Woman Shares Her Hobby With Friend’s Daughter, Gets Silent Treatment For Not Gifting The Supplies
Babysitting can be fun, but let’s face it, most of us won’t take hours out of our spare time for free. The one exception many people make is for their friends and family. It takes a village, or so they saying goes. So if you happen to have some particularly creative hobby, it would seem like a no-brainer to bring along some supplies.
A woman asked if she was wrong to not give her friend’s child free paints after spending the day doing crafts with her. Netizens shared their advice, thoughts and some gave some suggestions on how to approach situations like this in the future.
Arts and crafts are a great babysitting activity
Image credits: towfiqu98 / envato (not the actual photo)
But one woman refused to just leave her materials with her friend’s child
Image credits: Elet / envato (not the actual photo)
Image credits: masterwoodhandler
Some folks thought the woman was being greedy, but it doesn’t hold up
Image credits: Pavel Danilyuk / pexels (not the actual photo)
Some of the more negative comments, which can be found below, made some far reaching arguments about the woman “using” Ella for “free labor,” presumably as they assumed she would then be selling these items. The “free labor” argument is contentious, since the woman herself was already babysitting for free, on a day off.
This is the difficulty with a story like this, because obligations and relationships don’t always mix entirely correctly. It’s possible to take the transactional point of view of some commenters, where “labor” needs to be exchanged equally. This might be fair, but it’s also a hard thing to “implement” in a friendship.
After all, imagine splitting every bill down to the cent when going out. It’s always good to pitch in, but seeing a relationship as an exchange of goods and services seems counterproductive. On the other hand, it’s also fair to say the woman could have made it clear that Ella wouldn’t be able to keep all the items.
Children tend to not have as nuanced a view, so it’s worth establishing ground rules. As the woman notes, she did let her keep the figure she painted herself, so it’s not like Ella “lost” everything. Similarly, babysitting is work and the woman was kind enough to prepare a rather engaging activity. In other words, if you ask your friend for a favor, you should probably be happy when they choose to help, even if there are some nuances you don’t agree with.
This relationship ultimately can benefit from some extra communication
Ultimately, this does seem like a resolvable issue. Riley needs to understand that these items and materials do have a cost, her friend is already not being “compensated” for babysitting. This isn’t to say that she shouldn’t babysit, helping out the people close to you is simply a good thing to do, but taking someone’s time and money is perhaps too much.
The woman who shared the story, from her side, should have made things a bit more clear, but that doesn’t diminish her point of view. She is taking her time and seems to already be willing to do fun stuff with Ella. Arts and crafts are not actually that cheap, even if the end result is a “toy,” so she is going above and beyond most babysitting jobs. Both sides are upset, perhaps for justifiable reasons, but this doesn’t mean it can’t be worked out.
Hopefully, they can just talk it out, because this doesn’t seem like an issue worth ending a friendship over. Similarly, Riley can use this as a teaching moment with Ella. No doubt Ella did feel upset, but this is a great way to learn about costs and expectations. No reason to burn bridges with the “fun aunt” who is down to do babysitting duty when needed.
The woman shared some details with commenters
Most folks thought she was in the right
But a few thought she was exaggerating the situation
Poll Question
Thanks! Check out the results:
The "yta"s are crazy! How did someone get "using the child as free labor" out of "giving her my expensive art supplies would lose me profit in my business because I'd have to buy more"?
Apparently that person thought OP was going to take away the work the child did and sell it. I don't see how anyone who can read would think that, but nothing else makes sense.
Load More Replies...Paint that is used to paint wood is no paint you can not simply wipe away once it has dried. Why do I see an angry Riley because her daughter was allowed to keep the painting and utensils and painted... let's say the wallpaper or carpet by accident?
This was my exact thought. Acrylic paint would not usually be marketed to kids this age, regardless of whether it's the cheap dollar store variety or a high-end brand, because it cannot be removed from textiles and many other surfaces. It's one thing for an experienced artisan to use them with a closely-supervised six-year-old, but if they'd been left behind, there's an excellent chance they would have been used again under less rigorous conditions. And I'm betting the mom would have been blaming OP and demanding she cover the cost of replacing anything ruined.
Load More Replies...Lesson learned, never ever bring your own supplies, buy cheap age appropriate supplies for children, that is all.
I'm babysitting for free as a favor to my friend. I'll bring some fun activities for the kid to do, oh and let me pick up some gifts for the kid, too?
Load More Replies...Paints for certain crafts can be expensive! Shoot, anything related to hobbying can be expensive and this woman has made it into her side gig (my hat goes off to ya, btw....I wish I was that talented). But no, she's under no obligation to leave her supplies behind. This was a good teaching opportunity, but unfortunately the kid's mum didn't see it that way. She's NTA.
