Get Premium
Dark mode theme is available exclusively for premium users. Learn more about the benefits of subscribing.
No fees, cancel anytime.
Dark Mode 
No fees, cancel anytime 
30 Women Share The Worst Weaponized Incompetence Examples They’ve Seen In Real Life
In a relationship, both parties should be able to rely on each other, but, unfortunately, that’s not at all how things turn out. A woman shared her experience with a husband who could not manage a bowl of mac and cheese, which sparked a debate on “weaponized incompetence.”
So we’ve gathered other women’s stories and frustrations with partners who decided to act like they could not do the most basic of tasks. Make sure to upvote your favorites as you scroll through and share your own thoughts and experiences with weaponized incompetence in the comments section below. 
Image credits: Latitude32
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
My ex always used the “but you’re better at it” excuse. Even the day after my appendectomy, and almost immediately after I had both of our children. When my now-husband first moved in with me and my boys I kept being surprised at the clothes that magically washed and folded themselves, and at how less often I had to drop whatever I was doing to attend to my 3-yr old’s random needs and demands. It’s amazing getting to live with another fully functioning adult who just does the s**t that needs done.
RELATED:
#2
I used to tell my boys - there’s only one difference between you and your sisters, and you don’t use that to hold a vacuum cleaner.
#3
When our eldest was still an infant, my husband and I were arguing because I was pissed that he didn’t do any of their care without being asked. When things were really whipped up and heated, he had the nerve to say, “but you’re so much better at it!” So I screamed, “THEN GET GOOD! Jesus Christ, you think I instinctively knew any of this s**t, or enjoy changing dirty diapers? Man the F**K UP!” Most of his weaponized incompetence pretty much stopped that day.
Nathaniel He/Him Cis-Het 7 months ago (edited)
What kind of man leaves his child in a s****y nappy?
The important thing about “weaponized incompetence” isn’t that someone doesn't know how to do a basic task. All of us have to learn “simple” tasks at some point in our lives. The issue is when, instead of figuring it out, they simply rely on their partner to do it, presumably, in perpetuity.
This is very similar to the approach that many kids take with various tasks, where they assume their parents will do it for them. As a child, this is more acceptable, but as an adult, it’s infuriating, so it’s perhaps not surprising why these women were so unhappy.
#4
I once said about the washing machine
- There are 3 buttons. If it explodes and you die, I will mourn you.
he figured it out.
#5
Can I suggest saying what I say to my kids: “what have you done to solve this problem before coming to me?” When the answer is inevitably nothing, follow up with “please try to solve it on your own and then if your plans still run into trouble, ask me again.”.
#6
So my adult daughter told me recently she could never understand why her dad and I argued so frequently and hotly over rice when she was growing up. Then she learned about weaponized incompetence.
I would work 10 hour shifts and come home to the expectation that I immediately cook rice (to go with the dinner I put in the crock pot before work, of course). Fam, it was *Minute Rice*. Literally boil water and pour the rice into it. And he just…couldn’t. Wouldn’t. Expected and demanded that I do it. One of many reasons that he is an ex husband.
Scott Rackley 7 months ago
I don't get the whole men not cooking thing. In my family all the men cook, and well. I've been told by women that it's sexy. Don't know if that's true or not, but they liked a nice dinner.
Refusing to learn is one thing, but being entirely capable and then pretending is a degree of delusion that is hard to fathom. Imagine watching your spouse slave away over some task that you know isn’t fun to do and not even trying to help. Remember, this task is, clearly, so annoying that the man is already looking for ways to get out of it.
#7
Many, many years ago my husband complained he didn't have clean underwear. I asked him why he didn't wash a load and he said he didn't know how the washer worked. The directions for the washer were on the inside of the lid. My response was: you read blueprints for a living and you can't read the instructions for the washer? He's always had clean underwear since.
zovjraar me 7 months ago
same but with work clothes. i asked him had he done any laundry and it was like he'd never even had to think of where those clean clothes came from all his life. he's done his own laundry ever since.
#8
My favorite saying always works here. “Pretend I’m dead. What would you do?” I will not allow the weaponized incompetence.
Snorkeldorf 7 months ago (edited)
Did not have a problem with sharing chores, but there were many times I asked my husband to do something simple, because I knew it was easy but I had never done it. One time he got mad and said "Did you even TRY?" If you'd at least try, I wouldn't get mad." It stuck with me and after that I did try and found out I could to a lot of things., Sadly, he did die, very young. Our daughter was only seven. His words served me well and I kept learning new things. Also found out the hard way what I couldn't do, but now I know when to ask for help or call in a professional. Bless his heart. He was a big help to me even after he was gone.
#9
Once I was sick in bed and asked my then boyfriend to make me some (boxed) Mac and cheese. He brought to me cooked and dry noodles with the cheese powder “mixed” in. It looked a little weird so I asked how he made it.
He didn’t add any milk or butter. When I told him he had to add other ingredients not just what’s in the box he was flabbergasted exclaiming that he didn’t know how to make it, how was he supposed to know. It’s literally on the box. He then refused to add milk or butter saying it was fine. Obviously no longer my boyfriend.
bas vdlaar 7 months ago
Love the word! Henceforth we will throw all twatbaskets in the shrubbery, so that they can expell themselves from the premises. And yes, that will be without a "and a good day to you sir"
Load More Replies...
xolitaire 7 months ago
Why is it so hoard for some dudes to read instructions?! Is this another "No I won't stop the car and ask for directions" thing?
