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101
“My Niece Was Ugly”: Teen Wears White To Aunt’s Wedding, Ends Up Photoshopped In The Pictures
Interview With Expert
Your wedding day is meant to be one of the most special moments of your life, filled with joy, love, and memories you’ll cherish forever. And for this bride, it was almost perfect—except for one small hiccup. Her teenage niece turned up wearing a white dress.
Instead of making a scene, the bride decided to quietly photoshop the dress to a different color in the family photos. What seemed like a simple solution, however, sparked a whole new family drama.
Read the full story below, and don’t miss our conversation with world-leading etiquette expert Jo Hayes on how delicate occasions like these can be handled with grace.
More info: Reddit
RELATED:
The bride’s special day took a hit when her niece wore white to the wedding
Image credits: Juliano Astc / Pexels (not the actual photo)
So, she photoshopped the outfit in the family photos—but not without drama
Image credits: Yan Krukau / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: DesignedBasic
Expert advice
Jo Hayes, a world-leading etiquette expert, consultant, lifestyle commentator, and founder of EtiquetteExpert.Org, spoke with Bored Panda about how to approach occasions like these with care and thoughtfulness.
“This is something of a challenging situation to call, etiquette-wise, but I will make a call, erring towards the side of the bride,” she said.
In many cultures, it’s considered both poor manners and disrespectful for guests to arrive in white at a wedding. This isn’t just tradition; it’s a fundamental rule of wedding etiquette. “The bride wears white—this is her day, and the groom’s, of course. Guests do not want to steal an inch of her spotlight,” Hayes explained.
Image credits: Omelnickiy / Envato (not the actual photo)
“Now, we must not be legalistic here—elements of white in a guest’s outfit are completely fine. White panelling on a dress, for instance, is absolutely acceptable. Just as long as it’s not all white, and doesn’t resemble, in any way, a bridal gown, you’ll be good,” she clarified.
However, in this case, the niece’s choice of an all-white dress was clearly a misstep. “Surely she knew about the ‘don’t wear white to a wedding’ rule,” Hayes remarked. “In cultures where it’s a ‘rule,’ it’s widely known—even among teenagers.”
“Did this teen not discuss her outfit with another member of the family before the big day, such as her own mother, and have one of them advise her against it? Given that she’s a teenager, I find this a little difficult to believe. If they knew what she was planning to wear, someone should have intervened,” she noted.
Hayes suggested the bride could have approached the situation differently by having a conversation with her niece about what happened. “She could sit down with her niece—and possibly the niece’s mother—and explain kindly, calmly, but clearly, why the choice of a white dress was upsetting,” she said.
“She could explain that this is a well-known, though often unspoken, wedding etiquette rule that guests shouldn’t wear white, and that she didn’t want the photos to reflect this,” Hayes added.
“She could have told the niece that she would be photoshopping the color of her dress in the photos and perhaps ask if the niece had a preference for the new color,” Hayes said. “That way, it could be a collaborative approach, hopefully satisfying for everyone.”
Image credits: drazenphoto / Envato (not the actual photo)
But what if the niece wasn’t willing to cooperate? Hayes reassured that the bride would still have the right to move forward with her decision. “If the niece is resistant and refuses to come on board, I would encourage the bride to go ahead and photoshop anyway. She’s done all she can to inform the niece of her intentions and invite her to be part of the solution. If the niece doesn’t agree, so be it.”
In this disagreement, Hayes would like the niece to remember that this is the bride’s special day, not hers. “I’d advise the niece to offer grace and acquiesce to her aunt’s desires in this instance. Perhaps there’s a gorgeous color on the Photoshop app that would make the dress look even better,” she said.
For the bride, Hayes offered a valuable perspective: “Hold this situation very loosely. In the grand scheme of things, this is not a big deal. It’s in holding things, situations, people, and expectations too tightly that causes human misery.”
“Don’t let this small annoyance ruin what was, I’m sure, a beautiful occasion. Focus on the joy of marrying the love of your life—choose joy, and keep choosing it.”
In the replies, the woman shared that she was ready to let it go—until she saw the photos
Many readers sided with the bride, praising her for how she handled things
Others, however, felt she overreacted
Poll Question
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What do you think ?
