Significant life events like births, weddings, and graduation ceremonies are few and far between. So naturally, we would want to be with family when they happen to celebrate and make some memories. Unfortunately, as one grows older, responsibilities and commitments tend to accumulate.

This was the case of one internet user who wanted to know if she was in the wrong for requesting unpaid time off to see her brother’s wedding. Her boss informed her that they were going to be short-staffed, despite ample warning about the situation.

Scheduling conflicts can be hard to manage, as they often involve multiple moving pieces and timetables

Image credits: Mizuno K (not the actual photo)

A woman sent a request for time off to attend the wedding of her brother

Despite the forewarning, her boss informed her that there was no way for her to attend

Image credits: Leonardo Miranda (not the actual photo)

Workplace conditions deteriorated until she finally had to take action

Image credits: August de Richelieu (not the actual photo)

Image source: missmargarite13

People should spend time with family and shouldn’t be manipulated by managers to feel bad about it

Spending time with family, particularly close family like siblings and parents, can be psychologically very important. Yes, this seems like common sense, but it never hurts to back up these ideas with data. A study across four countries found that individuals who participated in more family activities tended to have fewer psychological complaints and had, overall, higher life satisfaction. Not everyone’s situation is the same, as some families are best avoided if possible. But OP indicates that she has a good relationship with her brother, so attending his wedding is more than just a nice trip for her.

From her story, it seems like this person is absolutely in the right. But often workplaces and managers in particular will try to manipulate their employees to the degree that they feel bad for doing such natural things as taking time off. It’s a pretty established concept that job satisfaction will affect performance. If a job limits the work-life balance too much, the employee ultimately feels bad, restricted, and trapped, leading to deteriorating work performance. Since a manager exists to keep performance in check, this is directly counterproductive to their job.

Bosses can use a variety of strategies to manipulate their employees

Despite this common sense concept, many managers are downright toxic. This might not be immediately visible to an employee. Bosses will use shame and other negative emotions to make the worker feel bad for not going the extra mile, for demanding overtime pay for overtime or for requesting time off. The strategies they use are varied but can include general gaslighting and comparisons. Telling you that other employees in your position are better or work harder creates pressure for you to try and perform. Others will be superficially nice so you feel bad for saying no.

In the long run, repeated use of these techniques will end with the employee hating their toxic work environment and looking for a way out. As we see in this story, sometimes there is just one incident too many that pushes the employee to resign. Often, smaller organizations are more susceptible to this sort of manipulation. You might work closely with your boss more often, allowing them to convince you that you are perhaps friends. Smaller organizations can more often claim to be understaffed or less flexible than larger companies. All in all, always remember that your job is not your family, particularly in cases like this when the actual family is involved.

Commenters agreed that she was absolutely not in the wrong and offered some words of support

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