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Mom Snatches Daughter From MIL’s Hands: “I Don’t Want My In-Laws To Hold My Baby”
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Mom Snatches Daughter From MIL’s Hands: “I Don’t Want My In-Laws To Hold My Baby”

Mom Snatches Daughter From MIL’s Hands: “I Don’t Want My In-Laws To Hold My Baby”People Are Concerned About This Mom Who Can’t Bear The Thought Of Relatives Holding Her 4MO BabyMom Is Sick Of Husband’s Family Playing Pass The Parcel With Her Daughter: “I Could Have Cried”Mom Freaks Out After In-Laws Play “Pass The Parcel” With Her Baby, Has A Fallout With HusbandMom Wants To Ban In-Laws From Holding Her Baby, Asks If She’s OverreactingMom Feels Overwhelmed As Husband’s Family Passes Around Her Baby Like A Toy: “I Could Have Cried”“I Don’t Trust His Family”: Man Doesn’t Get Why Wife Is Worried When His Family Holds Their Baby“Could Have Cried On The Spot”: Mom Freaks Out Over In-Laws Holding Her Baby“I Could Have Cried On The Spot”: Mom Wonders If She Overreacted To In-Laws Holding Her BabyMom Struggles To Cope With In-Laws Holding Her Baby, Husband Doesn’t Understand Her Concerns
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After parents welcome a new baby into their family, it’s a given that loved ones will want to meet and hold the little bundle of joy. However, such visits can get quickly overwhelming, as parents instinctively worry about their child’s well-being and safety while having many people around.

This mom was particularly anxious about germs infecting her daughter. It got to a point where she felt uncomfortable letting her in-laws hold her. Amidst one gathering, she even scrambled to go home on the verge of tears because the aunt’s fingers somehow ended up in the baby’s mouth.

RELATED:

    Not all parents feel comfortable letting other people hold their newborns

    Image credits: koldunova_anna / freepik

    Just like this mom, whose germaphobia became so intense she didn’t want to let her daughter near her in-laws

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    Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)

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    Image credits: EyeEm / freepik (not the actual photo)

    Image credits: QuestioningThings1

    “Parents should always be careful regarding visitors with a newborn during the first two months of life”

    Image credits: pvproductions / freepik (not the actual photo)

    Parents are right to prioritize their newborn’s safety around other people, as their immune system isn’t strong enough to fight infections in the first few months of their life.

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    “Parents should always be careful regarding visitors with a newborn during the first two months of life,” says Dr. Ahmad Bailony, department chief of pediatrics at Sharp Chula Vista Medical Center. “Babies do not form their blood-brain barrier for about two months, and so they are at risk for more serious infections until that point.”

    She notes that this doesn’t mean that no one can see the baby but it does imply that parents should have some boundaries and safety precautions in place so visitors can meet them without risking the well-being of the little one. 

    However, putting our own needs first can be challenging, as it might feel like we are hurting our loved ones with our selfishness. “The tricky thing with boundaries is parents bend to ensure other people’s needs are met and wind up putting their own needs on the back burner,” said pediatric psychologist Dr. Laura Hlavaty.

    “Imposing boundaries can feel selfish because the only person you’re pleasing is yourself, but in actuality, it’s prioritizing your family’s needs. You may not want to hurt a loved one’s feelings, but not speaking up hurts your feelings, creates conflict and can foster resentment in the long run.”

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    “The more steps taken to reduce the risk of infection, the better”

    Image credits: Drazen Zigic / freepik (not the actual photo)

    To help manage visitation expectations Dr. Bailony recommends having mindful planning, timely communication, and a support system with a partner. 

    Before a newborn meets other people for the first time, parents should ask them about their vaccination status and whether they’ve been near someone who has been sick or experienced flu-like symptoms. If they feel unwell or have been around ill people, there are other ways they can be updated on the baby’s life, like having a virtual visit or sharing photos and videos. 

    “Flu and COVID vaccination, hand-washing and having good ventilation, such as an outdoor environment, all help reduce the risk of a newborn getting sick,” says Dr. Bailony. 

    Another tip he has is to limit visitors and take additional precautions like taking a COVID test before arriving, having disposable masks and providing hand sanitizer, or a place to wash hands often. 

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    “The good news is that serious infections in newborns are rare,” Dr. Bailony says. “However, we are still seeing children, including newborns, infected with COVID-19, flu and RSV. I would still take every precaution possible to lessen the chance a newborn gets sick, as newborns have weak and undeveloped immune systems. So, the more steps taken to reduce the risk of infection, the better.”

