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“What Do Men Do That They Think Is Okay But Is Actually Creepy?”: 40 Women Respond And The Answers Are Worrying
Sometimes, the things that you think are completely all right to say and do are far from okay. In fact, they might be so deep in creepy territory, it’s making people feel uncomfortable and even threatened.
A viral thread by redditor SuperElectronicGray inspired women to open up about all the things that men do that they think is perfectly fine but are actually very creepy. Most of these things are a symptom of toxic masculinity where men follow a very narrow, predetermined set of instructions about how males are “supposed to” behave. And it’s not good for anyone.
Have a read through the uncomfortable situations with men that these redditors have been through and be sure to check out Bored Panda’s interview with a psychotherapist about the potential dangers of toxic masculinity to society and to men themselves.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
Flirting with me in a position where I can't leave, like an Uber or taxi. Once I had an Uber driver flirt with me the entire ride late on a Friday night. I tried to stop responding, but he kept telling me how beautiful I am. Most times, when women aren't interested and you keep pushing it, we get scared we're gonna get assaulted or killed! It's terrifying.
CatWoman312 3 years ago
And if she left a negative review he knows where she lives. This is the kind of world we live in
RELATED:
#3
That hassling you for a date because you don't have a bf is not okay.
'But you don't have a bf...'
The point is dude, I'd rather be single than date you. Take the bloody hint.
I want cake 3 years ago
This one makes me so angry. Like I'm only allowed to say no if another man has already staked his claim? Fück off.
Psychotherapist Silva Neves explained to me in an interview that toxic masculinity poses a whole host of dangers both to men and to the people around them, specifically, to women. This is most commonly expressed through violence or the threat of violence.
“The main danger of toxic masculinity is that those men can be emotionally abusive and/or physically violent and sexually violent to women,” the expert told Bored Panda. However, that's just the tip of the iceberg.
#4
I am an elderly woman and it really really pisses me off when men that I don't know call me "Sweetie" or "Honey" or "Sweetheart." Dudes. Just don't. I am not your grandma with a dish of cookies for you.
#5
When they tell me to smile. It used to make me really uncomfortable, but now I just grin manically at them.
#6
hi i know my comment will get lost but if you are over 18 and i make it clear to you that i am underage, do not continue to talk to me. please.
Demi Zwaan 3 years ago
I supposed they mean flirting? Because just having a normal conversation should be fine.
“They can also be aggressive to gay people. They perpetuate toxic messages of masculinity so toxic masculinity is usually passed down to their children and peers maintaining the problems,” Silva said that toxic masculinity is a generational issue. Thus, we can’t expect any changes to happen overnight, but the sooner they start, the sooner society can start moving on a different, kinder and more peaceful, trajectory.
Meanwhile, according to psychotherapist Silva, the men who subscribe to the tenets of toxic masculinity can end up hurting themselves as well.
#7
Asking if I live alone. If there's already an established friendship, fine. But if you're a stranger or just an acquaintance, that freaks me out.
#8
Restricting my movement in any way. Pinning me in a corner, holding my wrist down, blocking my escape, etc...
Deborah B 3 years ago
The "casual lean against the door frame" preventing you from leaving the room, the "one arm braced against the wall" that means you can't push past without touching him, the "loungeing against your desk" that traps you in your cubical, the "holding the door for you" that blocks the doorway, the "shopping cart angled to block the aisle". Guys do it all the time, maybe without even noticing. It's not always threatening, but if he shows any interest in you as a woman, it imediately becomes uncomfortable, and you need to defuse a potentially dangerous situation. If you are at work, you typically need to do it without offending him, making a scene, or making yourself look bad to managers/colleagues.
#9
DMs
Hey
Hey
Hey
I’m not interested
F**k you, you stupid b****.
JennyLaRue 3 years ago
I stopped playing Words with Friends because I used to get this nonsense in the messages. I literally just wanted to play scrabble, the least sexy of games!
“Toxic masculinity also harms the men themselves because repressing their own emotions so much can lead to mental health issues, depression, and even suicide,” he noted that the dangers are very real when men are unable to be vulnerable, open up to others, and ask for help. “Toxic masculinity harms everybody.”
#10
Saying, 'If I was x years younger... I was 15 and manning the cash register at my dad's store when this guy told me I 'brought back memories' of the women he met while he served in Vietnam. And he kept looking me up and down with a slobbery look on his face.
#11
If you keep going on about how much you respect women, you probably don't respect women.
#12
Talking badly about their ex and their kids. I'm a single middle age woman. I don't know what's going on with some Men but a lot of them regret having kids and are mad about having to give money to their ex to raise them.
I'm not talking about unreasonable amount of money but for exemple 100$ for 2 kids at the beginning of a school year. And of course their ex is crazy for asking for it. "She's the one who wanted kids.." Some have complained about having to spend time with them.
