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Woman Suspects Hubby Turned On Soft Water To “Test” Her Eczema, Worries About Her Marriage
People with eczema have to steer clear of anything that might cause a flare-up. To do so, first, they need to learn what causes it and then figure out a way to avoid it. And yet, even if you’re doing your best yourself, it doesn’t mean that people in your life will want to adhere to these rules.
Like in this story, where the woman’s eczema worsens due to soft water, so at her home, she has the softener turned off. Then, one day her husband turned it on to see if the flare-up was “in her head,” which led her to develop trust issues that started slowly ruining her marriage.
More info: Reddit
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Sometimes even the people you love the most can deliberately do something to hurt you
Image credits: Freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
A woman’s eczema always gets worse when she showers with soft water, so she turned the softener at her home off
Image credits: jcomp / Freepik (not the actual photo)
One day, she noticed it was turned back on, which was her husband’s doing – he wanted to test her to see if the flare-ups were only “in her head”
Image credits: Drazen Zigic / Freepik (not the actual photo)
She asked him to never do it again, but then 6 months later it was turned back on, even though the husband denied doing it
Image credits: 123wollywolly
Still, her gut told her it was most likely him, so she asked online whether people there thought this relationship situation was as bad as it seemed
For about 10 years, the OP has been among the 1 out of 10 people who struggle with eczema – a skin condition that causes dry and itchy patches on the skin.
During these years she had several flare-ups, ranging from mild to moderately severe ones, which can be caused by skin irritation, stress, or dry skin. Luckily, she managed to get her condition under control. Part of this solution was figuring out that soft water causes her flare-ups.
Interestingly, one piece of research found contrary results – that soft water can help with eczema. At the same time, as the original poster herself said, her skin reacts differently than others. A person in the comments seconded this, saying that the salts in soft water also make their psoriatic arthritis worse.
So, she had the water softener turned off. Then, around 6 months ago she started noticing her skin flaring up again. Apparently, her husband had turned the water softener back on. His reasoning for doing that was that he liked soft water better and wanted to check if maybe her skin flare-ups were only “in her head.”
This infuriated the woman. It was definitely not only in her head – her skin had visible flare-ups to prove it. She asked her husband not to ever turn on the water softener again, which he agreed to.
Then, around 6 months later, she was showering when she felt the soapy feeling that comes with soft water. The reason why this feeling occurs is because softeners exchange calcium and magnesium minerals with sodium and salt ions, which changes the water’s texture.
Again, the OP’s water softener was turned on, but this time the husband denied doing it. The only other person besides her husband who could have turned it on was his dad, who loves to meddle and has a history of doing similar things.
Still, her gut told her it was her husband, which is a terrifying thought. Why would her husband, who knows that her flare-ups cause her pain and discomfort, do it?
Image credits: Freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Ever since, she unplugged the softening machine and put up a note asking anyone nearby to not plug it back in, explaining that it causes her physical discomfort.
She told her husband if he turned on the machine ever again, she would be filing for divorce, as he was deliberately putting her health at risk. After all, severe eczema flare-ups can lead to relentless itching, extreme skin inflammation, bleeding, and even infection.
Besides doing all of this, the woman also asked Redditors just how red they’d consider this flag of her husband’s to be. In fact, she even checked whether they would consider this to be emotional or physical abuse, even though there is no history of that.
Well, people on the platform thought the flag was very red. For some, it was so red that they said that considering divorce or at least therapy should be on the table – testing someone’s health is borderline criminal.
Yes, there is still a chance that it wasn’t him who turned on the softener the second time around, so some peeps suggested that the woman should either put a camera next to the machine or simply cut its cord.
Well, if he really did turn on the machine the second time and didn’t confess, that’s full-on jerk behavior, which needs to be addressed. Only the question is how to prove whether he actually did it.
Either way, the relationship clearly has some trust issues that also need to be addressed if they want to go on. Maybe, as someone in the comments suggested, therapy is the way to go here. After all, exploring yourself and your relationship in therapy can always be beneficial.
In their eyes, it was a terrible situation and they advised her to consider couples therapy or even divorce
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What do you think ?
lenka 1 month ago
Just wanted to point out that last sentence...."disrespect at times or being selfish or inconsiderate. All things that lots of partners struggle with". NO! This is not ok or acceptable and this is not something you should accept. Do not stay in a relationship where your partner disrespects you. This is NOT normal.
Tams21 1 month ago
It's definitely an enormous red flag and given his past behaviour, on the balance of probability, it certainly sounds like it was the husband. The question is wether to give or not to give him the benefit of the doubt and that's something I think only the op can answer. Personally, I'd have probably been gone after the first incident.
tori Ohno 1 month ago
Can you sabotage the machine by removing an internal part that he won't know to look for and replace without calling a professional? He'll either be furious that he can't turn it back on, or furious that he needs a repair man. You'll have your answer then. Take that answer to a divorce lawyer. What he's doing is physical abuse, nothing less.
Bookworm 1 month ago
Definitely go the camera route. Cutting the plug is a nice idea until you have to sell the house someday (like, hypothetically, in a divorce) and have to hire an electrician to fix it.
LonelyLittleLeafSheep 1 month ago
I have allergies and skin issues and my husband would never knowingly cause me discomfort as a "test". This is sadistic, abusive behavior and I sincerely hope OP has tossed this trash to the curb.