    Readers believed that mom’s level of anxiety isn’t standard

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    Austeja Zokaite

    Austeja Zokaite

    Writer, BoredPanda staff

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    Hi, glad you swung by! My name is Austėja, and I’m a writer at Bored Panda. With a degree in English philology, I’m interested in all aspects of language. Being fresh out of university, my mission is to master the art of writing and add my unique touch to every personal story and uplifting article we publish. In my time here, I’ve covered some fun topics such as scrungy cats and pareidolia, as well as more serious ones about mental health and relationship hiccups. When I’m not on my laptop, you’ll probably find me devouring pastries, especially croissants, paired with a soothing cup of tea. Sunsets, the sea, and swimming are some of my favorite things.

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    Austeja Zokaite

    Austeja Zokaite

    Writer, BoredPanda staff

    Hi, glad you swung by! My name is Austėja, and I’m a writer at Bored Panda. With a degree in English philology, I’m interested in all aspects of language. Being fresh out of university, my mission is to master the art of writing and add my unique touch to every personal story and uplifting article we publish. In my time here, I’ve covered some fun topics such as scrungy cats and pareidolia, as well as more serious ones about mental health and relationship hiccups. When I’m not on my laptop, you’ll probably find me devouring pastries, especially croissants, paired with a soothing cup of tea. Sunsets, the sea, and swimming are some of my favorite things.

    Viktorija Ošikaitė

    Viktorija Ošikaitė

    Author, BoredPanda staff

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    I'm a visual editor here at Bored Panda and I enjoy a good laugh. My work ranges from serious topics related to toxic work environments and relationship difficulties to humorous articles about online shopping fails and introvert memes. When I'm not at my work desk, checking if every single pixel is in the right place, I usually spend my free time playing board games, taking pictures, and watching documentaries

    Read less »

    Viktorija Ošikaitė

    Viktorija Ošikaitė

    Author, BoredPanda staff

    I'm a visual editor here at Bored Panda and I enjoy a good laugh. My work ranges from serious topics related to toxic work environments and relationship difficulties to humorous articles about online shopping fails and introvert memes. When I'm not at my work desk, checking if every single pixel is in the right place, I usually spend my free time playing board games, taking pictures, and watching documentaries

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    Stacy s
    Community Member
    4 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The finger in mouth thing is gross an odd, taking that out, OP's level of anxiety is beyond the normal. Worried someone with breathe too close to the baby? If the baby is healthy, and no one is sick, that is crazy. Putting the baby in a bubble won't bring long term health.

    LakotaWolf (she/her)
    Community Member
    4 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If the baby was actually teething (and OP wasn't just using that as a lie) it could be that auntie was just touching baby or wiggling her fingers at baby, and baby grabbed the hand/fingers and put them in her own mouth. I don't know when human babies teethe, but I know that they want to chew on things when they are teething, much like puppies and kittens (which I'm more familiar with, lol.) But if 4mo is a normal age for babies to be teething, I'd be more inclined to think the baby grabbed auntie's fingers and put them in her own mouth (which auntie allowed) rather than auntie just sort of volunteering to jam her fingers in the baby's mouth.

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    Daisy1355
    Community Member
    4 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This poor kid is in for a life of being suffocated emotionally

    jennifer brinkman
    Community Member
    3 days ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    Not all mothers think a baby is a toy!! It is an INFANT that can get sick or die from someone having a cold sore!! Mother smarter than her inlaws!

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    Kirsty Jackowski
    Community Member
    3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Her hair is falling out, her skin is breaking out and she was trying not to cry because a family member was holding her baby!? She needs to see a medical professional as her level of anxiety is ruining her health and will eventually be passed onto her children.

    Beary Nice
    Community Member
    3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    that's a bit much,all of it...she doesn't mind "swapping" babies with her sisters for cuddles but hates the thought of her in laws holding,touching or talking too close to her baby? seems like she hates them as well as having other issues, coming from someone who has had crippling ocd and anxiety that gave me panic attacks this is not at all reasonable...you can't limit your children's lives because you are afraid...my youngest was born premature and spent his life in SCBU and still picked up an illness, pertussis...he passed away and it ruined me, almost wanted to lock my other two away to protect them from life lol but well you can't and you can't give them the impression that life is something to be afraid of...and the fingers in the mouth thing, baby probably just started chewing aunties fingers,that's normal,she making it sound weird...

    Mari
    Community Member
    3 days ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm so sorry you lost your youngest. It must have been so hard for you. But it is impossible to protect them 100%. Just enjoy every day you are together with your other kids, don't let worries steal your joy.

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    MoMcB
    Community Member
    3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Some British pubs are more like restaurants, so that’s what I’m taking it to be, however, there is no way I’d have taken the baby to the loos unless to change a nappy. I’d have used a baby wipe, as most don’t clean during the day. I don’t like germs, so I wash then use a sanitizer when I’ve got out of the toilet door.

