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Woman Is Confused As Ex’s 29YO GF Is Being Mean To Her And Thinks She Has Equal Say About Parenting
Moms are always worried about their kids; it’s almost like a second nature of theirs because they always wish for what’s best for their children. In fact, they would go to any measure if it’s for the benefit of their child, even get friendly with their ex’s new girlfriend.
Such was the case with today’s original poster (OP) who found out that her controlling ex-husband often left their child alone with his new girlfriend. She felt that the woman was not mature enough to parent her daughter, but she still tried to build a relationship with her, just for the child’s sake.
More info: Mumsnet
RELATED:
Moms are ready to do anything for their kids’ sake, even befriend their toxic ex’s new girlfriend
Image credits: benzoix / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The poster has a daughter with her ex-husband who has a girlfriend, 15 years younger than him, and they also have a baby together
Image credits: Figtreefalls
Image credits: pressfoto / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Her ex was emotionally cruel, manipulative, and very controlling, and after the divorce, he told lies about her to everyone, including his girlfriend
Image credits: Figtreefalls
Image credits: Freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The man makes his daughter spend time with his girlfriend when he’s away, but the poster doesn’t like this as she thinks the woman isn’t mature enough to parent her child
Image credits: Figtreefalls
The poster wants to build a good relationship with the girlfriend, just for the sake of the daughter, but doesn’t know how as her responses are chippy when she texts
In today’s story, the poster tells us that she split with her husband as he was very controlling and emotionally manipulative toward her and their marriage was particularly miserable after their daughter was born. Now, he has a 29-year-old girlfriend who is 15 years younger than him and the poster, and they also have a four-month-old baby.
It turns out that the husband was so manipulative that he told all his friends extreme lies about the poster, claiming that she had an affair and left him. OP is also quite certain he has told tons of lies about her to his girlfriend as well, because their interactions have never been friendly.
Now, the main problem surfaced when he started pushing the girlfriend on their daughter as her “new mom” and also making her spend time with “her new family”. Whenever he’s away or unavailable, he makes the kid stay with his girlfriend and this is what annoys OP most as she feels that the 29-year-old is not mature enough to parent her 10-year-old.
The poster doesn’t like how she lets her daughter do a few things that she wouldn’t, and also that the girlfriend calls her daughter “lazy” if she forgets to pack something. When she expressed to the woman that her kid should be with her if her ex is not there, she got chippy responses from her. The girlfriend even claimed that OP sounded rude, but the poster didn’t think so.
Well, after all, the concerned mom only wanted what was best for her daughter, so she claimed that she was even willing to form a good bond with the woman, but didn’t know how. Feeling confused, she vented online and sought advice from netizens who were divided after reading the story.
Image credits: cottonbro studio / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Some folks pointed out that she was indeed being quite rude by undermining the girlfriend just because she was younger than her. They said that she might be feeling jealous of her; that’s why she was acting all condescending towards her. People also said that the way she was handling the relationship with her, by contacting her over text, was not healthy.
Nicole Farrow, a relationship and family coach, mentions in one of her articles, “3 in 4 people go on to remarry, therefore introducing a new partner or dealing with your ex’s new partner is inevitable.”
“This isn’t easy, and even the best co-parenting relationships can struggle with a new person coming into the picture. How this situation is handled has a huge impact on your children’s acceptance of them and your success as a blended family going forward.”
People said that apart from handling the situation badly, OP was also not respecting the girlfriend, so she shouldn’t expect to be respected in return. They also felt that she was violating the girlfriend’s boundaries by contacting her instead of the ex.
Meanwhile, other netizens sided with OP and mentioned that they wouldn’t like to leave their kids with their ex’s new partners either. However, they claimed that having a stepbrother might be good for the daughter and even the poster felt so. As per research, 40% of American families are blended, and as it’s so common, folks felt the daughter would accept it.