Diolla 7 months ago
It's like it's not manly or someting to read instructions.... I've seen men getting stuck on building IKEA furniture because no, it's not intuitive, you HAVE TO follow the instructions! And with IKEA you don't even need to read LOL
Load More Replies...
Janet Graham 7 months ago
I taught my husband how to make chocolate chip cookies. He knew how to make cookies, just not CC. I told him to mix it all together, add the chocolate chips last and bake at 350 for 14 or whatever it was. When I went into the kitchen, he was poking choco chips into already baked cookies. I started laughing and he got mas and said.'Well, you said to add them last!" He thought I had set him up to fail or something. He still doesn't think its funny.
Tommy DePaul 1 month ago
It's ambiguous. Glad you started laughing. I'm sure he volunteered to learn the next new thing from you.
Load More Replies...
Wendy Crow 7 months ago
I had a co-worker who didn't know how to make top Ramen. I mean, there are PICTURES on the packages.
Christopher Davis 7 months ago
Tbf he might not have known if he'd used ones where all the stuff was in the box. However, refusing to fix it was no good.
Gustav Gallifrey 7 months ago
I totally agree that he's an a**e/idiot for 'not being able' to do that. I also feel sorry for our American friends who depend on stuff in a cardboard box for 'mac and cheese'. Cheese and macaroni is an excellent combination, when done well, and there's 'non-box' recipes that i'm sure would leave a lot of Amercians astonished at how much better those 'non-box' alternatives can be.
Tommy DePaul 1 month ago
Does anyone have YouTube? Watching Martha Stewart make macaroni and cheese is positively sexual.
Load More Replies...
Tommy DePaul 1 month ago
How did you not know? Did you see him interact with his mother? Father? Coworkers?
Baali Venomax 6 months ago
I've never made mac and cheese either. Its not that popular in the UK. Does the box not tell you to add things? Not a lot of point with instructions that aren't clear.
Unfortunately, this is often how these men are raised. Certain tasks are seen as the domain of a woman and they would not even think about learning the various cycles on a washing machine or how to cook more than a handful of recipes. Often, this is exactly how the household was run in their own families.
#10
I usually slice up the fresh loaf of bread I bake, but one day, my stbx came to me, “The bread isn’t sliced.” I responded with, “I trust you to figure it out.” He did NOT like that.
Nathaniel He/Him Cis-Het 7 months ago
Is it safe for him to be around sharp objects unsupervised?
#11
My thinking has always been, if its a task required for being alive (cooking, laundry, sewing buttons, changing tires, etc) its neither a woman's or a man's "job". Its just a JOB that needs to be done and everyone should know how to do it. There was a metric c**p ton of things I didn't know how to do before my kids were born, I just learned them because it needed to be done.
Bouche and Audi and Shyla, Oh My! 7 months ago
When I worked at the daycare, I had a flat tire. I pulled into the empty section of a parking lot, got the jack, and set to it. I was just putting the lug nuts on when one of my kids and his dad came over. They were shopping, and thought I might need help. The dad offered to do the lug nuts, but I was already dirty, and he was wearing nice clothes, so I declined. As they walked away, the dad asked his son, "Do you think Mommy would be able to change a tire if she needed to?" I have a feeling that if she didn't, she got a lesson on that.
#12
We got an air fryer for Christmas a few years back. I unpacked it and my (soon to be ex) husband wanted to make something with it. I pointed to the counter and said "the quick start guide is over there" he got snippy with me and said "I don't need the quick start guide!!" Then a few moments later asked me if I knew how to preheat it.
Mother f****r.
I pointed to the counter again and said, loudly and with force "the quick start guide...is over there"
So glad we're divorcing.
Judy Reynolds 7 months ago
Would you rather have this, or the guy who, after 20 years of marriage, says I don't know how to do anything and has to do it all himself?
This doesn’t mean that women should just accept it, indeed, breaking your partner’s weaponized incompetence is an important first step in creating a better example if you happen to have kids. At the very least, once they have been “taught to fish,” so to speak, they will finally do it for themselves.
#13
Talking of weaponized incompetence...My boyfriend leaves most things up to me to complete when to do with bills, or anything electronic. We went on vacation (that I planned completely). His only job I gave him was to check us in for the return flight home. He literally flung his arms up in the air and said "I don't know how to do this. It's asking me a bunch of questions." Me: " Okay, they are only yes and no questions. They aren't hard". Him: "I don't know, are we citizens?" Like....dude. Come on.
#14
My dad will literally just skip meals if my mom isn’t around to cook for him (and Taco Bell is closed, lol). Once, she angrily asked how he would feed himself if she dropped dead. His answer was, 'Your mom would feed me.'
#15
My entire first marriage happened before I learned about weaponized incompetence. If I had known sooner that marriage would have gone differently.
When we were sending out wedding invitations, I wanted them addressed by hand. I thought it would be nice if he addressed the one to my parents. He made me sit beside him and dictate the address and spelling of the names. That's not too bad, he really was dyslexic.
