We can put as much thought into a gift as we want, but ultimately, the receiver decides if it’s a hit or a miss.

So when Reddit user Complex-Club-6111 got her husband a guitar for Christmas, she couldn’t wait to see his reaction—the woman spent considerably more money on the present than she normally does, so she really wanted her partner to like it.

However, as the Redditor explained in her candid post on r/TwoXChromosomes, once the relatives rolled in and the unwrapping began, things didn’t go as planned.

Gift-giving is a deeply personal act, so it’s no surprise this woman wanted her husband to enjoy the guitar she got for him

Image credits: Kaboompics.com / Pexels (not the actual photo)

But she got the impression that he and his family thought it was cheap, and was deeply hurt by their comments

Image credits: Polina Kovaleva / Pexels (not the actual photo)

Image credits: cottonbro studio / Pexels (not the actual photo)

Image credits: Complex-Club-6111

Image credits: Freepik (not the actual photo)

Roughly one in five Americans argue about money with their in-laws

“Different members of the same family can wind up occupying different class brackets (or appearing to),” said Eleanor Gordon-Smith, an ethicist at Princeton University.

“This isn’t just about ‘what’s in the bank’ but also a whole interplay of knowledge and expectations. What do our houses look like? What occupies our free time? What do we wear and drive and eat and buy? How do we talk? Where do we feel most comfortable? These are all ways of falling into class brackets without even being aware that we are.”

“It’s easy for families to feel divided and mutually resentful when their answers to these questions start to diverge,” Gordon-Smith explained.

In these situations, according to her, phrases like “we don’t have buckets of money!” aren’t very helpful, primarily because the rift might not just be about estimates of capital.

“It might also be about a suspicion, from either side, that the other is privately judging them for where they have wound up,” the academic said. “When a child moves significantly away from the class or lifestyle of their parents, it’s extremely common for parents to experience the shift as a kind of rejection.”

A 2024 survey conducted in the United States revealed that politics is actually the number one argued-about topic between Americans and their in-laws, with 31% of respondents admitting to having these conflicts, exceeding other contentious issues like lifestyle choices (22%), and disputes about a partner (21%). Money came in fourth with 19%.

So, what to do? The important thing, Gordon-Smith said, is to temper some of your resentment about your in-laws’ resentment. “I’m not saying your feelings are misplaced—they could be totally apt. But sometimes these cycles only break when one of us decides to put aside the feelings we’re allowed to have,” she added.

As people shared their reactions to the story, its author provided more context on her situation

After talking to her husband, the woman published an update

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