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Women Are Sharing The Scariest Reactions Men Had After Being Rejected (29 Stories)
Interview
Dating can be really tough for women, when safety is such a massive concern. In a perfect world, everyone would respect each others’ boundaries and understand that ‘no means no.’ Unfortunately, the reality is that some men have completely unhinged reactions when their romantic advances go unmet.
In a candid online thread, the women of the r/AskWomen online community opened up about the scariest reactions that they’ve ever seen from men they rejected. Scroll down to see just how dark the bad side of dating can get.
Bored Panda reached out to the person who started the important discussion, Jhené. She was kind enough to share her thoughts on how bystanders can help someone in trouble, as well as what it would take for men to become aware of their toxic behavior. You'll find the insights she shared with us below.
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#1
Stalked me for 10 years, made countless rape and murder threats, then played the victim when I went to the police.
I reported it 10 years ago. He got arrested and sentenced to three years in prison, and I have a restraining order against him. Every time it needs to be renewed, he apparently thinks it won’t happen — but there’s so much evidence against him, and he STILL doesn’t think he did anything wrong!
It took me so long to report because other women here in the UK were told the police couldn’t do anything, since technically, the stalker hadn’t done anything yet. They only acted once the woman was raped or murdered. I just thought it was pointless. When he tried to break in to my house to rape me (as he’d threatened the night before), I called the police — who then told me off for not reporting sooner. We can’t win.
sabda niaga 7 months ago
That what make me so mad and sad as a woman....the police wont do nothing untill we become victim or corpse
RELATED:
#2
Told me he wished the next guy I met would “cut me up and put me in a dumpster.” Then, left a cupcake and flowers at my door saying sorry because he “didn’t know how to be rejected because no girls turn him down” when I was at work after I told him to p**s off after he said that. Then, called me over 50 times a day from a blocked number, leaving voicemails of him just breathing. I filed for a restraining order and they didn’t grant it because he was in the navy and it “could ruin his career.” He had previous stalking and harassment charges too. Love being a woman.
sabda niaga 7 months ago (edited)
What!! "could ruin his career" but her life could be in danger
#3
Got himself assigned to be my field supervisor when I was doing my dream-career internship, and slowly, methodically destroyed my mind and my future. He told me he would make it so that I was never able to get a job in my field, that he would make it so that I never became anything worthwhile in life...and he did. And then, on the last day I saw him, said "there, now, wasn't that better than rape?"
I'm happy in general in life, years of ptsd therapy later. But I will always be angry that he stole my career, which was a defining part of my being.
Zedrapazia 7 months ago
This is why you should be allowed to attack ässholes and beat them up.
We asked Jhené what bystanders can do if they see someone feeling uncomfortable or unsafe after having rejected a guy. "Realistically, bystanders must understand that they have the power to help. They can be the line between someone going home safely or losing their life," she told Bored Panda.
"People tend to get scared or feel the need to not intervene. When signs of harassment are present, you have to be aware and ready to help. Something as simple as calling out the person's nasty behavior can be enough to scare them away," she said.
"If your or her safety is at risk, don't hesitate to call the police. Always think about how you'd want someone to be there for you in a situation like that."
#4
Held myself and my family hostage till we convinced him to let one of leave (made up reason) and called for help. He spent time in a psych ward afterwards.
FoxEcoLimaIndiaCharlieIndiAlfa 7 months ago
All stalkers should have to get mandatory psychiatric treatment for life, whether incarcerated or not.
#5
He started screaming at me saying that I wasn’t allowed to say no because he was a “good guy”. And that I was the reason that good guys turned to jerks. And he hopes horrible things happened to me. And he went back to how he was such a nice guy. He was giving me the opportunity to be with him and I should be so lucky. But he insisted that I couldn’t say no to him. According to him he had already decided for both of us, so I wasn’t allowed to change the plans… yeah he was weird. Luckily I met him at the place so I just waited for him to get distracted pretended to go to the bathroom went out the back door and took a weird route back home and blocked him. I was fortunate enough to never see or hear from him again.