But he appeared to have forgotten how to write! He was writing in big, poorly drawn letters like a first grader. I was so confused, because he had normal handwriting. I literally asked if he'd hit his head. He did finally get what he wanted, I did missed him and did all the work myself.
It wasn't until years later that it clicked. He was just flat out faking, to get out of it. Head injury occurred to me before faking. No wonder he chose me, I never saw it coming.
Jill Rhodry 7 months ago
I know what she means - it's so hard to believe that someone who supposedly loves you and wants (or at least should want) the best for you can treat you like this.
The final, frustrating part of this sort of behavior is just how out of line it can be with the rest of the person’s life. Some people simply can’t cook, that is true, but a doctor or engineer has to be able to handle something like the instructions of instant mac and cheese. The issue isn’t the complexity of the task, but their willingness to learn.
#16
My husband tried saying he didn't know how to work our washing machine. I asked, 'In the six years you were single and living alone, you never washed your clothes?' 'Yeah, but that washing machine was different!' There are literally instructions under the lid, with pictures.
Javelina Poppers 7 months ago
How do you have sex, does he need instructions and pictures too?
#17
If my husband pulls that “oh how do you do *simple task*”, I remind him he has THREE degrees, so I have every faith in him to figure it out.
#19
My thoughts always go to the man who can disassemble and reassemble a car engine but can't figure out how to turn on a vacuum cleaner. (yes, it's exaggerated but it's this mindset of men and their weaponized incompetence that they want to try to get away with.)
lenka 7 months ago
When my (now) husband moved in with me the very first week he vacuumed and did a p**s poor job of it. I pointed out that he had done a terrible job and he replied sheepishly, Yeah, I'm not very good at vacuuming. I told him that, that's ok. I support your desire to improve. From now on, I'll let you do all the vacuuming until you learn to do it well. He never again claimed to not be good at household chores.
#20
I always respond “what does google say?” And “if I didn’t know I would Google it, try that” Because they’re essentially asking us to be their personal search engine anyway.
#21
My ex once got out of the shower to ask which bottle was the shampoo. I told him it was the one that said shampoo on it, and he told me he hadn’t read them.
Nathaniel He/Him Cis-Het 7 months ago
What wizardry is this? The bottle that says shampoo is the shampoo?
#22
I asked my ex to finish making the pizza while I finished a task. He kept yelling what's next... even though he worked in the kitchen of a pizza place for years...
Nathaniel He/Him Cis-Het 7 months ago
Man here, is my iq supposed to halve as soon as I enter the kitchen?
#23
I got asked the other day if the dishes in the dishwasher were clean while I was on the couch in the living room and he was literally standing next to the dishwasher. I about lost my mind. Dude's a doctor for f**ks sake.
#24
Mine asked me how to make hot chocolate. Dear readers, he is an accomplished cook with cooking classes under his belt and makes high end cuisine.
F*****G HOT CHOCOLATE. Like how do you even answer that without sounding condescending? You...scoop the powder in the cup and add hot milk, honey.
I'll never get over that one.
PaperinoVB 7 months ago
If the question was "How do you like your hot chocolate?" I'd understand. Skim milk, whole milk, lactose-free milk? Powdered cocoa or dark chocolate? No sugar, refined or brown sugar, how much of it...?
#25
My Scottish STBX came out of the kitchen holding a bag of oatmeal and interrupted my peace to ask how to make oatmeal - and the instructions were on the bag. Rage inducing!
#26
This morning he asked me to wake up our daughter at a certain time so they will leave for an appointment. I deflected that straight and said to set an Alexa reminder, which he did. But why even ask me in the first place... I also always get asked what’s the date or time… or when is this happening… like no. I am not letting that take any of my headspace. Anything you can Google or Alexa use them, not me. And check the family calendar….
wowbagger 7 months ago
My ex was constantly asking me what the weather forecast was. And I also had a male coworker who would say, "remind me that I need to do x," or "remind me that we're meeting on xyz date." I had the same job title as him; I wasn't his secretary. So I would jot down in my day planner that I needed to remind him of whatever; it took a long time for me to realize, wait, why I am I writing this down when he could just as easily write it down?
#27
If I said I was too tired to cook my ex would order in or occasionally cook. When he cooked It would always be one of a few dishes he had cooked several times eg fajitas or stir fry and it was more effort for me not to cook it than cook it. What shape do I cut it up into? What do I add to the pan first? When do I add the other stuff? Is it cooked enough for the sauce/fajita mix? What do I serve with it?
#28
The first shower I went to take after my kid was born this man looked at me and asked if it was ok that the baby’s feet were below his head the whole time I was gone because he was afraid the blood wouldn’t make it back up or something? Idk at that point I was just like motherf**ker I will be out of the room for ten minutes, are you serious?
#29
Mine asked me how to make scrambled eggs. This is a 50+ year old man who lived on his own for years before we got together. I took him at his word and narrated every step while he did them. (“Get out the pan, turn the stove to medium. Crack 2 eggs).