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    Lori T Wisconsin
    Community Member
    4 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    What a sad OCD mommy. Born and raised on a farm, followed dad in the barns, fields and gardens. I got very dirty nearly every day. Went several years without missing a day of school due to illness. Family hugged and kissed babies, too! Children existed and thrived long before hand sanitize!

    Ace
    Community Member
    3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This is not OCD. Please stop using that term until you've actually read up about it and understand what it really is, and what it is not. Here's a starter for you https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Obsessive%E2%80%93compulsive_disorder

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    _-DungeonKeeper-_
    Community Member
    3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    ...Did I just read about a grown adult complaining that someone was breating the same air as their child??

    Happy_Pandalover
    Community Member
    3 days ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Looks like she does not like her husband‘s family and according to her they‘ve had some issues. It seems like she‘s playing favorites, because she allows her siblings to hold her baby while his siblings should not. Also she seems paranoid and i do believe she actually needs help with her anxiety issues. I feel sorry for the baby. Seems like the baby actually liked being around her in laws and they also did nothing wrong 🙈. If you don‘t like your child being kissed etc., just tell them in a friendly manner. Don‘t keep quiet and then complain afterwards.

    Ge Po
    Community Member
    3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I am wondering why OP has the right to hand baby to someone else to go to the toilet, but not DH who stays nearby?

    ElfVibratorGlitter
    Community Member
    2 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It literally says that she hands her DD2 to her DH to take her other daughter to the loo...

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    Sarah Léon
    Community Member
    3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I can feel the anxiety and the finger thing is gross. But there is one "little" detail that makes me think she is not really bothered about the germs and more about her In-Laws : she took 2 babies in a pub ! A crowded place where strangers drink mostly alcohol. If you are afraid of germs for your kids, you don't take them to a pub. And you don't take your 1yo in the toilets here. The germs, the flu and so on are not the real issue here. She simply hates her husband's family.

    David L
    Community Member
    3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Did she not want the in-laws in her house hence meeting in a pub, doesn't like in-laws holding the baby but is happy to play pass the parcel with her sister's babies and happy for her own Mother to hold the baby. Reading between the lines I'm guessing that the op doesn't like her husband's family and as for all these 'boundaries' the in-laws keep crossing makes me think that she might be quite a controlling individual. Especially when she made the comment about the in-laws not seeing the older child that often, I wonder why that is?

    Valerie Woods
    Community Member
    3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Oh, yeah. Don't let the MIL hold her grandchild, but take the baby to the pub.

    Mari
    Community Member
    3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    She thinks it's ok to go to the pub with a little baby but she is afraid of her in-laws breathing on her child? Those in-laws raised her own husband! I think she needs therapy. If she is really afraid of viruses/germs she wouldn't take her baby to the pub. I think she has problems with her in-laws and she is just searching for excuses to throw them out.

    Suzie
    Community Member
    3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Not wanting anyone kissing your baby or sticking their fingers in the baby's mouth is reasonable. Everything else is completely nutters.

    Ben Aziza
    Community Member
    3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I am willing to bet that the baby bit a finger cus that is what babies do. As this is definitely an unreliable narrator....

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    Petra brown
    Community Member
    3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Sweetheart you are overreacting a little .. totally normal ... bringing a new life into this world is hard work for body and soul. This said, you need a little help to put things in perspective ... your baby will benefit much more if held by as many loving people as possible. Yes, she will get colds and yes you will have to balance building up her immunsystem and protect her from infections. Breathing on her while healthy will do her no harm. However, you are making yourself sick with worry and the danger is that you will damage your little one in so many ways if you cannot control your anxiety. Make no mistake ... babies /kids and anxiety go hand in hand. The teickis to find a middle way. Let a good therapist help you with that. It helps no one if you fall apart each time she has a runny nose (and she will have a runny nose quite often in the coming years). Best of luck and good wishes - a three time mom.

    Margaret Shannon
    Community Member
    3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    She needs to discuss this with two physicians, a pediatrician and a psychiatrist.

    Ben Aziza
    Community Member
    3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    She is self aware so i don't think so. She suspects she is not being normal and her anxiety is going batshit insane. She would be an idiot if she does not go get help after she confirmed that her behavior was abnormal as she thought!

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    Amelia Jade
    Community Member
    2 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    What is wrong with everyone? The level of venom coming from these comments is ridiculous. This woman is asking if she's being unreasonable. She is aware that she might be. She's look for input. Clearly, she has some kind of anxiety issue, or maybe even PPD. Instead of having some grace for someone who is obviously going through something that is causing her to act unreasonably, everyone is saying cruel things and acting like she's some evil entity. Get off your flipping high horses. I swear some of you just come here so you can insult OPs so that you can feel better about your sad lives.

