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39
Woman Grows Up As A Maid For Her Foster Parents, Refuses To Help Them When She’s Successful
Most people who adopt a child do it out of the goodness of their hearts. However, some do the same to inflict a lifetime of pain and abuse, and it’s become a practice in some parts of the world.
The author of this story experienced such mistreatment at the hands of her adoptive parents. She described being treated like a live-in maid, forced to do household chores and serve her family without getting to experience a normal childhood.
The woman eventually moved away and achieved financial independence, which urged her struggling parents to ask for help. When she declined, the entire family began the guilt trip, accusing her of being “heartless.”
She now asks the AITAH subreddit if she was indeed too harsh by refusing to help out. Read the entire story below.
RELATED:
Some children experience abuse at the hands of their adoptive families
Image credits: cottonbro studio / Pexels (not the actual photo)
A woman felt like a “live-in maid” with her adoptive family, as she was forced to do house chores and serve them
Image credits: Екатерина / Pexels (not the actual photo)
After moving out and gaining financial independence, her parents came to her for help, which she refused to provide
Image credits: Potential_Board_3015
Image credits: Pixabay / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Childhood mistreatment affects the brain’s structure
The author seemed to have coped with the abuse she endured and achieved relative success after moving out. However, her experiences growing up may have altered her brain structure negatively.
In an article for Very Well Mind, clinical psychologist Dr. Leonard Holmes noted how child abuse can decrease the size of the hippocampus and the corpus callosum, the regions of the brain responsible for learning and memory, and motor and sensory functions, respectively.
Dr. Holmes also pointed out that mistreatment can lead to a lower volume in the prefrontal cortex for children. This region of the brain is responsible for emotional balance and perception.
As a result of these physical changes, people who went through abusive childhoods may feel fearful most of the time, experience learning deficits, have low self-esteem and feel hopeless.
The World Health Organization also pointed out other potential consequences, which include perpetrating or becoming a victim of violence, depression, and substance abuse.
Likewise, WHO notes that abused children may perform poorly in school and have a 13% greater likelihood of not graduating. However, it was the opposite case for the author, who seemed to have used her foster parents’ mistreatment as fuel to succeed in life.
Image credits: Karolina Kaboompics / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Being guilt-tripped for setting boundaries is a valid reason to cut ties with a parent
The woman deserved to distance herself from her foster family after the trauma she endured. Yet, she endured bullying because of it. According to author and psychologist Dr. Lindsay Gibson, that alone is a valid enough reason to cut ties.
“If [emotionally immature parents] don’t have full access to their child, they interpret it as their child ‘being mean to them,’” Dr. Gibson explained in an interview with Business Insider.
Once the person becomes aware of the mistreatment, going no-contact becomes an acceptable course of action. As Dr. Gibson stated, internal growth makes people realize what they can no longer tolerate.
It’s the same for people whose negative experiences far outweigh positive ones. Dr. Gibson notes that while estrangement can feel conflicting, having more bad memories than good ones can push a person to cut ties.
“Nobody arrives at the point of estrangement on a whim,” she said.
In the author’s case, she does not seem to have fond memories of her childhood with her foster family. She’s been long aware of the abuse and has worked hard to provide herself with a better life as an adult.
The last straw would be her siblings piling on her with gaslighting and manipulation. She did the right thing by keeping her distance, possibly for good.
What do you think, readers? Was the woman too harsh by refusing to provide financial assistance to the people who adopted her?
Most commenters sided with the woman
Except for one who believed she should have helped a bit
Poll Question
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What do you think ?
Libstak 2 months ago (edited)
That last one? No, the foster parents are testing the waters because there is money to be had. Tough love cuts both ways, if they haven't learned to survive in the big bad world by now, then what did they actually teach you at all? Nothing but mistrust and slavery. They still have other foster kids, let the ones they treated better help them. If you had not come into money, they would have figured it out, so they can just figure it out because you didn't scrimp and save and struggle so you could continue to be used by them.