If he had just asked me I would have done it for him because he is generally a great husband and partner but I wasn’t playing games.
cerinamroth 7 months ago
My mother always used to make scrambled eggs in the microwave (bleugh, foamy, hard, unseasoned eggs). I made them for lunch the proper way and she grudgingly admitted that they were better. VINDICATION! (I'll take anything I can get from her at this point, however small.)
#30
The other day I asked my partner to make the kids rootbeer floats while I picked up another child’s medication. He looked at me and said “I don’t know how to make them”. After I told him that it was ice cream and rootbeer he said “I thought there was more to it”. When I pressed him what “more” was, he couldn’t tell me. He just said “I thought there was more”. No sir.
Suddenlyme 7 months ago
To be fair, Im not from the US and dont know what a rootbeer float means. Im also from a country where apart from Milkshake, you never have any other drinks mixed with ice cream. So, if someone asked me to do a root beer float, I would really think its something complex to do. But would definitely ask or google to know how to.
What do you think ?
Junebugjump! 7 months ago
This is why I am happily now single and will remain so until I meet a competent and extraordinary man. No more will I serve a man who is bare minimum.
Jane Dorothy Warner 1 month ago
Snap. Coming up for over 30 years on my own and they have been blissful!
Load More Replies...
Pan Paweł 7 months ago
Most of those stories looks like people that found someone to take care of to feel more important l, that later found out that it does not work in relatioship.
MellonCollie 7 months ago
I can assure you this is how it goes in many relationships, unfortunately. Men who grew up being babied by their mothers well into adulthood unfortunately have this attitude towards their girlfriend as well. In the beginning, you answer them, give a correct reply, or you may even do the task yourself because you believe they really don't know. After a while, it clicks they are man-babies. This is where they either man up or get served divorce papers.
Load More Replies...
Firefly 7 months ago
My husband was like this. He believed a woman could do any thing a man could, but a man couldn't possibly learn to do the things a wife and mother needs to know to keep a household running. Because he put so much on me, I wouldn't do the few things he was willing to do, like snow blowing, etc. Now that we are separated, I regret not learning to do some of those things and become proficient in them, but physically and mentally I just couldn't take on anymore. Even though I am having to do more now, without him being a drain on my resources, it is much easier to handle things.
Lara Verne 7 months ago
My ex once did this. I had to leave for a weekend and left my cat in his care. All I wanted was to feed my cat. When I returned, my poor cat was hungry and thirsty, because "he didn't know how to feed a cat". He apparently didn't know to to pour some water and put dry cat food into bowl.
SkippityBoppityBoo 7 months ago
Some of these are not coming across as weaponised incompetence, it's more the person in question just didn't know how to do it. I once Googled a recipe and it said to use "an egg pan"... Erm... I don't eat eggs... And what IS an egg pan??? One for boiling them in or one for frying them in or an omelette one?... I'm Scared!!! The recipe didn't really need eggs anyway so punk rock 👍😉
David Beaulieu 7 months ago
I get every single one of these, and people who pull this c**p deserve to be alone, but... the opposite of this is the perfectionist partner. You know, the one that comes in and remakes the bed after you make it. Adds spice to your cooking. Adjust the shades to just the right height. Re-folds the laundry their way...
Bec 7 months ago
Agree, the trade off of expecting someone else to do a task is to accept it if they do it their way (within reason).
Load More Replies...
Brian Michael 7 months ago
This article bothers me because yes the stereotype of men needing to be "babied" is definitely a thing but as many a man who reads this article and has been in a long term relationship with a woman knows it's just as bad the other way. So many of my past relationships the women would always divert into this child like state that needed help with anything car related, physical work related, p2p jobs needing complete like calling a customer service or calling any business in general, taxes being filed, and paying bills. My current wife and I have been happily chugging along these 12 years because we found we like to do specific opposite chores and neither of us expects the other to do something. When you find the right one imo these petty issues just don't arise because you don't let them get to that point.
Diolla 7 months ago
My mom used to ask someone in the family to do stuff and then be disappointed if it wasn't happening fast enough or not done like she would do it. "Oh never mind, I'LL do it". I am a bit like that as well. Doesn't help that my late husband was a kind man, but came from a culture with very strict division of labour, i.e. men not allowed in the kitchen. I've recently married a man who cooks for me and knows how to wash his clothes. Hope to do better this time around. A lot of this "incompetence" goes both ways, I know many women who don't put out the garbage, "can't" change an electric plug, pump up a tyre, or hang a picture.
brittany 7 months ago
mine kept asking me to remind him of his appointments. man has 3 calendars. one on his phone, one in the kitchen on the wall and one on his computer. i told him no, he needed to write it down or set an alarm. he said it was easier for me to remember. i stood by my No, and dont remind him. at all. ever. sometimes he remembers on his own and sometimes he doesnt
DB 7 months ago
I love these posts. I grew up with a mom who was off the scale when it came to laziness and incompetence. But she was nothing compared to my first wife. In fact, out of the dozen or so other women I dated I could point to two that were actually capable of taking care of themselves and one of them is my second wife.
Not-a-Clue (she/her) 7 months ago
I can honestly say I'd never heard of or experienced weaponised incompetence until I joined BP! I've clearly been blessed by a father & husband neither of whom were/are idiots and just did whatever needed doing. Just as well since I'm disabled now, Mr Not-a-clue has to look after me.
