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“What Do Men Do That They Think Is Okay But Is Actually Creepy?”: 40 Women Respond And The Answers Are Worrying
Sometimes, the things that you think are completely all right to say and do are far from okay. In fact, they might be so deep in creepy territory, it’s making people feel uncomfortable and even threatened.
A viral thread by redditor SuperElectronicGray inspired women to open up about all the things that men do that they think is perfectly fine but are actually very creepy. Most of these things are a symptom of toxic masculinity where men follow a very narrow, predetermined set of instructions about how males are “supposed to” behave. And it’s not good for anyone.
Have a read through the uncomfortable situations with men that these redditors have been through and be sure to check out Bored Panda’s interview with a psychotherapist about the potential dangers of toxic masculinity to society and to men themselves.
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#1
Flirting with me in a position where I can't leave, like an Uber or taxi. Once I had an Uber driver flirt with me the entire ride late on a Friday night. I tried to stop responding, but he kept telling me how beautiful I am. Most times, when women aren't interested and you keep pushing it, we get scared we're gonna get assaulted or killed! It's terrifying.
CatWoman312 3 years ago
And if she left a negative review he knows where she lives. This is the kind of world we live in
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#3
That hassling you for a date because you don't have a bf is not okay.
'But you don't have a bf...'
The point is dude, I'd rather be single than date you. Take the bloody hint.
I want cake 3 years ago
This one makes me so angry. Like I'm only allowed to say no if another man has already staked his claim? Fück off.
Psychotherapist Silva Neves explained to me in an interview that toxic masculinity poses a whole host of dangers both to men and to the people around them, specifically, to women. This is most commonly expressed through violence or the threat of violence.
“The main danger of toxic masculinity is that those men can be emotionally abusive and/or physically violent and sexually violent to women,” the expert told Bored Panda. However, that's just the tip of the iceberg.
#4
I am an elderly woman and it really really pisses me off when men that I don't know call me "Sweetie" or "Honey" or "Sweetheart." Dudes. Just don't. I am not your grandma with a dish of cookies for you.
#5
When they tell me to smile. It used to make me really uncomfortable, but now I just grin manically at them.
#6
hi i know my comment will get lost but if you are over 18 and i make it clear to you that i am underage, do not continue to talk to me. please.
Demi Zwaan 3 years ago
I supposed they mean flirting? Because just having a normal conversation should be fine.
“They can also be aggressive to gay people. They perpetuate toxic messages of masculinity so toxic masculinity is usually passed down to their children and peers maintaining the problems,” Silva said that toxic masculinity is a generational issue. Thus, we can’t expect any changes to happen overnight, but the sooner they start, the sooner society can start moving on a different, kinder and more peaceful, trajectory.
Meanwhile, according to psychotherapist Silva, the men who subscribe to the tenets of toxic masculinity can end up hurting themselves as well.
#7
Asking if I live alone. If there's already an established friendship, fine. But if you're a stranger or just an acquaintance, that freaks me out.
#8
Restricting my movement in any way. Pinning me in a corner, holding my wrist down, blocking my escape, etc...
Deborah B 3 years ago
The "casual lean against the door frame" preventing you from leaving the room, the "one arm braced against the wall" that means you can't push past without touching him, the "loungeing against your desk" that traps you in your cubical, the "holding the door for you" that blocks the doorway, the "shopping cart angled to block the aisle". Guys do it all the time, maybe without even noticing. It's not always threatening, but if he shows any interest in you as a woman, it imediately becomes uncomfortable, and you need to defuse a potentially dangerous situation. If you are at work, you typically need to do it without offending him, making a scene, or making yourself look bad to managers/colleagues.
#9
DMs
Hey
Hey
Hey
I’m not interested
F**k you, you stupid b****.
JennyLaRue 3 years ago
I stopped playing Words with Friends because I used to get this nonsense in the messages. I literally just wanted to play scrabble, the least sexy of games!