Bowtechie 4 weeks ago
You don't wear white unless you're the bride. Full stop. End of discussion. She's well within her rights to do what she wants with her photos too. It's her money. If she wanted to photoshop bunny ears on all her guests she'd be well with her rights. And FFS, the white dress thing was NEVER ABOUT VIRGINITY. I don't know who started that nonsense but white dresses became popular because of Queen Victoria. Everyone wanted to dress like the freakin queen and the dress itself was a symbol of her support of British lace makers iirc. I seriously don't know who co-opted this tradition into purity BS but that's NOT why white dresses became the norm.
Marmee Noir 4 weeks ago
My guess is they made the link purely because Queen Victoria was a virgin at her wedding and popularised wearing a white dress at the same time and the populace just conflated the 2. Just the year before a full length red gown wouldn't have caused anyone to bat an eye but fashions change
Load More Replies...
person (i think) 3 weeks ago
The ES and YTA people and a bunch of y’all are quite self centered and rude.. Do I personally care about who wears white at a wedding? No. But many people do so guests don’t wear white.. You know another tradition I don’t care about? Taking off your shoes before going into a house. Shoes are not usually caked in anything and no one is putting their hands on the floor so why the extra effort? But you know what I do if I go to a no-house? I take off my gd shoes. Because, you know, it’s considerate. And if I waltzed into a no-shoes household fully shod but the hosts were too polite to say anything, would you hold it against them to still be upset about my rudeness later? No, you would agree I was a rude git.. Stop telling this lady how to feel. The real testament is she did not get upset or do anything about it at her actual wedding. The memory of the rudeness still bugged her later and instead of complaining to everyone she and her husband quietly solved the problem.
Historyherstory (old guy) 3 weeks ago
Take my vote. A coherent and down to the point post. Fully shod is my new phrase now. TY.
Load More Replies...
EM 4 weeks ago
16 is old enough to know it's rude to wear white to a wedding. OP should've said something straight away but her solution was also fine. If SIL and DIL are upset, they can kick rocks. Even if DIL was somehow innocently unaware, SIL should've damn well told her. OP is not a bridezilla or any other BS the ESH comments accused her of being. F*ck that noise.
person (i think) 3 weeks ago
What would saying something right away have solved?
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Schmebulock 4 weeks ago
She should have simply replied to the SIL It had nothing to do with your daughter being fat and ugly, she is, it's that you are a c**t for letting her wear white.
Nina 4 weeks ago
This was pretty, but I don't see a problem with what she did. It's a photo of her wedding day, how many times are other people going to be looking at it anyway? Sil and niece were the original bitches here.
Ace 3 weeks ago
Petty, you mean? Yes, a bit, but I thought the same - if I've paid for the pictures of my wedding then I have the right to do as I like with them, nobody else. (I mean, in consultation with the spouse, of course).
Load More Replies...
Michael Largey 3 weeks ago
Sister-in-law was deliberately committing a hostile act by allowing her daughter to wear white at your wedding. What she is angry - and lying - about is the bride's successful foiling of the act.
brookeannsimmer 3 weeks ago
I love all the 'who cares?' comments, OP cares and it's her wedding, damn
John Harrison 3 weeks ago
This was rivetting. Couldnt get enough of the "interview with an expert" part.
Upstaged75 3 weeks ago
Oh come on! The SIL had to have known that her daughter shouldn't be wearing white. Sounds like she did it on purpose. And now that they got called out she's making up BS as to why they're offended. Ridiculous.
The Starsong Princess 3 weeks ago
Your SIL is the kind of person who lets her daughter wear a white lacy dress to a wedding. No need to worry about what someone like that thinks.
KatSaidWhat 3 weeks ago
Oh please, everyone knows you don't wear white to a wedding unless the bride is wearing a specific other colour. Her sister knew that. TA here is SIL who clearly has beef and then got upset when she got gravy back. Those claiming you can't police colour should think about funerals and how the standard used to be black unless stated otherwise - imagine pitching up to your nan's funeral in shocking pink. Although I did attend a funeral in an Arsenal shirt and orange harem pants earlier this year at the request of the family. When my aunt was buried a few months before that, it was very much formal attire.
Carney 3 weeks ago
I wish people tried for a bit more personal insight when confronted by these type incidents. The issue here is less about the color of a dress and more about respect and honor for the bride. Wearing white to the average wedding is inappropriate and does show disrespect. At 16 the niece is likely still too immature and self-involved to recognize the disrespect her choice of dress show. However, the parents should alert the girl that white is simply not appropriate. This is how we teach and then model respect for others. In this instance, I suspect the bride is less concerned about the color of a dress, and more concerned as to why her niece and the niece's family show so little respect for her. Forget the white dress...what about honoring the wishes of the bride?