Jude Laskowski 6 months ago
Sorry about your disability. I pray for your recovery.
Load More Replies...
Uncle Schmickle 7 months ago
Some of these are unbelievable. I think this behaviour stems from : laziness, being spoiled as a child ( mummy does everything ) or power control. What has stood me in good stead for most of my adult life ( I'm now in my 70s ) was going to college in another country and learning how to look after myself. I recommend it.
marianne eliza 7 months ago
My ex would do most of the driving when we went on trips in our full van conversion. But I had to stay awake and next to him to point out our next exit. I couldn't just say the name of it and leave it at that. I had to be there as the exit came up to say "Take this exit right here." or he would just drive past it. So no naps or playing games with his son from his previous marriage. Ladies: the ex wife or gf can tell you a lot if you will believe them and not get gaslighted by the man.
Liz The Biz 6 months ago
I always have to navigate when my hubby and I go anywhere but it's like he doesn't believe a word I'm saying. For example if we're approaching a roundabout and I tell him to take the third exit. He will be driving around the roundabout saying, "Are you sure? Are you sure? Are you sure?" Sometimes I feel like replying, "No I'm just making it up as I go along because I just love being shouted at."
Load More Replies... Gustav Gallifrey 7 months ago
Have any of these Hopeless Henrys ever been in a military service? Because, there, you learn to shift for yourself, or else someone will quickly come along and make bloody sure that you do learn. Laundry, cleaning, sewing, making beds, organising your s**t, being on time, quite possibly even how to cook. No excuses, because there is NO-ONE who is going to do it for you.
Aaron McArthur 7 months ago (edited)
The only "you do it better than me" that is allowed at our house is that certain dishes "belong" to a respective cook when planning meals. I was embarrassed by several male relatives weaponized incompetence when I was a kid and vowed never to do that c**p. It makes me very appreciative when my wife chooses to do something for me that I said I was going to do. This is part of why after 24 years of marriage we still like each other.
Teutonic Disaster 7 months ago (edited)
As a dude who moved out at 18 (and whose mum was the breadwinner, whose dad therefore knew how use the dustbuster etc) I absolutely do NOT get the mindset of these dudes. I honestly wish my parents would've shown/taught me more at the time. I had to figure a lot of stuff out on my own, but considering I'm still alive nearly 20 years later, safe to say I managed it. As would these dudes, if only they gave a dämn.
Randy Sanders 7 months ago
Some people, like me, like sassy women. especially when the give you THAT smile.
Ali H M Salehuddin 7 months ago
Why does it only the males that are labelled with weaponized incompetence? I have seen cases done by the opposite sex. Some females who can't (on purpose) learn how setup universal remotes; top-up windshield washer fluid, etc. The worst case I known so far happened to my friend. His wife has a degree in electrical engineering. Yet, she still waited for few hours for him to come back home to change a blown bulb in their house.
Sophia Athene 7 months ago (edited)
Because the listicle is about women sharing about men who have used weaponized incompetence. If you want to see a listicle on men sharing weaponized incompetence of women or anyone sharing incompetence of any gender, then go right ahead and create that listicle. No woman here said at all that only men weaponize incompetence. Many times, posters mentioned how their mothers or MIL would use weaponized incompetence, both in the postings and comments
Load More Replies...
Csaba Horvath 4 months ago (edited)
Some of these are surely not weaponized incompetence examples, but self-defense :D So my significant other often plays that asks for something and then picks a quarrel of anything. So i first get a formal approval of ANY activity, or so, because she can not blame me for anything it gets in her mind. (And for example, i'm not allowed to use the washing machine when she's at home, but i can perfectly wash my stuff when i'm alone :D ) :P :D And yes, many of these stories are weaponized incompetence, but not all. (To add; women do this as many times as men; but not with household terms.)
Jude Laskowski 6 months ago
When a friend divorced, she made sure to teach her 8 year-old son how to cook simple dishes, do the laundry and separate the whites from the colored clothes, and to fold his clothes and put them away. She said she wanted to make sure he would never be a burden on a woman.
Baali Venomax 6 months ago
I think some guys are morons and are seriously challenged when it comes to anything domestic, either because they CANT do it or dont want to learn. If they are single, they'd have to have a housekeeper just to take care of them assuming they have no sisters and Mom isnt still alive.
cat olson 6 months ago
hoo boy my father is/was the picture of weaponized incompetence. in fairness-ish, when I was young, I suppose the set-up made sense. he commuted two hours each way every day so as not to uproot us (especially my brother and me in school) and my mother didn't work outside the home, but when he retired he barely lifted a pinky finger stil expecting to be waited on hand and foot, and made everything more work for everyone else when he was demanded of something. the man was a literal rocket scientist, as in, worked on the Apollo moon mission, but putting something in the microwave? whoaaaa big ask!
Jackie Thinel 6 months ago
I used to get "You are a women's liber, do it yourself"...as when I asked him to carry the 100lb of horse feed into the barn. Sure I can spend 20+ minutes dragging it into the barn, while it would take him literally one minute to pick it up and carry it there. Part of why he's my ex.