Some people also argued that the daughter is old enough to make her own decision and they should ask her whom she wants to spend time with. These netizens were quite annoyed that she was being forced to bond with the “new mom”, and even research indicates that it’s unwise to force kids to bond with stepparents.
Well, what would you do in OP’s shoes? Let us know in the comments!
Netizens were divided as some felt she was jealous of the girlfriend, while others said that the daughter should get to choose whom she spends time with
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What do you think ?
Tabitha 2 months ago (edited)
WTF is with the commenters blaming OP and calling her rude and condescending (totally ignoring the ex badmouthing her and his new wife being “chippy”), and not the neglectful father dumping his visitation time on his new wife? I can’t really blame the new wife, not because she’s young, but because she’s got a new infant to look after and she hasn’t been in the relationship long enough to realize her husband’s true nature. She’ll wise up eventually, but by then the damage will have already been done, especially to the older daughter, if OP doesn’t get the custody agreement revised ASAP.
AKA AKA 2 months ago
personally i dont think that the gf is being very rude or unsympathetic, i think she juust lacks experience and doesen like being critisised. she is quite young and hasnt brought up the child so she most likely needs some time to get used to her, although i do think it is quite obvious not to let a kid spend the whole day on their phone. the ex sounds ike a controlling rat tho.
arthbach 2 months ago
If both parents have her 50/50, and it's an even split, then to be blunt, the mother doesn't get to decide what happens when the child is with the other parent/family unit. Her father is the one who decides. He can decide to leave her in the care of the step-mother, and that is totally fine. At 29 year old will normally be perfectly capable of looking after a 10 year old.
FluffyDreg 2 months ago
I think a mother is always allowed to voice her concerns that the other parent isn't fulfilling or arranging to have their child's needs fulfilled. The daughter has activities and obligations that he is not fulfilling. That's the crux of it. The daughter is not happy with the arrangement, so mom is speaking up.
Load More Replies...
Grenelda Thurber 2 months ago
I bet the affair wasn't just "emotional." He'll only admit to what you already know.
Emie N. 2 months ago
It's incredibly stupid abbreviations for "dear husband" "dear daughter" "dear wife" etc.
Load More Replies...
ZestyBison 2 months ago
I'm getting alarm bells with the "new mum" commentary. Certain women love the idea of stealing another woman's child because they think they can do better - this is why a bare minimum standard exists - to prevent situations such as that. Is the child fed, dressed, and clean? Is there a source of entertainment (be it a beige genderless doll or an iPad)? Everything else is subjective. The truth is when you divorce there is likely to be another adult in the child's life and you all have to learn how to parent together.
StarCrossedFriday 2 months ago
Problem is, if the new GF hasn’t cottoned on to OP’s ex’s manipulative ways, she may well think the daughter is ‘safer’ with her. Andif OP did phrase the texts as ‘I don’t want you being alone with my child and you need to respect that’, it plays into her ex’s portrayal of her. I agree this will likely not be resolved via text - and even then it heavily depends on how open she is to OP’s assessment of her ex. The only thing I don’t get is why her ex is so insistent on having his daughter round, if he’s not there anyway. Just to punish OP and make her life more difficult, would be my depressing guess. I’m actually hoping for a whole new twist - the ex reveals his true nature to his new gf, and she leaves him, takes the baby, and she and OP build a wholesome friendship where both siblings get equal attention.
Melissa Harris 2 months ago (edited)
The OP needs to get that custody arrangement amended so her daughter's father must be there with her for at least 50% of his custody time. I feel bad for the clueless GF who's likely in an abusive relationship like the OP was to the same man. The young woman just doesn't know it yet. The guys sounds like a POS that should come with a warning label.
dandylilah 2 months ago
I was 23 (childless) and stepsons were 12 & 10. Anytime their dad was not at home, their mom had no clue cause we had them for the weekend, it was none of her business. If someone needs "experience" to watch your 10 yr old maybe its YOU who should be worried about YOUR parenting skills.
