The "she's so young, she'll change her mind" pisses me off. I have never wanted kids. From my 14th up to now (57) Never have I doubted this and felt a tingle in my chicken coop. You would not believe how many times I heard the old "oh, you'll change your mind" bullsh!t. She is NTA and if she did not tell him about her sterlilisation then that's her business. They both agreed No Kids. And him letting his friends call her an AH tells us much about his weakness and stupidity.

If OP'S fiançé had said that he was open to having kids and OP went along with it, I would deem her the àsshole. But as it stands, she stated upfront that she didn't want children, and her fiançé acted as if he was on the same page. Now HE'S the victim because OP didn't inform him of her procedure? He lied to her face and thought he could change her mind (i.e., baby trap her). He's a crapoy excuse for a human being; OP dodged a Polaris-Poseidon-Patriot ICBM.

One of the reasons I got sterilised in my early 20s was to avoid this exact situation! I know of far too many people who’ve discovered two, five, ten years into a relationship that the person who said they were fine with not becoming a parent had been “humouring” them, sure that it was “a phase” because “everyone said” she’ll “come to her senses” when “her biological clock starts ticking”. Telling people up-front that it’s physically impossible makes that a lot less likely.

Lying to conceal a major incompatibility in order to continue a relationship and expecting them to be the one to change to meet your demands is incredibly dishonest, disrespectful and manipulative. This guy is trying to blame you for not discussing your private medical history, when the real problem here is that he is a manipulative lier who doesn't respect you as a person. If he'd been honest about his intentions, he could have responded with "Thank you for sharing that with me.That must have been a really stressful situation. I'm glad you were able to get the medical care you needed, and don't have this risk hanging over you anymore." Like a loving, supportive, securely child-free partner.

I'm 39 and have never wanted children. I still get people telling me I'll change my mind. I then tell them I've had my tubes removed. That usually shuts them up real quick!

I knew at age 6 I didn't wanted to be pregnant. When I talked about kids I would always say adoption with the argument that "why make kids if some are already alive and need families" and when I got 10 I knew I didn't want children ever. I'm now 19 and looking for getting my tubes tied (legal from age 18 with no conditions where I live). I'm getting my diploma to work with kids so when people tell me I mustn't like kids if I don't want any it pisses me off so much ! I want to be the fun aunt, I want to spend times with kids but at the end of the day give them back to their parents. Pregnancy terrifies me, always have. I'm so happy for them when my friends get pregnant but I never touches their belly, it gross me a bit. I have recurring nightmare of being pregnant and it's really a phobia for me. I know I will always have to justify myself in the future, of why I don't want kids, why I got sterilised so early, if I'm sure I will never regret it...

Whether or not telling him about the sterilization was right or wrong, I think this comes down to trust and honesty. For her, if you’re committing to someone enough to marry them, you should feel safe enough to tell them about a major medical procedure. She doesn’t owe him an explanation, but that fact that she didn’t feel she should, says a lot about her trust in him. For him, the fact that he didn’t listen to her at her very clear ‘no kids, ever’, and gets angry at her when he starts to want them says he doesn’t value or trust what she says, her opinions. Glad this is coming out before the wedding.

A man who doesn't care enough to find out what birth control you are using, doesn't care enough to make the s*x worth while.

If you are sterilised, you can still have kids, it's called adoption. There's no hurt caused by anyone but the man who either didn't believe his partner's position or didn't care. Have we really gone all the way back to eugenics days when people prioritise their own DNA over anything meaningful?

Firstly I am very sorry that the pregnancy and abortion caused her such extreme distress. Secondly. I am over the moon that a young woman in her mid twenties actually found a doctor who Would sterilise her!!! From being a toddler I Knew that I didn't want children, I have no interest in them, don't relate to them, don't want to, don't spend any time with them. I don't have one ounce of maternal instinct. I approached doctors in my twenties about sterilisation and was told I was far too young to know, that I'd change my mind. 51 this month, nó children, dont regret a single thing. I have No living family whatsoever and don't regret a second. I Do wish I could tell that doctor that though, pillock. This young lady made it clear she didn't want children in any way, her own or adoption. She didn't need to tell him she was sterilised but perhaps should have mentioned it, however her body, her choice. He should Respect that, The End.

He's the one who strung her along, in what universe would she ever be TA.

Someone who doesn't want children and sticks to their opinion no matter the pressure deserves an award, because they are mature enough not to make themselves or an kid miserable with their choice. She was clear from the start about not wanting children and her fiance was so dishonest thinking that he could just change her. The only thing I would do differently is telling him after a few months in the relationship that I am also sterilized, just to make sure we are on the same page.

I find it hard to believe you can date someone for years and not know they're sterilized. So you never discussed birth control? For a couple that doesn't want kids birth control is very important, did he just assume you were on something? I highly doubt that. If this story is true, which I doubt, the extreme lack of communication merits a breakup anyway.

A state that I once lived in had a law that a woman who was single, childless and below 28 YO could not get sterilized. This same state would arrest women for using birth control until after 1972. I needed a hysterectomy for a medical issue and I was refused because I was too young and single.

Yet again the idea thlat all woman will want children. I'm really glad she was able to get a sterilization when she wanted one because it is her body and she has a right not to put it through a pregnancy if she doesn't want to. Only thing I would say is she lays on the table in her next relationship " I don't want children, I can't have children" don't explain just tell its not happening because she can't. She shouldn't have to explain unless she wishes to, but if she says she's infertile that ends the conversation, she doesn't need to say why

Poll Option 5 - Why the F@CK would you MARRY someone you can't openly discuss things with!!!!!!!!!!!!

What confuses me the most is that they have been intimate and of course seen each other naked. Sterilization is performed laparoscopically and leaves a more or less small scar. I also checked that another method (essure, if anyone likes to read horror stories). has been removed from the market in 2017-2018. The man hasn't really been interested in asking what that scar on her stomach is? In the dark, have these two dusted the blankets without touching?

she still shouldve told him she was sterilized because people do sometimes change their minds like he did, and him saying theyd be trying after getting married without talking about it in private does make him the a*hole

Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional. I'm sorry this happened to you. I'm glad you found out his true colors before the contract was signed.

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Opportunity lost, opportunity gained. It might be said that the OP did nothing wrong but missed an opportunity. If she had made the choice to tell her bf about her sterilized status, the sequence of events would have been different, and probably better for her. On the other hand, with the way things happened she found out early enough how unsuitable this guy would be as a spouse, which granted her an opportunity to escape before it was too late. And he gives indications that he would be a problem in matters other than children, as well.

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I was on board with NTA until I read her comment about their discussion (or lack of) on birth control. That it apparently came up a couple of times and her response was something like “don’t worry about it”. That’s where it bothers me and sort of feels like she wasn’t completely honest. I still don’t think u can call her TA because she says she’s been clear since the beginning. But if this never came up in a discussion about birth control I think there has definitely been some deception or dishonesty. People don’t actually just not worry about something so important when you tell them not to worry about it.

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This is bigger than this story. It's easy to say NTA but how are you going to have a partner and not share medical information. If something happens where information is needed, you'll quickly realize that you're just 2 clowns in a relationship that know nothing about each other. Not their business = keeping secrets = no trust = not good for a relationship