HighNMightyBigshotBossOfWorld 6 months ago
Reminds me of a student. I teach business English to adults in Japan. A lot of international people in this Japanese company prepping for the TOEIC test. There was a word one of the Japanese students didn’t know, but practically all of the non-Japanese did. The following he tells me about this (once a week classes) word thst bothered him all week. He requested that I teach him ALL the meanings of this word. I asked him if he had a dictionary, he did but since I was the teacher it was MY job. Nope, told him he needed to do the work and then and only then if he still had an issue I would clarify. Ever after, if he had a question all I would do is give him a look, he said he would check and THEN get back to me. Yeah, nip that in the bud!
Christine M Quigley 7 months ago
Playing dumb doesn't win any friends..especially girlfriends.
Julie Hock 7 months ago
I’ve experienced this, and then they wonder why I am a feminist……. One chap told me that I was better at vacuuming than he was. It was the beginning of the end. He definitely didn’t appreciate me.
Aaron McArthur 7 months ago
My response to my kids when they said that I was better at anything than they were was "So you are telling me you need more practice?"
Load More Replies... Jaya 7 months ago
Interesting how we consider those things 'weaponized incompetence' when a man does them, but when a woman says 'but I don't know how to change a tire" or "but you're just better at taking out the garbage", we don't call it weaponized incompetence.
Marnie 7 months ago
In general, I agree with you, but the fact of the matter is, on average, women do a lot more work around the house, even if both have paid jobs. Your examples are bad. Someone needs to teach you how to change or a tire (or I guess nowadays you could try googling it), and it happens very rarely, as opposed to, say, washing clothes or stacking the dishwasher. I theoretically know how to change a tire, but I'd be reluctant to do it myself first time, without someone observing. Do it wrong, and you could be dad (or put a hole in your gas tank). Also, it requires strength. With the garbage, this might be easier for a taller person, if they have a large garbage bag. (it's hard to life things above chest height if you're holding it away from your body.) No, I've never had my husband change my tire or take the garbage out. He said that 2/3 of the garbage was mine and his step-son's, so we should be the ones to take it out. He never once did.
Load More Replies...
michael Chock 7 months ago
Another way my wife and I do not follow gender norms. Her: How long will it take to drive to x? Me: How would I know? I'm not google. Her, angrily: I just thought you would know!
michael Chock 7 months ago (edited)
I like to say she is street smart and sheet stupid, because when it comes to making the bed, she just can't figure it out.
Load More Replies...
Steve Hall 7 months ago
Most of these posts just sound like complaints from people who should be living alone.
Roland Nijveld 7 months ago
I'll be honest, I hate the tasks in these examples that much that I would do everything to get out of it. Some people just don't like doing certain stuff or don't feel comfortable doing it.
Tamra 7 months ago
LMAO, women don't enjoy doing this stuff either. The fact is, if you're in a relationship, it's pretty $hitty and irresponsible to expect your partner to do all the household tasks simply because you don't enjoy doing it.
Load More Replies... Junebugjump! 7 months ago
This is why I am happily now single and will remain so until I meet a competent and extraordinary man. No more will I serve a man who is bare minimum.
Jane Dorothy Warner 1 month ago
Snap. Coming up for over 30 years on my own and they have been blissful!
Load More Replies... Pan Paweł 7 months ago
Most of those stories looks like people that found someone to take care of to feel more important l, that later found out that it does not work in relatioship.
MellonCollie 7 months ago
I can assure you this is how it goes in many relationships, unfortunately. Men who grew up being babied by their mothers well into adulthood unfortunately have this attitude towards their girlfriend as well. In the beginning, you answer them, give a correct reply, or you may even do the task yourself because you believe they really don't know. After a while, it clicks they are man-babies. This is where they either man up or get served divorce papers.
Load More Replies... Firefly 7 months ago
My husband was like this. He believed a woman could do any thing a man could, but a man couldn't possibly learn to do the things a wife and mother needs to know to keep a household running. Because he put so much on me, I wouldn't do the few things he was willing to do, like snow blowing, etc. Now that we are separated, I regret not learning to do some of those things and become proficient in them, but physically and mentally I just couldn't take on anymore. Even though I am having to do more now, without him being a drain on my resources, it is much easier to handle things.
Lara Verne 7 months ago
My ex once did this. I had to leave for a weekend and left my cat in his care. All I wanted was to feed my cat. When I returned, my poor cat was hungry and thirsty, because "he didn't know how to feed a cat". He apparently didn't know to to pour some water and put dry cat food into bowl.
SkippityBoppityBoo 7 months ago
Some of these are not coming across as weaponised incompetence, it's more the person in question just didn't know how to do it. I once Googled a recipe and it said to use "an egg pan"... Erm... I don't eat eggs... And what IS an egg pan??? One for boiling them in or one for frying them in or an omelette one?... I'm Scared!!! The recipe didn't really need eggs anyway so punk rock 👍😉
David Beaulieu 7 months ago
I get every single one of these, and people who pull this c**p deserve to be alone, but... the opposite of this is the perfectionist partner. You know, the one that comes in and remakes the bed after you make it. Adds spice to your cooking. Adjust the shades to just the right height. Re-folds the laundry their way...
Bec 7 months ago
Agree, the trade off of expecting someone else to do a task is to accept it if they do it their way (within reason).
