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“AITA For Saying Yes To My Boyfriend’s Public Proposal And Then Turning Him Down In Private?”
Interview
With shaky legs and sweaty palms, they get down on their knee and ask one of the most—if not the most—important questions in their lives: “Will you marry me?”, only to hear their partner squeal out an excited “YES” mere seconds later.
That is a scenario that most people hope for when they decide to pop the question. Yet unfortunately, that’s not always the way it goes. For some people, like this redditor’s boyfriend, the answer is a no; though in his case, it was a yes at first.
Scroll down to find the full story below, where you will also find Bored Panda’s interview with the OP, who was kind enough to share more details on the situation, as well as on how things developed after the rejected proposal.
RELATED:
Most people hope their partner will say yes to their marriage proposal
Image credits: The Yuri Arcurs Collection / freepik (not the actual photo)
This netizen only said yes trying to spare her boyfriend the embarrassment in the moment
Image credits: diana.grytsku / freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Nearby-Package8535
“Marriage was something I thought we agreed we both needed more time for,” the OP told Bored Panda
Image credits: EmilyStock / freepik (not the actual photo)
In a recent interview with Bored Panda, the OP shared that the proposal came as a total surprise; however, she did have a hunch for a second there.
“Marriage was something I thought we agreed we both needed more time for, so I didn’t expect him to get on one knee, especially in front of a crowd,” she said. “But also, as we were driving there, the thought did cross my mind because he was acting quite nervous and for a moment I thought ‘Is he gonna propose? No, that’s too far-fetched’. I guess my gut wasn’t lying.”
The woman continued to share that before the proposal, her partner seemed to agree with her that they were not ready to get engaged just yet, but there were some disagreements as to why they weren’t ready. “For me it was mainly financial as I worked as a vet and he didn’t have a job yet, making me not feel financially secure,” the redditor told Bored Panda. “But he used to say that we didn’t have to worry about money because of his parents, which is a fair point as his parents are wealthy but I didn’t want to feel like a leech.”
Nowadays, many couples decide to wait longer before tying the knot or not to get married at all. According to the Pew Research Center’s data from 2021, at the age of 21, only 6% of Americans were married, compared to 18% of their peers back in the 1980s. However, fewer of them had their finances sorted at such a young age, too, with 25% of 21-year-olds considering themselves financially stable in 2021, versus 42% of 21-year-olds in 1980. Bearing in mind the cost of a wedding nowadays, as well as the cost of living, it’s completely reasonable to want to have both feet steadily on the ground financially before getting married.
The couple needed a long talk about their future after the rejected proposal
Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)
In an interview with Bored Panda, the OP also opened up about how the couple’s relationship continued after she rejected the proposal in private. “At first it was rough, we weren’t talking to each other for a week before I made the post. After I wrote the post and published it, I received an overwhelming response and amongst the incel trolls calling me a stupid female, and others just straight up telling me the relationship is over and I should pack my bags, there were a few dimes in a dozen giving me real good advice and telling me I need to examine what I want out of my relationship. So after some thought I called him and asked him to meet up at a restaurant.”
Unfortunately, that didn’t go well. The woman shared that the two had a heated argument and her partner stormed off before the meals even came. “Later that night, though, after I collected myself and my thoughts, I reached out and sent a voice message to him explaining my point of view,” she continued.
“We messaged back and forth for a bit, before he came over to my apartment and we had a deep talk about our future. He is now looking for a stable job and I’m wearing the ring! Our families are pressuring us to organize the wedding immediately but we told them we were not in any rush yet. So I guess in a way it all worked out in the end for now.”
Fellow netizens didn’t think that rejecting the proposal in private made the woman a jerk
Some people believed that the OP—or everyone involved—was in the wrong
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What do you think ?
ॐBoyGanesh 3 days ago (edited)
It places the one being proposed to in the position of being somewhat of villain or “bad guy” (heartbreaker) if they don’t say “yes” with the potential for seriously humiliating someone they clearly care about. Which leaves them the option of saving face for the proposer & letting them down gently in private, making them a liar. No matter the obvious intention, it is very manipulative.
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Ace 3 days ago
Anyone doing a public proposal like that, especially at a big family event, has got their priorities seriously screwed up. Clearly more concerned about projecting an image, impressing people and meeting family expectations that really wanting to commit their lives to the person they love. Yes she should have just said no, but really he forced her into an untenable situation so has no reason to be angry with her.
Warren Peece 3 days ago
The surprise marriage proposal is an insult to woman. The message of it is that woman can't openly discuss the possibility of marriage and take time to carefully consider all the issues that could be involved with it before making a decision. She just has to do whatever the man pressures her into doing. That is bogus.
ॐBoyGanesh 3 days ago
While I firmly agree with you, not only women get proposed to. There are gay male couples or couples where the woman is proposing to a man. & it’s equally an insult. That a woman would have to do whatever a man pressures her into reeks of an antiquated concept of marriage that clearly isn’t a given. As it wasn’t in the case we referencing right now. OP didn’t have to do any of the things you’re suggesting. In fact, she did the opposite.
Load More Replies...
ॐBoyGanesh 3 days ago (edited)
It places the one being proposed to in the position of being somewhat of villain or “bad guy” (heartbreaker) if they don’t say “yes” with the potential for seriously humiliating someone they clearly care about. Which leaves them the option of saving face for the proposer & letting them down gently in private, making them a liar. No matter the obvious intention, it is very manipulative.
Load More Replies... Ace 3 days ago
Anyone doing a public proposal like that, especially at a big family event, has got their priorities seriously screwed up. Clearly more concerned about projecting an image, impressing people and meeting family expectations that really wanting to commit their lives to the person they love. Yes she should have just said no, but really he forced her into an untenable situation so has no reason to be angry with her.
Warren Peece 3 days ago
The surprise marriage proposal is an insult to woman. The message of it is that woman can't openly discuss the possibility of marriage and take time to carefully consider all the issues that could be involved with it before making a decision. She just has to do whatever the man pressures her into doing. That is bogus.
ॐBoyGanesh 3 days ago
While I firmly agree with you, not only women get proposed to. There are gay male couples or couples where the woman is proposing to a man. & it’s equally an insult. That a woman would have to do whatever a man pressures her into reeks of an antiquated concept of marriage that clearly isn’t a given. As it wasn’t in the case we referencing right now. OP didn’t have to do any of the things you’re suggesting. In fact, she did the opposite.
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