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43YO Single Mom Is Disgusted With Herself After Learning She Just Slept With 19YO Guy
Everyone makes mistakes from time to time. Some of them are smaller and easier to move on from, while others force people into full guilt spirals, like this 43-year-old woman who recently slept with a guy thinking he was in his 20s. When she learned he was only 19, she felt so disgusted with herself that it made her sick. People tried making her feel better about it, but it didn’t work. So, she confessed about it online.
More info: Mumsnet
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Some of our mistakes can push us into guilt spirals so deep that no one can help pull us out
Image credits: pikisuperstar / Freepik (not the actual photo)
A single 43-year-old mom one day went out with people from her fitness group and slept with a guy she thought was in his 20s
Image credits: cottonbro studio / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Frostyliss
The morning after, she learned he was only 19, which made her feel so icky about herself that no one could have convinced her it wasn’t such a big deal
The OP is a 43-year-old single mom of two teenagers. Last year, she moved into a new place in a new village, which meant she had to find new social circles.
Finding new friends after moving is usually tricky due to the fact that in the new location, people can, in a way, be different than those a person is used to. It might be religious or cultural differences, different ways people spend their free time, or what kind of food they eat, to name a few. So, the lack of familiarity can make it harder to relate to people or find a new social circle.
The original poster made a real effort to not be lonely in her new village. She ended up joining a circuit training group, which became a vital part of her social life.
One weekend, the usual group and the new people that members brought with them went out. One group member, who is in his 20s, brought some friends that the author assumed to be around his age. The woman ended up flirting with one of these dudes.
There are various theories as to why women can be attracted to younger men. Here, some state that it’s because of their intimate compatibility, similar value systems, or subconsciously being attracted to a man who is more likely to be a better (due to a young age) reproductive partner.
Whether it’s morally good for women to like younger men is a debatable topic, which also kind of depends on each situation. Well, as long as the younger person isn’t a minor – if they are, it’s a crime, not a debate.
Well, the OP wasn’t crossing that line by flirting and later even sleeping with one of the younger men she met that night.
Image credits: Kaboompics.com / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Granted, it was out of character for her – she hadn’t had a one-night stand since she was 20. Yet, at first, she didn’t view this as a mistake. Then, she learned something that changed her mind.
Turns out, this dude was not in his 20s, like she assumed. He was just 19 years old. When she heard it, her heart sank. Even though the difference between the age she assumed he was and his actual age wasn’t much older, it felt different.
This made her feel icky. She started spiraling and contacted the acquaintance who brought her fling to the night out. This guy tried calming her down, saying the situation wasn’t as bad as she made it out to be. After all, they all had fun, so where’s the harm?
Still, the woman couldn’t stop thinking about how badly she messed up. She thought that if the gender were reversed, everyone would be as grossed out as she was. In a way, she is correct – people tend to be more disgusted by older men dating younger women than when the situation is the other way around.
Speaking of what other people think, most of the Mumsnet users who reacted to this story thought the woman was overreacting to the whole thing. As someone pointed out, as long as it happened between two consenting adults, it’s not such a big deal, even if the age gap is kind of big. Plus, it’s likely going to be a one-time mistake; it’s not like she’s going to become someone who chases young men to use them.
Well, quite an adventure the OP had, isn’t it? Even if the end of it was marked by spiraling guilt, hopefully, the words from netizens at least partially calmed her down. After all, being in her 40s isn’t even that old, and she deserves to have fun, right?
When she posted about it online, online folks also were of the opinion that it wasn’t that bad, but it’s unclear whether she took their word
What do you think ?
tw 72 3 weeks ago
As noted before, it's done - move on. BUT, it is interesting that if roles were reversed, like man in his 40s and woman was 19 - society seems to be more OK with this.
Susie Elle 3 weeks ago
Well, I wonder if a man genuinely thought he was sleeping with a woman in her 20's and felt gross after learning she was only 19, I'd reckon the response would be similar.
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Stacy s 3 weeks ago
I can see where she is coming from maybe. I'm 42, my son is 22. When i see a hot bod celebrity and think he's sexy, then learn he's my son's age or younger, i get a "yuck" feeling. Like, i'm a dirty old lady for liking a "child" since he's the same age as my child. Since she has teenage kids, and the guy was technically a "teen". I'm not saying it's wrong, but i feel that way. I try not even too look at anyone younger than 35.
zovjraar me 2 weeks ago
that's how i feel, and i don't have kids. half your age + 7 is the rule i've heard. so at 43, the youngest person she should be sleeping with is 28. but, they are 2 consenting adults, so no judgement. i just know i couldn't do it.
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Lost Panda 3 weeks ago
Don't know the reactions I'll get, but in my mind when both parties are of legal age of consent for their area, and they both do in fact consent, it should not matter. She is/was not actively chasing him for his age, he just happened to be that age. I understand that we all have our own thoughts on this type of thing, but in the end I believe as long as it is legal there should be no fuss for either the older or younger party regardless of their gender.
