The commenter who said the parents need to fix this now or no one will want Sam around was close. In reality, the parents need to fix this now, because it'll be a lot cheaper than rehab -- if he's lucky. Otherwise, they should get used to the idea of accepting a lot of collect calls from the state prison.

Anna and Sam's dad have been dating a year. Sam isn't family and doesn't need to be included. His dad.needs to take some parenting classes, and Anna too, if they're looking at a future together. Sam needs help ASAP.

The thing is, he's 12, and this behavior didn't evolve in a vacuum. Dave wants to blame his ex for Sam's behavior, but he clearly has *never* disciplined him either, even before he broke with his ex - because Sam already knows he doesn't have to fear consequences from his father. That's something that develops over many years. Anna has picked a complete loser who finds it easier to let his kid run amok than to confront his bad behavior - and easier to tell others just to put up with it than actually punish Sam.

Never travel with people who are miserable to be around.

Kid sounds like an entitled brat. I am sick of the ubiquitous excuse of ADHD. I would not want this nightmare child ruining everyone's vacay simply because his dad has no spine to discipline his son irrespective of what the ex says.

The current title of this article has a double negative “not uninvited” which makes it seem like the parents are mad that the child was invited. Current title in case they edit it later: “ Parents Can’t Control Their Son, Are Furious When He’s Not Uninvited On Holiday”

Poor Sam. The adults in his life have failed him. His life will be miserable.

Adults say no to children to protect them an to teach them not everything is ok to do. The mother not teaching the kid to behave is on her. The father needs to set boundary's for the child in his home under his watch. It's not like cutting his hair or a physical change. It learning thst he can't always get his way and there is consequences to actions. Act better an get invited. Otherwise stay home and be left out.

Absolutely tell Sam to his face exactly why he isn't invited.

By age 12 he should be *way* past that sort of behaviour. This is what you might expect from a much younger child, maybe 4 or 5.

At 12 years old I'm leaning towards it being too late to fix Sam, especially while his actual mom continues to enable this behavior. Best for Op to stick to their decision and not engage in any further discussion on the subject. Actions have consequences and these are the consequences of Op's SIL choosing to be in a relationship with a neutered man afraid of his Ex.

"Misbehaving children are often just reflections of their parent’s child-raising choices". One parent, two parents: "their parents' child-raising choices." Also, "everytime" isn't one word, ever: "Every time that she doesn't call. . . ." People get confused by the word "every", something can be an everyday thing (adjective form is one word), which means that it happens so often, it's like it happens every day (quantity + noun).

My youngest nibling is Aspergers, but wasn't diagnosed until high school. As a small child she was hell on wheels. My #3 asked if she could come spend the weekend at our house, we did that frequently with the older cousins (who were our kids ages, there is 6 year gap between that one and the next youngest) and I told #3 that no, we would not take her for the weekend. that I would take her for a month, but not just a weekend. Because I knew that in a month I could make a difference in her behavior (not by beating her, no worries) but in a weekend, it would only one tantrum after another, and I was not willing to do that to anybody. I feel badly for the poor boy in this story, but dang, his parents are failing him SO MUCH.

i can and have removed my child(ren) from places and events if they start to act up. its not a punishment. two of my kids have ASD and tantrums are one of the ways they tend to communicate when over stimulated. both are nonverbal as well, so telling me something is wrong is not possible with words. i have become good at recognizing the signs and removing them to a quiet safe location to calm and re-center themselves by making things as quiet as possible. when they are ready, i discuss what happened and assure them no one is mad, and we all want to make sure they have a fun time. sometimes they still have a tantrum. and that's okay. what's not okay is making it everyone else's problem. if i cant lead them to a calmer state, we say our goodbyes, thank everyone or spending time with us and go home. im not saying the kid has ASD. what i am saying is if this dynamic is going to work, the father needs to step up and teach his son appropriate behavior.

NTA. But his bio mum is. Unfortunately he won’t know how to deal with rejection and failure (which DO exist, however much people want to say they don’t.) Try it in a small dose. Or, while it is a holiday, think of it as a chance to show him a different way for a consistent period of time with behavioural rewards and reprimands that earn him something to do on the trip.

Is it too late for an abortion?

The thing is, I honestly wonder how much of that really is the ex and how much is the father. No one knows the ex, but from what we know it could easily be a happy go lucky dad who never before put his foot down to be friends with his kid and sabotaging the mom left and right. He doesn't seem to do anything to regulate his son. There are different ways to teach good manners. He could try positive reinforcement, gentle parenting or offering alternative routes of behaviour etc. That are harder but still could work if done right. But it doesn't seem he tries anything. That doesn't look remotely like just the ex not wanting her kid to be raised

Dave is a simp. He is not being a father. Fathers teach discipline and consequences. Never let them near your family ever again. That kind of pussy parenting is contagious

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Since you all decided to do this, you should all sit with the kid and tell him why he's not allowed to come on the trip.