Thanksgiving is right around the corner. The time when having cozy conversations and stuffing your stomach with turkey and pumpkin pie fills your heart with bliss. Unfortunately, for those who plan and prepare for these gatherings, it can get quite stressful.

This Reddit user u/FinalBlackberry knows it from personal experience. The woman created a post in r/AITA saying that for the past few years she has been single-handedly cooking and hosting both Thanksgiving and Christmas for her fiancé’s family.

“I start prepping the night before, cook all morning and afternoon and by the time everything is done, I’m too exhausted to enjoy the food I cooked and eat,” she said. Feeling sick and tired, the woman told her husband-to-be that she has no intention of cooking this year.

As you can guess, that did not go well with him. Scroll down to read the whole story below and be sure to share your thoughts in the comments.

This woman felt exhausted after single-handedly hosting Thanksgiving and Christmas for 20+ people, she has no intention of doing it for the 4th year in a row

Image credits: Claudio Schwarz (not the actual photo)

Here is the full post that the author of the story shared on the r/AITA subreddit

The redditor’s post gained quite a lot of attention. In only one day, it received over 23.2K upvotes and more than 2K comments. The AITA community was very supportive of the woman, saying that she is definitely not in the wrong in this situation. As one user put it, “If it’s so important to your fiancé, he can host and cook. If he’s that incapable, then he needs to stop volunteering.”

Since the woman is the only one bearing almost all responsibility for the events, she decided that she’s too exhausted to do it this year. And the most saddening part was that the fiancé’s family shows zero appreciation for all the work she’s been putting in: “I have never been thanked for hosting or cooking. Literally by no one,“ the woman wrote.

The guy’s reaction was really inconsiderate. “But that’s our tradition“, he said, even though he knew that his fiancée had just finished an intense course of medication that dried out all the joints in her body. Not to mention that later he found this Reddit thread and decided to cancel everything since she is “venting to the strangers“.

Apparently, the wife-to-be is not the only one filled with anxiety when it comes to Thanksgiving. According to the American Psychological Association, the holidays are a hard time for many, and it’s usually due to intensified focus on family, work and money. This especially applies to women: “Women are more likely than men to report heightened stress levels during the holiday season, and that they’re less likely to take time to relax or manage that stress in healthy ways,” they explained.

However, there are ways of coping with it. The staff of the Mayo Clinic gives out a few tips on how to prevent holiday stress. First, acknowledge your feelings. It’s OK to let them out if you’re feeling stressed because keeping it inside could only make matters worse. Just don’t forget to reach out—talk to your friends or family about the things concerning you.

They also advise keeping a level head: “The holidays don’t have to be perfect or just like last year. As families change and grow, traditions and rituals often change as well. Choose a few to hold on to, and be open to creating new ones.“ If you will not have the opportunity to see your close ones face-to-face this year, find new ways to celebrate together, like sharing a video or catching up on Zoom.

Last and probably the most important one, learn to say “no”. “Saying yes when you should say no can leave you feeling resentful and overwhelmed,” the staff of the Mayo Clinic said. Friends and family need to be able to understand that you can’t participate in every event or activity. Because if you agree to do too much, fun things evolve to stressful obligations.

And for the hero of this story to say “no” required a great deal of strength. Especially when these gatherings mean so much to her fiancé and his whole big family. But we all have our limits, so when it comes to our mental and physical well-being, it should be a top priority.

Commenters seemed to have a lot to say about the situation and rushed to the author’s defense

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