#6
Stalk me, harass me at my workplace, steal my coworkers phone to try and get my number, follow me, threaten people I talked to, and called me a whore for not wanting them… I was married and around 5-8 months pregnant through that ordeal. He got arrested for attacking the security guard where I worked.
Anna Ekberg 7 months ago
Ffs, having to fear not just for your life but for the life of your unborn child too.
According to Jhené, who sparked the online discussion, toxic men have to be aware of the fact that they are toxic first. "Some are oblivious (or pretending to be)," she said.
"I believe that they have to be called out on toxic behavior. You must communicate to them that what they're doing is making you uncomfortable and ask them to stop."
She continued: "One must put their shoes in the feet of others who have been abused or hurt. How would they feel if their mother, sister, aunt, or grandmother were to be harassed and left feeling helpless?"
#7
I lived in a tiny upstairs place that was carved out of someone's house. The guy just started pushing me inside and toward the couch as if he was going to push me down and get on top of me.
I am a pretty small woman but I pushed back anyway. It didn't take much effort to just push him right out the door. I guess he wasn't expecting resistance. How stupid.
Some guys really believe that "no actually means yes".
Anyway about a week later I went out for the evening. When I came back my front door had been busted in and "someone" had been inside. But nothing was taken. Drawers and my jewelry box had not been rifled through.
#8
Threatened to tell the principal of the school… like I’m gonna get expelled for not wanting to have sex with you.
#9
Told everyone I gave him oral sex on guard duty and effectively ruined my reputation and subjected me to a lot more harrassment. We were deployed in Iraq at the time.
Oskar vanZandt 7 months ago (edited)
That must have been extremely stressful and isolating when so far from home...
How you deal with rejection, whether in a romantic or professional setting, says a lot about you and your character. Rejection—like failure—is a part of life, and it’s hardly ever personal. When someone tells you that they’re not interested in your advances, they’re doing so based on first impressions. Folks who are self-aware, respect others, and have confidence in themselves as people will see it as a learning opportunity. They’ll simply accept the rejection, dust themselves off, and move on with their lives. You can’t win ‘em all!
However, someone who has serious self-esteem and entitlement issues is likely to take any rejection as a personal attack on them. They cannot fathom not getting something they want. Instead of accepting the rejection, they might lash out, resort to threats or stalking, or try to change their romantic interest’s opinion through manipulation. This is a nightmare scenario if you’re the one who’s being pursued.
#10
I've known three different men who told me I was a whore when I rejected them. In each case, I told them that was disrespectful, and in each case, I was reassured that if I slept with them, it would somehow make me not a whore anymore.
Anna Ekberg 7 months ago
"You are a w h o r e if you don't sleep with me", were is the reasoning in that? Also the creeps biggest hit, somehow it always comes up with rejection. That or bashing your looks.
#11
Led a fake life for 10yrs in which everyone he knew thought we were engaged, and then [ended the life of] ]another woman that he wanted a relationship with.
Rahb in Oz 7 months ago
I simply cannot wrap my head around this! Obviously a TOTAL loony; even more than the usual.
#12
I was followed by a guy for 20 minutes after I told him no and that I had a boyfriend. He just replied, 'It's okay, I can be your side guy. Your boyfriend wouldn't have to know.' I think it's a huge blow to their egos when a woman says no. Some can't handle rejection.
If you are ever scared for your safety or that of your loved ones, immediately contact the authorities. The police will do what they can to protect you from the person threatening you. Meanwhile, you may want to consider getting a restraining order against someone who is stalking you. This shows that you’re in control of the situation: you’re willing to stand up for yourself, and you will not give in to threats or bow down to harassment.
In the meantime, if you’re still feeling unsafe and want to be more empowered, you can always sign up for self-defense classes. You may also want to consider getting some equipment to deter any assailants (e.g., pepper spray if it’s legal in your country). Having the support of a strong community of family, friends, and neighbors is also going to help you feel safe(r).
