“If He Wanted To, He Would”: 30 Women Share Valuable Lessons They’ve Learnt

It's rare, but sometimes strangers on the internet can dole out some true wisdom. In this case, we present you tidbits of knowledge from the sisterhood of women. Cue the viral TikTok soundbite from the "Anne with an E" series: "How I love being a woman!"

These tips from ladies come from the Ask Women subreddit. They all had some really interesting and wholesome insights to the question "What’s the most valuable lesson you’ve learned as a woman that you wish you knew when you were younger?" Ladies shared all sorts of advice that they gathered throughout their years on this earth, and you can read the most impactful entries below.

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You don’t have to be polite when someone is being creepy. No is a complete sentence.

singermarlaaa , Keira Burton (not the actual photo) Report

Final score:

133points

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Jill Rhodry 11 months ago

All true - but you still have to be careful because 'no' can be the most dangerous word a woman ever says to a man.

70points

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If a partner is insulting you and it's "just a joke", it's not just a joke. He's testing your boundaries to see how much degradation and embarrassment you'll endure.

DueSomewhere8488 , Monstera Production (not the actual photo) Report

Final score:

104points

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LaserBrain 11 months ago

Yes. Can happen with either men or women.

33points

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Placing boundaries down feels like an attack to the people who didn't care about them in the first place.

lanakane21 , Godisable Jacob (not the actual photo) Report

Final score:

96points

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Courtney Christelle 11 months ago

Can I just say how gorgeous the model in this picture is and I love her hair.

5points

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This wholesome thread of women sharing wisdom is evidence that we need strong female relationships. In some cases, female friendships can even help women survive longer. Studies have shown that psychological support increases the survival rate of breast cancer patients.

That's exceedingly true for those women who get their diagnosis early. A 2011 study in the Journal of Clinical Oncology found that women were 4 times more likely to die if they didn't have many friends.

I wasn't fat.

Shoddy-Reply-7217 , Ivan Oboleninov (not the actual photo) Report

Final score:

95points

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Yvonne Sadler 11 months ago

Can't upvote this enough

30points

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If he wanted to, he would.

SnooGiraffes4091 , Lukas Rychvalsky (not the actual photo) Report

Final score:

91points

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Sven Horlemann 11 months ago

I really like that statement. We all can do good things. If we are willing to do them.

14points

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Not all women who call themselves your mentors are your allies. Some of them are insecure and are unwilling to let other women around them succeed.

Mammoth_Might8171 , Andrea Piacquadio (not the actual photo) Report

Final score:

83points

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L.V 11 months ago

Yup, exactly why I left my previous company.

7points

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Licensed clinical psychologist Dr. Christina Watlington lists some benefits of sisterhood. First, it can have a calming effect. Reaching out to girlfriends when we're feeling stressed can help us unwind.

"In doing so, our brains actually release a feel-good chemical, oxytocin. This chemical instantly reduces anxiety, improves focus and concentration and encourages us to bond," Dr. Watlington writes.

Knowing the signs of an abusive relationship and don’t waste your life being in one.

Witty_Tea_667 , cottonbro studio (not the actual photo) Report

Final score:

79points

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Glen Ellyn 11 months ago

Thankfully, these days there are organizations and hotlines that can help if you're not sure how to extricate yourself from a bad home or relationship situation.

18points

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Your self worth is not defined by a man wanting to sleep with you; learn to love/put yourself first.

parmtrufflefries , Marcus Aurelius (not the actual photo) Report

Final score:

78points

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Multa Nocte 11 months ago

Or a woman.

14points

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It’s ok to say no.

Blockpartysix , Kampus Production (not the actual photo) Report

Final score:

76points

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Tracy Wallick 11 months ago

Women know how to say no. The problem is that far too many men hear the word no, and ignore it.

45points

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Laura Cousin Klein, Ph.D., has found that women respond differently to stress than men. When stress gets a hold of men, it triggers a fight-or-flight response. Based on recent studies, researchers now believe that women have a wider variety of responses. Klein says that in women, oxytocin buffers the fight-or-flight response. They then start taking care of children and gather with other women instead.

#10

Wear the damn bikini or bathing suit. Everyone is so obsessed and worried about their own body & trying to hide their insecurities that I promise … they’re not at all concerned about your stretch marks, body hair or rolls. We all have them. You’ll instantly be more attractive from the sheer confidence about not having a care in the world.