Ms.GB 2 months ago
She can tell them she's already given them financial help by way of free maid service for 6 years.
Load More Replies...
Hphizzle 2 months ago
Aaannnddd…block them all. NC is the only way to go. You’re done doing their bidding.
BrownEyedPanda 2 months ago
As a former foster child, I speak from painful experience when I say that there is only one mature response to the foster parents' request for financial assistance--FÙCK OFF. I spent nine years in that hellhole known as the foster care system, and OP nailed it down pat. Not all foster homes are like Devil's Island, but too many of them are. The foster parents are sweet as pie the first month you're there, so you'll let your guard down. After that, the masks come off: you automatically become the unpaid domestic, any phone calls to relatives are monitored on an extension, letters are "screened" before mailing, and corporal punishment is introduced (which, by the way, is illegal). You'll never see a cent of the monthly allowance you are supposed to receive from the county; it automatically goes into guess who's pocket. You get the absolute minimum in everything. The best day you'll have is getting out of foster care, once and for all.
TribbleThinking 2 months ago
Why do they even have your number? Tell them to foster a new servant, this one's escaped.
Beth Wheeler 2 months ago
They get paid by the state every month for every foster they have. They were paid to treat her like a slave and to her knowledge none of the other kids were. She needs to report these jerks for their treatment so they can be investigated and find if there were any other kids it happened to. There is a big NO as to giving them a single penny. Like I said they were paid by the state for her.
CanadianDimes 2 months ago
No one owes someone else for raising them. The foster parents made the choice to foster her. It was literally the job they signed up for, and the job they didn’t do.
Osaro Adu 2 months ago
You didn't hold anything and stay away from them and try blocking your cell phone number from them and maybe call cps on them to report them
Abraxas59 2 months ago
most def report them i know they will likely said your deluded etc but cps arent stupid well mostly arent
Load More Replies...
Irene Erikson 2 months ago
Sometimes you have to set boundaries to protect yourself, even if it hurts.
Melissa anderson 2 months ago
They are cold hearted, greedy monsters. They only want her for what she can do for them and for her money. Best to cut these animals out of her life forever.
Ephemera Image 2 months ago
Foster parents get PAID to house and feed those kids. She owes them nothing, and should send a bill for all the work she did for them.
Fox with a Dragon Tattoo 2 months ago
Extreme NTA. Id go utterly scortched earth on them and the other filth in that family. My help would come with so much emotional, financial, psychological and borderline physical abuse with the entire point of humiliating, breaking and ruining them. They'd be homeless and contemplating offing themselves whem I was done. F**K THEM and the scumbag "siblings" that dare say anything.
Curry on... 2 months ago
Just this year a couple was arrested for using their foster kids as farm hands (free labor/slavery) . They also locked them up and barely fed them. Hateful people. I suspect this is occurring more than we know.
Beak Hookage 2 months ago
A chance to make amends?! Are you HIGH? Demanding free money isn't making amends; it's being a selfish POS who clearly regrets nothing! As we used to say when I was a kid, "up yer bum and around the corner". Sheesh.
Lantana Howell 2 months ago (edited)
Please don't give these selfish monsters any money! They treated you as a slave and have no right to your successes. You've made it this far DESPITE them NOT because of them.
Clara Stallworth 2 months ago
To that last poster who thought that since OP was doing well financially she should help out the foster parents who treated her as an indentured servant: If OP had decided to help the "parents" out ONCE, they'll keep on coming to her for help because they're "family", even though they treated her as less than! Better she send them an invoice for services rendered and demand payment for the years owed.
Debbie Kerrick 2 months ago
Over 40 years ago I cut ties with my abusive family that treated me exactly the same as the writer. I struggled and starved my way though college. Not only was I treated as a slave I also had to deal with verbal, emotional, and yes sexual abuse. I didn’t date until I finally left home never to return. It was the best decision I ever made. Yes I was hit up for money several times. My answer was no. My children never had a single days contact with them. They turned out just fine. I met a good man married and raised 3 sons without one single moment of help or support. My mother died with a warrant for her arrest my father abandoned me and was subjected to all manner of scum of the earth. The writer did the correct thing. Live your life without those toxic people. Enjoy your success and live your live in joy, peace , and harmony.