#13
Acted like I had sent him nudes, then texted me nudes of a girl that did look very similar to me (at first I was like wtf did I actually take these but there were minor differences) and then used it as a reason to send me d*ck pics. Blocked all his social media accounts, deleted mine for awhile and blocked three numbers. Couldn’t escape the guy. I started dating someone and he sent the nude pics to him claiming I sent them to him and was cheating. I had all the messages from before saved and showed him 🤦🏼♀️ it was insane.
#14
He stalked me and tried to break into my dorm room – I wasn't there at the time, but he did scare my roommate. He also stole some personal things from me.
#15
Threatened to gather his friends from prison and come to my house.
Which is really funny because he was a white guy living in an suburban middle class area, the most criminal thing he and his friends has ever done is littering and speeding lmfao.
What is the very worst reaction you’ve witnessed from someone whom you rejected, dear Pandas? What did they do and how did you react in turn? Have you ever had to deal with a stalker or someone making threats against you? What advice would you give someone who wants to feel safer while dating?
If you’re feeling up to it, feel free to share your experiences in the comment section at the bottom of this post.
#16
He threatened to throw himself in front of a car if I didn't "at least agree to give him a chance with one date". This was over the phone with the sound of traffic in the background. I called his bluff and went no contact after that..
Colorado_Dream303 replied:
That’s kind of what happens in The Notebook! It’s so upsetting that people think this kind of behavior is romantic!
#17
After publicly commenting that he "didn't have sex with me... YET" and me explaining to him it's not gonna happen... He told me I should get off my high horse because if I think I'm pretty I'm delusional and he wouldn't touch me with a stick. "Yet", I guess.
Anna Ekberg 7 months ago
Rejection tends to bring out their biggest hits like: "Well your ugly/fat anyways" or the famous "w h o r e/s l u t" yadda yadda yadda.... 🤷♀️
#18
Called me every gross name in the book and then begged me to tell him what he needed to do so I'd change my mind.
sabda niaga 7 months ago
Tell him not a single thing you do make you change your mind, nope, nada, never
#19
Told me he had made me his sole beneficiary and was going to [end] himself. (He didn't but what a wierd thing to say!).
#20
Cried
Stalked me
Threatened me
Verbally abused me in front of my child
Insulted me
Kept trying to pursue me
All of those by different men.
#22
Relentlessly continued to pursue me. Blew up my phone multiple times a day. Stalked me at work. All while I made it clear I was with someone else.
#23
Phoned me between 2am and 4am every single day for a month, would answer and get heavy breathing down the phone, asking me if I was fat, telling me I didn't know who it was and who I was messing with (idiot never withheld his number so I knew exactly who it was) would stop for a few days and then start with the nightly phonecalls again.
I blocked his number countless times, he would phone on another number and tell me it was him and then pretend he was someone different and start with the whole you don't know who your messing with again.
Caroline Nagel 7 months ago (edited)
I once had that happen a few times. The last time I opened my personal alarm: 130 decibels in his ear. He never called again.
#25
Yelled my fake name after me and my friends left the bar. As I’m driving ( it so happened that I was behind him) I saw him scanning the parking lot. He turned into the lot that I was in and proceeded to search. He did not have good intentions!
#26
Left me on the side of a darn road to get home - by my self! Awful person.
Zedrapazia 7 months ago
Sounds almost tame in comparison to what other terrors are in this thread
#27
Try to punch me.
Anna Ekberg 7 months ago
This guy went for the caveman approach at once, not wasting any time i guess.
#28
He tried to kiss me, when I turned away he held me tight and tried to make me kiss him until he seemed to realize what he was doing because I tried to get away from him. I got out of his grasp and went straight into my room and shut the door. From then on *he* was mad at *me*. Guys are weird, they almost never just want to be friends with me.
I also broke up with a guy once and a few weeks later he drove to my (parents) house and put a rose and letter in front of my window. My window back then wasn’t visible from the road but could only be reached by going onto the property and into the backyard. He also had to drive half an hour to even get to my house and we had only dated for two months. That was odd, but luckily he gave up after that.
