Finding the right partner can be challenging for some people. Not only is the endless search frustrating, but it can also impact one’s self-esteem and mental health.
A woman with the username Iwilldrawjapan is in this exact predicament. She shared her story on the forum site Mumsnet, revealing a 13-year streak of failed relationships.
The original poster (OP) describes herself as attractive, financially independent, and with a good family dynamic. After much self-questioning, she is seeking advice from the internet.
Some people have trouble finding love
Image credits: nosovaolha/Envato elements (not the actual photo)
The woman in today’s story admits she has not been able to find a suitable match
Image credits: garetsworkshop/Envato elements (not the actual photo)
She has been struggling for the last 13 years despite being a “good catch” by standard definition
Image credits: Iwilldrawjapan
Society is a plausible contributor to the difficulty of modern dating
Image credits: Jep Gambardella/Pexels (not the actual photo)
The OP admitted to exhausting all efforts to find a potential mate and a relationship that sticks. But according to experts, modern society could be making it more difficult for people to find “the one.”
“The advent of dating apps and social media connecting us to more than just the people we know in our areas or might serendipitously meet somewhere [is making it more difficult],” family therapist and writer Theodora Blanchfield, AMFT, wrote in an article for Very Well Mind.
“If you’re thinking dating now is harder than it was in your parents’ generation or even ten or fifteen years ago, you’re not wrong.”
Along with familial nurturing, Blanchfield included societal expectations as a possible factor.
“The animated movies and fairy tales many of us absorbed as children were heavy on a damsel in distress being rescued by the prince and living happily ever after.
“Thus, many women were socialized to believe that they ‘needed’ a man to take care of them, and perhaps they also learned that messaging at home, if their parents were very traditional.”
Single people must prioritize finding someone who’s willing to accept them for who they are
Image credits: Anna Shvets/Pexels (not the actual photo)
While there are numerous traits to look for in a potential mate, experts advise prioritizing acceptance. Here’s what celebrity divorce attorney Laura Wasser told Business Insider in an interview.
“Look for a person who embraces you, warts and all,” she said. “You know, those little quirks and oddball habits that make you uniquely you.
“Maybe it’s your obsession with collectible stamps, your love of heavy metal, or your Sunday morning ritual of making waffles in your pajamas. They don’t just tolerate these idiosyncrasies. They find them endearing.”
The OP’s disappointment is understandable, considering that her streak of bad luck has continued for over a decade. But once she finds someone who is willing to accept her, regardless of her flaws, she will experience sheer joy.
The OP provided more information by answering some questions in the comments
Some offered their suggestions
And while others encouraged her to keep going, a few pointed out what they believed the problem was
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Strong incel vibes. It's not fair that you're single? Like there's a way to earn someone "being obsessed" with you and that that's a good thing. Work on yourself, become an interesting person. Be a person people might want to date. Volunteer, travel, learn new skills, stay active and in shape. If you are so uncomfortable being single, and so desperate for a relationship, you won't be a healthy person someone wants to be with long term. The profound lack of self awareness of someone who says men are "the main source of your mental health problems" is a huge red flag. If you think being single is crippling to this degree, you are not well enough to be in a relationship. Get into therapy, find some passions that aren't dating and do the work, lay a foundation for a healthy relationship in the future, but OP is one big red flag, if my friends were dating her I would be worried.
I definitely felt like I was reading an incel post too
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Saying she cannot trust men and thinks they only want sex is definitely a sign she needs some help. Making a man feel like a sexual deviant for being interested in you isn't a great way to keep them coming back for more
I am going to give you that same advice i gave to my uni friend who "had terrible luck with guys". Turns out she was terrible at picking them. Luck had nothing to do with it. If you happen to have a female friend you deemed as a very reasonable, sensible person, and you like a great deal (i genuinely wish you to have a friend like that : ). Next time you feel like dating someone, try to pick someone you deem good enough for that good friend.
Strong incel vibes. It's not fair that you're single? Like there's a way to earn someone "being obsessed" with you and that that's a good thing. Work on yourself, become an interesting person. Be a person people might want to date. Volunteer, travel, learn new skills, stay active and in shape. If you are so uncomfortable being single, and so desperate for a relationship, you won't be a healthy person someone wants to be with long term. The profound lack of self awareness of someone who says men are "the main source of your mental health problems" is a huge red flag. If you think being single is crippling to this degree, you are not well enough to be in a relationship. Get into therapy, find some passions that aren't dating and do the work, lay a foundation for a healthy relationship in the future, but OP is one big red flag, if my friends were dating her I would be worried.
I definitely felt like I was reading an incel post too
Load More Replies... Saying she cannot trust men and thinks they only want sex is definitely a sign she needs some help. Making a man feel like a sexual deviant for being interested in you isn't a great way to keep them coming back for more
I am going to give you that same advice i gave to my uni friend who "had terrible luck with guys". Turns out she was terrible at picking them. Luck had nothing to do with it. If you happen to have a female friend you deemed as a very reasonable, sensible person, and you like a great deal (i genuinely wish you to have a friend like that : ). Next time you feel like dating someone, try to pick someone you deem good enough for that good friend.
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