Rosemarie Munoz 2 months ago
OK, these were foster parents. They treat her like a slave. They did not let her have fun in her young life and they were very cruel to her. I know this can be true because I’ve seen it happen to people I’ve known in the past. Why again why would she help her foster parents who didn’t give a damn about her own life when she was growing up. Now that she’s successful she worked hard for what she got. She was uses a slave, not a member of the family. Maids have time off, have weekends off and can enjoy their life. She was treated as a slave and used by the system. I feel sorry for this young woman and these foster parents should’ve been reported a long time ago. They did not accept this child to live a good life. They accepted this child to do all the chores why they enjoy their own precious life. Karma is a b***h now they’re getting their in return. So happy life, foster parents.
Steven Maduro 2 months ago
Not one effing penny. Tell the other fosters if they think those people were so great, let them pony up the money. Cut off ALL contact after that. Be happy!
Joshua David 2 months ago
This family was PAID a monthly stipend to essentially have a live in maid. You're doing the right thing. Tell them they should've saved the money they made off of your blood sweat and tears.
Old but wiser 2 months ago
Those foster parents should not be able to take on anymore kids. Call the office of child welfare and tell them about your treatment as a young child and what they're doing now. You owe these monsters NOTHING. Block their number, go to the local media and tell them what these people are. Do not look back, do not feel bad and move on to your own, well deserved, glorious life. They are the biggest AH's here.
patricia Torres 2 months ago
You are a survivor and you thrived away. You don't owe them a thing whether biological or adoptive parents. They sound like my bio family although, they just wanted me to continue enslaving me. They were filthy, I was the only one that cared. So I moved too far to drive over. Congratulations on your success and I wish you a long guilt free life. Keep thriving
Judy Stock 2 months ago
She owes the foster parents NOTHING except some prison time. Get a new phone number. You deserve a good life free of the leeches. God bless and keep you strong and safe
Ms. Ler 2 months ago
Block them. You don't owe them a single dollar and they have other kids anyway. Those kids who were treated better should be helping their parents. Not you. I would completely cut ties if I were you. You should also send them a bill for the housework you did for them when you were a kid.
ZestyBison 2 months ago
Do not be surprised when the children you treat like s**t want nothing to do with you later in life. The ONLY reason they even reached out was because they heard s/he was financially well off.
LayDiva in the Zone 2 months ago
I don't know what is wrong with people, but they wouldn't even have been able to call me since I was treated like Cinderella. They would be blocked and f those so-called siblings who never stood up and treated me like trash can eat my c**p. F the entire family and live your very best life, you owe it to yourself.
chelleincal ♡ 2 months ago
Send them a quarter so they can call someone who'll care. You are NTA
Shedia G 2 months ago
First call or send them a message telling them you forgive them for how they treated/abused/used you while living with them. Then let them know you will not be assisting them in any way. Also tell your foster siblings to jointly contribute to the parents that neglected you and if any of them were a part of the household at the time you were there and benefited from this abuse forgive them also for not saying something when it was happening. Then they can just eat bricks. The act of forgiveness is for your sake and then go on with your life. Be blessed and full of love, peace, happiness, joy and prosperity.
alloutbikes@yahoo.com 1 month ago
If they were OP's bio parents, she would still not owe them anything. Our children are not required to pay our way. Shame on them.
CBolt 1 month ago
NTA What nerve to say you owe them because their "tough love" made you who you are today! Tough love my *** - it was unforgivable cruelty (not to mention involuntary servitude) & neglect.YOU made yourself who you are today, despite them & I hope you have a very happy life now. But you owe them absolutely nothing - not even the time of day. If you gave them anything now, they'd be back later for more, maybe even want to move in with you. The children who were treated well seem to think highly of these scum - they should be happy to "help out." But please don't you do it.
