We all know that who a person is inside is what’s truly important. But even now, it still astonishes us how mean adults can be to each other based just on someone’s appearance. Especially when it comes to someone’s weight. Fortunately, there are also some fantastic people out there who help restore others’ shattered self-esteem.

Redditor u/quinthfae shared an emotional story with the r/TrueOffMyChest online community about how she asked a good friend to be one of her bridesmaids. The bridesmaid’s reaction to hearing the news was completely heartbreaking. You’ll find the full story, in the redditor’s own words, below.

Bored Panda got in touch with the author of the post, Diana, u/quinthfae, and she was kind enough to answer our questions and share her thoughts on body positivity, compassion, and dealing with the stress of organizing a wedding. Read on for our full interview with her.

The reality is that some people will treat you with dignity while others will shun you based just on appearances

Image credits: Emma Bauso (not the actual photo)

A bride-to-be asked a friend to be a bridesmaid, but she wasn’t expecting the reaction that she got

Image credits: Karolina Grabowska (not the actual photo)

Image credits: quinthfae (not the actual photo)

“My bridesmaid’s childhood friends only knew her alone as ‘the fat girl’ and I think that is why she was treated like an outcast and shooed out of photos.”

We wanted to get the post author’s opinion on why some adults are so cruel when it comes to someone else’s weight and appearance. “Speaking only from my own experience, I think that small communities (such as the one my friend is from) have less opportunity to meet a variety of folks and that makes it easier to see differences in appearance as a personal failing rather than simply a part of the naturally varied world we live in,” redditor u/quinthfae shared her thoughts with Bored Panda.

“That doesn’t mean folks in large communities can’t be bullies—they sure can—but in this instance, my bridesmaid’s childhood friends only knew her alone as ‘the fat girl’ and I think that is why she was treated like an outcast and shooed out of photos.”

Meanwhile, we were curious about the OP’s take on helping people become more compassionate, respectful, and tolerant. She pointed out that social media “has done a great job” of progressing the body positivity movement, “even though social media is also where a lot of hateful comments can also crop up.” Celebrities, stars, and public figures can have a massive impact by sharing their thoughts and photos on the internet.

“The celebrities who proudly show off their appearances despite the hate have helped many people see beauty in different shapes and sizes and colors, so I credit a lot of the body positivity to the brave people putting themselves out there as positive representation. I also think plus-size shops have been wonderful! My friend gets to wear fun themed dresses now that she never had access to in childhood.”

Many of us know just how stressful organizing a wedding can actually be. Bored Panda was interested to hear what u/quinthfae’s would tell other marrying couples to help them deal with the pressure of it all.

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“The advice I would give to other married-couples-to-be and that I am TRYING to give myself constantly, is that ultimately what matters is WHO shows up! As long as you’re surrounded by loved ones who are there to celebrate your union with joyful sincerity, the rest of it is just party details,” she said.

“It’ll be okay if you don’t reach the ‘perfect’ aesthetic you dreamed of. You may only have one wedding day, but that day is the start of your forever. You and your future spouse will find perfection together no matter what happens.”

Image credits: Al Elmes (not the actual photo)

The halo effect is something that everyone should be aware of

The author of the post, u/quinthfae, explained how this was the very first time that her close friend was asked to be a bridesmaid, despite having helped a lot with tons of other weddings. The woman said that she has “never been pretty enough to be a bridesmaid,” and it is something completely heartbreaking to hear.

The OP said that she felt saddened and infuriated that this is how the bridesmaid had been treated in the past, for years and years. “I reassured her repeatedly that she IS pretty and I don’t care about her weight, I care about her heart, and she’s done more than enough to deserve a place beside me at my wedding, whether or not she hosts it in her backyard,” the redditor shared, adding that she deserves better friends.

The sad reality is that many people focus only on surface appearances. It’s what we call the halo effect, and it happens when someone’s positive first impressions of a person affect how they treat them later on.

Or, in other words, conventionally ‘pretty’ people can get away with doing a lot more than someone who might not fit what society has deemed to be ‘beautiful.’ So an attractive but otherwise heartless person might be rewarded while someone who might be a bit overweight is left sidelined, and their positive qualities are ignored. It’s unfair, but it’s a common cognitive bias.

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Image credits: Katelyn MacMillan (not the actual photo)

There are various reasons why adults tease others over their weight and appearance, but they’re not excuses to be awful

Plus-size people are often made fun of and joked about. Some folks do this because they’re trying to make others laugh and are simply ignorant of how their quips affect others. Meanwhile, others might want to make themselves feel better by putting others down. Broadly speaking, nobody should make fun of something that a person can’t change about themselves quickly. It’s immature and mean and we’re all better than that. However, fat and body shaming is something that can happen anywhere.

Some people feel uncomfortable seeing larger bodies, but there’s hardly a simple answer on how to change people’s perceptions, on a societal level. It’s a very complex issue, but the first step is slowing down, refraining from judging others so quickly, and acting in a more compassionate way. It’s essential that everyone should strive to have more empathy and consider things from other people’s points of view. Emotional maturity begins with considering how your actions affect those around you.

Image credits: Antoni Shkraba (not the actual photo)

The people who read the story shared their thoughts in the comments, and the author of the post responded to them in turn

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