Alexandra Nara 1 month ago
I would take a talk openly without accuses or demands.Maybe he uses it regular for him and forgot a few times to plug it out again? Maybe he felt such guilty ,that he defended with this dumb " in your head" answer? Find a compromise how to avoid such incidents.osmosis filters,reminder to plug it out again...what ever. If he still don't care or lie ..you should leave. Even if its a lightredflag for you, it will settle in your head and poison your thoughts
Somebodys grandmother 1 month ago
I am multiallergic... really multi. I have migraine, concusion etc.......... Sometimes when you are healthy my experience is that some peoplf can't get into theif head that nobody ask to be like this.. Somebody is always to stubborn to learn... cut the cord is a good suggestion... Take care and remember even wise oeopke can be stupid!
The Starsong Princess 1 month ago (edited)
You’ve got no proof that he turned it on. Frankly, I’d be tempted to turn it on to see if you actually noticed because hard water causes a host of problems, including wrecked appliances. It’s hard water that leaves a film on your skin and causes dryness and itchiness. OP should look into getting the reverse osmosis system as that will soften the water without sodium which is probably her issue.
Michelle P 1 month ago
You said it could have been FIL or gas man so i think you need to believe your husband unless it happens again. Unplug and wrap tape around the plug with a note asking please dont plug in so if another workman is there he doesnt plug in by mistake. I dont agree with a camera. How would you feel if your husband put up a camera without telling you? As for him saying testing you i dont agree with him there but maybe he didnt fully realise how much it would affect you, but ye had a chat and he apologised. If you truly want to save your marriage you need to move on from this unless it happens again.
Drive Bee 1 month ago
I'm confused. Softened water is just water with some of the minerals removed. It is more pure. How could that cause exzema to flare up? Salt used in regeneration does NOT go into the water, it goes down the drain.
Ginger Winters 1 month ago
Maybe her body is lacking those minerals and removing them is causing her body to have a minor shutdown by having flare ups?
Load More Replies... Petra Peitsch 1 month ago
Or you, or he has much more money, than the other partner. If money REALLY doesn't play any role, is just one answer: he is sadist. What can be a kinky pleasure-bringer ... but not in your case. GTFO!
Ginger Winters 1 month ago
"Problems" being in quotation marks in your "question" makes you sound like you don't believe her. And yes excess salt (which is a desiccant) on the skin can/will dry it out especially when you have preexisting skin conditions like eczema
Load More Replies... lenka 1 month ago
Just wanted to point out that last sentence...."disrespect at times or being selfish or inconsiderate. All things that lots of partners struggle with". NO! This is not ok or acceptable and this is not something you should accept. Do not stay in a relationship where your partner disrespects you. This is NOT normal.
Tams21 1 month ago
It's definitely an enormous red flag and given his past behaviour, on the balance of probability, it certainly sounds like it was the husband. The question is wether to give or not to give him the benefit of the doubt and that's something I think only the op can answer. Personally, I'd have probably been gone after the first incident.
tori Ohno 1 month ago
Can you sabotage the machine by removing an internal part that he won't know to look for and replace without calling a professional? He'll either be furious that he can't turn it back on, or furious that he needs a repair man. You'll have your answer then. Take that answer to a divorce lawyer. What he's doing is physical abuse, nothing less.
Bookworm 1 month ago
Definitely go the camera route. Cutting the plug is a nice idea until you have to sell the house someday (like, hypothetically, in a divorce) and have to hire an electrician to fix it.
LonelyLittleLeafSheep 1 month ago
I have allergies and skin issues and my husband would never knowingly cause me discomfort as a "test". This is sadistic, abusive behavior and I sincerely hope OP has tossed this trash to the curb.
Alexandra Nara 1 month ago
I would take a talk openly without accuses or demands.Maybe he uses it regular for him and forgot a few times to plug it out again? Maybe he felt such guilty ,that he defended with this dumb " in your head" answer? Find a compromise how to avoid such incidents.osmosis filters,reminder to plug it out again...what ever. If he still don't care or lie ..you should leave. Even if its a lightredflag for you, it will settle in your head and poison your thoughts
Somebodys grandmother 1 month ago
I am multiallergic... really multi. I have migraine, concusion etc.......... Sometimes when you are healthy my experience is that some peoplf can't get into theif head that nobody ask to be like this.. Somebody is always to stubborn to learn... cut the cord is a good suggestion... Take care and remember even wise oeopke can be stupid!
The Starsong Princess 1 month ago (edited)
You’ve got no proof that he turned it on. Frankly, I’d be tempted to turn it on to see if you actually noticed because hard water causes a host of problems, including wrecked appliances. It’s hard water that leaves a film on your skin and causes dryness and itchiness. OP should look into getting the reverse osmosis system as that will soften the water without sodium which is probably her issue.
Michelle P 1 month ago
You said it could have been FIL or gas man so i think you need to believe your husband unless it happens again. Unplug and wrap tape around the plug with a note asking please dont plug in so if another workman is there he doesnt plug in by mistake. I dont agree with a camera. How would you feel if your husband put up a camera without telling you? As for him saying testing you i dont agree with him there but maybe he didnt fully realise how much it would affect you, but ye had a chat and he apologised. If you truly want to save your marriage you need to move on from this unless it happens again.
Drive Bee 1 month ago
I'm confused. Softened water is just water with some of the minerals removed. It is more pure. How could that cause exzema to flare up? Salt used in regeneration does NOT go into the water, it goes down the drain.
Ginger Winters 1 month ago
Maybe her body is lacking those minerals and removing them is causing her body to have a minor shutdown by having flare ups?
Load More Replies... Petra Peitsch 1 month ago
Or you, or he has much more money, than the other partner. If money REALLY doesn't play any role, is just one answer: he is sadist. What can be a kinky pleasure-bringer ... but not in your case. GTFO!
Ginger Winters 1 month ago
"Problems" being in quotation marks in your "question" makes you sound like you don't believe her. And yes excess salt (which is a desiccant) on the skin can/will dry it out especially when you have preexisting skin conditions like eczema
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