“Toxic masculinity also harms the men themselves because repressing their own emotions so much can lead to mental health issues, depression, and even suicide,” he noted that the dangers are very real when men are unable to be vulnerable, open up to others, and ask for help. “Toxic masculinity harms everybody.”
#10
Saying, 'If I was x years younger... I was 15 and manning the cash register at my dad's store when this guy told me I 'brought back memories' of the women he met while he served in Vietnam. And he kept looking me up and down with a slobbery look on his face.
#11
If you keep going on about how much you respect women, you probably don't respect women.
#12
Talking badly about their ex and their kids. I'm a single middle age woman. I don't know what's going on with some Men but a lot of them regret having kids and are mad about having to give money to their ex to raise them.
I'm not talking about unreasonable amount of money but for exemple 100$ for 2 kids at the beginning of a school year. And of course their ex is crazy for asking for it. "She's the one who wanted kids.." Some have complained about having to spend time with them.
Why are they telling me this? We just met. It makes them seems so mean and cheap. If you don't want kids get a vasectomy.
PrincessPatton 3 years ago (edited)
It is bullsh*t when men say "She's the one who wanted kids, not me", but they have unprotected sex and refuse condoms and vasectomy. When you are a man and sure you don't want kids, use condom everytime or get vasectomy.
#13
Gay men who grope you and excuse it by saying, 'It's OK — I'm gay! I'm not attracted to women at all!' Keep your f**king hands to yourself, then!
JennyLaRue 3 years ago
I used to have a friend that thought it was funny to pull my top and bra down in public places, on the basis that 'it's funny as he doesn't care about my boobs'. Not a friend anymore
#14
'Daring' me to kiss my girlfriend in front of them to 'prove' I'm really a lesbian. Disgusting.
#15
It has happened more than once where it came up in casual conversation that i don't wan't kids and some guy tries to change my mind as if it's any of his business
#16
My wife had a boss that would come up behind the women and give them shoulder massages. Not cool, dude.
#17
Saying, 'You're cute when you're angry.'
#18
I have a large tattoo on my shoulder, and I've had several men come up from behind and move my tank top strap and/or bra strap to see it better. In grocery stores and Lowe's of all places!
Samantha Lomb 3 years ago
And many feel the need to say how they don't like women with tattoos or how we have ruined our bodies.
#19
Men in positions of power asking sexual questions or commenting on your body. I had one boss try to tell me if I did a certain work out it would help me lose some fat in my thighs and another casually ask me if I was quiet or a screamer. Yeah, that s**t ain't cool.
#20
FOLLOWING ME FOR ANY DISTANCE! I was once followed TWENTY BLOCKS by a man trying to basically get me to go home with him. Mind you, I had my HEADPHONES in to make it clear I wasn’t listening (although they were off, I just do it so most creeps don’t approach) but my goodness he didn’t let up. I never even looked at him the whole time he followed me. He didn’t leave till I finally spotted a police officer and started walking in that direction. I even asked to be left alone, had my pepper spray in hand visible.
Just kept calling me gorgeous, and asking if my boyfriend treated me right. Could he give me his number in case my BF did something bad? All ignored.
PSA: it’s not ROMANTIC OR ATTRACTIVE to be STALKED any distance no matter how much tv or movies would lie and have you believe.
K Witmer 3 years ago
I saw a women scream at a guy for him to pay her bills and take care of her kids and marry her right then and there and to hand over his credit card she needed to buy a diamond ring while he was following her asking her out. It was so funny. He called her crazy and walked away
#21
Following women around continuing to try to talk to them when they've already made two attempts to end the conversation.
A guy next to me on a plane wouldn't stop talking to me, even after I put on headphones! Then, he tried to walk me to my connecting flight after I refused to give him my phone number. He only finally left when I went to the women's restroom.
Simzabandz 3 years ago
NO MEANS NO! If we keep thinking it means the opposite, we will find ourselves in serious trouble hey
#22
I've got curly hair, and I'm sick of men thinking they can just come grab a coil of it and pull it like a slinky spring! Don't touch my hair, and don't call me moody when I tell you to stop!
