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“Women, What’s Your Worst Experience Dating A Frugal Person?” (30 Answers)
Interview With Expert
Nothing makes a woman’s heart flutter like being asked to reimburse her date for half of the pizza they shared, or being told that she’s not allowed to order any drinks except water because that would be too expensive.
Dating definitely should not be about having money, but it can sometimes be a red flag when individuals aren’t willing to spend at all. Women on Reddit have recently been detailing their experiences with dating people who are frugal to a fault, so we’ve gathered some of their most shocking stories below. Keep reading to find a conversation with Master Certified Relationship Coach Amie Leadingham, and be sure to upvote the tales that make you grateful that your partner doesn’t send invoices after every date!
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
Bf of 3 years got into a small car accident, where air bags went off. He called me from the garage and said he decided to only replace the driver’s seat airbag and not passenger’s seat because each airbag was a few hundred dollars to replace.
I was the main person sitting in that passenger seat.
After I heard him say that with complete nonchalance (and knowing he had $10k in the bank), I realized he just truly did not care about me, and couldn’t be a partner.
zububonsai 1 year ago
Okay this is the worst so far. Worse than the mice infested mansion and the (Darwin award) death by being too frugal.
RELATED:
#2
He wanted to pay the dinner bill in front of his colleagues and then ask me to transfer him money afterwards so they didn’t see him making his girlfriend pay for her own meal. He made 4x what I made and was obsessed with saving every penny of that. Never again lmao
Irishwoman abroad 1 year ago
Why is it always the people with more money who are the stingiest?
#3
I went on a first date with a guy who suggested we go to a restaurant because he had a coupon and then decided it was too far of a drive and he didn’t want to spend the gas money (it was like a 15 minute drive) so then he flipped through his wallet of coupons and found one for applebees for free wings with the purchase of a beer. i’m not a huge fan of wings but just thought that’s great he can get some wings for his meal. we got there and he immediately told the waitress he had a coupon, asked for the cheapest beer they had, and ordered his wings. then the waitress looked at me and asked what i wanted, and before i could speak he tells her i’m having the wings with him and i said “actually no thanks” and ordered some food for myself and he got visibly upset and then wouldn’t speak to me and watched basketball on the tv for the remainder of the date. then when the waitress came and asked if the check would be together, he hesitated so i quickly asked for separate checks. frugality is fine, but this man’s financial situation was equal to my own.
bonus content: before the date, we met at a park and he started fishing (??) so I wandered around until he was done (and took a picture of him with his fish), then he played his guitar at me for an hour insisting i sing with him (i cannot sing), and on the way home he told me women shouldn’t work and belong in the home and basically told me i had a joke major because I was an art student and that that was great for me but he has to be more serious and isn’t comfortable working a service job after college.
To learn more about why frugality can be seen as a negative quality when dating, we reached out to Master Certified Relationship Coach Amie Leadingham to hear her thoughts.
"It can be perceived as a bad thing in dating because the person may be viewed as prioritizing the importance of money over the relationship," Amie explained. "It may come off as a selfish trait as well, depends on the level of frugality and situation."
#4
I’d say this is just being a cheap idiot rather than frugal, but I was sick with COVID and asked if he could bring me some grapes and frozen mango. He dropped them off at my door, then sent me a Venmo request for the $10 they cost.
Meanwhile, I had gotten him a $300 pair of glasses, let him eat out of my cupboard & fridge whenever he came over, routinely picked him up at the airport, and the only date he ever took me on was our first date to Starbucks.
#5
He didn't plan ahead and went on a roadtrip with his elderly father. He refused to pay for a hotel/motel because is was over $100 a night and made his father, who was in his late 80s sleep in his Volkswagen golf.
We also asked the dating expert what some reasonable frugal habits might be when dating. "Being intentional with your short term spending in order to save for long term goals as a couple," Amie told Bored Panda. "For example, instead of going out to a fancy restaurant, pack a beautiful picnic and go to a romantic location for date nights. The money saved could be put towards a couple's vacation!"
#6
My ex took me out on a date to this steak place that he loves so much. He ordered some wine for us, appetizers, sides, mains, dessert, etc. The whole shebang. Everything was going great. Good food. Amazing conversations. Lovely atmosphere. Then, the bill came... "F**K!"
Thinking something was wrong with the bill, I asked about it. He lost his s**t because he didn't expect the bill to be that much. He ordered EVERYTHING. I didn't even bother to look at the menu (because I got overwhelmed with the myriad of options, lol). I also told him he was ordering too much food.
He would NOT stop cursing under his breath. He was VISIBLY so mad. I started to feel embarrassed as he won't stop, so I asked if it's going to help if I just paid half of the bill. Just to get it over with. He IMMEDIATELY stopped throwing a fit, calmed down, and said, "Yeah, that would be good."
