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58
MIL Ruins Woman’s First Pregnancy Experience, Gets Robbed Of Updates On The Second One
Interview With ExpertOnce future parents announce that they’re expecting a baby, they usually get overwhelmed with all sorts of questions. While it’s natural for loved ones to care and be curious about the baby-to-be, expecting parents might feel uncomfortable sharing everything about the pregnancy and prefer to keep some things private.
This woman decided to do the same with her mother-in-law, as her behavior during her first pregnancy made the whole experience far from magical. However, after a while, she started to doubt her choice and turned online for unbiased opinions.
Scroll down to find the full story and conversation with licensed clinical psychologist Dr. Lilit Ayrapetyan, licensed clinical social worker at Psychology Partners Group, Emily Mudge, and licensed marriage and family therapist Heidi McBain, LPC, PMH-C, MMHPC, who kindly agreed to chat with us more about keeping pregnancy more private.
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Expectant parents often receive unsolicited questions and advice
Image credits: galitskaya / freepik (not the actual photo)
To avoid this with her MIL, this pregnant woman decided to keep her in the dark about it
Image credits: wavebreakmedia_micro / freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Pitiful_Macaroon2142
“The expectation that expectant parents share their journey with the world, places an unfair burden on them”
Image credits: gpointstudio / freepik (not the actual photo)
Sharing about major life events like pregnancy can feel like a given or even a requirement. However, in the particular case of carrying a baby (when it’s already as hard as it is), unwanted attention from (mostly) well-meaning loved ones can be overwhelming and stressful. So, to avoid added pressure, expecting parents might choose to keep it more private and gain a bit more peace and personal space during this special time.
“As both a parenting expert and mother to three children, I can tell you that with all the joy and excitement having a baby brings, there is no shortage of stress that comes along with the ride. From pregnancy hormones, to morning sickness, swollen feet and a growing abdomen, the expectation that expectant parents share their journey with the world, places an unfair burden on them as they navigate this complex moment in their lives,” says licensed clinical social worker at Psychology Partners Group, Emily Mudge.
“There are many reasons expectant parents may choose to keep their pregnancy private. Pregnancy can be scary. Parents may be concerned that they will have complications, experience or have experienced pregnancy loss, or have a history of infertility. Some may fear a loss of control from getting unwanted advice and judgement from family and friends,” she explains.
Keeping the pregnancy more private allows expectant parents for better emotional regulation during a time of significant hormonal and life changes, says licensed clinical psychologist Dr. Lilit Ayrapetyan. “It creates space for the expectant parents to process their own feelings without external pressure or judgment. This approach can reduce anxiety triggered by others’ opinions and protect the parents’ autonomy in making decisions about their pregnancy and parenting. For many, privacy facilitates more authentic bonding with their partner and developing baby.”
It’s important to handle boundary-overstepping loved ones with patience and understanding
Image credits: shurkin_son / freepik (not the actual photo)
For some loved ones, the fact that expecting parents would like to set healthy boundaries around their pregnancy might be harder to understand. “It is important when communicating your desire for privacy to acknowledge the well-meaning intent of your family and friends. Approach the conversation from a place of love, use clear and direct language and explain your reasons for wanting to maintain your privacy,” advises Mudge.
“I recommend framing privacy needs in terms of self-care rather than exclusion. Use “I” statements such as “I’m finding I need more quiet time during this transition” rather than statements that might sound accusatory. Acknowledge their care and excitement while clearly stating your boundaries. Offering alternative ways to connect that feel comfortable for you can also help soften the message,” adds Dr. Ayrapetyan.
However, holding these boundaries isn’t always easy, especially around people who expect life to go their way, says licensed marriage and family therapist Heidi McBain, LPC, PMH-C, MMHPC. “From a place of loving kindness, restate the same boundary to your family members. We also need to learn to be comfortable with the uncomfortable feelings surrounding disappointing others, which is often part of the deeper work surrounding boundary setting.”
“Consistency is key when reinforcing boundaries,” notes Dr. Ayrapetyan. “When boundaries are violated, respond with calm, brief reminders of your needs without extensive justification. Creating a simple script like “We’re not sharing those details right now, but we appreciate your interest” can help in repetitive situations. For persistent boundary-crossers, sometimes reducing contact temporarily may be necessary, while explaining this is about your wellbeing during a vulnerable time, not about rejecting them personally.”
Lastly, Mudge warns that keeping a pregnancy more private may not be for everyone, as it can cause potential feelings of isolation and lack of support from loved ones. “Pregnancy is a time of joy and excitement, and by keeping your pregnancy from others, you may potentially miss opportunities to celebrate and connect with others. Having support from a healthy network of family and friends can lead to better emotional and physical outcomes for both you and your unborn child,” she says.
“If you feel yourself slipping into a depression or feeling socially isolated, there are things you can do that might add value and meaning to your life. Prioritize your self-care regimen by doing things that make you feel good and bring you joy. Should you still be experiencing significant distress, contact a licensed mental health professional for professional support.”
Many readers supported the woman’s decision
Whereas some thought that everyone was at fault
Meanwhile, others blamed the expectant mother
Lastly, the original poster updated the readers in a comment
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What do you think ?
Lyoness 8 months ago
I cannot believe people voting for "they both have valid points". Absolutely not. Their baby, their choice, and as to who's in the delivery room, 100% her choice. I'm glad the update has her husband onboard because she'll need it when the monster-inlaw realizes she wasn't told the baby was on the way.
BlackestDawn 8 months ago
Yeah, it's one thing wanting to know and being worried if they don't get any updates. It's a completely different thing basically harassing people for information and not taking "no" for an answer.
