“[Am I The Jerk] For Canceling My Stepdaughter’s Birthday Bash After I Broke Up With Her Dad?”
Infidelity can ruin relationships in a snap. In worst-case scenarios, the person betrayed may sever ties with everyone related to their ex-partner.
This is what happened in today’s story from Crafty-Row470. After breaking up with her cheating partner, she also cut communication with his 17-year-old daughter. But before the split, she had promised the teenager an extravagant 18th birthday bash.
After a round of guilt-tripping from her ex’s relatives, she asks the AITAH subreddit if she made the wrong decision.
Some relationships end bitterly
![“[Am I The Jerk] For Canceling My Stepdaughter’s Birthday Bash After I Broke Up With Her Dad?”](https://www.boredpanda.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2024/06/woman-cancels-stepdaughters-birthday-party-cheating-ex-1.jpg "“[Am I The Jerk] For Canceling My Stepdaughter’s Birthday Bash After I Broke Up With Her Dad?”")
Image credits: RDNE Stock project / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Today’s story is about a woman who broke up with her cheating partner but promised an extravagant gift to his daughter
![“[Am I The Jerk] For Canceling My Stepdaughter’s Birthday Bash After I Broke Up With Her Dad?”](https://www.boredpanda.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2024/06/author_c1f8bb3cb6d96570cda6d48778c7b112.jpg "“[Am I The Jerk] For Canceling My Stepdaughter’s Birthday Bash After I Broke Up With Her Dad?”")
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Image credits: Timur Weber / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The affair had been happening for a long time and right under the OP’s nose
![“[Am I The Jerk] For Canceling My Stepdaughter’s Birthday Bash After I Broke Up With Her Dad?”](https://www.boredpanda.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2024/06/author_eabec8f5c3ce05f2fe256c108aab6cc0.jpg "“[Am I The Jerk] For Canceling My Stepdaughter’s Birthday Bash After I Broke Up With Her Dad?”")
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Image credits: Liza Summer / Pexels (not the actual photo)
After finding out, she decided to no longer finance the extravagant bash
![“[Am I The Jerk] For Canceling My Stepdaughter’s Birthday Bash After I Broke Up With Her Dad?”](https://www.boredpanda.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2024/06/author_bb8212e93c5fdfd2d970664a9eb047f6.jpg "“[Am I The Jerk] For Canceling My Stepdaughter’s Birthday Bash After I Broke Up With Her Dad?”")
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Image credits: RDNE Stock project / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The OP eventually cut ties with the entire family, but she is left wondering if she was too harsh with her actions
![“[Am I The Jerk] For Canceling My Stepdaughter’s Birthday Bash After I Broke Up With Her Dad?”](https://www.boredpanda.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2024/06/author_6e39df7c6c7bbe5524de56a4d5432049.jpg "“[Am I The Jerk] For Canceling My Stepdaughter’s Birthday Bash After I Broke Up With Her Dad?”")
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Image credits: Crafty-Row470
Infidelity can have a profound effect on a person’s mental state
The OP is understandably disgusted upon learning about her partner’s cheating. According to research, betrayal can have profound, lasting effects on a person’s physical and emotional state.
A 2023 study published in the International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health pointed to insomnia, breathing difficulties, elevated anxiety, and depression as a result of infidelity. The authors of the research also compared the behavioral reactions to symptoms of PTSD.
The situation becomes more complicated when children are involved. Divorce coach Dr. Karen Finn described how the act of unfaithfulness affects a child.
“It undermines their entire construct of who their parents are as people,” she wrote in an article for her website.
“Infidelity creates a feeling of betrayal in children, even when they don’t know what’s happening. They are acutely intuitive and can tell when a parent’s emotional energy is being directed outside the family.”
Relationships affected by infidelity are repairable, but it comes with a caveat
People can bounce back stronger after cheating, experts say.
“80/90% of the couples we see rebuild from an affair, and most have a better relationship than pre-affair,” UK-based psychotherapist and relationship expert Tom Buckland told GQ Magazine. “The old adage of missing something when it’s gone is a driver for recovery. Sometimes pain opens the eyes to what is important.”
Rebuilding trust is the most difficult part of overcoming romantic disloyalty. Unless faced head-on, it will be a lingering issue.
“Couples have to face all the trauma, shame, and anger in a safe way, often in therapy, for the repair to work,” Buckland says. “Honesty in explaining their inner world, their feelings, and thoughts is the right way forward.”
But the situation in this story seems to be beyond repair because the ex-partner’s family also condoned his infidelity. It is understandable for the OP to completely block them from her life to save herself some dignity.
Commenters who were on the OP’s side supported her decision, while those against her felt she was punishing the kid for her father’s actions
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If feel like the “YTA” arguments are all about a little child. I get 17 isn’t fully developed with a wealth of experience & wisdom, but this young adult knows basic right from wrong. To play up the emotional well-being of the now 18yo as something that would cause trauma and PTS is not only infantilizing her, but extremely reductive. What she’ll go through is a life lesson. On loyalty, honesty, etc. Which is part of growing up, having experience & amassing wisdom. She may have not had a lead part in the deception, but it was a part. A hard lesson to learn, but a fair one.
Absolutely agree. Well said. Also it's just a birthday party. She isn't denying her food, shelter, education etc. She's 18, she can see her friends and plan her own party whenever she wants. It might be different if she were 7, and needed a parent to coordinate it, even then she has her dad.
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Question: Why is it up to OP to "save" Sarahs birthday? This was all the consequences of OP:s ex boyfriends actions, why pin this on OP? OP did good getting rid of the trash, enough said.
Exactly. It wasn't that Sarah and her Dad simply met someone for coffee behind OP's back. It was a full-blown 2 day camping trip; photos taken and all. This smacks of deliberate deception and planning - and, even worse, KEEPING IT FROM OP on a consistent basis. This is ACTIVE, OUTRIGHT LYING, which shows that Sarah doesn't respect - nor even like, particularly - OP. Reward her by giving her an all-out birthday party? IN WHAT WORLD? OP is NTA, nor is she a doormat. Good for her!
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If feel like the “YTA” arguments are all about a little child. I get 17 isn’t fully developed with a wealth of experience & wisdom, but this young adult knows basic right from wrong. To play up the emotional well-being of the now 18yo as something that would cause trauma and PTS is not only infantilizing her, but extremely reductive. What she’ll go through is a life lesson. On loyalty, honesty, etc. Which is part of growing up, having experience & amassing wisdom. She may have not had a lead part in the deception, but it was a part. A hard lesson to learn, but a fair one.
Absolutely agree. Well said. Also it's just a birthday party. She isn't denying her food, shelter, education etc. She's 18, she can see her friends and plan her own party whenever she wants. It might be different if she were 7, and needed a parent to coordinate it, even then she has her dad.
Load More Replies... Question: Why is it up to OP to "save" Sarahs birthday? This was all the consequences of OP:s ex boyfriends actions, why pin this on OP? OP did good getting rid of the trash, enough said.
Exactly. It wasn't that Sarah and her Dad simply met someone for coffee behind OP's back. It was a full-blown 2 day camping trip; photos taken and all. This smacks of deliberate deception and planning - and, even worse, KEEPING IT FROM OP on a consistent basis. This is ACTIVE, OUTRIGHT LYING, which shows that Sarah doesn't respect - nor even like, particularly - OP. Reward her by giving her an all-out birthday party? IN WHAT WORLD? OP is NTA, nor is she a doormat. Good for her!
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