I never let him "take me out on a date" ever again after that. I always pushed to pay for my share even if he "insisted" on paying.
No, we're not together anymore. And the total bill was $110. Lol
DennyS (denzoren) 1 year ago (edited)
Geez, he did all that and it was clearly a ploy for you to offer to pay...and only 110 makes it even worse lol
#7
I once was asked to Venmo him two dollars for the few bites I took out of his six-dollar rice platter.
As far as what frugal habits may be a bit too much, Amie says "making you walk in bad weather in order to save money by not taking a ride share or taxi for your date night" might be over the top. "Or when they order the most expensive thing on the menu and/or multiple more items than you then want to split the check," the expert added.
#8
One guy told me he has a credit card that gives 25 cents back per transaction. He uses self checkout and does a separate transaction for each item. He also pays $400/month in rent, despite making around $120K/year as a private LMFT. When I went to his house it was infested with mice, he didn’t have flooring (literally was walking around on the subfloor), and the whole house smelled horribly like animal feces. Disgusting. And he comes across as super put together and professional.. it totally threw me off.
#9
He asked if I wanted to go to dinner to a hungry horse (very budget restaurant in England) with him as he had a coupon for buy one meal get one free.
He ordered two meals and ate them both 😂😂😂
Finally, Amie shared some advice for those of us who'd like to date without breaking the bank. "There are plenty of ideas to go out and still save money. Adjust your time to eat and drink during happy hours to get the best deals!" she recommends. "Get creative, find local museums or activities that have discounted entry days and pack a picnic to enjoy before hand. And, of course, fun outdoor activities tend to be free like hiking or enjoying the beach together."
If you'd like to gain even more dating tips, be sure to visit Amie the Dating Coach's website right here!
#10
We spent hours one day on the slopes and when we finally left I was starving. I begged him to stop at a gas station so I could get something to eat but he refused as “we had food at home.” It was an hour and a half drive and I felt light headed the whole time. We got home and he proceeded to make this obnoxious dinner of salmon and poached apples that took 2 hours. I ate like 3 granola bars while hiding in the bathroom. Gee I hated him.
#11
Once dated a guy who wasn’t exactly rich, but had more than your average person with a hefty inheritance. Early on into our relationship, he invited 6 of his friends over on Valentine’s Day (which was apparently his valentines gift to me: quality time with his friends) for a home cooked meal. At the end of the meal, he asked everyone for £10 a head. I couldn’t image ever inviting people over to my house and charging them to eat.
#12
I was together for 10 years with one. For me the worst of it was the psychological effect it had on me. I lived in constant anxiety on how I would set him off this month, if it would be anger or a panic attack that would fall onto me to handle. We both made a similar salary and were able to put over €1000 each into our savings account every month so we were very much not poor. Yet I was not allowed to buy ‘non essential items’ because they were too expensive. The list of non essential items was long and included everything that was not necessary to live. Oranges were on it for example. I found out through trial and error what he considered essential and a trip to the supermarket became a whole ordeal on about what I was allowed to purchase and what not. We never went on a holiday once when together because non-essential. We very rarely did take-out. We never went on dates together that required money. House appliances that were very much needed became a whole discussion of months to purchase and I had to really motivate as to why I would need something. We each contributed a set amount of money to groceries each month but with the growing inflation this was not enough anymore. Instead of raising the amount along with the inflation (our salaries grew accordingly btw, we live in Belgium and here salaries are automatically scaled to the inflation rate so again, money was very much not a problem) I was tasked with finding ways to cut our spendings. I couldn’t and this was met nearly every time I purchased something with either being berated for buying ‘luxury items’ such as the expensive lunch meat instead of the cheap one, or it triggered a panic attack in him. I eventually started paying for a lot of things with my own money just to avoid his reactions. It also overflowed to expenses I made with my own money, like buying new clothes or hobby things became a whole drama because those were also non-essential. I couldn’t spend my own money how I wanted. I started to work from home a lot to save on gas and avoid meltdowns about the price of fuel. Money controlled my whole life even though we had plenty of it.
To this day I still can’t purchase things for myself without feeling guilty. It goes as far as things like oranges and avocados. I get panic attacks when I have to spend a large amount of money.
#13
Well, it was mostly that he was frugal with me, but spent whatever he wanted on himself. We were married. My son and I got the cheapest of everything, asked if I truly needed items (like new shoes because mine were falling apart or my son had outgrown his) but had to have name brand everything for himself, just because he wanted it.
LillieMean 1 year ago
This sounds like using financial violence to control another person and not a frugal lifestyle. What's even worse is that there were children involved.
#14
I’m a guy but I had a previous girlfriend tell me about one of her previous first dates with a guy and when she offered to pay he said “oh, in that case I’m getting a sandwich to take home too” and order ANOTHER meal to go.