The YTA who said that acrylic paint was like 2 for a $1 is crazy, good acrylic paint costs a lot more than that.
That person has never bought “good” art supplies in their life
Load More Replies...Watching your child’s genuine disappointment is so hard and then knowing you can’t step in and fix it is hard too. Mom took that internal pain and instead of dealing with it like an adult and walking her child through disappointment she tried to have you fix it. She’d rather cost you financially than be in mental pain. I’m sorry. This is poor parenting and an ungrateful friend. No villain here but some selfishness, certainly.
Mom can fix it. She can explain that this was just a fun activity to do with OP and that OP needs to take her stuff home because those supplies are how OP does her job and wasn't it nice that she shared them so she could make a turtle. She may just be 6 but she understands that when she has a playdate with her friends they might bring their toys with them to share but the toy isn't now hers. This is the same concept. Teaching her child how to handle disappointment is fixing it.
Load More Replies...Craft supplies are costly, and they're not toys. It's one thing to supervise and play together with kiddo, but expecting the free babysitter and friend of the family to gift her material away is ridiculous. It was already quite generous of OP to share. Also acrylic paint is not a toy: it's a bítch and a half to get out of clothes, off walls, or scrubbing it from the furniture, where it would inevitably end up if left in the hands of a 6YO.
Wtf is up with the mom. Easy peasy way to address this: “Sweetie, this is a fun activity you get to do with your Aunty. 😊 Since you had so much fun we should ask her to come back and do it again with us soon!!”
She got to keep her turtle, what's the big deal? Paint and brushes are expensive, and the friend knows this, that's why she wants someone else to buy them for her. She can go to the craft store and buy the cheaper stuff for her kid for now. Like every other struggling parent.
Clear communication from the beginning one would have been useful. You can explain to six-year-old that you brought an activity, not a gift. But that she can choose one figurine and you will give that one to her as a gift. You can also talk about how this is both a hobby and a source of income for you. How running a shop does not mean that you are rich or that the proucts you sell are yours- you have to sell them to get the ony you put into them back. Best-case scenario daughter would have told her mom "this is OP's job and the things she needs to do the job, but look at the turtle she gave me!"
That's good communication. That said, I can understand the OP not thinking ahead that the little girl would be so disappointed. Let's hope there's a next time, as the OP seems fond of her. The mother needs to get over her daughter's disappointment.
Load More Replies...Don’t worry about it. Riley will reach out and want to be friends again the next time she needs free babysitting.
Again with the YTAs! Did they even read that she let Ella keep what she made?
That was only mentioned in the update, so I'm willing to assume they posted their comment before the update. Although, a turtle painted by a 6 year old would not likely be worth selling to anyone except their parents or grandparents. So it seems silly to assume she would try to sell the turtle.
Load More Replies...So if Ella got to keep the supplies and painted the rug or sofa, would that be ok? Paints are not toys they need to be supervised. Would Riley want to supervise Ella 24/7 bc she couldn't take them away from her she might cry?
How about next time prefacing the fact that these go home with you, but this (whatever this is) is yours to keep.
The bigger issue is the entitled friend demanding the art supplies be given to the child. She missed a great opportunity to teach her child gratitude.
Load More Replies...Well the YTA are giving themselves away as those who want to mooch off of others.
Send your "friend" a bill for babysitting and craft supplies and go no contact.
Child labour, Lolololol. Riley is being shortsighted here - she's going to need a free babysitter in the near future and she's shot this one down.
yall both silly as hell...yes it's totally fine for you to take the supplies back BUT if the 6 yo child that may not fully understand why you'd want to keep them is upset, why doesn't the Mom offer to pay you at least for the supplies? That way you leave them & she can continue using. I would have left them but I also don't have a small biz, I just think as two adults you both should have figured this out better...yikes
A terrible take from an entitled person, this one
Load More Replies...The "yta"s are crazy! How did someone get "using the child as free labor" out of "giving her my expensive art supplies would lose me profit in my business because I'd have to buy more"?
Apparently that person thought OP was going to take away the work the child did and sell it. I don't see how anyone who can read would think that, but nothing else makes sense.
Load More Replies...Paint that is used to paint wood is no paint you can not simply wipe away once it has dried. Why do I see an angry Riley because her daughter was allowed to keep the painting and utensils and painted... let's say the wallpaper or carpet by accident?
This was my exact thought. Acrylic paint would not usually be marketed to kids this age, regardless of whether it's the cheap dollar store variety or a high-end brand, because it cannot be removed from textiles and many other surfaces. It's one thing for an experienced artisan to use them with a closely-supervised six-year-old, but if they'd been left behind, there's an excellent chance they would have been used again under less rigorous conditions. And I'm betting the mom would have been blaming OP and demanding she cover the cost of replacing anything ruined.
