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“It Feels Disrespectful”: Woman Becomes Uncomfortable When Biological Son Calls Her “Mom”
Whether it’s desired because a couple can’t conceive a child on their own or simply because there are too many kiddos waiting for families, it’s a blessing that adoption exists.
And it’s natural to expect these children to be curious about where they came from and who their biological parents are. But navigating a relationship can be difficult for both the adopted child and the birth parent, as they’re both stepping into uncharted territory.
Below, you’ll find a story that one woman shared on Reddit seeking advice after her biological son started calling her “Mom.” Keep reading to find the full story, as well as some of the replies readers left her.
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This woman has had a relationship with her biological son since he became an adult
Image credits: Prostock-studio (not the actual image)
But she knew that she needed to set some boundaries after he started calling her “Mom”
Image credits: valeriygoncharukphoto (not the actual image)
Later, the woman clarified more details about the situation
Image credits: Andre Furtado (not the actual image)
She then provided an update after speaking with her biological son
Image credits: Gary Barnes (not the actual image)
Image credits: Regular_Chocolate_46
Most adoptions in the United States are open, meaning biological and adoptive parents exchange information
Adoption is a beautiful thing. It has allowed countless children to be warmly welcomed into loving families and has provided an option for same-sex couples, couples who can’t conceive naturally and many more to start the families that they’ve always dreamed of.
According to Adoption Network, about 115,343 children are adopted in the United States every year. And the vast majority of these adoptions, 95% to be exact, are open – meaning birth and adoptive parents share information with one another.
About 5 million Americans are adopted, and over a third of families consider adoption when discussing having children. The average age of a child waiting to be adopted in the U.S. is nearly 8-years-old, and the majority of kids in foster care were 6 or older when they entered the system.
At any moment, there are about 391,000 American children waiting to be adopted. And the majority of kids spend two to five years waiting for their forever families. Over 10% wait longer than five years, and sadly, some are never adopted.
Image credits: Kindel Media (not the actual image)
Everyone deserves to know about their parents and where they came from
It’s perfectly natural for adopted children to be curious about where they came from. The majority of us know exactly who our parents are and have some information about our family’s history, but a person’s heritage can be shrouded in mystery if they’ve been adopted.
As far as why adoptees seek out information about their birth parents, New Hope Investigations explains that they often want to learn more about their family’s past. They might be able to find out if any of their relatives fought in wars or where some of them are buried. They may even be able to trace their roots back to another country.
It’s also important for adults to learn about their parents, so they can understand their family’s medical history. If certain conditions run in the family or they’re at a higher risk of developing certain cancers, it’s important to know that as early as possible. Everyone deserves to know what to look out for and what they’re prone to developing.
In the same vein, many adults will want to know their parents’ psychological history too. It’s not exactly exciting to find out that mental health issues run in the family, but it can make you feel much less alone to learn that your struggles didn’t just appear out of nowhere.
Image credits: Antoni Shkraba (not the actual image)
Navigating a relationship with birth parents can be complicated but worth it
While many adoptees will be eager to find and contact their biological parents once they become adults, figuring out how to navigate this new relationship can be difficult. The adopted child will likely have a long list of questions to ask their biological parents, and they might even harbor resentment about being given up for adoption.
And of course, there’s the issue of what’s an appropriate title for the birth parents to be called. According to Julie McGue, it’s completely up to the adoptee (and their biological parents if they have a relationship) to decide what to call one another. Julie shared that she used to refer to her biological mom as “birth mom” or “birth mother,” but many also use biological mom, bio-mom, B-mom, first mother, other mother, natural mother.
At the end of the day, it doesn’t really matter what title is chosen as long as a healthy relationship can be created. AdoptUSKids notes on their site that having contact with birth parents can provide children with a variety of benefits. They will be less anxious about the “what ifs” when they have access to information, and they will better understand their history. They also will likely have higher self-esteem, as they don’t have to wonder about the reason why their parents chose to give them up.
We would love to hear your thoughts on this story in the comments below, pandas. Do you think this woman did anything wrong by setting boundaries with her birth son? Feel free to share, and then if you’re interested in checking out another Bored Panda piece featuring stories from adopted children, look no further than right here.
Image credits: Andrea Piacquadio (not the actual image)
Many readers assured the woman that she had done nothing wrong, understanding that it’s a complex situation
However, some thought she should have approached the topic more delicately
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What do you think ?
tee-lena 4 months ago
My birth mom still most of the time doesn't automatically respond to mom,mum,mamma rose(the last is the cats name for her😹) it's been 31 years and I've lived with her the last 28 years. She's been my caregiver since 2002. Give each other grace. You'll figure out how to proceed
tee-lena 4 months ago
My birth mom still most of the time doesn't automatically respond to mom,mum,mamma rose(the last is the cats name for her😹) it's been 31 years and I've lived with her the last 28 years. She's been my caregiver since 2002. Give each other grace. You'll figure out how to proceed
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