PrincessPatton 3 years ago
YES! I'm curly redhead and people (men in most cases) think it's OK touching my hair.
#23
Stop telling me how 'big' things are for a woman. 'That's a big truck for a little girl,' or even once when I was at Subway, this condescending prick said, 'That's a big sandwich...'
#24
Putting their hands on your thigh or back casually while talking to you. If I’m being friendly it’s not a signal for you to touch me. Far too many co-workers, creepy uncles, etc. find this ok!
Viviane 3 years ago (edited)
I found a technique that's been effective in the workplace: I tell the person, "Don't touch me", give them a quick second to be startled, then continue the conversation. Since I'm discussing work, they are unlikely to interrupt me to argue why they should touch me. There's always that weird inner sensation when I assert myself, but it's much better than the feelings I get if I let them continue touching me.
#25
Unsolicited d*ck pics.
“Smile!”
“Where’s my hug?”
“You’re too beautiful for all that makeup.”
Yelling anything at me from across the street.
Telling me I’m perfect during our first conversation - back off dude, you don’t know me.
#26
Catcalling. Like, WTF. In what world is someone gonna turn around and be appreciative instead of creeped the f**k out?
Rosidah Yahya 3 years ago
make me wish, every teenage boys on this planet take a special education class tht teach them how to respect others esp.ly women so tht when they grow up, they will be mature and understanding man , later they will teach their kids abt gud manners
#28
When guys pick me up. I've always been really skinny, so guys think it's OK to just...lift me.
#29
Using my name on my credit card receipt at the gas station to look me up online and try to add me on various social media platforms shudder
#30
“Why aren’t you married?” Asked randomly. I’m 34. My fiancé passed
#31
Block an exit while trying to start a conversation. Just.don't do it EVER.
#32
I had a friend who for a while would always respond to my comments re: being a woman and sexually harassed or ogled at with the story of how he was such a good guy he saved a girl from being raped at a frat party.
I'm not sure if the exact scenario is common but when guys hear women talking about sexual harassment or assault and launch into the reasons why they're not that guy...it just makes me even more uncomfortable because someone who isn't that guy shouldn't have to say it every time you talk about sexual harassment.
Logic and Reason 3 years ago (edited)
A lot of men assume they will be construed as “that guy” unless they say otherwise. Not speaking for myself here, and I’m not claiming that it’s a correct assumption.
#33
Since I got pregnant I've had more male friends think it's acceptable to call me a 'MILF,' especially at inappropriate times...like in front of my mom
#34
Saying anything along the lines of 'you’re perfect' within minutes of meeting.
#35
When you get messages like "hi hun 💕😘" in a business setting. I draw for a living and regularly get guys messaging me under the guise that they want to commission something, when it's really just an excuse to get closer to me.
This will sound blunt and b*tchy, but I don't want you. I want your money. You commissioning, or not? Alright stop wasting my time, thank you!
#36
Constantly pushing for a date after saying we aren’t interested. Like a high school boy having a crush and the girl saying “I just like you as a friend...” and they keep pushing like she’ll fall in love. Sorry that’s just a fairytale. Please stop after we say we don’t like you. No hard feelings! We just don’t want to date you.
#37
Don't ask me for nudes within like...a week of meeting me and going on one date. The level of trust I'd have to have in order to share photos like that is phenomenal! And I may never ever want to anyway.
How does a guy think it's just a casual thing to ask of me? It might be a turn on for you but it's highly risky and it makes me feel like I'm just there as a bit of titillation on his phone and not a real human being who he sees as equal and respected.
JennyLaRue 3 years ago
Or just don't ask for nudes full stop. You don't know where they'll end up once they've been sent
#38
When I am walking down the sidewalk, follow me slowly in a car while trying to talk to me. I f**king hate this.
TK 421 3 years ago
Take out your phone, dial 911 (or the appropriate number for emergency services in your area), put it on speakerphone, and have a loud and clear conversation with the authorities while showing the face of the phone to the predator. No one has ever been punished for being afraid.