Marion Cummings 3 weeks ago
Good Lord Woman! Your older, not dead!! Did you both have fun, no expectations or comments the next day? Great! 18 is an adult he knew what was what, and enjoyed it!!
MedusaWasBeautiful 3 weeks ago
Who cares? If rhe person legal in that area then it does not matter.
Ace 3 weeks ago (edited)
Blurred lines, I can see that it could be an easy mistake to make. I once had a one-night stand with a girl who picked me up in a late-night music bar. Her and her friend were hitting on me and my brother, they said they were 23, I was 32 (and single, having recently split up with my wife of 9 years, before I met my now wife of nearly 30 years) so why not? The friend went home, my girl stayed the night... and then announced at around 6 am that she needed to be home before her parents woke up. Turns out she was only 16, which I must stress was completely legal in the UK at that time. But honestly, if they say one thing, how are you supposed to know? The bar, like all in the UK, was strictly 18 and over, although at that time it was not routinely checked by drinking establishments, so I had no reason to suspect they were lying about their age. (And no, I was not drunk, I was actually driving that night). Edit: Oh, and yes, of course I drove her home.
Katchen 3 weeks ago
Your story reminds me of Renton and Diane from Trainspotting.
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Apatheist Account2 3 weeks ago
As long as they were protected, there's nothing wrong with this at all.
Susie Elle 3 weeks ago
Assumption is the mother of all f**k-ups, but I mean, legally he's an adult, so .... *shrug*
moggie63 3 weeks ago
Is what I thought. I've always preferred older women (wife is 18 years older than me) and this would have felt like a win to me.
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J. Maxx 3 weeks ago
I don't get the age thing when it comes to consenting adults. Who gives a s**t about an age gap if it's LEGAL. If two folks find each other attractive and want to fool around or have a relationship and you're both legally able, mentally sound and consent, who cares about the age difference.
Kaedyn Walsh 3 weeks ago
Yet if the genders were reversed, replies would be scathing toward the older man sleeping with a 19 yo young woman.
Leoninus Fate 3 weeks ago
i juts have this story, ok this guy was older, like 35, we didn't know as i myself was 20 and my friend was 16, he acted 16, in hindsight we should have asked, but as we were just talking and he was "online" dating my friend, who didn't have her age on the profile but sounded older than me, nothing happened between them, but like a week after were all just talking we start to go to {real life} bed and i jokeingly call out "GOOD NIGHT JOHN BOY" to him cause i knew he had seen the show its from, and he laughs... my friend asks what that mean... i told her, its a show from our childhood and she gets quiet and said" yours, not mine" and the guy asked how old she was and she said 17...... he paused and said "I'm sorry... I have to go now, maybe we will meet again some day" and logs off, never logs back on..... I on the other have am howling with laughter.....Im like "I'm so sorry I didn't know he was older than me and you and im sorry i scared him away with "GOOD NIGHT JOHN BOY!"
Leoninus Fate 3 weeks ago
shes in her 30s now and with 2 kids so it worked out but i still end good byes like that
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John Jameson 3 weeks ago
This is here because she wanted to brag. Disagree? If a guy had posted this, what would be everybody's main claim? Bragging rights. Yeah.
Craig Reynolds 2 weeks ago
NTA because it wasn't done on purpose. A 43YO divorced man with kids would probably think he hit the lottery if he slept with a consenting 19YO woman. Probably most 43YO men. Take it as a compliment because you are in such good physical shape that he probably believed you were in your mid 20s at the latest.
Martin Johann Christian Lorentz 2 weeks ago
I think, there are only two questions relevant Here for OP. 1.) Was IT consensual? 2.) Did she have fun? If both questions can be answered with "Yes", then I think, she ist all clear.
Ben Aziza 3 weeks ago
They are 2 adults there is no f****d up power dynamic... everything is good. I think a lot of ppl seem to have a moral code that they did not come up with and follow the general vibe that others follow. Never understood why ppl do that... It Make you prone to cults and echo chambers and s**t.
Ace 3 weeks ago
Why? It doesn't sound like she was the sole instigator and nothing suggests predatory behaviour or motives on her part.
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tw 72 3 weeks ago
As noted before, it's done - move on. BUT, it is interesting that if roles were reversed, like man in his 40s and woman was 19 - society seems to be more OK with this.
Susie Elle 3 weeks ago
Well, I wonder if a man genuinely thought he was sleeping with a woman in her 20's and felt gross after learning she was only 19, I'd reckon the response would be similar.
Load More Replies... Stacy s 3 weeks ago
I can see where she is coming from maybe. I'm 42, my son is 22. When i see a hot bod celebrity and think he's sexy, then learn he's my son's age or younger, i get a "yuck" feeling. Like, i'm a dirty old lady for liking a "child" since he's the same age as my child. Since she has teenage kids, and the guy was technically a "teen". I'm not saying it's wrong, but i feel that way. I try not even too look at anyone younger than 35.
zovjraar me 2 weeks ago
that's how i feel, and i don't have kids. half your age + 7 is the rule i've heard. so at 43, the youngest person she should be sleeping with is 28. but, they are 2 consenting adults, so no judgement. i just know i couldn't do it.