Why are they telling me this? We just met. It makes them seems so mean and cheap. If you don't want kids get a vasectomy.
PrincessPatton 3 years ago (edited)
It is bullsh*t when men say "She's the one who wanted kids, not me", but they have unprotected sex and refuse condoms and vasectomy. When you are a man and sure you don't want kids, use condom everytime or get vasectomy.
#13
Gay men who grope you and excuse it by saying, 'It's OK — I'm gay! I'm not attracted to women at all!' Keep your f**king hands to yourself, then!
JennyLaRue 3 years ago
I used to have a friend that thought it was funny to pull my top and bra down in public places, on the basis that 'it's funny as he doesn't care about my boobs'. Not a friend anymore
#14
'Daring' me to kiss my girlfriend in front of them to 'prove' I'm really a lesbian. Disgusting.
#15
It has happened more than once where it came up in casual conversation that i don't wan't kids and some guy tries to change my mind as if it's any of his business
#16
My wife had a boss that would come up behind the women and give them shoulder massages. Not cool, dude.
#17
Saying, 'You're cute when you're angry.'
#18
I have a large tattoo on my shoulder, and I've had several men come up from behind and move my tank top strap and/or bra strap to see it better. In grocery stores and Lowe's of all places!
Samantha Lomb 3 years ago
And many feel the need to say how they don't like women with tattoos or how we have ruined our bodies.
#19
Men in positions of power asking sexual questions or commenting on your body. I had one boss try to tell me if I did a certain work out it would help me lose some fat in my thighs and another casually ask me if I was quiet or a screamer. Yeah, that s**t ain't cool.
#20
FOLLOWING ME FOR ANY DISTANCE! I was once followed TWENTY BLOCKS by a man trying to basically get me to go home with him. Mind you, I had my HEADPHONES in to make it clear I wasn’t listening (although they were off, I just do it so most creeps don’t approach) but my goodness he didn’t let up. I never even looked at him the whole time he followed me. He didn’t leave till I finally spotted a police officer and started walking in that direction. I even asked to be left alone, had my pepper spray in hand visible.
Just kept calling me gorgeous, and asking if my boyfriend treated me right. Could he give me his number in case my BF did something bad? All ignored.
PSA: it’s not ROMANTIC OR ATTRACTIVE to be STALKED any distance no matter how much tv or movies would lie and have you believe.
K Witmer 3 years ago
I saw a women scream at a guy for him to pay her bills and take care of her kids and marry her right then and there and to hand over his credit card she needed to buy a diamond ring while he was following her asking her out. It was so funny. He called her crazy and walked away
#21
Following women around continuing to try to talk to them when they've already made two attempts to end the conversation.
A guy next to me on a plane wouldn't stop talking to me, even after I put on headphones! Then, he tried to walk me to my connecting flight after I refused to give him my phone number. He only finally left when I went to the women's restroom.
Simzabandz 3 years ago
NO MEANS NO! If we keep thinking it means the opposite, we will find ourselves in serious trouble hey
#22
I've got curly hair, and I'm sick of men thinking they can just come grab a coil of it and pull it like a slinky spring! Don't touch my hair, and don't call me moody when I tell you to stop!
PrincessPatton 3 years ago
YES! I'm curly redhead and people (men in most cases) think it's OK touching my hair.
#23
Stop telling me how 'big' things are for a woman. 'That's a big truck for a little girl,' or even once when I was at Subway, this condescending prick said, 'That's a big sandwich...'
#24
Putting their hands on your thigh or back casually while talking to you. If I’m being friendly it’s not a signal for you to touch me. Far too many co-workers, creepy uncles, etc. find this ok!
Viviane 3 years ago (edited)
I found a technique that's been effective in the workplace: I tell the person, "Don't touch me", give them a quick second to be startled, then continue the conversation. Since I'm discussing work, they are unlikely to interrupt me to argue why they should touch me. There's always that weird inner sensation when I assert myself, but it's much better than the feelings I get if I let them continue touching me.
#25
Unsolicited d*ck pics.
“Smile!”
“Where’s my hug?”
“You’re too beautiful for all that makeup.”
Yelling anything at me from across the street.
Telling me I’m perfect during our first conversation - back off dude, you don’t know me.
#26
Catcalling. Like, WTF. In what world is someone gonna turn around and be appreciative instead of creeped the f**k out?
Rosidah Yahya 3 years ago
make me wish, every teenage boys on this planet take a special education class tht teach them how to respect others esp.ly women so tht when they grow up, they will be mature and understanding man , later they will teach their kids abt gud manners
#28
When guys pick me up. I've always been really skinny, so guys think it's OK to just...lift me.
#29
Using my name on my credit card receipt at the gas station to look me up online and try to add me on various social media platforms shudder
#30
“Why aren’t you married?” Asked randomly. I’m 34. My fiancé passed
#31
Block an exit while trying to start a conversation. Just.don't do it EVER.
