For expectant parents, seeing photos of their little bun in the oven for the first time is incredibly exciting. Those blurry sonogram pics may simply resemble an abstract painting to most of us, but to moms and dads, they’re the most beautiful masterpieces they’ve ever laid their eyes on.

So when one soon-to-be mother realized that the priceless photos of her baby had gone missing, she was determined to get them back. Now, she’s wondering if she went too far in her search, so below, you’ll find the full story that she shared on the “Am I the Jerk?” subreddit.

This expectant mother was thrilled to finally have sonogram photos of her baby

Image credits: Jonathan Borba (not the actual photo)

So when she realized they had gone missing, she was determined to do anything necessary to get the pictures back

Image credits: Pavel Danilyuk (not the actual photo)

Image credits: Liza Summer (not the actual photo)

Image credits: throwawaystealingmil

The soon-to-be mother later responded to several comments and provided additional details about the situation

Sonogram photos are priceless to all new parents, but especially for those having a ‘rainbow baby’

Seeing photos of your baby for the first time is life-changing for any parent, but especially in this specific situation, the mom noted that their child is a “rainbow baby”. If you’re not familiar with the term, rainbow babies are those who come about following the loss of another baby, due to a miscarriage, infant loss, stillbirth or neonatal death. “The name comes from the idea of a rainbow appearing in the sky after a storm, or after a dark and turbulent time,” Jane Chertoff at Healthline explains. “The term has gained popularity on blogs and social media in recent years, and has come to symbolize hope and healing.” The loss of a child can be incredibly traumatic, even when the baby has not yet been born, so rainbow babies are a godsend for many parents.

They’re often described as ‘miracle babies’ due to the profound impact they can have on expectant parents’ lives, Chertoff notes. But along with the joy of having a new little bun in the oven, they can bring mixed emotions of fear, guilt and grief as well. “Women who have experienced infant loss are at an increased risk for postpartum depression and anxiety,” she writes. It’s common for anyone expecting a rainbow baby to experience anxiety surrounding their child’s health and want to monitor their progress extremely closely. It can also be difficult for family and friends to understand exactly how it feels to be carrying a rainbow baby, so it’s important for parents to be allowed space to grieve and honor the child that they lost. 

Rainbow babies bring along a unique set of mixed emotions that friends and family members must respect

“Even after safely delivering your rainbow baby, you can find ways to remember the child you lost. Eventually, sharing your story with your rainbow baby as they get older can be comforting,” Chertoff writes. “Family activities like planting a tree together, or creating a rock garden, can give you a space to continue healing together. As your rainbow baby grows, be sure to share your story with them. Let them know how special they are to you.” While it can be challenging for grandparents of a rainbow baby to understand exactly what their child and their child-in-law are feeling, it’s crucial that they are sensitive to their experience. Doing anything that causes stress, such as stealing sonogram photos, can feel much more personal and more upsetting that it normally would during pregnancy.

Unfortunately, in-laws and grandparents sometimes need a reminder of what healthy boundaries look like from their child or their child’s spouse. It’s quite common for new moms to have arguments with their in-laws, as grandparents don’t always know how to appropriately share their excitement for their grandbabies. When it comes to how they can appropriately take on their new roles as mothers-in-law and grandmothers, Susan Adcox at Verywell Family writes that it’s important to be positive, generous, helpful and respectful. Providing unsolicited advice, showing up unannounced, acting like you know best and being critical of your son or daughter-in-law will only damage your relationship. Boundaries must be respected, no matter how hard it is to resist speaking your mind at all times or dropping by without calling first. Adcox notes that creating conflicts within the family can lead to grandparents being left out of their grandchildren’s milestones, damaging their child’s relationship or sadly becoming estranged from their grandchildren. 

As challenging as it can be, it’s important for grandparents to honor boundaries to avoid familial conflicts

“It’s important to not view your grandparent role as another chance to be a mother. Your role as a grandmother is different—and some would say even better. So, don’t try to take on responsibilities that don’t belong to you,” Adcox writes. “Instead, leave the parenting to your adult child and their partner and focus instead on loving your grandchildren, respecting their parents, and having fun in your new role. Most importantly, mothers-in-law need to remember the first rule for communicating with adult children: family ties are no excuse for rudeness.”

Right and wrong are not always black and white when it comes to navigating familial conflicts, but it sounds like this mother just wants what is best for her new baby. I hope that she and her husband have been able to establish healthy boundaries with his mother and that they can all move forward without this affecting their relationships. We would love to hear your thoughts on this situation in the comments below, pandas. Do you think this mom was right to go snooping through her mother-in-law’s room? If you’ve ever had to deal with an overbearing in-law, feel free to share personal stories as well, and then if you’re interested in reading another Bored Panda article discussing family drama instigated by a mother-in-law, look no further than right here! 

Readers assured the mom that she did nothing wrong, especially considering how her MIL treated her

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