Janelle Collard

Janelle Collard

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OP's parents have showed her for years who they really are. If she goes NC + blocks their numbers, I say - good riddance. You *know* when they get older they'll harass OP for money for their "elder care" while James won't have to lift a finger. Block them now + be done with them.

If the mother defends her atrocious behaviour by claiming to have raised a "self-sufficient" daughter, OP should have asked why she isn't extending the same courtesy to the brother. And then show her what "self-sufficient" really means and cut her off. Choose the people that value you.

The so-called mother sounds *incredibly* manipulative, playing these sick mind-games with the daughter she clearly doesn't give a rat's rear about. F**k her.

Go no contact trust me I am in the same situation. It never changes just go NC for your well being. Trust me I know.

As someone with a narcissistic dad who flip-flops into "nice mode" when it suits him and backpedals whenever it's an inconvenience to him to be a decent human being, I really needed to read this. I wish OP the best and to cut ties with her POS parents who clearly don't deserve her.

I like the suggestion that she should have just kept saying she was 10 min away

I can't get past them paying not just for the son but his girlfriend then having no clue why their daughter would be upset about that. The $10,000 back rent too, for what a half year? That is way over the top, if it had been for 2 year I would understand but they straight up used her. Yet it's OK to keep forking out for the son who has the nerve to not just ask for what he needs but for extras like a freaking $2000 dog as well. I mean, are they imbeciles? I feel so sorry for her and how they keep treating her.

BELIEVE people when they show you what you mean to them! If her presence made no difference her family then her absence will not either!! I grew up thinking my mother did not like me since she clearly adored my brother - in her eyes he could do no wrong. As an adult, I realized my mother did not like me and raised a son who turned out to be a selfish, self-serving man. I also realized "family" are the people who genuinely love and care about me and want the best for me - and are not necessarily related to me by blood or marriage. In fact I am NOT obligated to keep toxic people in my life simply because they are family. I have a terrific family of my own making and choice. My point is: this young woman is not losing anything in her nuclear family.

Yeah, this story is not over. Wait until she gets engaged and Daddy realizes that he is not walking her down the aisle. And both Mommy and Daddy realize the invitation is in fact not coming. And about that baby fever. Wait till you act on that. So yeah, more updates incoming. OP my advice is to remember that phrase "green is not a good color on you." Soon enough it will be your turn to use it. I suspect a lot.

Op's parents manipulated her into giving them 10k and given the timeline, they turned around and used that money to pay for this cruise. They've been paying for James' bad life choices for a decade now, and money is starting to run out... They will definitely continue to contact Op and find new ways to demand cash from her that they will turn around and give to her brother. OP needs to send her reddit post to her brother, her parents, and everyone in the entire family. Then go no-contact with anyone who gives her grief for her actions.

I hope the author reads this. Cut them out of your life, I promise it will be better. I could have been you. I desperately wish I had not put up with years of this type of abuse because that is exactly what this is. Biology is not family. Create your own, whether it be friends, children a spouse. They don't deserve you and will continue to poison your life. Choose to stop. I wish I had, the damage done is awful.

Who the heck spends that much on a dog, especially when they have no money? Get one from a rescue shelter.

Uh, you have to be family to regret going on a "family" cruise because wow wtf they are horrible.

Oh man. This hit hard. My sister and I have ALWAYS gotten less support from my parents. My older and younger brother can do no wrong. My parents get so defensive when its pointed out and always hide under the "You guys were independent" or "He has ADHD" (I do too ma) or "Clearly HE is destined for opportunities you don't have! That's not my fault!" Or "Of course we pay his bills. You have a job, he doesn't" (he doesn't need one, you pay his bills. You never gave me that option). It runs deep. They will never see. My mother to this day just thinks I hate my brothers and am jealous. Our whole family has tried talking to her. Nope.

She's the AH...for paying her parents $10K instead of telling them to FOAD and going NC.

This family is toxic scumbags that belong permanently in your rearview mirror. I'd change my phone number and move, leaving no forwarding address.

Your parents are kuntz, treat them with the due respect they deserve.

OP's parents seem to confuse and/or mix love with control. They control James by giving him money and treating him like a little kid who needs help. And he allows it, he depends on them, and he is "so brainwashed that he thinks they can do no wrong". So he is their Golden Child, because they can control him. OP is not so easy to control, and probably always been more independent than her brother, so she was, and is, constantly "punished" for it. This will never change. There is nothing she can do to change it. Because it's "them" problem - they are unable to truly love and accept anybody.

People are very quick to suggest low contact and be mad she hasn't already but imo cutting off contact with family is very hard. Even when they suck they're still family, and that mindset is hard to break out of. It's hard in the same kinda way that grieving an abusive family member is complicated. OP seems to have realised she can't fix them, she'll work that attachment loose with time

If you are an adult, your parents are not obligated financial support you, however it´s really weird if they do it for one child and not for another. 10k is crazy amount of money and after that, I would be in minimal contact with them. Absolutely right decision not to go, I hope she use that money to have great vacation with her BF. I feel like these parents will get they karma one day. Their son doesn´t sounds like someone who will support them when they get old and would need help.

I see that people still think they can interact with the people from these stolen reddit posts. 🙄

i kno ill probably get down voted for this but the OP should just cut ties. she has a very toxic family situation. the longer she stays the more the disappointment will rack up and eat away at her. i cut ties with one of my sisters and no one faulted me for it. shes from my dads first marriage and his favorite. she would constantly tell my dad about things i do or who i hang out with and twist it so it sounds bad. wen i got a facebook shed stalk me and tell my dad everything she sees. her favorite thing to do is make me look like a disappointment. my mom is fully aware of everything same with my other siblings who r also from my dads first marriage. i cut ties with my sister and i didnt have any backlash. not even from her own kids. ive had a much calmer life since i cut ties with her. theres no more toxicity at family events. these days she only knows wat shes told

I suggest sending a family wide blast saying that she's going low contact with her parents for the sake of her mental health, because she is constantly feeling hurt and let down by the unequal treatment and constant disapproval. Emphasise that she loves her extended family and brother and wants to remain close, and she wants to everyone to understand where she's coming from, so they don't think she's rejecting the family as a whole. Say that she loves her parents, and she hopes they will eventually be willing to work on rebuilding their relationship with her. However, until they're ready to treat her with the love and kindness she deserves she needs to limit contact with them.

Girl do yourself a big favor and just forget your own family. These people are not worth your time.

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I'm so tired of people seeing the problem, recognizing the problem, understanding the problem, and knowing how to solve the problem and yet still saying things like, I don't know what to do. You know what, fine, continue to fail yourself and know you have only yourself to blame.