Those were the two I felt weird about, everyone else was more reasonable but didn’t want to stay friends after knowing I didn’t want more.
#29
While I’ve had a few scary and creepy things…the ABSOLUTE strangest is he tried to hit on my straight, married brother (RIGHT in front of me and my sister-in-law) to get back at me, when that obviously failed he actually apologized, explained he was going through some stuff and paid for our next round of drinks.
What do you think ?
ConstantlyJon 7 months ago
Alright men. Listen up. It's up to us. We can be sickened by this, and sit back and do nothing about it, or we can be the change that needs to take place to make the world not like this anymore. Call out each other. Consistently. If a man around you is behaving in a way anything close to this, they're 10x worse in private. Call it out when you see it. It's seen as acceptable until we make it unacceptable for ourselves. Be brave for women so they don't have to be. No one should have to be victimized. We can't stop everything, but we can make this behavior not okay, because it isn't. It shouldn't be normal for women to endure this. Make it stop.
Feathered Dinosaur 7 months ago
It's very dangerous to be a woman in a patriarchal, misogynistic society. And men who say 'but not all men' are actually protecting these men, instead of calling them out and thus being an ally to women
Tempest 7 months ago (edited)
Called me every degrading name possible. Punched walls and furniture when he got mad. Physically assaulted me and when I tried to report it, him and his friends threatened to say lies about me to the authorities to jeopardise my university life/career (they didn’t have anything on me hence the need to make up lies). Finally he turned all our mutual friends against me. One was a friend I’ve known since we were 3/4 years old. I don’t blame her. She stood by me until my relationship with him became too much for her. Now not one person from my uni life talks to me and that’s 6 years of my life which feels nonexistent. I’ve only got my school friends now cause luckily I never introduced them to him. I naively stayed with him throughout all this and finally cut him off this year only. Yet he’s still trying to reach out. Just today he has sent a text begging for a response. I never reply. He’s a narcissist and can’t handle rejection. I’m struggling with my mental health because of all this.
Oskar vanZandt 7 months ago
I'm very sorry to hear that you are struggling mental health-wise for having been involved with this narcissistic abuser and the resulting aftermath. I hope you find peace in yourself and get the mental health support you need...
Load More Replies... ConstantlyJon 7 months ago
Alright men. Listen up. It's up to us. We can be sickened by this, and sit back and do nothing about it, or we can be the change that needs to take place to make the world not like this anymore. Call out each other. Consistently. If a man around you is behaving in a way anything close to this, they're 10x worse in private. Call it out when you see it. It's seen as acceptable until we make it unacceptable for ourselves. Be brave for women so they don't have to be. No one should have to be victimized. We can't stop everything, but we can make this behavior not okay, because it isn't. It shouldn't be normal for women to endure this. Make it stop.
Feathered Dinosaur 7 months ago
It's very dangerous to be a woman in a patriarchal, misogynistic society. And men who say 'but not all men' are actually protecting these men, instead of calling them out and thus being an ally to women
Tempest 7 months ago (edited)
Called me every degrading name possible. Punched walls and furniture when he got mad. Physically assaulted me and when I tried to report it, him and his friends threatened to say lies about me to the authorities to jeopardise my university life/career (they didn’t have anything on me hence the need to make up lies). Finally he turned all our mutual friends against me. One was a friend I’ve known since we were 3/4 years old. I don’t blame her. She stood by me until my relationship with him became too much for her. Now not one person from my uni life talks to me and that’s 6 years of my life which feels nonexistent. I’ve only got my school friends now cause luckily I never introduced them to him. I naively stayed with him throughout all this and finally cut him off this year only. Yet he’s still trying to reach out. Just today he has sent a text begging for a response. I never reply. He’s a narcissist and can’t handle rejection. I’m struggling with my mental health because of all this.
Oskar vanZandt 7 months ago
I'm very sorry to hear that you are struggling mental health-wise for having been involved with this narcissistic abuser and the resulting aftermath. I hope you find peace in yourself and get the mental health support you need...
Load More Replies...
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