Pandamonium Pandas Pandie 2 months ago (edited)
like an off brand of cinderella... not saying that it's a bad story or that its fabricated or anything, just that it reminds me of like a modern cinderella.
Patric Romesburg 2 months ago
You were basically a real life Harry Potter, just with no Hogwarts to escape to for most of the year. Your foster parents and foster siblings are SCUM!!! You are NTA at all. Block all of them and if necessary consider restraining orders on all of them as well.
Michelle Price 2 months ago
No ma'am,you owe them nothing .By God's grace you made it out and are now successful. Forgive them,yes,for your peace but set boundaries. Tell the parents not to contact you again and block them. Tell your siblings, if they continue to pressure you after you gave your answer they can join the block list. Your better cared for siblings can care for them.
Terri Baker 2 months ago
Users and abusers for life unless you cut the cord. The foster siblings can help them financially since they feel so strongly about it. Keep in mind the awful things they said when you told them "no" with calling you names and such tells me they are still ugly on the inside. Especially ugly when it comes to you. They deserve nothing from you. No sympathy, no empathy, and heck no to your money!! Stay strong and boot em' out of your life for good, forget all about them, and be happy.
Secret secret secret 2 months ago
This is crazy. You cannot expect assistance from a foster child you treated like that! Maybe just ask them to do something like that for what, at least 5 years? Because that's at least what's happened for the poster. And it's highly unfair.
cameron cross 2 months ago
Tell foster parents you are giving them "tough love!" (And nothing else).
Patti Beeker 2 months ago
Adopting and fostering are 2 different things. Please learn the difference before using the terms interchangeably.
Libstak 2 months ago (edited)
That last one? No, the foster parents are testing the waters because there is money to be had. Tough love cuts both ways, if they haven't learned to survive in the big bad world by now, then what did they actually teach you at all? Nothing but mistrust and slavery. They still have other foster kids, let the ones they treated better help them. If you had not come into money, they would have figured it out, so they can just figure it out because you didn't scrimp and save and struggle so you could continue to be used by them.
Ms.GB 2 months ago
She can tell them she's already given them financial help by way of free maid service for 6 years.
Load More Replies... Hphizzle 2 months ago
Aaannnddd…block them all. NC is the only way to go. You’re done doing their bidding.
BrownEyedPanda 2 months ago
As a former foster child, I speak from painful experience when I say that there is only one mature response to the foster parents' request for financial assistance--FÙCK OFF. I spent nine years in that hellhole known as the foster care system, and OP nailed it down pat. Not all foster homes are like Devil's Island, but too many of them are. The foster parents are sweet as pie the first month you're there, so you'll let your guard down. After that, the masks come off: you automatically become the unpaid domestic, any phone calls to relatives are monitored on an extension, letters are "screened" before mailing, and corporal punishment is introduced (which, by the way, is illegal). You'll never see a cent of the monthly allowance you are supposed to receive from the county; it automatically goes into guess who's pocket. You get the absolute minimum in everything. The best day you'll have is getting out of foster care, once and for all.
TribbleThinking 2 months ago
Why do they even have your number? Tell them to foster a new servant, this one's escaped.
Beth Wheeler 2 months ago
They get paid by the state every month for every foster they have. They were paid to treat her like a slave and to her knowledge none of the other kids were. She needs to report these jerks for their treatment so they can be investigated and find if there were any other kids it happened to. There is a big NO as to giving them a single penny. Like I said they were paid by the state for her.
CanadianDimes 2 months ago
No one owes someone else for raising them. The foster parents made the choice to foster her. It was literally the job they signed up for, and the job they didn’t do.