#15
He ate beans on toast for all 3 meals because “it’s healthy and you don’t need to spend loads on food”.
I’m British so I’ll indulge in beans on toast happily, eagerly, but for 3 meals a day, every day of the week?? Nah mate. I ate it a lot in uni because I was a skint student. Now we’re in our 40s there’s no bloody need.
#16
This was technically before we started dating, but one of my exes is so cheap we went on holiday once and she refused to spend money on public transportation so she made me walk like 50-60k steps every day for an entire week. I thought my feet were gonna fall off.
Jessica Cooney 1 year ago
I'd have paid for my own transportation and let her walk if she was gonna be like that.
#17
He believed that mattresses and cots were a waste of time and believed everyone should sleep on the floor.
I noped out of that one pretty fast.
#18
He wasn't frugal regarding things he wanted. He bought expensive tech, leased a car, bought the food he wanted etc. But he was an expert in slowly, discretely making me pay for stuff like food. And manipulating other things like making me pay to live there as much as a roommate would pay (luckily not for long before we broke up and I was outta there). He pretended to financially struggle while having a lot of money in the bank, because his current job paid little, and his loan was high. Which isn't my problem of course but he made it that. Meanwhile I was a student. I'm not one to financially carry anyone and never wanted to do that for him, which he knew, so he made sure to be pitiful and careful and made it sound reasonable.
Lazy sack of s**t never painted his house properly (it was only 6 ish years old), so when I moved in, I washed and painted almost the entire thing He barely even covered the costs. He sold his house with a solid earning a few months after, we'd broken up by then. Did he pay me for doing it? Nope.
It was my first relationship, and we were together 3 years. Funny how those small things can just sneak up on you without you realising it, and all of a sudden you look back and realize they took advantage of you. I've always had a hard time demanding anything from anyone. Never again, I am very much done being too kind to people, one of many reasons I just stay single now.
Erik Rydbom 1 year ago
You were living in his place and you're mad he wanted you to pony up for food and that he didn't pay you to upgrade the place to your standards? Maybe you are the bullet that he dodged.
#19
I bought my own ($300) engagement ring 🫠 I can’t remember if he every paid me back, but suffice it to say… we did not get married.
#20
Instead of buying pads for her period, she’d ask me to steal diapers from the daycare I worked at to save money. Another time I came home, and there was a box of diapers. She got them from a diaper bank, claiming she was a mom. I even offered to buy her pads, tampons, or a Diva cup. She only wanted diapers.
#21
They pulled out a calculator in a Taco Bell to split a meal that was under $20, *down to the penny*, and told me to venmo what I owe. He wasn’t POOR, had a full-time job while I was living on a student budget.
#22
Three rooms, a light fitting in each, but only two lamp shades and one light bulb between them.
Yes you guessed it, you either used your phone for light or had to transport the bulb to use the light for a 2am wee.
MonsterMum 1 year ago
This works well as you can't see how dirty the bathroom is so you don't need to buy cleaning products
#23
Instead of getting a hotel for the road-trip we were going on, he suggested we just sleep in his regular-sized car.
I did not go on said road-trip after this suggestion.
#24
He had planned a short getaway for us together. I was shocked to arrive at the hotel and find out that our rooms had no windows. He said that these rooms were cheaper by about 5 to 10 dollars…
Also, meticulously noting down every single expense on his phone so that we could go halvesies later. Nothing inherently wrong with that, I concede, but I was happy to just take it in turns to pay for stuff and not be so calculative lol
We didn’t last long
2WheelTravlr 1 year ago (edited)
Completely off topic, but I hate everything about that room. It's like someone purposefully designed it to be as uncomfortable as possible without resorting to a rug made of lego or barbed wire blankets.
#25
*During an interesting time in my life, I lived with a millionaire for a short while, and he was one of the most disturbingly cheap people I've ever met...*
*In all his extra spare time, he volunteered at a food bank... only to take home the food donated, so he wouldn't have to buy groceries. He called himself frugaI.*
*I hated him. His cheapness led to his death.*
*I'm really going to have to write a book someday.*
*I can't/don't do cheapskate/frugal people.*
Crystal Kelley 1 year ago
Just gonna skip over how his cheapness caused his death!!? I need to know this info!!!
#26
Went for pizza with my ex bf (he was really cheap, too many stories), he "forgot" his wallet and after I paid he broke up with me lol
#27
He was wealthy: old money, and knew how to invest, and made good money of his own too.
Super smart. Kind as a person. When it came to spending on anything though, it was crazy:
-He didn’t get the car colour/exact model/features he wanted bc he wanted to get a discount on their “floor model”. He didn’t like what he got but was happier he got the discount. He was able to pay cash either way…
-19/20 dates would be walking. We would walk for HOURS. He would make sure we have water so we didn’t have to stop for a drink anywhere.