    Irene Bucior
    Community Member
    2 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    At 4 months old, I wouldn’t be worried. In the first six weeks a baby has probably been inhaling and eating germs from your hands, bottles, and the air around her. This builds immunity. You brought her to a pub where hundreds of people touched the doorknobs, the dishes and the tables. You probably had just as many germs on you as everyone else. Chill out and let her socialize.

    Claudia Stieble
    Community Member
    2 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Sorry, but the mom is a little unhinged. I wonder if she might be suffering from PPD on top of being a germaphobe. This level of anxiety almost gave me anxiety while reading.

    Ginger ninja
    Community Member
    2 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    OP clearly just doesnt like her in laws and its making her anxiety worse.

    Bryn
    Community Member
    3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    so they swap babies & it's okay for her to hold babies & her family... but not his?

    Rosie
    Community Member
    3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I got saddled with a lifetime of cold sores because some icky relative, who must have had open sores, kissed me on the mouth as a baby. She may be overreacting, but I don't like the idea of kissing a baby, not even on the hands. Just keep your lips to yourself.

    Ruth Watry
    Community Member
    3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Tell them that they cannot put their fingers in the baby's mouth. If they have cold symptoms, let them know that they cannot hold the baby for that reason. If they are a smoker and their breath or clothing smell like smoke, they cannot hold the baby. Otherwise, they should be able to hold the baby. When we visited my brother and SIL, they would ask us to wash our hands before he held the baby.

    WonderWoman
    Community Member
    3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Following Covid, I am way more aware of shared space, shared breathing, and touching. You can be appearing perfectly healthy and still carrying around what for some could be a deadly virus. So passing the baby around, even small children are off the table. That said, bringing your infant and small child to a pub, is already dancing the line of insanity, so op was going a bit overboard. Your fingers NEVER belong in someone's mouth unless they are choking, because ewww.

    Ben Aziza
    Community Member
    3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Hmm what about this...The baby bit her aunt's finger... My baby brother did that... Babies do that... Read between the lines. Imagine this from the lease of someone so consumed by anxiety that they are having a near breakdown, losing hair and crying constantly. At least the mom knows something is wrong with her at the moment. I hope she gets help.

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    Bi.Felicia
    Community Member
    Premium
    3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This lady needs to see a mental health professional asap. First off, for someone who claims to be a germaphobe, why would you choose to have lunch at a pub? Secondly, it seems like OP does not like her husbands side of the family. Why is it okay for her family to hold and pass around baby but when his family does it, she is greatly effected, physically and emotionally/mentally. Baby shouldn't be kept in a bubble and mom needs to seek out professional help, asap.

    Just stopping by
    Community Member
    3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Honestly I don't think she's overreacting much but it's there. Though I wouldn’t be ok with what she described as well. The aunt with the fingers in the mouth, coughing then holding the baby without washing hands🤨 no absolutely not.

    Melissa Harris
    Community Member
    2 days ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Poor woman has some rather severe anxiety that she needs to get treatment for. Also, maybe best not to bring baby and a 3 year old to a pub filled with staff, patrons and extended family if worried about them getting a cold. It's not great that everyone wanted to get right in baby's face for smoochies but as long as no one was passing her like a football or coughing in her face It's fine. Humans breath. The child is going to be breathed on anywhere and everywhere. Mom and dad go out and bring home germs. It's inevitable that children get sick. She was describing a panic attack, then an outburst at her husband. When anxiety starts to effect your relationships and daily life like this it's time for professional help.

    Janelle Collard
    Community Member
    Premium
    3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    OP needs to talk to the baby's pediatrician to see if it's safe for a 4-mth-old to be passed around, breathed on + have people's fingers in baby's mouth. I've read that babies under 6 or 8 mths do not have well-developed immune systems. Plus, if the baby hasn't gotten all their vaxxes yet...

    Erica Acuto
    Community Member
    3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    How do you think the immune system develops?! Babies don't get all of their vaccines until they are almost 2, you don't keep them locked up all that time.

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    Gwyn
    Community Member
    3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This is a control issue. Mom needs to see a therapist. Once kids are older it won't just be germs, it'll be everything else she can think of and those kids will be starved of love and normal kids freedoms.

    Orysha
    Community Member
    3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Is OP always this level of psycho or just when she got babies? No wonder the in--laws speak behind her back, I wonder what kind of boundaries she told them to enforce ( if they were reasonable or not for instance). OP needs a therapist as soon as yesterday and we have a nice double standard for both families too : no problem for her sisters to hold her baby and take care of them but this is the end of the world when in-laws do the same.

    Nina
    Community Member
    3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    She needs to grow a backbone and just say what she wants with the in-laws. She can do it with her family so why not his. "Your hands are dirty, don't put them in baby's mouth please.", "Please don't kiss him, I don't want baby to get sick." She needs to stop being a wuss, it's making her crazy paranoid.