Rosa_linda83 , Dalila Dalprat (not the actual photo) Report

Final score:

75points

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Multa Nocte 11 months ago

I wish this were true, but there are a LOT of body shamers out there, even ones who aren't themselves perfect. If you are hurt by cruel feedback, don't put yourself in this position because too many people don't know when to keep their warped opinions to themselves.

42points

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#11

He doesn't like you because you're "mature" (see: traumatised) for your age. He likes you because you're young.

Waerfeles , Spencer Selover (not the actual photo) Report

Final score:

74points

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Susie Elle 11 months ago

Or to rephrase: he doesn't like you for your 'mature mind', he likes you for your childlike body.

45points

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#12

If people treat you badly or make you feel bad, they're not your friends. Don't put up with other people's bad behavior just because you want to have friends.

SuccessfulOpinion3 , Anna Shvets (not the actual photo) Report

Final score:

72points

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Glen Ellyn 11 months ago

Yes. Don't put up with toxic behavior no matter who it is. "But they're FAMILY!" It doesn't matter. If they're toxic to you, eliminate them from your life. You'll be a lot happier. Oh, and don't feel guilty, either. You deserve to be happy.

33points

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"When [a woman] actually engages in this tending or befriending, studies suggest that more oxytocin is released, which further counters stress and produces a calming effect," Klein claims.

Why doesn't this happen to men? The doctor believes testosterone reduces the effects of oxytocin. Estrogen, in turn, enhances them. Female friendships therefore act as a chemical antidote to stress.

#13

You are not responsible for anyone else's feelings. You don't owe him anything just because he likes you.

stephenfryismyidol , Inga Seliverstova (not the actual photo) Report

Final score:

68points

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Tracy Wallick 11 months ago

Tell it to the men.

19points

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#14

It’s okay to say no and be firm.
Not everyone means well
Don’t settle, what another won’t do, somebody will.
Trust your gut.
You don’t have to conform to societies standards of a woman. You don’t have to shave. You don’t have to dress feminine. You don’t have to cater to men.
Once an abuser, always an abuser, red flags are there for a reason and should not be used as a “well maybe that was just how they are” argument. If you see it, it’s not going to change.
It’s not nagging if you have to repeat yourself because they won’t fix it the first time.
You don’t have to rush to have kids. That is not your only purpose. You are not on a timeline that needs to be pushed.
Being a woman doesn’t mean you owe people a conversation just because they are interested in you.

And IF YOUR A YOUNG FEMALE, even underage, THE OLDER MEN DONT LIKE YOU BECAUSE YOUR MORE MATURE THEY ARE PREDATORS.
Don’t trust men/boys with nude photos.

No-Wasabi-6024 , Juliana Stein (not the actual photo) Report

Final score:

64points

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Glen Ellyn 11 months ago

Everyone's path is different, so please don't judge yourself by society's expectations. And more important: Don't paint the red flags white!

20points

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#15

Being kind and generous is important, but treat it like an oxygen bad on an airplane. Give it to yourself first, and then if you can give it to others.

I ran myself dry always giving and then starting to resent not receiving. One day a light bulb went off that resentment is about me - not everyone else. Annnd I started giving back to myself and DANG was it a game changer!

donteatmyhotdog , Oziel Gómez (not the actual photo) Report

Final score:

58points

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Shark Lady 11 months ago

It's difficult to accept that I deserve kindness and generosity.

25points

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Dr. Watlington lists another benefit of female friendships – its power to stave off loneliness. "When we feel connected to other people, we are buffering ourselves against the detrimental effects of loneliness," the clinical psychologist writes.

#16

Men can be just as emotional and "irrational" as they claim only women are.

JellyTwoForms Report

Final score:

55points

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wowbagger 11 months ago

And many people, men or women, who sound rational are actually using very emotional reasoning cloaked in rational-sounding language and cool-seeming behavior.