Roberta Surprenant 3 weeks ago
Queen Victoria did not wear white to signify virginity. She wore it to show that she was rich enough to have a white dress laundered.
person (i think) 3 weeks ago
I don’t know why you are getting down voted on this. This was 100% the case. She could afford the perfect white fabric, she didn’t have to do anything that would dirty it, and she could afford to have people take care of the careful laundering. The making of the dress supported English industry. It had 0% to do with “purity” 🙄
Load More Replies...
Aroace tiger (she/they/he) 3 weeks ago
Wearing white at a wedding is intentionally rude 99% of the time. This was 1 of them
ADDchallengedINFP-T 3 weeks ago
YTA people, STFU, it was OP's wedding, not niece's. SIL probably got the dress for her daughter in purpose, why?
Earonn - 3 weeks ago
Honestly, a 16 year old in a knee length dress doesn't scream "wedding dress" at me. If anything, I was astounded that she didn't go for the gothic look in a black lace dress.... I'm really glad that I grew up without this weird notion and won't have to worry what colour anyone wears on my wedding.
Kathrin Pukowsky 3 weeks ago
Maybe there hasn't been something so obvious, but I can't help thinking that this was deliberate, and is part of a pattern of behaviour. There were three people that could influence the niece's decision to wear white to her aunt's wedding: Herself, her mother, and her father. I can buy one person not knowing about the "no white except for the bride"-rule for weddings, but not three. I suspect there is some hidden resentment at play here, and it would be in OP's best interest to figure out where it comes from.
Trillian 3 weeks ago
She is the bride and if she cares, she can do whatever. But I just don't get it. I am marrying the guy I love, hopefully have a great time with all the people I care about, I probably would not even notice what my teenaged niece is wearing. People need to focus on what a wedding is about. It is not a dress up party ffs.
Ms.GB 3 weeks ago (edited)
It wouldn't be a big deal to me if someone wore a white dress to my wedding although if I thought they knew better I would feel it was disrespectful on principle. I also don't think it's a big deal to change the color of a dress in your wedding photos. If that's what she wanted to do to help herself stand out more as the bride then who cares. I think it was a good solution actually.
G Bono 3 weeks ago
The mother is just as guilty as the daughter. The girl should have known better, but whether she did or not, why didn't her mother allow it? The mother has a responsibility to teach her daughter about what is appropriate and what is appropriate. In theory, the father isn't blame free, UT I'm going to assume he doesn't know what the "rules" are about women wearing white at weddings. Though as I write this, it is rather interesting that the girl stood next OP for the photos. Don't know if mom guided her there or if the girl did it alone, but both the girl and her mom are the AH
JE 4 weeks ago
And we’re talking about a kid, not an adult. How did a teenager look more like a bride than a 30 year-old? Also, could this family afford another dress? Maybe that was the one nice dress she had.
Marmee Noir 4 weeks ago
16 isn't a kid, she's old enough to get married herself
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Eduarda Vaz-Mourao 3 weeks ago
I can’t relate… I would never wear white to a wedding, but I couldn’t care less if someone, particularly a teenager, would show in white. Everybody would know I was the bride and she would be the joke of the ball. Steal the spotlight? You have the spotlight, woman. YOU are the bride. Really, I can’t understand…
kkrq2vk4tm 3 weeks ago
Historically most brides wore their best dress to get wed in, Queen Victoria wore white and so a tradition began, far to much importance is put on weddings nowadays, your marriage isn't going to last any longer just because you wore white or everything was your idea of 'perfect' the most important part of a wedding should be sharing the event with family and friends
Giraffy Window 3 weeks ago (edited)
Yeah, it wouldn't have hurt to give the niece a heads up "Hey niece, I was so glad to have you at the wedding. Your dress looked really nice on you! But I'm a bit traditional, and wasn't expecting other people to wear white on my wedding day. For our photos, we're going to be photoshopping the colour of your dress. We aren't changing anything about the shape or the style of it, just the colour. Just letting you know so it's not a surprise when you see the picture" There was nothing wrong with changing the colour, it was just an unnecessary failure of communication that's muddying the water on the issue.
Apatheist Account2 3 weeks ago
By "always" you mean "hardly ever". Closest I've seen is cream.
Load More Replies...
Nikole 4 weeks ago
Her wedding, her rules. And it’s not like the bride caused a scene.
Load More Replies...