    Jamie Goh
    Community Member
    4 days ago

    This comment has been deleted.

    LakotaWolf (she/her)
    Community Member
    2 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Those are all common acronyms on Mumsnet, which is where BP swiped this post from. It's really not difficult to figure out what the acronyms mean.

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    Ru Bee
    Community Member
    3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My best friend had a new born and left him with at two weeks old so she could have fun at her younger brothers wedding. He was the highest achiever in his gcse class in all subjects last year aside from kissing newborns just chill people.

    jennifer brinkman
    Community Member
    3 days ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    Do people not realize that sharing germs with an infant can potentially kill them?? No stranger should be near an infant before 4 months because they DON'T have an immune system yet. Mother is right not to let people touch rhe baby with fingers in its mouth! GROSS!! These people would not care if they killed the baby! Babies have died from less than this!!

    Ben Aziza
    Community Member
    3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    "No stranger should be near an infant before 4 months because they DON'T have an immune system yet." What? Tell me more about that please... In details... ps: Just in case no pseudo science facebook nonsense please... Only actual peer review medical data from legitimate sources. Ohh who am I kidding.... This it is some made up fearmongering bs...Incredibly nonsensical and dumb. As that would imply THAT MOST BABIES DIE AT THAT AGE UNLESS THEY ARE IN A HERMATICALLY SEALED BUBBLE!

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    Mingey
    Community Member
    3 days ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    In-laws are the worst because in my experience they do this stuff on purpose and the comments "wait till your mommy isn't around", yes, comments like that are really gonna work in you favour family-in-law and they haven't!! My in-laws call me awkward but I sleep peacefully....!!!

    roddy
    Community Member
    4 days ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    First babies are precious and we all worry about them a bit too obsessively. They are not as fragile as we think they are as new mums, but the anxiety is perfectly normal. Unfortunately, other people forget, and treat babies like stuffed toys or pets. Baby kissing is the worst, though, because of the very real risk of hepatitis. All in all, maybe it is best to keep them home for the first few months and really ration who they are exposed to. Once they are a bit older, they won't be as vulnerable.

    AK
    Community Member
    4 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Kissing isn't recommended because of the risk of herpes, which makes infants very sick and can kill them, and the high prevalence of latent HSV infections that people aren't aware they have.

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    BrunoVI
    Community Member
    4 days ago (edited)

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    People should not confuse this with the notion that it's good for babies to be exposed to germs. That comes later. I was all set to unleash every ounce of Karen I could on this thread until I read how young the baby in question is. On the other hand, I'm very alarmed to read the recommendation that such young babies be vaccinated for coronavirus and influenza. No, I'm not being an anti-vaxxer. There are plenty of viruses that the US CDC says such young babies should receive, such as polio, hepatitus B, RSV, DTAP. Flu and coronavirus are not among them. Have your in-laws mask up, test for coronavirus, whatever... but please consider that the safety, efficacy and even need for coronavirus and flu vaccines for babies that young have not been established.

    roddy
    Community Member
    4 days ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    And make sure the baby is at the appropriate level. My 2nd was vaccinated for a whole raft of things when (as it turns out) he was too young. I foolishly assumed the doctor would know his age and when he should have them. Never assume the professionals are paying attention. He got really, really sick. Better to space the shots out a bit than rush them.

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    Stacy s
    Community Member
    4 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The finger in mouth thing is gross an odd, taking that out, OP's level of anxiety is beyond the normal. Worried someone with breathe too close to the baby? If the baby is healthy, and no one is sick, that is crazy. Putting the baby in a bubble won't bring long term health.

    LakotaWolf (she/her)
    Community Member
    4 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If the baby was actually teething (and OP wasn't just using that as a lie) it could be that auntie was just touching baby or wiggling her fingers at baby, and baby grabbed the hand/fingers and put them in her own mouth. I don't know when human babies teethe, but I know that they want to chew on things when they are teething, much like puppies and kittens (which I'm more familiar with, lol.) But if 4mo is a normal age for babies to be teething, I'd be more inclined to think the baby grabbed auntie's fingers and put them in her own mouth (which auntie allowed) rather than auntie just sort of volunteering to jam her fingers in the baby's mouth.

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    Daisy1355
    Community Member
    4 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This poor kid is in for a life of being suffocated emotionally

    jennifer brinkman
    Community Member
    3 days ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    Not all mothers think a baby is a toy!! It is an INFANT that can get sick or die from someone having a cold sore!! Mother smarter than her inlaws!

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    Kirsty Jackowski
    Community Member
    3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Her hair is falling out, her skin is breaking out and she was trying not to cry because a family member was holding her baby!? She needs to see a medical professional as her level of anxiety is ruining her health and will eventually be passed onto her children.