#32
I had a friend who for a while would always respond to my comments re: being a woman and sexually harassed or ogled at with the story of how he was such a good guy he saved a girl from being raped at a frat party.
I'm not sure if the exact scenario is common but when guys hear women talking about sexual harassment or assault and launch into the reasons why they're not that guy...it just makes me even more uncomfortable because someone who isn't that guy shouldn't have to say it every time you talk about sexual harassment.
Logic and Reason 3 years ago (edited)
A lot of men assume they will be construed as “that guy” unless they say otherwise. Not speaking for myself here, and I’m not claiming that it’s a correct assumption.
#33
Since I got pregnant I've had more male friends think it's acceptable to call me a 'MILF,' especially at inappropriate times...like in front of my mom
#34
Saying anything along the lines of 'you’re perfect' within minutes of meeting.
#35
When you get messages like "hi hun 💕😘" in a business setting. I draw for a living and regularly get guys messaging me under the guise that they want to commission something, when it's really just an excuse to get closer to me.
This will sound blunt and b*tchy, but I don't want you. I want your money. You commissioning, or not? Alright stop wasting my time, thank you!
#36
Constantly pushing for a date after saying we aren’t interested. Like a high school boy having a crush and the girl saying “I just like you as a friend...” and they keep pushing like she’ll fall in love. Sorry that’s just a fairytale. Please stop after we say we don’t like you. No hard feelings! We just don’t want to date you.
#37
Don't ask me for nudes within like...a week of meeting me and going on one date. The level of trust I'd have to have in order to share photos like that is phenomenal! And I may never ever want to anyway.
How does a guy think it's just a casual thing to ask of me? It might be a turn on for you but it's highly risky and it makes me feel like I'm just there as a bit of titillation on his phone and not a real human being who he sees as equal and respected.
JennyLaRue 3 years ago
Or just don't ask for nudes full stop. You don't know where they'll end up once they've been sent
#38
When I am walking down the sidewalk, follow me slowly in a car while trying to talk to me. I f**king hate this.
TK 421 3 years ago
Take out your phone, dial 911 (or the appropriate number for emergency services in your area), put it on speakerphone, and have a loud and clear conversation with the authorities while showing the face of the phone to the predator. No one has ever been punished for being afraid.
#39
Messaging me late at night to tell me to 'go to bed.'
Samantha Lomb 3 years ago
I started blocking people who think they can infantilize me. And I know they think it's just being caring but it is super controlling and treating me as less than an equal
#40
Asking, 'Where's my hug?'
What do you think ?
Hans 3 years ago
I am always wondering how such collections emerge. I mean, if so many people can add entries to them, there must be so many people with profound issues with respecting other people out there. I cannot relate to any of the behaviours described here...not in a "not all men" way but in a "wtf is wrong with these people?" way. My feeling now is to try having even more open ears and, at least if I witness disrespect in public, to say something so that those who experience a lack of respect get confirmation that the only thing that should see no tolereance is a lack of tolerance.
Q B F T 3 years ago
That's a great thing to aim to do Hans. I would say one thing: you use the word "respect", and you are right - it is a lack of respect - but I think it's more serious than that. Many of these situations feel threatening and dangerous - even if they don't amount to anything. Take the last entry here "Coming up behind me at a bar and putting their arm around the back of my chair or on my shoulders, and then proceeding to ask if I am married or seeing someone" - this can be scary, because if the guy is this invasive right off the bat, what else could he do? Can I tell him to get lost, of will that make him angry? If he gets angry will he be violent? If he's bigger than me, how can I defend myself? Are there people in the bar witnessing this? Would they help if I needed it? Etc. Now probably 99 times out of 100 I can get rid of him safely so 99 times it *is* just a matter of lack of respect. But every single time, you get that fear - even if it's just for a few seconds.
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Rae Reyn 3 years ago
Life hack: If a creeper keeps telling you how beautiful/perfect you are, just say "I know". Nothing is a bigger turn off to that type than a woman with confidence.
Lunar Bicycle 3 years ago
Hello, fellow men! Here’s a thought experiment: if a woman shows interest in you, but you’re not interested in her, what imaginary scenarios go through your head as you walk away alone, or are trapped in an elevator or a cab with her, or if she finds out where you live? For most of us, not much. Maybe a keyed car? Now, what are women imagining is the worst thing that could happen when that situation is reversed? You know the answer.
Allan Breum 3 years ago
You know, I'd love to see one where the genders were reversed "men-share-creepy-things-women-do".
Jon S. 3 years ago
Having shared 2 to this list I have to say that 90% of my problems are caused by other men, not women. So the real question is what do men hate other men doing, to which bored panda does indeed already have a thread https://www.boredpanda.com/what-people-hate-about-other-men-reddit/
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Rose the Cook 3 years ago
After divorcing my first husband it seemed that every male I met began conversations with; "And how much was your settlement?"