-He had work bonuses falling out of his ears, but when his sports equipment was falling apart, he would rather sew it together than get a fresh item (there was no other reason to keep the equipment like superstition or sentimentality).
-We were at a winter wedding, and when it was done, we left the venue. I was not dressed for winter walking, but he wanted to go for a walk, and it was romantic, so we went. I mentioned I was freezing at one point and pointed to a coffee shop asking if we can grab something and warm up. He instead said we can just drive back and get coffee at home.
-He booked a trip oversees, and got the cheapest overnights to the point where he was rained on one night, and got food poisoning another… because it was cheaper…he did get any souvenirs either.
I want to be explicitly clear that I don’t date for money. I didn’t even know he had it when we met, and we dated for almost two years. My expectations of him never changed when I learned of his money. Even if he wasn’t wealthy, I’d still be put off by most of his actions around money.
Money was a factor, but not the main reason we broke up. We got along really well, but when it came to financing, and any talk of money, things always got awkward. It worked better when I was a broke-a**e student with no money. Back then it was easier to accept walking dates (but I was always off put by never getting coffee). Like ever. Not. A. Single. Time.
I work, and always have. I’m also smart with my money. I have healthy savings, but I also know when and how to enjoy what I do have. The difference was a little insane when things came down to it.
#28
With one ex who I’m still good friends with, we had to pull over during a snowstorm to stay the night in a small town. He cheaped out on the motel and the one we stayed at had original fixtures from the ‘50s (in a rusty, bad way) and was haunted!
That’s the funny story, but the worst was a guy who was obsessed with saving money and acted superior for being frugal. There were a lot of little things - ex., I like to spend money on nice things, and he would talk a bunch of s**t anytime I spent money on something for myself. He acted like it was a character flaw and told me I “enjoy life too much.” I also got a raise while we were together, and he told me the “last thing you need is more money” (implying I didn’t deserve it because I already spent too much, in his eyes). He would go out of his way by 30 minutes to get marginally cheaper gas at Sam’s Club, and when we went out on dates where he paid, he would complain that he was overspending on me (and this was at like $20/meal taco places). He told me I just wanted to be with someone who would shower me with money, and that I wanted to be a sugar baby but I wasn’t hot enough. It goes on and on and on… he didn’t grow up with a lot of money so he became obsessed with saving, which I get, but to lord his frugality over me and other people and act like it made him a better person (it definitely didn’t) was ridiculous. Other people’s financial situations was something he projected a looot of insecurity onto. And his obsession with saving was pretty bad, to the point that it probably impacted his quality of life.
It took me way too long to break up with him but I’ve come a long way since lol.
#29
We split the bill (first date) after he stated he wanted to "treat" me to dinner. W/E thats fine... the bill comes and I leave my portion of the tip in cash. When he saw how much cash I put down as tip he took some of the cash he had put down back. Because he said I tipped too much (25% of my portion).
Worst part was when I finished my meal I put my napkin on my plate after using it to wipe my mouth. He proceeded to remove the napkin and eat the piece of chicken and 3 bites of rice I had left.
#30
We went up to bed on our first long holiday weekend together. It was February in Vermont. He debated leaving the heat on, and finally said "it's costly, but I know you like to be warm."
Later in the weekend he threw his back out and I spent the rest of the the long weekend waking at 4-hour intervals round the clock to feed the woodstove so we wouldn't freeze to death. I only did it because his 80 year old mother also lived there, and she was absolutely lovely. I didn't want her to freeze, or I'd have packed my Mini and booked it.
This weekend singlehandedly cured me of any interest in dating, and I have been happily single, ever since.
What do you think ?
Just-4-2day 1 year ago
Most of these comments are not about being cheap or frugal. It's about being a manipulative and abusive control freak.
athornedrose 1 year ago
the title is misleading. frugal is not necessarily a bad thing, especially with how expensive everything is. disrespectful or selfish and frugal are a nasty combo.
2x4b523p 1 year ago
The stingiest people I have ever met were the richest. Some of the worst ones creeping into the billionaire cathegory. Money hoarders who treated everyone around them, including themselves, horribly. The most frivolously overspending people I ever met are the kids of those people.
Just-4-2day 1 year ago
Most of these comments are not about being cheap or frugal. It's about being a manipulative and abusive control freak.
athornedrose 1 year ago
the title is misleading. frugal is not necessarily a bad thing, especially with how expensive everything is. disrespectful or selfish and frugal are a nasty combo.
2x4b523p 1 year ago
The stingiest people I have ever met were the richest. Some of the worst ones creeping into the billionaire cathegory. Money hoarders who treated everyone around them, including themselves, horribly. The most frivolously overspending people I ever met are the kids of those people.
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