FluffyDreg 2 months ago
Watching and parenting are very different things. She's not ultimately babysitting for a few hours, she is becoming a parent in the situation. Which is not easy, and parents can very easioy make mistakes that have lasting emotional consequences.
Load More Replies... Tabitha 2 months ago (edited)
WTF is with the commenters blaming OP and calling her rude and condescending (totally ignoring the ex badmouthing her and his new wife being “chippy”), and not the neglectful father dumping his visitation time on his new wife? I can’t really blame the new wife, not because she’s young, but because she’s got a new infant to look after and she hasn’t been in the relationship long enough to realize her husband’s true nature. She’ll wise up eventually, but by then the damage will have already been done, especially to the older daughter, if OP doesn’t get the custody agreement revised ASAP.
AKA AKA 2 months ago
personally i dont think that the gf is being very rude or unsympathetic, i think she juust lacks experience and doesen like being critisised. she is quite young and hasnt brought up the child so she most likely needs some time to get used to her, although i do think it is quite obvious not to let a kid spend the whole day on their phone. the ex sounds ike a controlling rat tho.
arthbach 2 months ago
If both parents have her 50/50, and it's an even split, then to be blunt, the mother doesn't get to decide what happens when the child is with the other parent/family unit. Her father is the one who decides. He can decide to leave her in the care of the step-mother, and that is totally fine. At 29 year old will normally be perfectly capable of looking after a 10 year old.
FluffyDreg 2 months ago
I think a mother is always allowed to voice her concerns that the other parent isn't fulfilling or arranging to have their child's needs fulfilled. The daughter has activities and obligations that he is not fulfilling. That's the crux of it. The daughter is not happy with the arrangement, so mom is speaking up.
Load More Replies... Grenelda Thurber 2 months ago
I bet the affair wasn't just "emotional." He'll only admit to what you already know.
Emie N. 2 months ago
It's incredibly stupid abbreviations for "dear husband" "dear daughter" "dear wife" etc.
Load More Replies... ZestyBison 2 months ago
I'm getting alarm bells with the "new mum" commentary. Certain women love the idea of stealing another woman's child because they think they can do better - this is why a bare minimum standard exists - to prevent situations such as that. Is the child fed, dressed, and clean? Is there a source of entertainment (be it a beige genderless doll or an iPad)? Everything else is subjective. The truth is when you divorce there is likely to be another adult in the child's life and you all have to learn how to parent together.
StarCrossedFriday 2 months ago
Problem is, if the new GF hasn’t cottoned on to OP’s ex’s manipulative ways, she may well think the daughter is ‘safer’ with her. Andif OP did phrase the texts as ‘I don’t want you being alone with my child and you need to respect that’, it plays into her ex’s portrayal of her. I agree this will likely not be resolved via text - and even then it heavily depends on how open she is to OP’s assessment of her ex. The only thing I don’t get is why her ex is so insistent on having his daughter round, if he’s not there anyway. Just to punish OP and make her life more difficult, would be my depressing guess. I’m actually hoping for a whole new twist - the ex reveals his true nature to his new gf, and she leaves him, takes the baby, and she and OP build a wholesome friendship where both siblings get equal attention.
Melissa Harris 2 months ago (edited)
The OP needs to get that custody arrangement amended so her daughter's father must be there with her for at least 50% of his custody time. I feel bad for the clueless GF who's likely in an abusive relationship like the OP was to the same man. The young woman just doesn't know it yet. The guys sounds like a POS that should come with a warning label.
dandylilah 2 months ago
I was 23 (childless) and stepsons were 12 & 10. Anytime their dad was not at home, their mom had no clue cause we had them for the weekend, it was none of her business. If someone needs "experience" to watch your 10 yr old maybe its YOU who should be worried about YOUR parenting skills.
FluffyDreg 2 months ago
Watching and parenting are very different things. She's not ultimately babysitting for a few hours, she is becoming a parent in the situation. Which is not easy, and parents can very easioy make mistakes that have lasting emotional consequences.
Load More Replies...
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