convince MIL that no, I won't be putting an open bible in my newborn's cot... and no, I don't have an answer as to how else we'll stop the "evil spirits"
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