Load More Replies... Brian Michael 7 months ago
This article bothers me because yes the stereotype of men needing to be "babied" is definitely a thing but as many a man who reads this article and has been in a long term relationship with a woman knows it's just as bad the other way. So many of my past relationships the women would always divert into this child like state that needed help with anything car related, physical work related, p2p jobs needing complete like calling a customer service or calling any business in general, taxes being filed, and paying bills. My current wife and I have been happily chugging along these 12 years because we found we like to do specific opposite chores and neither of us expects the other to do something. When you find the right one imo these petty issues just don't arise because you don't let them get to that point.
Diolla 7 months ago
My mom used to ask someone in the family to do stuff and then be disappointed if it wasn't happening fast enough or not done like she would do it. "Oh never mind, I'LL do it". I am a bit like that as well. Doesn't help that my late husband was a kind man, but came from a culture with very strict division of labour, i.e. men not allowed in the kitchen. I've recently married a man who cooks for me and knows how to wash his clothes. Hope to do better this time around. A lot of this "incompetence" goes both ways, I know many women who don't put out the garbage, "can't" change an electric plug, pump up a tyre, or hang a picture.
brittany 7 months ago
mine kept asking me to remind him of his appointments. man has 3 calendars. one on his phone, one in the kitchen on the wall and one on his computer. i told him no, he needed to write it down or set an alarm. he said it was easier for me to remember. i stood by my No, and dont remind him. at all. ever. sometimes he remembers on his own and sometimes he doesnt
DB 7 months ago
I love these posts. I grew up with a mom who was off the scale when it came to laziness and incompetence. But she was nothing compared to my first wife. In fact, out of the dozen or so other women I dated I could point to two that were actually capable of taking care of themselves and one of them is my second wife.
Not-a-Clue (she/her) 7 months ago
I can honestly say I'd never heard of or experienced weaponised incompetence until I joined BP! I've clearly been blessed by a father & husband neither of whom were/are idiots and just did whatever needed doing. Just as well since I'm disabled now, Mr Not-a-clue has to look after me.
Jude Laskowski 6 months ago
Sorry about your disability. I pray for your recovery.
Load More Replies... Uncle Schmickle 7 months ago
Some of these are unbelievable. I think this behaviour stems from : laziness, being spoiled as a child ( mummy does everything ) or power control. What has stood me in good stead for most of my adult life ( I'm now in my 70s ) was going to college in another country and learning how to look after myself. I recommend it.
marianne eliza 7 months ago
My ex would do most of the driving when we went on trips in our full van conversion. But I had to stay awake and next to him to point out our next exit. I couldn't just say the name of it and leave it at that. I had to be there as the exit came up to say "Take this exit right here." or he would just drive past it. So no naps or playing games with his son from his previous marriage. Ladies: the ex wife or gf can tell you a lot if you will believe them and not get gaslighted by the man.
Liz The Biz 6 months ago
I always have to navigate when my hubby and I go anywhere but it's like he doesn't believe a word I'm saying. For example if we're approaching a roundabout and I tell him to take the third exit. He will be driving around the roundabout saying, "Are you sure? Are you sure? Are you sure?" Sometimes I feel like replying, "No I'm just making it up as I go along because I just love being shouted at."
Load More Replies... Gustav Gallifrey 7 months ago
Have any of these Hopeless Henrys ever been in a military service? Because, there, you learn to shift for yourself, or else someone will quickly come along and make bloody sure that you do learn. Laundry, cleaning, sewing, making beds, organising your s**t, being on time, quite possibly even how to cook. No excuses, because there is NO-ONE who is going to do it for you.
Aaron McArthur 7 months ago (edited)
The only "you do it better than me" that is allowed at our house is that certain dishes "belong" to a respective cook when planning meals. I was embarrassed by several male relatives weaponized incompetence when I was a kid and vowed never to do that c**p. It makes me very appreciative when my wife chooses to do something for me that I said I was going to do. This is part of why after 24 years of marriage we still like each other.
Teutonic Disaster 7 months ago (edited)
As a dude who moved out at 18 (and whose mum was the breadwinner, whose dad therefore knew how use the dustbuster etc) I absolutely do NOT get the mindset of these dudes. I honestly wish my parents would've shown/taught me more at the time. I had to figure a lot of stuff out on my own, but considering I'm still alive nearly 20 years later, safe to say I managed it. As would these dudes, if only they gave a dämn.
Randy Sanders 7 months ago
Some people, like me, like sassy women. especially when the give you THAT smile.
Ali H M Salehuddin 7 months ago
Why does it only the males that are labelled with weaponized incompetence? I have seen cases done by the opposite sex. Some females who can't (on purpose) learn how setup universal remotes; top-up windshield washer fluid, etc. The worst case I known so far happened to my friend. His wife has a degree in electrical engineering. Yet, she still waited for few hours for him to come back home to change a blown bulb in their house.
