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Woman Crochets A Blanket For 900 Hours As A Gift For Friend’s Son, He Gives it Back To Her, The Internet Is Divided
We all know it feels better to give than receive. But sometimes, gift-giving can be a blessing and a curse all at the same time. It brings us great joy to please someone with a lovely surprise, especially when we create that specific item with our own two hands. But equally, it can cause a lot of stress and pressure to find just the right thing the receiver wants and needs.
Still, we clearly anticipate a delighted response to our efforts. And then feel deeply disappointed when we get anything but. So when Twitter user Danielle Candela recently shared how her friend’s son rejected his 21st birthday gift — a crocheted blanket that took her over 900 hours and $120 to craft — the story immediately split the internet.
The 68-year-old woman still working full-time felt hurt seeing her work taken for granted, but people online seemed to have mixed opinions. Read on to learn more about the incident and the reactions it received from readers. Then be sure to decide where you land on the matter and weigh in on the discussion in the comments!
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After her friend’s son rejected a crochet gift blanket she made, this 68-year-old woman turned to Twitter to share her disappointment
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Image credits: DanielleCandela
Candela’s post caused quite a stir on Twitter with people jumping at the chance to share their opinions. Many people expressed support for the woman and felt deeply appalled by how her friend’s son handled the situation. Some readers offered kind words and even chimed in with their own experiences. And others said there’s always a risk that a person will reject the gift if you don’t ask about their preferences beforehand. And if the recipient is not a fan of crochet blankets, it simply won’t work for them.
Surprisingly, this thread gained so much attention that it spread to other platforms, too. It was picked up by a member of the ‘Crochet’ subreddit, stuckwitharmor, who shared the woman’s story with the community.
“Personally, I think if you make a gift, you make it with your own time, effort and motivation,” the user wrote. “The receiver is not obliged to love it just because you spent a long time and a lot of effort on it.”
Her post sparked a heated discussion about gift-giving online, where the vast majority of commenters were appalled by the young man’s entitlement
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It’s no secret that gift-giving can be a powerful tool in bringing two people together. But it can also drive them apart. So what exactly makes it such a tricky matter of business?
Whether it’s having doubts about what to get, not knowing the person well, or coming from completely different backgrounds — thinking of something special to give a particular person can often feel like navigating a minefield, to begin with.
And let’s not forget about the financial burden. Understandably, gifts are all about the thought, not the dollar amount. But as it turns out, people are so eager to celebrate birthdays and other celebrations that they’re ready to spend lavishly — and even go into debt.
A survey by online loan marketplace LendingTree questioned more than 1,000 US consumers about their spending on gifts. It found that 45% of participants admitted to paying more than they can afford because they wanted to impress the recipient. In fact, the survey revealed that spending on birthday gifts was the highest, and it even surpassed milestones like weddings and graduations.
Over half of consumers felt pressured to buy a birthday gift at some point. Another 39% reported typically paying between $100 and $499 for gifts for others’ celebrations in a year, while 18% said they tend to spend between $500 and $999.
Fellow knitters and crocheters also chimed in with similar experiences
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As you’ve noticed from Candela’s story and the support it received from the internet, seeing your gift getting rejected is upsetting. And this is especially true when the giver has spent a fair amount of time, money, and energy procuring it. But according to a blog post on Beezzly, etiquette rules agree on how to handle these situations. See, there is only one thing you can do when someone says “no, thank you” — to accept the return.
You should do it calmly, without confrontation, and without any argument. Naturally, your emotions may rise, but speaking in a gentle tone can go a long way. You may also ask the reason they are giving the item back, and if it all falls down to misunderstanding, you can try to ask them to reconsider it.
But if the person is still refusing, that should be the end. “There is no sense to push the person further. Just stay calm, say OK and move on. Think of the process of gift giving as something that is not about you or me, but as something that is about them.”
Other readers shared positive stories about how people were grateful to accept gifts
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We previously had a chat with Jeff Galak, an associate professor of marketing at Carnegie Mellon University’s Tepper School of Business and co-author of a study called Why Certain Gifts Are Great to Give but Not to Get, who was more than happy to talk about gift-giving struggles and how a bad present can affect the bond between people.
Galak explained to Bored Panda that givers mainly focus on the moment of gift exchange, whereas recipients primarily think about how valuable the object will be once owned. So when it comes to choosing unfit gifts for others, the professor said that mistakes usually occur because givers don’t ask recipients what they want. “There’s an odd cultural taboo that exists which makes people uncomfortable asking someone what kind of gift they want. But that taboo is entirely inappropriate.”
“Gift recipients know what they want and they are eager to tell gift-givers. There is nothing wrong with sharing that information and there’s nothing wrong with asking for it,” Galak added.
According to the professor, even though we believe our efforts are well thought-out, an unwanted gift can cause tension between the two people. “If a giver gives a gift that isn’t well received, there is a chance that the relationship will be strained. Gifts act as a social lubricant that signals care for another person… but that is undermined when the gift is bad.”
Of course, there is one way to avoid finding ourselves in these kinds of situations. “Just ask! The easiest way to give a good gift is to ask someone what they want. People appreciate the fact that they are being asked as that signals that the giver really wants to give something that is well-liked,” he explained.