    Beary Nice
    Community Member
    3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    that's a bit much,all of it...she doesn't mind "swapping" babies with her sisters for cuddles but hates the thought of her in laws holding,touching or talking too close to her baby? seems like she hates them as well as having other issues, coming from someone who has had crippling ocd and anxiety that gave me panic attacks this is not at all reasonable...you can't limit your children's lives because you are afraid...my youngest was born premature and spent his life in SCBU and still picked up an illness, pertussis...he passed away and it ruined me, almost wanted to lock my other two away to protect them from life lol but well you can't and you can't give them the impression that life is something to be afraid of...and the fingers in the mouth thing, baby probably just started chewing aunties fingers,that's normal,she making it sound weird...

    Mari
    Community Member
    3 days ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm so sorry you lost your youngest. It must have been so hard for you. But it is impossible to protect them 100%. Just enjoy every day you are together with your other kids, don't let worries steal your joy.

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    MoMcB
    Community Member
    3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Some British pubs are more like restaurants, so that’s what I’m taking it to be, however, there is no way I’d have taken the baby to the loos unless to change a nappy. I’d have used a baby wipe, as most don’t clean during the day. I don’t like germs, so I wash then use a sanitizer when I’ve got out of the toilet door.

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    Lori T Wisconsin
    Community Member
    4 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    What a sad OCD mommy. Born and raised on a farm, followed dad in the barns, fields and gardens. I got very dirty nearly every day. Went several years without missing a day of school due to illness. Family hugged and kissed babies, too! Children existed and thrived long before hand sanitize!

    Ace
    Community Member
    3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This is not OCD. Please stop using that term until you've actually read up about it and understand what it really is, and what it is not. Here's a starter for you https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Obsessive%E2%80%93compulsive_disorder

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    _-DungeonKeeper-_
    Community Member
    3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    ...Did I just read about a grown adult complaining that someone was breating the same air as their child??

    Happy_Pandalover
    Community Member
    3 days ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Looks like she does not like her husband‘s family and according to her they‘ve had some issues. It seems like she‘s playing favorites, because she allows her siblings to hold her baby while his siblings should not. Also she seems paranoid and i do believe she actually needs help with her anxiety issues. I feel sorry for the baby. Seems like the baby actually liked being around her in laws and they also did nothing wrong 🙈. If you don‘t like your child being kissed etc., just tell them in a friendly manner. Don‘t keep quiet and then complain afterwards.

    Ge Po
    Community Member
    3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I am wondering why OP has the right to hand baby to someone else to go to the toilet, but not DH who stays nearby?

    ElfVibratorGlitter
    Community Member
    2 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It literally says that she hands her DD2 to her DH to take her other daughter to the loo...

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    Sarah Léon
    Community Member
    3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I can feel the anxiety and the finger thing is gross. But there is one "little" detail that makes me think she is not really bothered about the germs and more about her In-Laws : she took 2 babies in a pub ! A crowded place where strangers drink mostly alcohol. If you are afraid of germs for your kids, you don't take them to a pub. And you don't take your 1yo in the toilets here. The germs, the flu and so on are not the real issue here. She simply hates her husband's family.

    David L
    Community Member
    3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Did she not want the in-laws in her house hence meeting in a pub, doesn't like in-laws holding the baby but is happy to play pass the parcel with her sister's babies and happy for her own Mother to hold the baby. Reading between the lines I'm guessing that the op doesn't like her husband's family and as for all these 'boundaries' the in-laws keep crossing makes me think that she might be quite a controlling individual. Especially when she made the comment about the in-laws not seeing the older child that often, I wonder why that is?

    Valerie Woods
    Community Member
    3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Oh, yeah. Don't let the MIL hold her grandchild, but take the baby to the pub.

    Mari
    Community Member
    3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    She thinks it's ok to go to the pub with a little baby but she is afraid of her in-laws breathing on her child? Those in-laws raised her own husband! I think she needs therapy. If she is really afraid of viruses/germs she wouldn't take her baby to the pub. I think she has problems with her in-laws and she is just searching for excuses to throw them out.

    Suzie
    Community Member
    3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Not wanting anyone kissing your baby or sticking their fingers in the baby's mouth is reasonable. Everything else is completely nutters.

    Ben Aziza
    Community Member
    3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I am willing to bet that the baby bit a finger cus that is what babies do. As this is definitely an unreliable narrator....