Daniel Marsh 3 years ago
I can't imagine why anyone would ask that... unless you drove up to your job at the McDonald's in a Maserati. "Dayum, girl... How much WAS your settlement?"
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blue 3 years ago (edited)
landlords hitting on women who are working poor and have nowhere to go.I am in my 50ties and had to downsize to nice basement apt in a retired couples house. Then the pandemic hit and I was laid off. The 81 year old landlord flirted with me every-time he saw me. He grilled me about my employment status every time I saw him. He told me his wife was jealous of me and wanted me out but he was the only reason I was allowed to stay. I tried to find a job, any job for a year. As a 56 year old with only high school in a pandemic that was not happening. My rent was paid on time every month. Yet the flirtation, gross sexual comments about my body continued. He even followed me in his car a few times. I caught him in my apt 4 times unannounced. One day he put his hand on my thigh as I sat on my outside table and offered me money toward my rent. Of course while telling me his wife wanted me out. I finally told his daughter what was happening and the wife called me a s**t and said to stay away from her husband. She said I was flirting with him. My point. Stop putting women with no options in difficult situations. I had no choice but to stay in the apt because of the pandemic and a loss of income.I have no family and nowhere to go. The wife blamed me and said I had to leave. It has been a year of hiding in my apt when he is outside and being afraid of becoming homeless if I tell him to leave me the f**k alone. I told him so many times I was not interested and that I wanted to be left alone but in a very polite way. I am normally the kind of woman who would not think twice about telling someone to leave me the hell alone. But this is my roof over my head. My safe place. I am terrified of becoming homeless as I have no job. This kind of s**t traps woman with no money and no options. Right now I am sitting in my basement apt in Toronto wondering what will happen to me when they throw me out for something that was not my fault. This is an abuse of power.
Samara Morgan 1 year ago
His wife is pathetic. She's protecting a sexually abusive monster and blaming someone who feels enslaved. Both of them should end up homeless, not you.
Load More Replies... Mike Crow 3 years ago
Your opinion please. I am 43 and have a horse in a local stable where the population is 80% teenage girls. They are very friendly and I am new to horses so they told me I can ask them questions. So for months I talked to them about horses (I talk to the adults too), asked them questions and always made sure I never crowded them. Yet recently I was told one of the adults complained about me as they thought it was inappropriate for me to talk to the teens. Not about what we talk about just that the adult didn’t like me talking to them. What do you think?
Q B F T 3 years ago
Mike, it's a difficult situation. It sounds like you're doing nothing wrong etc. but it's important to remember that you may be making these girls feel uncomfortable unintentionally and unknowingly - if they are feeling uncomfortable, they may feel powerless to do anything about it due to their (perception of their own) position / power in relation to yours. If this is the case, it's not necessarily your fault - and it's not necessarily the girls' fault either - so it's very difficult to know what to do / how to respond to that. And it may not be this situation at all - maybe just a parent uncomfortable with a 43 year old man talking to their teenage daughter - which is understandable considering the number of middle-aged men who creep on young girls - even though you are clearly not that kind of person. It's a shame all those creepers tarnish innocent men - one of the many reasons why we should stamp it ou. Whatever the situation, it's difficult to play it right, I think. Good luck!
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V Martinez 3 years ago
Statistically, I would think it's generally more men than women. Some of these things, women also do. (Like the "if I was younger, etc.) It may not make it right on either side. However, why does it seem more acceptable, or less of an issue when women do this stuff? I'm trying to understand.
Q B F T 3 years ago
Yes, statistically it is more men than women do it - and I don't have stats to hand, but anecdotally, I'd say the difference is large - to use your "if I was younger..." example (a good one because I've spoken to my friends about exactly this) - this has happened to all of my female friends many times, but out of my group of male friends it had only happened to one or two of them only once or twice - and was recalled with a "haha" rather than a "urgh". So to your question, "why does it seem more of an issue for women than for men?" I would say, first, frequency: it literally happens more often to women. And second: power dynamics. Generally, when a woman does this to a man, the man doesn't feel in danger for various reasons - the woman is unlikely to be physically stronger, for example. Whereas vice versa, a woman may feel threatened, physically or otherwise. Which is why women often laugh it off - not because they think it's funny, but they're scared what will happen if they don't.
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M M 3 years ago
Being polite to the store clerk and then getting a phone call in the evening from him saying he used my customer profile info to contact me and ask me out on a date. Because he felt there was a connection. It's one thing for a guy to ask for my number and give me a choice to say no but for him to look into the company data of regular customers for my number is creepy right? I told him it was a violation of my privacy.
thememyselfandi 3 years ago
Extending the offer of a handshake to a male counterpart (partner, colleague, etc.) but assuming that because I'm a woman, I want a hug instead. If we're equals, treat us like equals and we'll shake hands. If you're going to hug, than do it Keanu Reeves style - hands off. kreeves-hu...5d372b.jpg 
Deborah Chapman 3 years ago
I had a BIG dude(6'7") once told me as I walked through campus that, "That's a big book for a little girl." It was text book on the physics of chemistry. That shut him up. BTW, I loved the course.
