Moving in with your partner is a huge step in any relationship. Finally, your sleepovers never have to come to an end. You can enjoy dinner together every evening, and you get to be the first thing one another sees each morning. Paradise, right? Well, there are challenges that come along with living with your partner too. You have to agree on furniture you both like and decide together where to hang your gorgeous artwork. You’ll learn that leaving the toilet seat up or forgetting to wash your dishes might get you in trouble, and you can’t stay up late playing video games without anyone knowing. The decision to share a place should not be taken lightly.

That’s why one woman on Reddit is refusing to allow her boyfriend to move in with her. She anticipates that it won’t go well, so she’s decided to save them both the trouble. But she did reach out to the “Am I the [Jerk]?” subreddit asking if she was being too harsh for putting her foot down, so below, you can find her full explanation as to why she won’t shack up with her boyfriend, as well as some of the responses invested readers have left for her and an update on the situation she was kind enough to provide.

Then, after you’ve finished reading this piece, if you’d like to read another Bored Panda article featuring a woman who had reservations about moving in with her partner, check out this story next!     

This woman has put her foot down after her unemployed, and now homeless, boyfriend expressed his desire to move in with her

Image source: MART PRODUCTION (not the actual photo)

Image source: RODNAE Productions (not the actual photo)

Image source: Cracked_Auto-maniac

Readers were quick to share their thoughts on the situation, so the girlfriend joined in on the conversation and provided additional details

We reached out to the woman who shared this story on Reddit to hear if there had been any updates on the situation, and she was kind enough to get back to us. “I’m happy to provide a few updates!” she told Bored Panda. “I have official broken up with my boyfriend (now ex), and he has agreed to give me the cat, so I can take it to a good home. I did not expect him to suddenly change, and I didn’t expect his living situation to suddenly change.” Well, it sounds like she definitely made the right choice, and I’m happy to hear the cat will have lovely new home as well.

It can be challenging to know when the right time to move in with your partner is. Some people feel comfortable getting a place together after only a few months, while others wait years before finally saying goodbye to their own, personal places. It’s completely up to the couple, but one of the most important things to keep in mind when deciding whether or not to move in together is how stable the relationship is. If it’s already rocky, moving in together is not likely to solve anything. In fact, it might exacerbate existing issues.

According to a study from Stanford University, about a quarter of American couples that eventually move in together decide to make the leap after only 4 months of dating. For 50% of couples, it takes a year to decide to share a place together, and for 70% of couples, they will become roommates by the time they’ve been together for 2 years. As this couple has already been together for 3 years, it’s not looking likely that they will ever share a place of residence.

But how do you know when it’s time to pop the question: should we move in together? According to Hilary I. Lebow at PsychCentral, there’s a checklist of things to be on the same page about before deciding to make the leap. First, she notes that you should be used to be spending lots of time around each other. It’s also important to have a conversation about finances. Will you split rent and groceries down the middle, or according to how much you each earn? You should get on the same page about chores as well. There’s nothing worse than living with someone who is extremely messy or who will be passive aggressive if you forget to wipe down the kitchen counter one time, so be sure to divvy up household responsibilities and stick to what you’ve agreed upon.

Both parties must also agree on boundaries set in the home. Are shoes allowed inside? Are phones allowed in the bedroom? Do you plan on having a pet? How often do you want friends over? Arguments are inevitable in any relationship, but they can be especially frequent when you first move in together. Make sure that you and your partner know how to argue in a healthy way. Listen and communicate effectively and directly. 

Do you feel comfortable being yourself around your partner? That’s another important factor to consider before making the leap to share a place. “When you start dating someone, you may feel obligated to keep all of your typical, but occasionally humiliating behaviors… hidden from them,” Dr. Elizabeth Lombardo, a psychologist in Chicago, Illinois, told PsychCentral. “It may be time to live together if you’ve grown so comfortable that you’re not holding in gas or pretending to be a more delicate eater than you are.”

Finally, before deciding to live together, both partners should feel excited about it. If one is pressuring the other, or one is not fully invested in the relationship, moving in together will just be a disaster waiting to happen. There is nothing wrong with supporting your partner when they’re going through a hard time, but as many readers pointed out on this post on Reddit, there is no way of knowing that this man will ever get out of his current slump. This woman shouldn’t be expected to cater to him or wait around for him to finally reach his “peak” while she is unhappy. I’m glad to hear that she didn’t allow anyone to pressure her into letting him move in. 

We would love to hear your thoughts on this situation in the comments below, pandas. If you were in this girlfriend’s situation, how would you respond? And then if you’re interested in reading another article featuring a woman who’s hesitant about moving in with her boyfriend, check out this story next.  

Readers overwhelmingly agreed that the woman made the right choice, noting that she deserves to be with someone who contributes to the relationship

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