Divvying up how money is spent is stressful at the best of times. Particularly in this uncertain economic climate, people are quite cautious about how they spend their money. But in a marriage with kids, financial safety also needs to be balanced with the needs of the family.

A woman wanted to know if she was acting spoiled for wishing her husband spent more money on better accommodations and vacations. He was the primary breadwinner and, reportedly, had a very well-paying job. She took care of the house and kids at the cost of her career. But they would argue over financial matters whenever she brought up the idea of a bigger house or fun events.

It can be hard to find where is the line between being straight-up cheap and being financially responsible

Image credits: YuriArcursPeopleimages (not the actual photo)

A woman described her dissatisfaction with her husband not spending his ample income on luxuries

He believed that it was too risky, despite being quite well off

Image credits: Olena_Mykhaylova (not the actual photo)

Image credits: itsmyusername24

Income inequality in marriages can get really messy if both partners can’t work out a way to talk about it

While it’s unclear exactly how well off this family is, the general trend over the last year has been for households to cut and limit spending as prices and uncertainty rise. Global economic growth is at the third lowest point it’s been in over thirty years, with recession risks becoming more relevant in a number of countries. Consumer surveys for 2023 indicate that across all economic levels, people are planning to save more and spend less. Inflation has people feeling more at risk, so, naturally, the impulse is to save. So from this perspective, maybe the husband is just being rational. If prices continue to rise, which they might, it can’t hurt to have some assets saved.

The impression given by OP in the story is that they are quite comfortable already and could afford a more luxurious lifestyle. If we take her information at face value, then her husband does start to look a bit short-sighted. After all, the wife does have the unpaid task of looking after the kids and keeping the house together which all obviously limit her ability to earn money and advance her career. The circumstances are not clear, but it’s possible that he would not have quite as successful of a career if he had to constantly spend time helping with the kids, chores, and other things necessary to maintain a happy and healthy household.

Motherhood often comes at a cost to the woman’s career

This strategy is actually common and backed by scientific research. A study found that married couples, where one made significantly more than the other, tended to do better and last longer than if the resources were more equally distributed. Most of the time, the couple would ‘specialize’ when choosing what roles they perform in the family, and in this story, the woman has ended up in a more domestic role while the husband works. But it’s important to note that this strategy still implies that both members of the household and their children benefit. The kids have a mother that looks after them, so she has done her part. One would think that a better house, experience, and vacations would also be part of the husband’s contribution. Modern couples have become more aware of income inequality, and concern for how it affects relationships is creating more anxiety among married and cohabiting couples.

Without more information about the couple’s finances, something we are probably not going to get, it’s impossible to paint a fully accurate picture. But a few things are generally true. Firstly, motherhood tends to have a negative impact on a woman’s individual finances. OP seems to confirm this, that her career advancement is somewhat on pause as she had the added responsibility of childcare which is a full-time job in of itself. So it’s hard to describe the husband’s money as solely his, as his career probably benefited from having a hardworking wife in his corner. But the risk of a sole breadwinner is that the family has one, single source of income.

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Some commenters sided with the husband, as they believed that it was ultimately his money and his decision

Others had more mixed feelings, arguing that she also contributed a lot through childcare and housekeeping, likely at the cost of her own income

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