Vicky Zar 3 years ago
Your society is seriously messed up! Please change something about how you educate your men (boys!!!). It starts at home!
Xenia Granados 3 years ago
Um guys I want to know something. In kindergarten, at lunch I would always have my braids tugged by the janitor. He was the dad of another kid in my grade but I always felt uncomfortable around him and during lunch. I don't know what to think of that. Was he just playing or did i have a reason to be uncomfortable
Rae Reyn 3 years ago
If it made you uncomfortable then he was in the wrong. Period. Your body, your rules.
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Jenness Drake 3 years ago
I'm a mechanic and the only female on my shift. One guy asked to see my titties. One guy pretended he was gonna help lift something heavy and kisses my and made vulgar tongue motions.
Elizabeth Molloy 3 years ago
Wow! Most of these things are not common in the UK. Blokes not taking "No" for an answer though, that happens. Educate your boys, parents!
Q B F T 3 years ago
I've lived in the UK. I've seen most of these things there, multiple times.
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AzKhaleesi 3 years ago
So lately I have invested in an Oculus VR and my oldest daughter (19) has one as well. We play VR poker and it is a lot of fun. But WHY must almost every dude as soon as you hit the lobby try to hit on you and be extremely vulgar? Like dude Im playing poker, I'm here to steal your money (virtual not real). STF up and let us play. I am grateful for the remote that silences them but I wish there was a way to kick them. It's disgusting. And God help the poor ef bois that try that s**t with my daughter when I'm at the same table. Boys / Men listen up. Just because we are playing a game does NOT give you the right to be disgusting and "flirt" we are there to play a game, if it works with other chicks, great ...good luck. But when we tell you to stop. Friggin stop.
Chloe *Leah* Pheonix 3 years ago (edited)
This is why everyone needs to know martial arts or some form of self defense
DC 3 years ago
I never met a couple where one of them said "Well, after she stopped screaming and complaining, I set her free again, and she followed me home and, hehe, here we are!" - doesn't happen. You don't get a date by invading personal space, let alone any further. And, seriously, if you just wanna have intercourse, go and see a prostitute, and tip her at least what the regular price is (the pimp will take most of it - perhaps there's a hidden microphone - no talking while tipping!). Try pull any of that s**t on one of them, and they'll show you how weak and small they are, hahaha ... but, no - these guys don't dare doing so, because they know they'll rightfully get their balls kicked...
Joel Blue 3 years ago
I am in a straight-male in a position of relative power at my place of work. Thank you for sharing, I never want to behave in a way that would make my employees uncomfortable. Without a doubt in my younger years on the dating scene or in high school I did some of these things, I was so stupid to think that was acceptable. Lists like this help me audit my behavior and figure out if I need to change things, because if I am doing little things to make someone uncomfortable, they might not be comfortable enough to tell me. And I am sure despite this, I fall sort at times and the effort to be better doesn’t make it ok to force an employee into a situation where they have to work with a creep to get money. So again, thank you.
Kathryn Baylis 3 years ago (edited)
Joel, you wrote this comment 3 hours ago. Then 30, 32, and 35 minutes ago, you wrote new comments (see the Allan Breum thread), complaining about women, that were totally the opposite. What’s your actual game here, dude? Trolling?
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Kelsey Walker 1 year ago
Easiest way to get men to ignore you: be fat and ugly, it makes you invisible!
Mary Bricklin 3 years ago
I don't go on Facebook much anymore because I get guys in my messages who will send me these long messages that will be along the lines of 'you are so beautiful. If you have a boyfriend, I'm sorry but I'm so-and-so and I live in this place. I'm looking for someone to marry and I want to get to know you and make you my wife.' Messages like that when: 1) I don't know you and 2) did not message you first are so freaking creepy. What happened to just saying 'hi, I'm so-and-so. How are you doing?' If I don't know you, there's no way that marriage is even an IDEA in my head, so why is it in your head?
Toby Belloc 3 years ago
Whatever. Why is it that we are eternally pelted with these lists by soy boys and women about what men do that women don't like? It's boring and tiresome. I thought the feminist message is men and women are equal, basically the same, interchangeable. Yet here we have another in an incessant slew of commands of what men need to do to make the world better for women. How we're supposed to behave, to make her feel better.. Are we supposed to serve you, ladies? Do we exist to make you happy? Hah! That's equality! We still get to protect, serve and take care of you, but without any of the ancient rights, rites and prerogatives we deserve. That's women for you. Go figure. Let's have some lists for women, how they can make the world better for men. Here's my list. It has two thing on it: 1.) Ladies: Stop Complaining. Let me mansplain something to you: We do not care what you think. 2.) Also, how about you start caring we what we want? If you seem interested, then we can talk. Cheers.