Load More Replies...Lesson learned, never ever bring your own supplies, buy cheap age appropriate supplies for children, that is all.
I'm babysitting for free as a favor to my friend. I'll bring some fun activities for the kid to do, oh and let me pick up some gifts for the kid, too?
Load More Replies...Paints for certain crafts can be expensive! Shoot, anything related to hobbying can be expensive and this woman has made it into her side gig (my hat goes off to ya, btw....I wish I was that talented). But no, she's under no obligation to leave her supplies behind. This was a good teaching opportunity, but unfortunately the kid's mum didn't see it that way. She's NTA.
The YTA who said that acrylic paint was like 2 for a $1 is crazy, good acrylic paint costs a lot more than that.
That person has never bought “good” art supplies in their life
Load More Replies...Watching your child’s genuine disappointment is so hard and then knowing you can’t step in and fix it is hard too. Mom took that internal pain and instead of dealing with it like an adult and walking her child through disappointment she tried to have you fix it. She’d rather cost you financially than be in mental pain. I’m sorry. This is poor parenting and an ungrateful friend. No villain here but some selfishness, certainly.
Mom can fix it. She can explain that this was just a fun activity to do with OP and that OP needs to take her stuff home because those supplies are how OP does her job and wasn't it nice that she shared them so she could make a turtle. She may just be 6 but she understands that when she has a playdate with her friends they might bring their toys with them to share but the toy isn't now hers. This is the same concept. Teaching her child how to handle disappointment is fixing it.
Load More Replies...Craft supplies are costly, and they're not toys. It's one thing to supervise and play together with kiddo, but expecting the free babysitter and friend of the family to gift her material away is ridiculous. It was already quite generous of OP to share. Also acrylic paint is not a toy: it's a bítch and a half to get out of clothes, off walls, or scrubbing it from the furniture, where it would inevitably end up if left in the hands of a 6YO.
Wtf is up with the mom. Easy peasy way to address this: “Sweetie, this is a fun activity you get to do with your Aunty. 😊 Since you had so much fun we should ask her to come back and do it again with us soon!!”
She got to keep her turtle, what's the big deal? Paint and brushes are expensive, and the friend knows this, that's why she wants someone else to buy them for her. She can go to the craft store and buy the cheaper stuff for her kid for now. Like every other struggling parent.
Clear communication from the beginning one would have been useful. You can explain to six-year-old that you brought an activity, not a gift. But that she can choose one figurine and you will give that one to her as a gift. You can also talk about how this is both a hobby and a source of income for you. How running a shop does not mean that you are rich or that the proucts you sell are yours- you have to sell them to get the ony you put into them back. Best-case scenario daughter would have told her mom "this is OP's job and the things she needs to do the job, but look at the turtle she gave me!"
That's good communication. That said, I can understand the OP not thinking ahead that the little girl would be so disappointed. Let's hope there's a next time, as the OP seems fond of her. The mother needs to get over her daughter's disappointment.
Load More Replies...Don’t worry about it. Riley will reach out and want to be friends again the next time she needs free babysitting.
Again with the YTAs! Did they even read that she let Ella keep what she made?
That was only mentioned in the update, so I'm willing to assume they posted their comment before the update. Although, a turtle painted by a 6 year old would not likely be worth selling to anyone except their parents or grandparents. So it seems silly to assume she would try to sell the turtle.
Load More Replies...So if Ella got to keep the supplies and painted the rug or sofa, would that be ok? Paints are not toys they need to be supervised. Would Riley want to supervise Ella 24/7 bc she couldn't take them away from her she might cry?
How about next time prefacing the fact that these go home with you, but this (whatever this is) is yours to keep.
The bigger issue is the entitled friend demanding the art supplies be given to the child. She missed a great opportunity to teach her child gratitude.
Load More Replies...Well the YTA are giving themselves away as those who want to mooch off of others.
Send your "friend" a bill for babysitting and craft supplies and go no contact.
Child labour, Lolololol. Riley is being shortsighted here - she's going to need a free babysitter in the near future and she's shot this one down.
yall both silly as hell...yes it's totally fine for you to take the supplies back BUT if the 6 yo child that may not fully understand why you'd want to keep them is upset, why doesn't the Mom offer to pay you at least for the supplies? That way you leave them & she can continue using. I would have left them but I also don't have a small biz, I just think as two adults you both should have figured this out better...yikes
A terrible take from an entitled person, this one
Load More Replies...
48
41