You're miserable leave. None of the other info matters. You have kids so do everything you can to make it an amicable split, but don't stay on a marriage when you're miserable.

The fact that her grown kids think they're allowed to scream at and push her...they've seen the way he's treated her over the years and how she tolerates it and are doing the same thing. And she gives in to them too. She needs to leave him, go lc with the kids, and get lots of therapy. She mentions dating in her 60s but she shouldn't even think about dating for several years, until she learns her worth and how to demand people treat her properly.

Agree with other comments — go. Run. You can be ND and still an a*****e. Even if he’s “not meaning” to be an a*****e to OP, he still is, and that isn’t okay. Self-respect. Go.

Get out. Get a good divorce lawyer- you have helped develop the small holding, you are entitled to some of its value. Refuse to see your adult kids unless they agree to families therapy- laying hands on anyone is not ok. You have to realise that you have done all you can and your help is unwelcome. You could live another 20 years like this- get out now.

Marriage, where men won't change, but their wives want them to, and wives change but their husbands don't want them to

I feel like if she is miserable she needs to leave, but I also feel that she expects his autism can be "cured". I am married to my husband who is autistic and I see some similarities, but I understand how autism is and works and know what his brain can and can't do. I know he will never be "cured" but I have accepted it and am fine with it.

OMG LEAVE!!! It’s weird that he CAN’T change to show you just a bit of a loving side to him but, this MF calls your children and tells them that you’re not nice knowing they side with him. What a disgusting narcissistic sociopath your husband is! He knows exactly what he’s doing. Your children are disgraceful because of how they treat you. Show them these. Your husband is a vile POS! downvote me! I don’t give a damn

The fact that she's thinking about dating makes this a weird one for me. Also, the kids siding with their father ... kids aren't stupid. Who's to say OP isn't actually the one running everything and telling everyone what to do and spineless, timid and ND husband was just going along with it all.

My son's best friend has Asperger's and has more maturity and caring in his little toe than that jerk does. He was married for a few years to a girl who also had either Asperger's or Autism along with mental problems that she stopped taking her meds for. When I say this girl went off the deep end on him I'm not kidding. She was saying she was giving birth to Christ's baby, she wasn't pregnant. She refused to take her meds, he and her parents got her involuntarily committed. Luckily he had a prenup so she couldn't touch his house that he had bought with the inheritance from his mother when they divorced. She has been back in the mental hospital since then also So this guy is just a lazy uncaring jerk that could either have low testosterone or basically be impotent.

According to the poll I think you should seek therapy and separation . A break id a healthy thing for both of you . My husband and I started going down this path a few years ago . I went on a solo cross country road trip to be family from my side at the same time my first grandson was born. I took a six week break and stayed with my brother. and hung out with my sister and my kids they all live relatively close. It was exactly what we needed it was a reset button for both of us. This may not work for all couples but it helped us. we still have issues but we are working on them . Marriage is one of the most challenging things life throws at us. I admire people who have been together for several years,

There's just so much misery in this post and I feel for all of them. I feel so much for the husband, undiagnosed neurodivergent until later in life and clearly living with shame surrounding that, and with a wife who's spent a life-sentence demanding he change. For the wife who grew up being told that a good husband is a "project" that takes years of "training" to get, who never got what she wanted out of her marriage and was unable to see her husband would never be able to give her that, or that treating him the way she was was awful. The kids, growing up with a miserable mother, an ashamed father, and unmet neurodivergent needs, surrounded by all this misery and conflict.

Lots of red flags in the message. One of them is that she seems absolutely unwilling to speak her husband's language. She says he didn't worry about his cancer... but then describes his behaviour at that time and it screams anxiety to me. Having and expression emotions are two different things. I feel that she wants something she idealizes and he can't provide. Maybe she can try to find another man and see she can get all the nice gestures and kind words, and ALSO the reliability and investment of her man who worked hard to provide for 5 kids and her. Also, I am surprised at her complaining the kids are defending their father while she also says she's annoyed at what he DOESN'T do. He's not toxic. What if SHE is?

He's using his Asperger's as an excuse to be abusive. He's only mildly so, and even people who are extremely affected (much worse than he is) TRY to get better, and learn not to hurt others. He's not even trying. Time to get rid of him. Yo deserve a happy life.