Load More Replies... Lost Panda 3 weeks ago
Don't know the reactions I'll get, but in my mind when both parties are of legal age of consent for their area, and they both do in fact consent, it should not matter. She is/was not actively chasing him for his age, he just happened to be that age. I understand that we all have our own thoughts on this type of thing, but in the end I believe as long as it is legal there should be no fuss for either the older or younger party regardless of their gender.
Marion Cummings 3 weeks ago
Good Lord Woman! Your older, not dead!! Did you both have fun, no expectations or comments the next day? Great! 18 is an adult he knew what was what, and enjoyed it!!
MedusaWasBeautiful 3 weeks ago
Who cares? If rhe person legal in that area then it does not matter.
Ace 3 weeks ago (edited)
Blurred lines, I can see that it could be an easy mistake to make. I once had a one-night stand with a girl who picked me up in a late-night music bar. Her and her friend were hitting on me and my brother, they said they were 23, I was 32 (and single, having recently split up with my wife of 9 years, before I met my now wife of nearly 30 years) so why not? The friend went home, my girl stayed the night... and then announced at around 6 am that she needed to be home before her parents woke up. Turns out she was only 16, which I must stress was completely legal in the UK at that time. But honestly, if they say one thing, how are you supposed to know? The bar, like all in the UK, was strictly 18 and over, although at that time it was not routinely checked by drinking establishments, so I had no reason to suspect they were lying about their age. (And no, I was not drunk, I was actually driving that night). Edit: Oh, and yes, of course I drove her home.
Katchen 3 weeks ago
Your story reminds me of Renton and Diane from Trainspotting.
Load More Replies... Apatheist Account2 3 weeks ago
As long as they were protected, there's nothing wrong with this at all.
Susie Elle 3 weeks ago
Assumption is the mother of all f**k-ups, but I mean, legally he's an adult, so .... *shrug*
moggie63 3 weeks ago
Is what I thought. I've always preferred older women (wife is 18 years older than me) and this would have felt like a win to me.
Load More Replies... J. Maxx 3 weeks ago
I don't get the age thing when it comes to consenting adults. Who gives a s**t about an age gap if it's LEGAL. If two folks find each other attractive and want to fool around or have a relationship and you're both legally able, mentally sound and consent, who cares about the age difference.
Kaedyn Walsh 3 weeks ago
Yet if the genders were reversed, replies would be scathing toward the older man sleeping with a 19 yo young woman.
Leoninus Fate 3 weeks ago
i juts have this story, ok this guy was older, like 35, we didn't know as i myself was 20 and my friend was 16, he acted 16, in hindsight we should have asked, but as we were just talking and he was "online" dating my friend, who didn't have her age on the profile but sounded older than me, nothing happened between them, but like a week after were all just talking we start to go to {real life} bed and i jokeingly call out "GOOD NIGHT JOHN BOY" to him cause i knew he had seen the show its from, and he laughs... my friend asks what that mean... i told her, its a show from our childhood and she gets quiet and said" yours, not mine" and the guy asked how old she was and she said 17...... he paused and said "I'm sorry... I have to go now, maybe we will meet again some day" and logs off, never logs back on..... I on the other have am howling with laughter.....Im like "I'm so sorry I didn't know he was older than me and you and im sorry i scared him away with "GOOD NIGHT JOHN BOY!"
Leoninus Fate 3 weeks ago
shes in her 30s now and with 2 kids so it worked out but i still end good byes like that
Load More Replies... John Jameson 3 weeks ago
This is here because she wanted to brag. Disagree? If a guy had posted this, what would be everybody's main claim? Bragging rights. Yeah.
Craig Reynolds 2 weeks ago
NTA because it wasn't done on purpose. A 43YO divorced man with kids would probably think he hit the lottery if he slept with a consenting 19YO woman. Probably most 43YO men. Take it as a compliment because you are in such good physical shape that he probably believed you were in your mid 20s at the latest.
Martin Johann Christian Lorentz 2 weeks ago
I think, there are only two questions relevant Here for OP. 1.) Was IT consensual? 2.) Did she have fun? If both questions can be answered with "Yes", then I think, she ist all clear.
Ben Aziza 3 weeks ago
They are 2 adults there is no f****d up power dynamic... everything is good. I think a lot of ppl seem to have a moral code that they did not come up with and follow the general vibe that others follow. Never understood why ppl do that... It Make you prone to cults and echo chambers and s**t.
Ace 3 weeks ago
Why? It doesn't sound like she was the sole instigator and nothing suggests predatory behaviour or motives on her part.
Load More Replies... You May Like Woman Refuses To Share Ownership Of Her House With Fiancé, He Secretly Calls A Real Estate Lawyer Woman Loses It At Sister When She Can’t Do A Favor After Living With Her For Free, Kicks Her Out
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