Ultimately, it all comes down to communication. Everyone has a different relationship with the birthday star, and each situation is different, but it’s important to talk over the situation and determine what works best for you. We’d love to hear your opinions on the matter down below. Do you think people should accept gifts no matter what? Or is it appropriate to stand your ground and reject it if you’re not a fan? Feel free to share your thoughts below in the comments!
And some users said the receiver is not obliged to love the present, and called out the woman for forcing her craft on people
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What do you think ?
Andy 2 years ago (edited)
Was going to comment on the friend, however then got to the comments (in the story) and more shocked by the basic lack of manners and spoiled attitude of a lot of these people. By all means you do not have to like a gift, but you smile, say thank you and then stick it in a drawer or cupboard until you have a clear out. To say that she was trying to manipulate people or that they were right to rudely reject it to make a point that she was wrong to give them that gift just come accross as awful, entitled people who have no regard for other people's feelings
susan turer 2 years ago
Exactly, the blanket was not the only gift she gave him. So if he didn't like it just say thank you for gifts and give the one you do not like away. There is no reason to return a gift you do not like, just pass it on to a charity or something. My issue with many of the responses is that manners and kindness should not be forgotten and all right to give up on if you did not ask for or want something. It takes so little time to show and say thank you (especially to a friend or family member), then you are free to do as you will with the gifts.
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MiriPanda 2 years ago
I fully understand the hurt and personally would have kept it in a heartbeat, but am I the only one to find a crocheted blanket a little strange gift for a 21 year old young man? 🤔 (I don't return gifts unless it's a size or duplicate issue as those can easily be fixed and don't hurt anybodys feelings).
Nathan Wolfe 2 years ago
In winter, a crocheted blanket is a perfect supplement to any blanket. Adds weight, holds heat, but is breathable. I'm 29 and if someone gifted me a hand crocheted blanket, I'd likely break down and ball my eyes out. I haven't had one since my dog shredded the last one my great grandma made me before she passed.
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Deborah B 2 years ago
I craft. It's expensive and time consuming, and I do it for me. Other people are not obligated to like it, or want it. Putting 900 hours into a blanket and expecting someone else to value it as highly as you do is setting yourself up for disappointment. If you are going to do a gift for someone, FFS ask what they would like. Saying "I would love to crochet a blanket for your son, do you think he would like that? Is there something else he'd like better?" Would have been polite and sensible. He's 21 - it's more likely than not that this blanket is not to his taste, and he may even be uncomfortable that a woman his mom's age is giving him handcrafts that she spent 900 hours on.
Joseph Miller 2 years ago
He should have just been a man and return it himself. He softer than that blanket he had his mommy return.
Load More Replies...
Andy 2 years ago (edited)
Was going to comment on the friend, however then got to the comments (in the story) and more shocked by the basic lack of manners and spoiled attitude of a lot of these people. By all means you do not have to like a gift, but you smile, say thank you and then stick it in a drawer or cupboard until you have a clear out. To say that she was trying to manipulate people or that they were right to rudely reject it to make a point that she was wrong to give them that gift just come accross as awful, entitled people who have no regard for other people's feelings
susan turer 2 years ago
Exactly, the blanket was not the only gift she gave him. So if he didn't like it just say thank you for gifts and give the one you do not like away. There is no reason to return a gift you do not like, just pass it on to a charity or something. My issue with many of the responses is that manners and kindness should not be forgotten and all right to give up on if you did not ask for or want something. It takes so little time to show and say thank you (especially to a friend or family member), then you are free to do as you will with the gifts.
Load More Replies... MiriPanda 2 years ago
I fully understand the hurt and personally would have kept it in a heartbeat, but am I the only one to find a crocheted blanket a little strange gift for a 21 year old young man? 🤔 (I don't return gifts unless it's a size or duplicate issue as those can easily be fixed and don't hurt anybodys feelings).
Nathan Wolfe 2 years ago
In winter, a crocheted blanket is a perfect supplement to any blanket. Adds weight, holds heat, but is breathable. I'm 29 and if someone gifted me a hand crocheted blanket, I'd likely break down and ball my eyes out. I haven't had one since my dog shredded the last one my great grandma made me before she passed.
Load More Replies... Deborah B 2 years ago
I craft. It's expensive and time consuming, and I do it for me. Other people are not obligated to like it, or want it. Putting 900 hours into a blanket and expecting someone else to value it as highly as you do is setting yourself up for disappointment. If you are going to do a gift for someone, FFS ask what they would like. Saying "I would love to crochet a blanket for your son, do you think he would like that? Is there something else he'd like better?" Would have been polite and sensible. He's 21 - it's more likely than not that this blanket is not to his taste, and he may even be uncomfortable that a woman his mom's age is giving him handcrafts that she spent 900 hours on.
Joseph Miller 2 years ago
He should have just been a man and return it himself. He softer than that blanket he had his mommy return.
Load More Replies... You May Like Tiny Crochet Designs: Artist Recreates Popular Items In The Tiny Scale Of 1 To 12 50 Times People Embroidered Such Creative Things They Just Had To Share Them Online (New Pics)
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