Load More Replies...
Sue Ellen Bowen 8 months ago
If my husband was spending that much time on the phone while I was in labor, he'd get one chance to just turn off his phone. After that I'd smash the thing on the floor. There's only one mom that counts in this situation and it's the one giving birth.
marcelo D. 8 months ago
but you don't understand, he is just so wonderful a human being, he had to leave OP alone every time mommy dearest called. Cause you know what's more important that a person in labour, scared, and alone? mommy, of course.
Load More Replies...
Kayci Styles 8 months ago
NO ONE, and I mean no one, needs to know your medical information. You owe everyone nothing!!!
Littlemiss 8 months ago
I can remember having people I didn't want arriving unannounced and harassing nurses to see me. I had told my husband no visitors but the ones I wanted there. The hospital eventually let the people talk to me on the phone, oh the backlash, how dare I not welcome them? I mean so what I was unconscious for 5 days, and my blood pressure was so high I was threatening to stroke still - they thought I over reacted because they were family! Pfff get knotted, mil!
Beth Wheeler 8 months ago
Her MIL sounds like a piece of work and she is right to only want her husband at the hospital with her. In my case it was my mother that kept saying that she wanted to either be in the room or at the hospital when I had my oldest. I told my husband that he better not call her until after the baby was born. Luckily he wasn't born until after 10 at night as an emergency C-section and it was about 11:30 when they put me back in the L&D room and he called her as she was getting ready to go to work, she was a 3rd shift nurse at another hospital. She really pissed me off when she shows up in my room at 8 the next morning and kept saying they need to hurry up and bring him in here. Told her I get him first because we didn't get to hold him very long the night before. She was coming to my house almost every day and I wouldn't open the door, 10 mins later she calls. GRRRRR
Motivated sloth 8 months ago
This is very common with the younger generations and it was much different for the older ones. I’m going to go ahead and say NTA, she deserves to have the birthing plan she wants. But you cannot explain to your kids how incredible witnessing childbirth is, the closest thing to a miracle I’ve ever seen by leaps and bounds. And for it to be your grandchild makes it even more special. Unfortunately, most women don’t witness another child’s birth from the pov of the support system and they’ll never understand how that feels. Our children will understand it once their kids are grown and they realize how much they want to be there for them and with them during the delivery. But our children have to live their own lives and learn through experience just like we all do. You cannot fault a couple that just wants each other present
Mari 8 months ago
This! In society it is very important to welcome the new baby. To be happy for the new mom and dad, to bring them wishes and gifts. We are forgetting this because we want privacy or traquility. It is also a chance to bond with the family and share happy moments together.
Load More Replies...
Lyoness 8 months ago
I cannot believe people voting for "they both have valid points". Absolutely not. Their baby, their choice, and as to who's in the delivery room, 100% her choice. I'm glad the update has her husband onboard because she'll need it when the monster-inlaw realizes she wasn't told the baby was on the way.
BlackestDawn 8 months ago
Yeah, it's one thing wanting to know and being worried if they don't get any updates. It's a completely different thing basically harassing people for information and not taking "no" for an answer.
Load More Replies... Sue Ellen Bowen 8 months ago
If my husband was spending that much time on the phone while I was in labor, he'd get one chance to just turn off his phone. After that I'd smash the thing on the floor. There's only one mom that counts in this situation and it's the one giving birth.
marcelo D. 8 months ago
but you don't understand, he is just so wonderful a human being, he had to leave OP alone every time mommy dearest called. Cause you know what's more important that a person in labour, scared, and alone? mommy, of course.
Load More Replies... Kayci Styles 8 months ago
NO ONE, and I mean no one, needs to know your medical information. You owe everyone nothing!!!
Littlemiss 8 months ago
I can remember having people I didn't want arriving unannounced and harassing nurses to see me. I had told my husband no visitors but the ones I wanted there. The hospital eventually let the people talk to me on the phone, oh the backlash, how dare I not welcome them? I mean so what I was unconscious for 5 days, and my blood pressure was so high I was threatening to stroke still - they thought I over reacted because they were family! Pfff get knotted, mil!
Beth Wheeler 8 months ago
Her MIL sounds like a piece of work and she is right to only want her husband at the hospital with her. In my case it was my mother that kept saying that she wanted to either be in the room or at the hospital when I had my oldest. I told my husband that he better not call her until after the baby was born. Luckily he wasn't born until after 10 at night as an emergency C-section and it was about 11:30 when they put me back in the L&D room and he called her as she was getting ready to go to work, she was a 3rd shift nurse at another hospital. She really pissed me off when she shows up in my room at 8 the next morning and kept saying they need to hurry up and bring him in here. Told her I get him first because we didn't get to hold him very long the night before. She was coming to my house almost every day and I wouldn't open the door, 10 mins later she calls. GRRRRR
Motivated sloth 8 months ago
This is very common with the younger generations and it was much different for the older ones. I’m going to go ahead and say NTA, she deserves to have the birthing plan she wants. But you cannot explain to your kids how incredible witnessing childbirth is, the closest thing to a miracle I’ve ever seen by leaps and bounds. And for it to be your grandchild makes it even more special. Unfortunately, most women don’t witness another child’s birth from the pov of the support system and they’ll never understand how that feels. Our children will understand it once their kids are grown and they realize how much they want to be there for them and with them during the delivery. But our children have to live their own lives and learn through experience just like we all do. You cannot fault a couple that just wants each other present
Mari 8 months ago
This! In society it is very important to welcome the new baby. To be happy for the new mom and dad, to bring them wishes and gifts. We are forgetting this because we want privacy or traquility. It is also a chance to bond with the family and share happy moments together.
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