A first date is always nerve-racking, especially when meeting someone you met online. Not only are you unsure of how their personality will be, but there is always a chance you might not even recognize them from their photos. With sweaty palms and a dry mouth, you quickly chew one last mint before your date arrives and continue nervously scanning the bar for them. It sometimes feels like a miracle when a first-date goes well, as both parties head home on cloud nine feeling hopeful and invigorated from the evening. A great first date is not necessarily a sign that the relationship will be long-lasting, but it can give some indication of the potential couple’s future. Especially if it goes poorly.

2 weeks ago, one woman, BackgroundReporter35 on Reddit, shared the story of a Tinder date she recently went on that seemed to be going well until it took a sharp turn at the end of the night, when her date finally showed his true colors. Confused by the situation, the woman reached out to others online wondering if she did anything wrong. Below, you can read the full story, as well as an interview between Bored Panda and BackgroundReporter35, and weigh in with your thoughts. Then let us know in the comments if you have ever been in a similar situation or how you would have reacted to this man.  

One woman recently reached out online to see if she had any fault in her Tinder date that went sour after the man walked her home

Image credits:  Vladimir Kudinov (not the actual photo)

Once they arrived, the man tried to convince her to invite him in or let him use her apartment’s bathroom

Image credits: Jorge Gardner (not the actual photo)

The woman offered her date the restroom in her leasing office instead, but he responded with hostility

We reached out to BackgroundReporter35 on Reddit to hear if she has ever had a man speak to her like that before. “I have had men talk to me like that before but never in person,” she told us. “It’s usually over text if I refuse to send photos or if I don’t feed into their flirting.” We also asked if she thinks men realize how vulnerable it can be for a woman living alone to invite men over. “I think the good men can understand how difficult it is to be a woman sometimes,” she said. On the other hand, however, she told us, “I got a lot of replies from men saying I was ridiculous, and that I shouldn’t have met a guy on a dating app if I didn’t want sex.” We also asked if this experience changed her opinion on dating apps. “This experience DID change my experience about online dating, mainly because of the replies I got,” she explained. “I got a lot of people telling me I shouldn’t let men walk me home at all!” Lastly, she added, “I want women and men to know they can say no to aggressive people without being ‘rude’ or ‘b*tchy’.”

Unfortunately safety is something women never really get a break from worrying about, even when on a date. Of course, the vast majority of men will be gentlemen, but the unknown bad apples are what make women feel like they need to be extra cautious. It is always better to be safe than sorry, and men should understand that when a woman sets a boundary, it must be respected. In this post, the woman even mentioned that she had a bad experience with bringing a man she didn’t know into her home before, so she is not being cautious purely out of paranoia. Women feeling unsafe on dates is a startlingly common issue. 

Commenters reassured the woman that she made the right choice by following her instincts, as her date was exhibiting major red flags

According to a survey from Security.org, 82% of women consider their safety when on a date, compared to only 48% of men. Women are also over three times as concerned about being sexually assaulted on a date than men, and nearly half of the women surveyed reported worrying about being drugged while on a date, compared to only 16% of men. It is a sad fact that women are more likely to be the victims of assault on a date. The National Crime Agency in the UK reports that the most likely group to be the targets of online dating-related sexual assaults are those between the ages of 20-29, with 83% of these victims being females. We have to remember that many cases never get reported either, so it is even more frightening to consider how many attacks fly under the radar.

The fact of the matter is that this woman’s date did not respect her boundaries and became pushy and aggressive when she offered perfectly reasonable solutions. Clearly, his intentions did not extend past that evening, or he would have happily agreed to meet her the next morning or use another restroom. While I am so glad that this woman made it home safely, it is upsetting to know that any man would react to not getting his way with name-calling and storming off. Have you ever experienced anything like this on a date? We would love to hear your thoughts on the situation in the comments.  

Some readers even shared stories of similar situations that turned into nightmares

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