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    Petra brown
    Community Member
    3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Sweetheart you are overreacting a little .. totally normal ... bringing a new life into this world is hard work for body and soul. This said, you need a little help to put things in perspective ... your baby will benefit much more if held by as many loving people as possible. Yes, she will get colds and yes you will have to balance building up her immunsystem and protect her from infections. Breathing on her while healthy will do her no harm. However, you are making yourself sick with worry and the danger is that you will damage your little one in so many ways if you cannot control your anxiety. Make no mistake ... babies /kids and anxiety go hand in hand. The teickis to find a middle way. Let a good therapist help you with that. It helps no one if you fall apart each time she has a runny nose (and she will have a runny nose quite often in the coming years). Best of luck and good wishes - a three time mom.

    Margaret Shannon
    Community Member
    3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    She needs to discuss this with two physicians, a pediatrician and a psychiatrist.

    Ben Aziza
    Community Member
    3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    She is self aware so i don't think so. She suspects she is not being normal and her anxiety is going batshit insane. She would be an idiot if she does not go get help after she confirmed that her behavior was abnormal as she thought!

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    Amelia Jade
    Community Member
    2 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    What is wrong with everyone? The level of venom coming from these comments is ridiculous. This woman is asking if she's being unreasonable. She is aware that she might be. She's look for input. Clearly, she has some kind of anxiety issue, or maybe even PPD. Instead of having some grace for someone who is obviously going through something that is causing her to act unreasonably, everyone is saying cruel things and acting like she's some evil entity. Get off your flipping high horses. I swear some of you just come here so you can insult OPs so that you can feel better about your sad lives.

    Irene Bucior
    Community Member
    2 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    At 4 months old, I wouldn’t be worried. In the first six weeks a baby has probably been inhaling and eating germs from your hands, bottles, and the air around her. This builds immunity. You brought her to a pub where hundreds of people touched the doorknobs, the dishes and the tables. You probably had just as many germs on you as everyone else. Chill out and let her socialize.

    Claudia Stieble
    Community Member
    2 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Sorry, but the mom is a little unhinged. I wonder if she might be suffering from PPD on top of being a germaphobe. This level of anxiety almost gave me anxiety while reading.

    Ginger ninja
    Community Member
    2 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    OP clearly just doesnt like her in laws and its making her anxiety worse.

    Bryn
    Community Member
    3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    so they swap babies & it's okay for her to hold babies & her family... but not his?

    Rosie
    Community Member
    3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I got saddled with a lifetime of cold sores because some icky relative, who must have had open sores, kissed me on the mouth as a baby. She may be overreacting, but I don't like the idea of kissing a baby, not even on the hands. Just keep your lips to yourself.

    Ruth Watry
    Community Member
    3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Tell them that they cannot put their fingers in the baby's mouth. If they have cold symptoms, let them know that they cannot hold the baby for that reason. If they are a smoker and their breath or clothing smell like smoke, they cannot hold the baby. Otherwise, they should be able to hold the baby. When we visited my brother and SIL, they would ask us to wash our hands before he held the baby.

    WonderWoman
    Community Member
    3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Following Covid, I am way more aware of shared space, shared breathing, and touching. You can be appearing perfectly healthy and still carrying around what for some could be a deadly virus. So passing the baby around, even small children are off the table. That said, bringing your infant and small child to a pub, is already dancing the line of insanity, so op was going a bit overboard. Your fingers NEVER belong in someone's mouth unless they are choking, because ewww.

    Ben Aziza
    Community Member
    3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Hmm what about this...The baby bit her aunt's finger... My baby brother did that... Babies do that... Read between the lines. Imagine this from the lease of someone so consumed by anxiety that they are having a near breakdown, losing hair and crying constantly. At least the mom knows something is wrong with her at the moment. I hope she gets help.

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    Bi.Felicia
    Community Member
    Premium
    3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This lady needs to see a mental health professional asap. First off, for someone who claims to be a germaphobe, why would you choose to have lunch at a pub? Secondly, it seems like OP does not like her husbands side of the family. Why is it okay for her family to hold and pass around baby but when his family does it, she is greatly effected, physically and emotionally/mentally. Baby shouldn't be kept in a bubble and mom needs to seek out professional help, asap.

    Just stopping by
    Community Member
    3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Honestly I don't think she's overreacting much but it's there. Though I wouldn’t be ok with what she described as well. The aunt with the fingers in the mouth, coughing then holding the baby without washing hands🤨 no absolutely not.

    Melissa Harris
    Community Member
    2 days ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Poor woman has some rather severe anxiety that she needs to get treatment for. Also, maybe best not to bring baby and a 3 year old to a pub filled with staff, patrons and extended family if worried about them getting a cold. It's not great that everyone wanted to get right in baby's face for smoochies but as long as no one was passing her like a football or coughing in her face It's fine. Humans breath. The child is going to be breathed on anywhere and everywhere. Mom and dad go out and bring home germs. It's inevitable that children get sick. She was describing a panic attack, then an outburst at her husband. When anxiety starts to effect your relationships and daily life like this it's time for professional help.