Osaro Adu 2 months ago
You didn't hold anything and stay away from them and try blocking your cell phone number from them and maybe call cps on them to report them
Abraxas59 2 months ago
most def report them i know they will likely said your deluded etc but cps arent stupid well mostly arent
Load More Replies... Irene Erikson 2 months ago
Sometimes you have to set boundaries to protect yourself, even if it hurts.
Melissa anderson 2 months ago
They are cold hearted, greedy monsters. They only want her for what she can do for them and for her money. Best to cut these animals out of her life forever.
Ephemera Image 2 months ago
Foster parents get PAID to house and feed those kids. She owes them nothing, and should send a bill for all the work she did for them.
Fox with a Dragon Tattoo 2 months ago
Extreme NTA. Id go utterly scortched earth on them and the other filth in that family. My help would come with so much emotional, financial, psychological and borderline physical abuse with the entire point of humiliating, breaking and ruining them. They'd be homeless and contemplating offing themselves whem I was done. F**K THEM and the scumbag "siblings" that dare say anything.
Curry on... 2 months ago
Just this year a couple was arrested for using their foster kids as farm hands (free labor/slavery) . They also locked them up and barely fed them. Hateful people. I suspect this is occurring more than we know.
Beak Hookage 2 months ago
A chance to make amends?! Are you HIGH? Demanding free money isn't making amends; it's being a selfish POS who clearly regrets nothing! As we used to say when I was a kid, "up yer bum and around the corner". Sheesh.
Lantana Howell 2 months ago (edited)
Please don't give these selfish monsters any money! They treated you as a slave and have no right to your successes. You've made it this far DESPITE them NOT because of them.
Clara Stallworth 2 months ago
To that last poster who thought that since OP was doing well financially she should help out the foster parents who treated her as an indentured servant: If OP had decided to help the "parents" out ONCE, they'll keep on coming to her for help because they're "family", even though they treated her as less than! Better she send them an invoice for services rendered and demand payment for the years owed.
Debbie Kerrick 2 months ago
Over 40 years ago I cut ties with my abusive family that treated me exactly the same as the writer. I struggled and starved my way though college. Not only was I treated as a slave I also had to deal with verbal, emotional, and yes sexual abuse. I didn’t date until I finally left home never to return. It was the best decision I ever made. Yes I was hit up for money several times. My answer was no. My children never had a single days contact with them. They turned out just fine. I met a good man married and raised 3 sons without one single moment of help or support. My mother died with a warrant for her arrest my father abandoned me and was subjected to all manner of scum of the earth. The writer did the correct thing. Live your life without those toxic people. Enjoy your success and live your live in joy, peace , and harmony.
Rosemarie Munoz 2 months ago
OK, these were foster parents. They treat her like a slave. They did not let her have fun in her young life and they were very cruel to her. I know this can be true because I’ve seen it happen to people I’ve known in the past. Why again why would she help her foster parents who didn’t give a damn about her own life when she was growing up. Now that she’s successful she worked hard for what she got. She was uses a slave, not a member of the family. Maids have time off, have weekends off and can enjoy their life. She was treated as a slave and used by the system. I feel sorry for this young woman and these foster parents should’ve been reported a long time ago. They did not accept this child to live a good life. They accepted this child to do all the chores why they enjoy their own precious life. Karma is a b***h now they’re getting their in return. So happy life, foster parents.
Steven Maduro 2 months ago
Not one effing penny. Tell the other fosters if they think those people were so great, let them pony up the money. Cut off ALL contact after that. Be happy!
Joshua David 2 months ago
This family was PAID a monthly stipend to essentially have a live in maid. You're doing the right thing. Tell them they should've saved the money they made off of your blood sweat and tears.