#39
Messaging me late at night to tell me to 'go to bed.'
Samantha Lomb 3 years ago
I started blocking people who think they can infantilize me. And I know they think it's just being caring but it is super controlling and treating me as less than an equal
#40
Asking, 'Where's my hug?'
What do you think ?
Hans 3 years ago
I am always wondering how such collections emerge. I mean, if so many people can add entries to them, there must be so many people with profound issues with respecting other people out there. I cannot relate to any of the behaviours described here...not in a "not all men" way but in a "wtf is wrong with these people?" way. My feeling now is to try having even more open ears and, at least if I witness disrespect in public, to say something so that those who experience a lack of respect get confirmation that the only thing that should see no tolereance is a lack of tolerance.
Q B F T 3 years ago
That's a great thing to aim to do Hans. I would say one thing: you use the word "respect", and you are right - it is a lack of respect - but I think it's more serious than that. Many of these situations feel threatening and dangerous - even if they don't amount to anything. Take the last entry here "Coming up behind me at a bar and putting their arm around the back of my chair or on my shoulders, and then proceeding to ask if I am married or seeing someone" - this can be scary, because if the guy is this invasive right off the bat, what else could he do? Can I tell him to get lost, of will that make him angry? If he gets angry will he be violent? If he's bigger than me, how can I defend myself? Are there people in the bar witnessing this? Would they help if I needed it? Etc. Now probably 99 times out of 100 I can get rid of him safely so 99 times it *is* just a matter of lack of respect. But every single time, you get that fear - even if it's just for a few seconds.
Load More Replies...
Rae Reyn 3 years ago
Life hack: If a creeper keeps telling you how beautiful/perfect you are, just say "I know". Nothing is a bigger turn off to that type than a woman with confidence.
Lunar Bicycle 3 years ago
Hello, fellow men! Here’s a thought experiment: if a woman shows interest in you, but you’re not interested in her, what imaginary scenarios go through your head as you walk away alone, or are trapped in an elevator or a cab with her, or if she finds out where you live? For most of us, not much. Maybe a keyed car? Now, what are women imagining is the worst thing that could happen when that situation is reversed? You know the answer.
Hans 3 years ago
I am always wondering how such collections emerge. I mean, if so many people can add entries to them, there must be so many people with profound issues with respecting other people out there. I cannot relate to any of the behaviours described here...not in a "not all men" way but in a "wtf is wrong with these people?" way. My feeling now is to try having even more open ears and, at least if I witness disrespect in public, to say something so that those who experience a lack of respect get confirmation that the only thing that should see no tolereance is a lack of tolerance.
Q B F T 3 years ago
That's a great thing to aim to do Hans. I would say one thing: you use the word "respect", and you are right - it is a lack of respect - but I think it's more serious than that. Many of these situations feel threatening and dangerous - even if they don't amount to anything. Take the last entry here "Coming up behind me at a bar and putting their arm around the back of my chair or on my shoulders, and then proceeding to ask if I am married or seeing someone" - this can be scary, because if the guy is this invasive right off the bat, what else could he do? Can I tell him to get lost, of will that make him angry? If he gets angry will he be violent? If he's bigger than me, how can I defend myself? Are there people in the bar witnessing this? Would they help if I needed it? Etc. Now probably 99 times out of 100 I can get rid of him safely so 99 times it *is* just a matter of lack of respect. But every single time, you get that fear - even if it's just for a few seconds.
Load More Replies... Rae Reyn 3 years ago
Life hack: If a creeper keeps telling you how beautiful/perfect you are, just say "I know". Nothing is a bigger turn off to that type than a woman with confidence.
Lunar Bicycle 3 years ago
Hello, fellow men! Here’s a thought experiment: if a woman shows interest in you, but you’re not interested in her, what imaginary scenarios go through your head as you walk away alone, or are trapped in an elevator or a cab with her, or if she finds out where you live? For most of us, not much. Maybe a keyed car? Now, what are women imagining is the worst thing that could happen when that situation is reversed? You know the answer.
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