    Janelle Collard
    Community Member
    Premium
    3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    OP needs to talk to the baby's pediatrician to see if it's safe for a 4-mth-old to be passed around, breathed on + have people's fingers in baby's mouth. I've read that babies under 6 or 8 mths do not have well-developed immune systems. Plus, if the baby hasn't gotten all their vaxxes yet...

    Erica Acuto
    Community Member
    3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    How do you think the immune system develops?! Babies don't get all of their vaccines until they are almost 2, you don't keep them locked up all that time.

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    Gwyn
    Community Member
    3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This is a control issue. Mom needs to see a therapist. Once kids are older it won't just be germs, it'll be everything else she can think of and those kids will be starved of love and normal kids freedoms.

    Orysha
    Community Member
    3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Is OP always this level of psycho or just when she got babies? No wonder the in--laws speak behind her back, I wonder what kind of boundaries she told them to enforce ( if they were reasonable or not for instance). OP needs a therapist as soon as yesterday and we have a nice double standard for both families too : no problem for her sisters to hold her baby and take care of them but this is the end of the world when in-laws do the same.

    Nina
    Community Member
    3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    She needs to grow a backbone and just say what she wants with the in-laws. She can do it with her family so why not his. "Your hands are dirty, don't put them in baby's mouth please.", "Please don't kiss him, I don't want baby to get sick." She needs to stop being a wuss, it's making her crazy paranoid.

    Jamie Goh
    Community Member
    4 days ago

    This comment has been deleted.

    LakotaWolf (she/her)
    Community Member
    2 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Those are all common acronyms on Mumsnet, which is where BP swiped this post from. It's really not difficult to figure out what the acronyms mean.

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    Ru Bee
    Community Member
    3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My best friend had a new born and left him with at two weeks old so she could have fun at her younger brothers wedding. He was the highest achiever in his gcse class in all subjects last year aside from kissing newborns just chill people.

    jennifer brinkman
    Community Member
    3 days ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    Do people not realize that sharing germs with an infant can potentially kill them?? No stranger should be near an infant before 4 months because they DON'T have an immune system yet. Mother is right not to let people touch rhe baby with fingers in its mouth! GROSS!! These people would not care if they killed the baby! Babies have died from less than this!!

    Ben Aziza
    Community Member
    3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    "No stranger should be near an infant before 4 months because they DON'T have an immune system yet." What? Tell me more about that please... In details... ps: Just in case no pseudo science facebook nonsense please... Only actual peer review medical data from legitimate sources. Ohh who am I kidding.... This it is some made up fearmongering bs...Incredibly nonsensical and dumb. As that would imply THAT MOST BABIES DIE AT THAT AGE UNLESS THEY ARE IN A HERMATICALLY SEALED BUBBLE!

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    Mingey
    Community Member
    3 days ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    In-laws are the worst because in my experience they do this stuff on purpose and the comments "wait till your mommy isn't around", yes, comments like that are really gonna work in you favour family-in-law and they haven't!! My in-laws call me awkward but I sleep peacefully....!!!

    roddy
    Community Member
    4 days ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    First babies are precious and we all worry about them a bit too obsessively. They are not as fragile as we think they are as new mums, but the anxiety is perfectly normal. Unfortunately, other people forget, and treat babies like stuffed toys or pets. Baby kissing is the worst, though, because of the very real risk of hepatitis. All in all, maybe it is best to keep them home for the first few months and really ration who they are exposed to. Once they are a bit older, they won't be as vulnerable.

    AK
    Community Member
    4 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Kissing isn't recommended because of the risk of herpes, which makes infants very sick and can kill them, and the high prevalence of latent HSV infections that people aren't aware they have.

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    BrunoVI
    Community Member
    4 days ago (edited)

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    People should not confuse this with the notion that it's good for babies to be exposed to germs. That comes later. I was all set to unleash every ounce of Karen I could on this thread until I read how young the baby in question is. On the other hand, I'm very alarmed to read the recommendation that such young babies be vaccinated for coronavirus and influenza. No, I'm not being an anti-vaxxer. There are plenty of viruses that the US CDC says such young babies should receive, such as polio, hepatitus B, RSV, DTAP. Flu and coronavirus are not among them. Have your in-laws mask up, test for coronavirus, whatever... but please consider that the safety, efficacy and even need for coronavirus and flu vaccines for babies that young have not been established.

    roddy
    Community Member
    4 days ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    And make sure the baby is at the appropriate level. My 2nd was vaccinated for a whole raft of things when (as it turns out) he was too young. I foolishly assumed the doctor would know his age and when he should have them. Never assume the professionals are paying attention. He got really, really sick. Better to space the shots out a bit than rush them.

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