Old but wiser 2 months ago
Those foster parents should not be able to take on anymore kids. Call the office of child welfare and tell them about your treatment as a young child and what they're doing now. You owe these monsters NOTHING. Block their number, go to the local media and tell them what these people are. Do not look back, do not feel bad and move on to your own, well deserved, glorious life. They are the biggest AH's here.
patricia Torres 2 months ago
You are a survivor and you thrived away. You don't owe them a thing whether biological or adoptive parents. They sound like my bio family although, they just wanted me to continue enslaving me. They were filthy, I was the only one that cared. So I moved too far to drive over. Congratulations on your success and I wish you a long guilt free life. Keep thriving
Judy Stock 2 months ago
She owes the foster parents NOTHING except some prison time. Get a new phone number. You deserve a good life free of the leeches. God bless and keep you strong and safe
Ms. Ler 2 months ago
Block them. You don't owe them a single dollar and they have other kids anyway. Those kids who were treated better should be helping their parents. Not you. I would completely cut ties if I were you. You should also send them a bill for the housework you did for them when you were a kid.
ZestyBison 2 months ago
Do not be surprised when the children you treat like s**t want nothing to do with you later in life. The ONLY reason they even reached out was because they heard s/he was financially well off.
LayDiva in the Zone 2 months ago
I don't know what is wrong with people, but they wouldn't even have been able to call me since I was treated like Cinderella. They would be blocked and f those so-called siblings who never stood up and treated me like trash can eat my c**p. F the entire family and live your very best life, you owe it to yourself.
chelleincal ♡ 2 months ago
Send them a quarter so they can call someone who'll care. You are NTA
Shedia G 2 months ago
First call or send them a message telling them you forgive them for how they treated/abused/used you while living with them. Then let them know you will not be assisting them in any way. Also tell your foster siblings to jointly contribute to the parents that neglected you and if any of them were a part of the household at the time you were there and benefited from this abuse forgive them also for not saying something when it was happening. Then they can just eat bricks. The act of forgiveness is for your sake and then go on with your life. Be blessed and full of love, peace, happiness, joy and prosperity.
alloutbikes@yahoo.com 1 month ago
If they were OP's bio parents, she would still not owe them anything. Our children are not required to pay our way. Shame on them.
CBolt 1 month ago
NTA What nerve to say you owe them because their "tough love" made you who you are today! Tough love my *** - it was unforgivable cruelty (not to mention involuntary servitude) & neglect.YOU made yourself who you are today, despite them & I hope you have a very happy life now. But you owe them absolutely nothing - not even the time of day. If you gave them anything now, they'd be back later for more, maybe even want to move in with you. The children who were treated well seem to think highly of these scum - they should be happy to "help out." But please don't you do it.
Pandamonium Pandas Pandie 2 months ago (edited)
like an off brand of cinderella... not saying that it's a bad story or that its fabricated or anything, just that it reminds me of like a modern cinderella.
Patric Romesburg 2 months ago
You were basically a real life Harry Potter, just with no Hogwarts to escape to for most of the year. Your foster parents and foster siblings are SCUM!!! You are NTA at all. Block all of them and if necessary consider restraining orders on all of them as well.
Michelle Price 2 months ago
No ma'am,you owe them nothing .By God's grace you made it out and are now successful. Forgive them,yes,for your peace but set boundaries. Tell the parents not to contact you again and block them. Tell your siblings, if they continue to pressure you after you gave your answer they can join the block list. Your better cared for siblings can care for them.
Terri Baker 2 months ago
Users and abusers for life unless you cut the cord. The foster siblings can help them financially since they feel so strongly about it. Keep in mind the awful things they said when you told them "no" with calling you names and such tells me they are still ugly on the inside. Especially ugly when it comes to you. They deserve nothing from you. No sympathy, no empathy, and heck no to your money!! Stay strong and boot em' out of your life for good, forget all about them, and be happy.
Secret secret secret 2 months ago
This is crazy. You cannot expect assistance from a foster child you treated like that! Maybe just ask them to do something like that for what, at least 5 years? Because that's at least what's happened for the poster. And it's highly unfair.
cameron cross 2 months ago
Tell foster parents you are giving them "tough love!" (And nothing else).
Patti Beeker 2 months ago
Adopting and fostering are 2 different things. Please learn the difference before using the terms interchangeably.
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