Samara Morgan 1 year ago
Just don't rape and touch us without consent, idiot. Don't treat us like little toys. This article tells you what NOT to do and if you were a decent person you wouldn't even need it. Do us a favor and stay the f**k away from women.
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Q B F T 3 years ago
Really weird (to me) you've taken it as gender bashing.
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Jon S. 3 years ago
Get over it. Enough men do these things that they can seem like pervasive things to women. No one actually believes ALL men do these things.
Load More Replies... Deborah B 3 years ago
No. These are things that *men* do. Men who are clueless boys, men who are predators, men who don't consider themselves either. From a woman's perspective, men. Any man might be a predator. Any man might get violent if rebuffed, let alone rejected. Any man might stalk you, and any stalker-ish behaviour might end in rape or murder. So all men need to not do these things, because they are creepy, and they are threatening.
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stacyh 3 years ago
If you weren’t like the men in this article, you’d have no reason to be offended. It’s creepy and telling that this was your first reaction to this article.
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juice 3 years ago
okay, so? that's not what this article was about. bringing that up here is the opposite of helpful
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Hans 3 years ago
I am always wondering how such collections emerge. I mean, if so many people can add entries to them, there must be so many people with profound issues with respecting other people out there. I cannot relate to any of the behaviours described here...not in a "not all men" way but in a "wtf is wrong with these people?" way. My feeling now is to try having even more open ears and, at least if I witness disrespect in public, to say something so that those who experience a lack of respect get confirmation that the only thing that should see no tolereance is a lack of tolerance.
Q B F T 3 years ago
That's a great thing to aim to do Hans. I would say one thing: you use the word "respect", and you are right - it is a lack of respect - but I think it's more serious than that. Many of these situations feel threatening and dangerous - even if they don't amount to anything. Take the last entry here "Coming up behind me at a bar and putting their arm around the back of my chair or on my shoulders, and then proceeding to ask if I am married or seeing someone" - this can be scary, because if the guy is this invasive right off the bat, what else could he do? Can I tell him to get lost, of will that make him angry? If he gets angry will he be violent? If he's bigger than me, how can I defend myself? Are there people in the bar witnessing this? Would they help if I needed it? Etc. Now probably 99 times out of 100 I can get rid of him safely so 99 times it *is* just a matter of lack of respect. But every single time, you get that fear - even if it's just for a few seconds.
Load More Replies... Rae Reyn 3 years ago
Life hack: If a creeper keeps telling you how beautiful/perfect you are, just say "I know". Nothing is a bigger turn off to that type than a woman with confidence.
Lunar Bicycle 3 years ago
Hello, fellow men! Here’s a thought experiment: if a woman shows interest in you, but you’re not interested in her, what imaginary scenarios go through your head as you walk away alone, or are trapped in an elevator or a cab with her, or if she finds out where you live? For most of us, not much. Maybe a keyed car? Now, what are women imagining is the worst thing that could happen when that situation is reversed? You know the answer.
Allan Breum 3 years ago
You know, I'd love to see one where the genders were reversed "men-share-creepy-things-women-do".
Jon S. 3 years ago
Having shared 2 to this list I have to say that 90% of my problems are caused by other men, not women. So the real question is what do men hate other men doing, to which bored panda does indeed already have a thread https://www.boredpanda.com/what-people-hate-about-other-men-reddit/
Load More Replies... Rose the Cook 3 years ago
After divorcing my first husband it seemed that every male I met began conversations with; "And how much was your settlement?"
Daniel Marsh 3 years ago
I can't imagine why anyone would ask that... unless you drove up to your job at the McDonald's in a Maserati. "Dayum, girl... How much WAS your settlement?"
Load More Replies... blue 3 years ago (edited)
landlords hitting on women who are working poor and have nowhere to go.I am in my 50ties and had to downsize to nice basement apt in a retired couples house. Then the pandemic hit and I was laid off. The 81 year old landlord flirted with me every-time he saw me. He grilled me about my employment status every time I saw him. He told me his wife was jealous of me and wanted me out but he was the only reason I was allowed to stay. I tried to find a job, any job for a year. As a 56 year old with only high school in a pandemic that was not happening. My rent was paid on time every month. Yet the flirtation, gross sexual comments about my body continued. He even followed me in his car a few times. I caught him in my apt 4 times unannounced. One day he put his hand on my thigh as I sat on my outside table and offered me money toward my rent. Of course while telling me his wife wanted me out. I finally told his daughter what was happening and the wife called me a s**t and said to stay away from her husband. She said I was flirting with him. My point. Stop putting women with no options in difficult situations. I had no choice but to stay in the apt because of the pandemic and a loss of income.I have no family and nowhere to go. The wife blamed me and said I had to leave. It has been a year of hiding in my apt when he is outside and being afraid of becoming homeless if I tell him to leave me the f**k alone. I told him so many times I was not interested and that I wanted to be left alone but in a very polite way. I am normally the kind of woman who would not think twice about telling someone to leave me the hell alone. But this is my roof over my head. My safe place. I am terrified of becoming homeless as I have no job. This kind of s**t traps woman with no money and no options. Right now I am sitting in my basement apt in Toronto wondering what will happen to me when they throw me out for something that was not my fault. This is an abuse of power.