Bowtechie 4 weeks ago
You don't wear white unless you're the bride. Full stop. End of discussion. She's well within her rights to do what she wants with her photos too. It's her money. If she wanted to photoshop bunny ears on all her guests she'd be well with her rights. And FFS, the white dress thing was NEVER ABOUT VIRGINITY. I don't know who started that nonsense but white dresses became popular because of Queen Victoria. Everyone wanted to dress like the freakin queen and the dress itself was a symbol of her support of British lace makers iirc. I seriously don't know who co-opted this tradition into purity BS but that's NOT why white dresses became the norm.
Marmee Noir 4 weeks ago
My guess is they made the link purely because Queen Victoria was a virgin at her wedding and popularised wearing a white dress at the same time and the populace just conflated the 2. Just the year before a full length red gown wouldn't have caused anyone to bat an eye but fashions change
Load More Replies... person (i think) 3 weeks ago
The ES and YTA people and a bunch of y’all are quite self centered and rude.. Do I personally care about who wears white at a wedding? No. But many people do so guests don’t wear white.. You know another tradition I don’t care about? Taking off your shoes before going into a house. Shoes are not usually caked in anything and no one is putting their hands on the floor so why the extra effort? But you know what I do if I go to a no-house? I take off my gd shoes. Because, you know, it’s considerate. And if I waltzed into a no-shoes household fully shod but the hosts were too polite to say anything, would you hold it against them to still be upset about my rudeness later? No, you would agree I was a rude git.. Stop telling this lady how to feel. The real testament is she did not get upset or do anything about it at her actual wedding. The memory of the rudeness still bugged her later and instead of complaining to everyone she and her husband quietly solved the problem.
Historyherstory (old guy) 3 weeks ago
Take my vote. A coherent and down to the point post. Fully shod is my new phrase now. TY.
Load More Replies... EM 4 weeks ago
16 is old enough to know it's rude to wear white to a wedding. OP should've said something straight away but her solution was also fine. If SIL and DIL are upset, they can kick rocks. Even if DIL was somehow innocently unaware, SIL should've damn well told her. OP is not a bridezilla or any other BS the ESH comments accused her of being. F*ck that noise.
person (i think) 3 weeks ago
What would saying something right away have solved?
Load More Replies... Schmebulock 4 weeks ago
She should have simply replied to the SIL It had nothing to do with your daughter being fat and ugly, she is, it's that you are a c**t for letting her wear white.
Nina 4 weeks ago
This was pretty, but I don't see a problem with what she did. It's a photo of her wedding day, how many times are other people going to be looking at it anyway? Sil and niece were the original bitches here.
Ace 3 weeks ago
Petty, you mean? Yes, a bit, but I thought the same - if I've paid for the pictures of my wedding then I have the right to do as I like with them, nobody else. (I mean, in consultation with the spouse, of course).
Load More Replies... Michael Largey 3 weeks ago
Sister-in-law was deliberately committing a hostile act by allowing her daughter to wear white at your wedding. What she is angry - and lying - about is the bride's successful foiling of the act.
brookeannsimmer 3 weeks ago
I love all the 'who cares?' comments, OP cares and it's her wedding, damn
John Harrison 3 weeks ago
This was rivetting. Couldnt get enough of the "interview with an expert" part.
Upstaged75 3 weeks ago
Oh come on! The SIL had to have known that her daughter shouldn't be wearing white. Sounds like she did it on purpose. And now that they got called out she's making up BS as to why they're offended. Ridiculous.
The Starsong Princess 3 weeks ago
Your SIL is the kind of person who lets her daughter wear a white lacy dress to a wedding. No need to worry about what someone like that thinks.
KatSaidWhat 3 weeks ago
Oh please, everyone knows you don't wear white to a wedding unless the bride is wearing a specific other colour. Her sister knew that. TA here is SIL who clearly has beef and then got upset when she got gravy back. Those claiming you can't police colour should think about funerals and how the standard used to be black unless stated otherwise - imagine pitching up to your nan's funeral in shocking pink. Although I did attend a funeral in an Arsenal shirt and orange harem pants earlier this year at the request of the family. When my aunt was buried a few months before that, it was very much formal attire.
Carney 3 weeks ago
I wish people tried for a bit more personal insight when confronted by these type incidents. The issue here is less about the color of a dress and more about respect and honor for the bride. Wearing white to the average wedding is inappropriate and does show disrespect. At 16 the niece is likely still too immature and self-involved to recognize the disrespect her choice of dress show. However, the parents should alert the girl that white is simply not appropriate. This is how we teach and then model respect for others. In this instance, I suspect the bride is less concerned about the color of a dress, and more concerned as to why her niece and the niece's family show so little respect for her. Forget the white dress...what about honoring the wishes of the bride?