15points

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#17

**Love isn't hard and doesn't hurt.** If you're with someone that seriously hurts you, either intentionally or through carelessness, that's not love. Being in love with the right person is the easiest thing in the world. If you've got to fight to make it work, it fundamentally isn't working. Yes, there can be struggles that are hard, as life is hard. Supporting each other through life's hurdles is easy as f, caring about how the other person feels is easy as f. If you think the person you love hurts you, (regardless of their intention) and you tell them it hurts you, they won't do it again if they really love you.

trouble_ann , MART PRODUCTION (not the actual photo) Report

Final score:

52points

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TheBlueBitterfly 11 months ago

Love isn't hard. Relationships aren't easy, though. Giving up at the first disagreement, the first argument, the first time you don't get your way is easy. Committing to someone, communicating openly about your feelings, your wants and needs, and compromising when there's a disagreement is hard. But if you truly love each other, it becomes easier together. Not every day will be sunshine and roses. (But for the love of spam, if someone you love intentionally hurts you, all the work in the world won't make the relationship better.)

0points

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#18

Don’t chase. Don’t try to convince. Don’t settle.

fill_the_birdfeeder , Guilherme Almeida (not the actual photo) Report

Final score:

51points

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Ryyde Cade 11 months ago

This with friends and family too, if u are wanted they would put in the effort as well

6points

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This is especially important for older women. Marriage and family therapist Andrea Brandt, Ph.D, writes about this for Psychology Today. According to her, female friendships are often the key to happiness for older women. The downside is that we often refuse to see it as important.

#19

Periods painful enough that you have to cancel plans and/or stay home from work ARE NOT NORMAL!

ahumpsters Report

Final score:

50points

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El Dee 11 months ago

I can think of a few doctors who should be reading this..

16points

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#20

You deserve to take up space. Don't set yourself on fire to keep others warm.

cait_Cat , Jure Širić (not the actual photo) Report

Final score:

46points

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El Dee 11 months ago

Reminds me a little of the Desiderata..

1point

#21

Trust your gut. What you want and feel is valid!

DorothyZbornak-binch , Olena Bohovyk (not the actual photo) Report

Final score:

44points

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Glen Ellyn 11 months ago

Always trust your gut! No matter how good a relationship or situation might seem, if you ever have a feeling that somethings not right, run! This is especially important for your own health, safety, and security. Don't spend one second worrying about "how it would look if you left," just leave!

12points

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"Human beings need relationships to survive," she writes. "Infants can die if they go too long without being held, and the elderly experience an increased risk of mortality without social interactions. Isolation and loneliness are major factors in depression and negatively affect mental, physical, and cognitive health."

#22

I am 30F, my whole life my father made me feel insignificant. I wish I would’ve known my value and worth sooner, I wish I would’ve known I didn’t need to waste time trying to convince other people I was worth it, especially when I didn’t believe it myself.

I wish I would’ve told my dad to f**k off sooner. My life has been so much better since then.

Dont chase relationships with people who don’t see the value of having a relationship with you and privilege it is to be involved in your life- no matter who it is.

pathofcollision , Athena (not the actual photo) Report

Final score:

44points

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Jay Scales 11 months ago

Parents can do SO much damage :(

20points

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#23

Guessing this is going to be wildly unpopular, but here's mine from 20+ years of working in corporate jobs: The business world is still very much set up to reward youth and beauty when it comes to women. When I was young I thought all my promotions and pay increases were solely the result of my talent and hard work. Now that I'm older I realize that the road gets harder and steeper once men stop seeing you as a fun, non-threatening sidekick and start seeing you as one of their peers. I say this fully realizing being a young woman in business comes with its own set of problems, but my advice is to leverage this as much as you can while you can (without being gross or compromising your principles, obviously) because it gets harder as you get older.

lordlovesaworkinman , Marek Levak (not the actual photo) Report

Final score:

44points

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El Dee 11 months ago

This was a thing that was outed in my country's banking system. Young women were quickly promoted to work behind the counter and deal with customers. It took men much longer to reach that level. But once there women were stuck and men still managed to move upwards with the same 'ease'

9points

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#24

Decide what YOU really want now and for your future. Doesnt have to be detailed. Just a general idea of what you are and are not willing to have in your future.
Then make the big decisions accordingly.

DontDeleteMee , Athena (not the actual photo) Report

Final score:

42points

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El Dee 11 months ago

Failing to plan is planning to fail..

7points

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Whether we're young or old, knowing that we're part of one big sisterhood can help our mental health a great deal. Female friendships are on a whole other level and that's backed up by science.

It's like Beyonce said: "I love my husband, but it is nothing like a conversation with a woman that understands you. I grow so much from those conversations."

