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Men Keep Falling In For Their Female Best Friends, Women Explain Why It Doesn’t Happen To Them
Interview With Expert
Probably most of us at least once have discussed with our friends or partner if there is a possibility for just a friendship between a male and a female. And while there are different opinions, instances and probably no right or wrong answer, it is time for a new discussion – do male friends develop romantic feelings more often?
Recently, one Reddit user shared a question online asking for community members’ opinions on whether women are just not romantically interested in their male friends, which created quite a discussion online.
More info: Reddit
RELATED:
There is a common discussion whether men and women can be just friends, with no right or wrong answers
Image credits: Bethany Ferr (not the actual photo)
Man online started a discussion regarding the meme that shows how male friends ruin friendships by confessing their feelings
Image credits: Wordroots
He noted that he has never seen this meme in reverse and wondered if women just don’t have romantic feelings for their male friends
A few days ago, a Reddit user started a discussion online in the feminist community, which is dedicated to asking questions and discussing issues with feminists. The man pointed out a popular meme “POV: Your male friend is about to ruin your friendship” and raised the question of why it’s always men. The post collected over 1.2K upvotes and almost 1K comments.
The original poster (OP) started his story by explaining the whole meme that raised his question, which is why there is no reverse version of this meme. He asked if women don’t have romantic feelings for their male friends, or are just less likely to confess to them.
However, after quite a few Redditors pointed out that the question isn’t about feminism and shouldn’t have been posted in this exact community, OP shared that he thinks the gender disparity involved in this phenomenon makes it relevant to feminism.
Now, community members in the comments shared their thoughts: “I think the difference is that men will often not even befriend a woman unless he’s attracted to her. There is typically more motive than to just be friends,” one user noted. “My opinion is that men see ‘friendship’ as a fair hunting ground for women, whereas women are more likely to value the friendship,” another pointed out.
Image credits: Min An (not the actual photo)
“In my experience as a relationship coach, both men and women can catch feelings for their friends,” shared Hayley Quinn, a relationship expert, with Bored Panda. “However, what prompts them to do this can be very different,” she added.
Hayley noted that for women, they may start to size up their male friends as a potential romantic partner after experiencing emotional intimacy with them (the sense that they’re really connecting) and if their recent dating experiences have been disappointing. For men, they may have known all along that they were attracted to their female friend, but struggled to communicate those intentions clearly.
The relationship coach emphasized that men often feel like they have the role of the initiator in romantic relationships, so they will feel it’s on them to make a romantic connection happen. “Men may also initially try to show through their actions that they’re attracted to a woman: They’ll be consistent, and make an effort to do high-quality, fun experiences with the woman that they like.”
However, she has observed that many men come to realize that simply “showing” they like a woman, without clear verbal communication of their intentions, only gets them so far. She continued that “Perhaps their female friend is in a situationship, or has just had a breakup, and they seize on this opportunity to tell her ‘hey, in case you haven’t noticed I’m interested and I’m a good guy for you to choose.’”
But she added that unfortunately this often backfires, as the woman has interacted with the man on the grounds that he’s her friend, and feels like his friendship has now been disingenuous. “Or she may be hesitant to risk a great friendship in order to explore a romance.”
Finally, speaking about misconceptions or myths about cross-gender friendships and romantic feelings, Hayley pointed out that whilst it’s true that your life partner should feel like your best friend, that doesn’t mean that all cross-gender friendships are destined to be romance.
“It can be easy to see the emotional connection you have with a cross-gender friend and wonder if it could be more, particularly if your recent dating experiences have been lackluster,” she added. “However, before making that move, hold back! There’s a lot of great people to meet, so really check in with yourself that your interest in your friend is because of them, and not because you’re lacking romance generally in your life.”
So it is clear that there are different opinions, different situations and examples about opposite sex friendships and whether men really only have female friends who they like romantically, but what is your take on this discussion? Share your thoughts in the comments below!
Redditors shared their personal views regarding this phenomenon
Image credits: Jopwell (not the actual photo)
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
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What do you think ?
Helena 9 months ago
There's a segment of men who will never consider women for actual friends. Who simply don't think women could be valuable as friends. There are segments of men who don't understand the importance of friendship. Friendship is not 'less than' romantic relationships. It is just a different brand of relationship. These are the kind of men who will fake befriend you waiting around for 'their chance'. While you can find the reverse, where women will pull these moves, it is far more rare.
StrangeOne 9 months ago
I've had friends who had male friends. They would simply say they view their male friend as like a brother to them, and any sort of romantic feeling towards their male friend would be gross. Like incest. So, seems the best way to put to the men is ask how they feel about their female relatives. ... Although, you may get some disturbing answers.
Charles McChristy 9 months ago
The opposite does happen. When I was younger I had several female friends who wanted to hook up, but I was either clueless or uninterested. Most of them I didn't find out about until years later. I still have women confess to me on occasion that they want more. I was raised by women so I've always felt more comfortable socializing with them. I used to get random guys who wanted to be my friend because they thought I would hook them up with one of them, rme. To this day, 90% of my friends are women.
Helena 9 months ago
There's a segment of men who will never consider women for actual friends. Who simply don't think women could be valuable as friends. There are segments of men who don't understand the importance of friendship. Friendship is not 'less than' romantic relationships. It is just a different brand of relationship. These are the kind of men who will fake befriend you waiting around for 'their chance'. While you can find the reverse, where women will pull these moves, it is far more rare.
StrangeOne 9 months ago
I've had friends who had male friends. They would simply say they view their male friend as like a brother to them, and any sort of romantic feeling towards their male friend would be gross. Like incest. So, seems the best way to put to the men is ask how they feel about their female relatives. ... Although, you may get some disturbing answers.
Charles McChristy 9 months ago
The opposite does happen. When I was younger I had several female friends who wanted to hook up, but I was either clueless or uninterested. Most of them I didn't find out about until years later. I still have women confess to me on occasion that they want more. I was raised by women so I've always felt more comfortable socializing with them. I used to get random guys who wanted to be my friend because they thought I would hook them up with one of them, rme. To this day, 90% of my friends are women.
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