Where’s the story about the woman who doesn’t want children, but gets asked all the time when she’s going to get them, and cries because apparently children are expected and you’re not a real woman if you don’t want them?

Somewhere there is a man: 40, never married, no children. Cries because he had leukaemia at 18 and is infertile, cries because he only ever had one girlfriend who broke his heart 17 years ago, cries because of the crippling depression, cries because he sees his ex with her children in his dreams. Hides the pain when people tell him marriage isn't great and children aren't important. Cries when he couldn't provide a home even if he could adopt a child. Cries because all the tokens of his life will end up in a skip bin or op shop days after death. Cries because he knows his Mum will die and no one else truly cares. Cries because men don't get to grieve for a missing partner or absent children. Cries when he realises his name ends with him. Cries when he realises he will never hold the hand of a girl he is in love with. I understand women go through this but so do men. I dream of holding my own little baby in my arms but it's too painful to even think about now. My life is ending, alone.

And for those of us who took all of the abuse because we never wanted children and didn't have them....being called "sick" and "twisted" and having total strangers tell us that we'll never be "real" women (whatever TF that means), having family members refuse to speak to us because they're convinced that women are holes with feet to them. ..//.. There are multiple sides to this coin. I never cried. I knew that people who say these things are small and ugly - whether they have kids or not. It was the perfect way to weed toxic people out of my life.

I can't imagine people wanting children and yet coudn't have one. I don't want to have any, that's why I decided to give my reproductive egg cells "away" (sorry for my english, not sure if it's a proper form). I'll go through hormone stimulation, for a few months to give another woman a chance to have kids. I can give, in my country, up to 10 kids. I'm really hoping to make some stranger happy

I wanted children, badly, but had multiple miscarriages instead. I know how much it hurts to see people enjoying their children. I don’t begrudge them their enjoyment at all; it just hurts because it’s what I wanted too. People don’t understand just how painful it is to hear them talk about their kids because I wanted to be able to do that too.Then there are the ones who try to be funny. I would say I’d love to have children, and they’d say something like “Well, you can have all of mine”. The worst are the ones who tell me I can’t understand some child-related thing because I don’t have kids; like I can’t understand the bond between mother and child because I’m not a mom. I am completely capable of understanding it very well. And it’s incredibly insulting and downright cruel of you to tell me I can’t. It’s almost as if you’re gloating because I failed at childbirth and you didn’t. Remember, some choose not to have kids, but some don’t have a choice. So try being a little more sensitive to that, OK?

I'm not even friendly or nice to these people anymore. I've lost complete patience with them and now just appear to be a b***h. The last time someone asked me when I was going to 'find someone' and start having kids I just said - well the last man I was in love with died from cancer. When you can bring him back - let me know. I run a successful daycare and I love each and everyone of them. So I just tell people - I have six kids, and wonderful unencumbered evenings to do whatever I wish. P.S. My dear Eric would totally approve of that fiesty first answer.

Realistically people are always going to push your buttons without realizing it. Sure, some of the comments are absolutely rude and completely uncalled for, but many are simply a few words in the middle of a long conversation -- it just happens to be about something that you are already emotionally vulnerable over and suddenly your brain latches onto that one sentence and you can't let it go. My husband died a few months ago, I can't tell you how many things people have said that make me cry or get angry later, none of the statements are mean-spirited, people legit have no idea what will trigger me, and to be honest sometimes I don't even know. We need to learn to watch what we say, but we also need to learn that good people sometimes say stupid things.

I can relate to this. People always ask me, so you only have the one child. I have to say yes, because how do I tell them I have two..it's just the first one was given up for adoption. I got disapproving looks before...so I stopped saying it. Then they ask.."Are you going to have more?" Then I have to explain how I would have loved to have a whole houseful, but the one I have is high functioning autistic. I was told by a psychiatrist that I had a really good shot at having another child with autism..perhaps with a more severe form. So my husband and I made the conscious decision not to have anymore. To all the women out there that feel guilty, inadequate or ashamed that people question your situation when it comes to family and children..feel free to tell those people that put you in that position to f*** off. What you do is up to you and you can't fix what is out of your control. Stop letting other people judge your life. It's your life, not theirs.

Cried b/c I was told at 19: NO KIDS. Tried anyway. The medical experts were right. THree losses and one near-death experience later? I just learned to say, "I can't have kids, it's medical, and we've considered adoption." The End. If they keep going? I walk away. My uterus. My business. My grief. I'm still a person, fully and wholly, and my tears are only *part* of me and my story. One they didn't earn the right to hear just b/c they decided they had.

I was the 40 year old widow. Now my son is almost grown, and I have no idea what I will do when he moves out.

A friend of mine had 8 children (2 step, 3 from previous marriage, 3 from current marriage, ages something like 6 to 28 at the time). Her youngest were friends with my kids. Wonderful family. She went to the doctor thinking she might be pregnant with her 9th, doctor came out with results and said something like "thank god you're not pregnant again!". My friend was upset and that baby would have been welcomed and loved.

Parents, please teach your children to never ask such questions, and explain why they should never do so. Adults, who are being asked such questions, please stop putting up with this obnoxious, rude behavior. Just turn your back, and walk away, or speak your mind honestly, but make it clear that they are in the wrong, and you're not tolerating it.

This article hit hard. I'm turning 30 next year and after 4 years of marriage we still have no kids. Were recently told we might need to do in vitro if we want any. Both of us wanted a big family, it's the only thing I've ever been 100% certain I want, so it hurts a lot to know I might not have even one biological child. And it seems everyone around me is getting pregnant and having children.

Couldn't conceive after 10 years of trying. Hormone treatments tore me up and couldn't afford in vitro. Chose fostering and have adopted 2 beautiful girls. Turns out, I'm very happy never getting pregnant. Best thing to ever happen.

This made me realize I've surely said things that were unintendedly hurtful to other women. Thank you for posting this.

I cried because i was pressured so hard to have kids

My mom had 5 children, and you wouldn't believe the rude comments she/ we endured. The most offensive was "Are all those HERS?" I joke that no one ever asked (about my dad) "Are all those HIS?"

Funny how noone says this about men,,if your 30 plus with no kids people just assume your gay..

Or maybe that women just didn't want no freaking crotch goblins. People are so f*****g brain washed

You should hear the comments when I say I have no children and not married. What's wrong with you you're going to die alone excetera excetera

Well I do not like all these articles pointing towards men only. If we would start to think about the fact that every human being gets treated like that too often and if we would have the strength to try to understand why all this hurt happened and how to get out of the trap of being a victim by getting fully honest we will turn that wheel of guilt and blame on and on. It is time to drop it all.

''Poor choice of words'' might not be the problem here. Why do SO MANY people just assume that children are like items you pick up at the grocery store: you just tell the sales clerk how many you want and proceed to the check out counter. Wake up, people: life, even in its very early stages, is immensely complicated, so stop asking stupid questions or using intimate topics as fodder for small talk. If someone wants to share information, they inevitably will......provided you're a halfways qualified listener.

Yawn. Sincerely - All Men Everywhere

We need to stop throwing the word "viral" around so loosly!

Elaine, that is beautiful!!

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