Samara Morgan 1 year ago
His wife is pathetic. She's protecting a sexually abusive monster and blaming someone who feels enslaved. Both of them should end up homeless, not you.
Load More Replies... Mike Crow 3 years ago
Your opinion please. I am 43 and have a horse in a local stable where the population is 80% teenage girls. They are very friendly and I am new to horses so they told me I can ask them questions. So for months I talked to them about horses (I talk to the adults too), asked them questions and always made sure I never crowded them. Yet recently I was told one of the adults complained about me as they thought it was inappropriate for me to talk to the teens. Not about what we talk about just that the adult didn’t like me talking to them. What do you think?
Q B F T 3 years ago
Mike, it's a difficult situation. It sounds like you're doing nothing wrong etc. but it's important to remember that you may be making these girls feel uncomfortable unintentionally and unknowingly - if they are feeling uncomfortable, they may feel powerless to do anything about it due to their (perception of their own) position / power in relation to yours. If this is the case, it's not necessarily your fault - and it's not necessarily the girls' fault either - so it's very difficult to know what to do / how to respond to that. And it may not be this situation at all - maybe just a parent uncomfortable with a 43 year old man talking to their teenage daughter - which is understandable considering the number of middle-aged men who creep on young girls - even though you are clearly not that kind of person. It's a shame all those creepers tarnish innocent men - one of the many reasons why we should stamp it ou. Whatever the situation, it's difficult to play it right, I think. Good luck!
Load More Replies... V Martinez 3 years ago
Statistically, I would think it's generally more men than women. Some of these things, women also do. (Like the "if I was younger, etc.) It may not make it right on either side. However, why does it seem more acceptable, or less of an issue when women do this stuff? I'm trying to understand.
Q B F T 3 years ago
Yes, statistically it is more men than women do it - and I don't have stats to hand, but anecdotally, I'd say the difference is large - to use your "if I was younger..." example (a good one because I've spoken to my friends about exactly this) - this has happened to all of my female friends many times, but out of my group of male friends it had only happened to one or two of them only once or twice - and was recalled with a "haha" rather than a "urgh". So to your question, "why does it seem more of an issue for women than for men?" I would say, first, frequency: it literally happens more often to women. And second: power dynamics. Generally, when a woman does this to a man, the man doesn't feel in danger for various reasons - the woman is unlikely to be physically stronger, for example. Whereas vice versa, a woman may feel threatened, physically or otherwise. Which is why women often laugh it off - not because they think it's funny, but they're scared what will happen if they don't.
Load More Replies... M M 3 years ago
Being polite to the store clerk and then getting a phone call in the evening from him saying he used my customer profile info to contact me and ask me out on a date. Because he felt there was a connection. It's one thing for a guy to ask for my number and give me a choice to say no but for him to look into the company data of regular customers for my number is creepy right? I told him it was a violation of my privacy.
thememyselfandi 3 years ago
Extending the offer of a handshake to a male counterpart (partner, colleague, etc.) but assuming that because I'm a woman, I want a hug instead. If we're equals, treat us like equals and we'll shake hands. If you're going to hug, than do it Keanu Reeves style - hands off. kreeves-hu...5d372b.jpg
Deborah Chapman 3 years ago
I had a BIG dude(6'7") once told me as I walked through campus that, "That's a big book for a little girl." It was text book on the physics of chemistry. That shut him up. BTW, I loved the course.
Vicky Zar 3 years ago
Your society is seriously messed up! Please change something about how you educate your men (boys!!!). It starts at home!
Xenia Granados 3 years ago
Um guys I want to know something. In kindergarten, at lunch I would always have my braids tugged by the janitor. He was the dad of another kid in my grade but I always felt uncomfortable around him and during lunch. I don't know what to think of that. Was he just playing or did i have a reason to be uncomfortable
Rae Reyn 3 years ago
If it made you uncomfortable then he was in the wrong. Period. Your body, your rules.
Load More Replies... Jenness Drake 3 years ago
I'm a mechanic and the only female on my shift. One guy asked to see my titties. One guy pretended he was gonna help lift something heavy and kisses my and made vulgar tongue motions.
Elizabeth Molloy 3 years ago
Wow! Most of these things are not common in the UK. Blokes not taking "No" for an answer though, that happens. Educate your boys, parents!
Q B F T 3 years ago
I've lived in the UK. I've seen most of these things there, multiple times.