Sophia Athene 7 months ago (edited)
Because the listicle is about women sharing about men who have used weaponized incompetence. If you want to see a listicle on men sharing weaponized incompetence of women or anyone sharing incompetence of any gender, then go right ahead and create that listicle. No woman here said at all that only men weaponize incompetence. Many times, posters mentioned how their mothers or MIL would use weaponized incompetence, both in the postings and comments
Load More Replies... Csaba Horvath 4 months ago (edited)
Some of these are surely not weaponized incompetence examples, but self-defense :D So my significant other often plays that asks for something and then picks a quarrel of anything. So i first get a formal approval of ANY activity, or so, because she can not blame me for anything it gets in her mind. (And for example, i'm not allowed to use the washing machine when she's at home, but i can perfectly wash my stuff when i'm alone :D ) :P :D And yes, many of these stories are weaponized incompetence, but not all. (To add; women do this as many times as men; but not with household terms.)
Jude Laskowski 6 months ago
When a friend divorced, she made sure to teach her 8 year-old son how to cook simple dishes, do the laundry and separate the whites from the colored clothes, and to fold his clothes and put them away. She said she wanted to make sure he would never be a burden on a woman.
Baali Venomax 6 months ago
I think some guys are morons and are seriously challenged when it comes to anything domestic, either because they CANT do it or dont want to learn. If they are single, they'd have to have a housekeeper just to take care of them assuming they have no sisters and Mom isnt still alive.
cat olson 6 months ago
hoo boy my father is/was the picture of weaponized incompetence. in fairness-ish, when I was young, I suppose the set-up made sense. he commuted two hours each way every day so as not to uproot us (especially my brother and me in school) and my mother didn't work outside the home, but when he retired he barely lifted a pinky finger stil expecting to be waited on hand and foot, and made everything more work for everyone else when he was demanded of something. the man was a literal rocket scientist, as in, worked on the Apollo moon mission, but putting something in the microwave? whoaaaa big ask!
Jackie Thinel 6 months ago
I used to get "You are a women's liber, do it yourself"...as when I asked him to carry the 100lb of horse feed into the barn. Sure I can spend 20+ minutes dragging it into the barn, while it would take him literally one minute to pick it up and carry it there. Part of why he's my ex.
HighNMightyBigshotBossOfWorld 6 months ago
Reminds me of a student. I teach business English to adults in Japan. A lot of international people in this Japanese company prepping for the TOEIC test. There was a word one of the Japanese students didn’t know, but practically all of the non-Japanese did. The following he tells me about this (once a week classes) word thst bothered him all week. He requested that I teach him ALL the meanings of this word. I asked him if he had a dictionary, he did but since I was the teacher it was MY job. Nope, told him he needed to do the work and then and only then if he still had an issue I would clarify. Ever after, if he had a question all I would do is give him a look, he said he would check and THEN get back to me. Yeah, nip that in the bud!
Christine M Quigley 7 months ago
Playing dumb doesn't win any friends..especially girlfriends.
Julie Hock 7 months ago
I’ve experienced this, and then they wonder why I am a feminist……. One chap told me that I was better at vacuuming than he was. It was the beginning of the end. He definitely didn’t appreciate me.
Aaron McArthur 7 months ago
My response to my kids when they said that I was better at anything than they were was "So you are telling me you need more practice?"
Load More Replies... Jaya 7 months ago
Interesting how we consider those things 'weaponized incompetence' when a man does them, but when a woman says 'but I don't know how to change a tire" or "but you're just better at taking out the garbage", we don't call it weaponized incompetence.
Marnie 7 months ago
In general, I agree with you, but the fact of the matter is, on average, women do a lot more work around the house, even if both have paid jobs. Your examples are bad. Someone needs to teach you how to change or a tire (or I guess nowadays you could try googling it), and it happens very rarely, as opposed to, say, washing clothes or stacking the dishwasher. I theoretically know how to change a tire, but I'd be reluctant to do it myself first time, without someone observing. Do it wrong, and you could be dad (or put a hole in your gas tank). Also, it requires strength. With the garbage, this might be easier for a taller person, if they have a large garbage bag. (it's hard to life things above chest height if you're holding it away from your body.) No, I've never had my husband change my tire or take the garbage out. He said that 2/3 of the garbage was mine and his step-son's, so we should be the ones to take it out. He never once did.
Load More Replies... michael Chock 7 months ago
Another way my wife and I do not follow gender norms. Her: How long will it take to drive to x? Me: How would I know? I'm not google. Her, angrily: I just thought you would know!
michael Chock 7 months ago (edited)
I like to say she is street smart and sheet stupid, because when it comes to making the bed, she just can't figure it out.
Load More Replies... Steve Hall 7 months ago
Most of these posts just sound like complaints from people who should be living alone.
Roland Nijveld 7 months ago
I'll be honest, I hate the tasks in these examples that much that I would do everything to get out of it. Some people just don't like doing certain stuff or don't feel comfortable doing it.
Tamra 7 months ago
LMAO, women don't enjoy doing this stuff either. The fact is, if you're in a relationship, it's pretty $hitty and irresponsible to expect your partner to do all the household tasks simply because you don't enjoy doing it.
Load More Replies... You May Like Woman Fakes Emergency To Test BF’s Commitment, Ends Up Regretting It Woman Discovers A “Dark Side” Of BF’s Personality Just A Week After Moving In Together, Nopes Out 40 People Share The Most Disgusting Things Their Partners Have Ever Done
Gabija Palšytė
Dominyka
Gabija Palšytė
Related on Bored Panda