Roberta Surprenant 3 weeks ago
Queen Victoria did not wear white to signify virginity. She wore it to show that she was rich enough to have a white dress laundered.
person (i think) 3 weeks ago
I don’t know why you are getting down voted on this. This was 100% the case. She could afford the perfect white fabric, she didn’t have to do anything that would dirty it, and she could afford to have people take care of the careful laundering. The making of the dress supported English industry. It had 0% to do with “purity” 🙄
Load More Replies... Aroace tiger (she/they/he) 3 weeks ago
Wearing white at a wedding is intentionally rude 99% of the time. This was 1 of them
ADDchallengedINFP-T 3 weeks ago
YTA people, STFU, it was OP's wedding, not niece's. SIL probably got the dress for her daughter in purpose, why?
Earonn - 3 weeks ago
Honestly, a 16 year old in a knee length dress doesn't scream "wedding dress" at me. If anything, I was astounded that she didn't go for the gothic look in a black lace dress.... I'm really glad that I grew up without this weird notion and won't have to worry what colour anyone wears on my wedding.
Kathrin Pukowsky 3 weeks ago
Maybe there hasn't been something so obvious, but I can't help thinking that this was deliberate, and is part of a pattern of behaviour. There were three people that could influence the niece's decision to wear white to her aunt's wedding: Herself, her mother, and her father. I can buy one person not knowing about the "no white except for the bride"-rule for weddings, but not three. I suspect there is some hidden resentment at play here, and it would be in OP's best interest to figure out where it comes from.
Trillian 3 weeks ago
She is the bride and if she cares, she can do whatever. But I just don't get it. I am marrying the guy I love, hopefully have a great time with all the people I care about, I probably would not even notice what my teenaged niece is wearing. People need to focus on what a wedding is about. It is not a dress up party ffs.
Ms.GB 3 weeks ago (edited)
It wouldn't be a big deal to me if someone wore a white dress to my wedding although if I thought they knew better I would feel it was disrespectful on principle. I also don't think it's a big deal to change the color of a dress in your wedding photos. If that's what she wanted to do to help herself stand out more as the bride then who cares. I think it was a good solution actually.
G Bono 3 weeks ago
The mother is just as guilty as the daughter. The girl should have known better, but whether she did or not, why didn't her mother allow it? The mother has a responsibility to teach her daughter about what is appropriate and what is appropriate. In theory, the father isn't blame free, UT I'm going to assume he doesn't know what the "rules" are about women wearing white at weddings. Though as I write this, it is rather interesting that the girl stood next OP for the photos. Don't know if mom guided her there or if the girl did it alone, but both the girl and her mom are the AH
JE 4 weeks ago
And we’re talking about a kid, not an adult. How did a teenager look more like a bride than a 30 year-old? Also, could this family afford another dress? Maybe that was the one nice dress she had.
Marmee Noir 4 weeks ago
16 isn't a kid, she's old enough to get married herself
Load More Replies... Eduarda Vaz-Mourao 3 weeks ago
I can’t relate… I would never wear white to a wedding, but I couldn’t care less if someone, particularly a teenager, would show in white. Everybody would know I was the bride and she would be the joke of the ball. Steal the spotlight? You have the spotlight, woman. YOU are the bride. Really, I can’t understand…
kkrq2vk4tm 3 weeks ago
Historically most brides wore their best dress to get wed in, Queen Victoria wore white and so a tradition began, far to much importance is put on weddings nowadays, your marriage isn't going to last any longer just because you wore white or everything was your idea of 'perfect' the most important part of a wedding should be sharing the event with family and friends
Giraffy Window 3 weeks ago (edited)
Yeah, it wouldn't have hurt to give the niece a heads up "Hey niece, I was so glad to have you at the wedding. Your dress looked really nice on you! But I'm a bit traditional, and wasn't expecting other people to wear white on my wedding day. For our photos, we're going to be photoshopping the colour of your dress. We aren't changing anything about the shape or the style of it, just the colour. Just letting you know so it's not a surprise when you see the picture" There was nothing wrong with changing the colour, it was just an unnecessary failure of communication that's muddying the water on the issue.
Apatheist Account2 3 weeks ago
By "always" you mean "hardly ever". Closest I've seen is cream.
Load More Replies... Nikole 4 weeks ago
Her wedding, her rules. And it’s not like the bride caused a scene.
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