Load More Replies... AzKhaleesi 3 years ago
So lately I have invested in an Oculus VR and my oldest daughter (19) has one as well. We play VR poker and it is a lot of fun. But WHY must almost every dude as soon as you hit the lobby try to hit on you and be extremely vulgar? Like dude Im playing poker, I'm here to steal your money (virtual not real). STF up and let us play. I am grateful for the remote that silences them but I wish there was a way to kick them. It's disgusting. And God help the poor ef bois that try that s**t with my daughter when I'm at the same table. Boys / Men listen up. Just because we are playing a game does NOT give you the right to be disgusting and "flirt" we are there to play a game, if it works with other chicks, great ...good luck. But when we tell you to stop. Friggin stop.
Chloe *Leah* Pheonix 3 years ago (edited)
This is why everyone needs to know martial arts or some form of self defense
DC 3 years ago
I never met a couple where one of them said "Well, after she stopped screaming and complaining, I set her free again, and she followed me home and, hehe, here we are!" - doesn't happen. You don't get a date by invading personal space, let alone any further. And, seriously, if you just wanna have intercourse, go and see a prostitute, and tip her at least what the regular price is (the pimp will take most of it - perhaps there's a hidden microphone - no talking while tipping!). Try pull any of that s**t on one of them, and they'll show you how weak and small they are, hahaha ... but, no - these guys don't dare doing so, because they know they'll rightfully get their balls kicked...
Joel Blue 3 years ago
I am in a straight-male in a position of relative power at my place of work. Thank you for sharing, I never want to behave in a way that would make my employees uncomfortable. Without a doubt in my younger years on the dating scene or in high school I did some of these things, I was so stupid to think that was acceptable. Lists like this help me audit my behavior and figure out if I need to change things, because if I am doing little things to make someone uncomfortable, they might not be comfortable enough to tell me. And I am sure despite this, I fall sort at times and the effort to be better doesn’t make it ok to force an employee into a situation where they have to work with a creep to get money. So again, thank you.
Kathryn Baylis 3 years ago (edited)
Joel, you wrote this comment 3 hours ago. Then 30, 32, and 35 minutes ago, you wrote new comments (see the Allan Breum thread), complaining about women, that were totally the opposite. What’s your actual game here, dude? Trolling?
Load More Replies... Kelsey Walker 1 year ago
Easiest way to get men to ignore you: be fat and ugly, it makes you invisible!
Mary Bricklin 3 years ago
I don't go on Facebook much anymore because I get guys in my messages who will send me these long messages that will be along the lines of 'you are so beautiful. If you have a boyfriend, I'm sorry but I'm so-and-so and I live in this place. I'm looking for someone to marry and I want to get to know you and make you my wife.' Messages like that when: 1) I don't know you and 2) did not message you first are so freaking creepy. What happened to just saying 'hi, I'm so-and-so. How are you doing?' If I don't know you, there's no way that marriage is even an IDEA in my head, so why is it in your head?
Toby Belloc 3 years ago
Whatever. Why is it that we are eternally pelted with these lists by soy boys and women about what men do that women don't like? It's boring and tiresome. I thought the feminist message is men and women are equal, basically the same, interchangeable. Yet here we have another in an incessant slew of commands of what men need to do to make the world better for women. How we're supposed to behave, to make her feel better.. Are we supposed to serve you, ladies? Do we exist to make you happy? Hah! That's equality! We still get to protect, serve and take care of you, but without any of the ancient rights, rites and prerogatives we deserve. That's women for you. Go figure. Let's have some lists for women, how they can make the world better for men. Here's my list. It has two thing on it: 1.) Ladies: Stop Complaining. Let me mansplain something to you: We do not care what you think. 2.) Also, how about you start caring we what we want? If you seem interested, then we can talk. Cheers.
Samara Morgan 1 year ago
Just don't rape and touch us without consent, idiot. Don't treat us like little toys. This article tells you what NOT to do and if you were a decent person you wouldn't even need it. Do us a favor and stay the f**k away from women.
Load More Replies... Q B F T 3 years ago
Really weird (to me) you've taken it as gender bashing.
Load More Replies... Jon S. 3 years ago
Get over it. Enough men do these things that they can seem like pervasive things to women. No one actually believes ALL men do these things.
Load More Replies... Deborah B 3 years ago
No. These are things that *men* do. Men who are clueless boys, men who are predators, men who don't consider themselves either. From a woman's perspective, men. Any man might be a predator. Any man might get violent if rebuffed, let alone rejected. Any man might stalk you, and any stalker-ish behaviour might end in rape or murder. So all men need to not do these things, because they are creepy, and they are threatening.
Load More Replies... stacyh 3 years ago
If you weren’t like the men in this article, you’d have no reason to be offended. It’s creepy and telling that this was your first reaction to this article.
Load More Replies... juice 3 years ago
okay, so? that's not what this article was about. bringing that up here is the opposite of helpful
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