#25

Wear whatever the f**k you want. Men are going to treat you s****y no matter what you wear.

Decent people don’t give a s**t about clothes, and they wont care if you dress like a weirdo or a bimbo or a f*****g astronaut.

cherrybombsnpopcorn , Garon Piceli (not the actual photo) Report

Final score:

42points

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El Dee 11 months ago

And please, stop judging other women for what they wear. You don't want to wear it? No one's making you..

25points

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#26

To love myself first and foremost. I feel like it is a common thing for a woman to learn to put others’ needs before one’s, and I wish I knew earlier that it doesn’t work that way.

Kurious_Kapybara , Kristina Paukshtite (not the actual photo) Report

Final score:

40points

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Glen Ellyn 11 months ago

So true. You can't be your best self for others if you're not your best self. Lose the guilt and take care of yourself first.

8points

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#27

Your body will keep changing, learn to accept that. If he really wanted you in his life, you would be in his life. You'd never have to guess. Be conservative with your trust in others, don't trust people liberally. Don't settle. There's always someone/something better around the corner.

misty9 , Kristina Paukshtite (not the actual photo) Report

Final score:

40points

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Diolla 11 months ago

"There's always someone/something better around the corner." What kind of mentality is that.

29points

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#28

Words are cheap, actions are expensive.
You can say anything you want but to actually DO the thing takes actual effort and, for important things, sacrifice. Don't accept the words. Only accept the actions.

Saechan89 , Yuliya Shabliy (not the actual photo) Report

Final score:

38points

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El Dee 11 months ago

Look at what people DO, not what they SAY they'll do..

7points

#29

Ask yourself regularly, is this something I really want to do or am I only doing it because I feel I have to/other people expect me to. Ask yourself questions about why you feel how you do about things, and where those thoughts come from. Knowing yourself is the most amazing thing. Even when the questions and answers are scary, don’t run away from them. If you truly want to be happy you’ll have to put in the emotional work at some point and it’s much easier to do it young.

Workout not to be skinny but to be strong. The best time to get strong is now, because it gets harder quickly in the future. 5 minutes is a million times better than zero.

Lost-friend-ship , Andrea Piacquadio (not the actual photo) Report

Final score:

38points

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El Dee 11 months ago

Inertia keeps people in bad jobs and bad relationships. We'd rather be comfortable than happy but take a risk to make it happen. Eat well and exercise to feel good and be healthy. Your weight is a side effect of doing this. Remember, no one who truly loves you has fallen in love with your dress size..

2points

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#30

Relax. Things will happen at their own pace. Don’t stress yourself out thinking you have to have everything early on. It will come.

OvenComfortable8416 , Maksim Goncharenok (not the actual photo) Report

Final score:

32points

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Mis Stake she/her 🇫🇮🇬🇧 11 months ago

I wonder if the bank will accept this for when I cant pay my mortgage?

17points

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Note: this post originally had 70 images. It’s been shortened to the top 30 images based on user votes.

What do you think ?

Diolla 11 months ago (edited)

There are various posts that say "don't settle". So you should NEVER be satisfied and ALWAYS look for someone/ something better? How can you ever build a lasting relationship? Do you have to stay on Tinder your entire life? Sigh. Well maybe my English is not good enough to understand what "don't settle" really means.

10points

lily jones 11 months ago

maybe they mean don't settle for not good enough, rather than don't settle for perfect

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So many of these are about saying 'no', when the reason we can't directly say it is often due to the fact that men don't accept 'no' from a woman (either because they often ignore it, treat it to mean 'convince me', or out of fear that he'll be that guy who responds to rejection with violence).

David Paterson 11 months ago (edited)

As a man, I have been friends with a woman who said no, and I took that no completely at face value. It wasn't what she wanted, she wanted me to treat her no as a yes. And I've known a woman who said yes when she meant no.

3points

Papa 11 months ago

How about "some" men don't accept no. Flat generalizations like that are rarely accurate.

Rostit. . 11 months ago

I thoroughly accept no as an answer. That's a rude and hyperbolic comment.

-2points

Love your body, it's doing it's best. Also, f*ck aesthetics, wear what you want.

4points

but if you like a particular aesthetic then wear it, even if someone tells you not to

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“If He Wanted To, He Would”: 30 Women Share Valuable Lessons They’ve Learnt

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