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“This Isn’t The Woman I Married”: Man Ready To Leave Wife After She Ruins Daughter’s Wedding
The relationship between a mother and a daughter is a complex one. In a 2011 NIH poll, 90% of daughters said their mother listens to them, but only 43% felt understood by their mothers. Sometimes, even the most insignificant things – like doing each other’s hair – can grow into fights.
But when this mother kept treating her daughter like a hair salon worker on her wedding day, her father had enough. He felt he was going to lose his daughter if the wife kept up this insufferable behavior. So, he started considering divorce and shared his frustrations with the folks online.
RELATED:
A mother kept berating her daughter about doing her hair during the young woman’s wedding day
Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)
The antagonizing got so bad that the father started considering divorce
Image credits: Wavebreak Media / freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: No-Cauliflower-6934
Some Redditors pointed to the medication the woman was using and that it could cause personality changes
Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)
Many people in the comments drew attention to the fact that this couldn’t have been just about hair. The OP has also previously posted about how his wife pressured their daughter to have a big wedding, but the young woman refused.
Some people were quick to dismiss the mother as a classic narcissist, but others observed that the husband described such behavior as unusual. “This behavior truly isn’t like her. Of course, she’s had off days where she’s been off and rude, everybody has those days but this is so out of character for her,” he wrote in one comment.
Then, some Redditors started asking questions about the woman’s health. Was she perhaps close to menopausal age? Or perimenopausal? Was she on any medication? Why is she going to the doctor once a month? That’s when the mystery started to unravel.
The OP responded that his wife is currently taking a weight loss drug phentermine. And that’s when it clicked for some people: the rude behavior is probably a side effect of the meds. “That will definitely make someone act like an insufferable [a-hole]. It’s essentially speed,” u/TheRedCuddler wrote.
The medication that the wife is taking, phentermine, can seriously affect a person’s mood and behavior
Image credits: The Yuri Arcurs Collection / freepik (not the actual photo)
The Redditor u/TheRedCuddler exaggerated a bit; phentermine is not speed. According to the Weight Wise Loss Center, this is a common misconception because phentermine is chemically similar to amphetamines. “It is not treated as such due to its low potential for addiction and abuse, hence its classification as a Schedule IV drug,” they write.
However, people should take it very responsibly. The daily dosage, according to the Mayo Clinic, should be determined by a doctor, but the average dose for an adult for treatment of obesity shouldn’t exceed 37.5 mg in the form of tablets and 30 mg in the form of capsules per day.
“She’s taking 30mg 2x a day,” the OP wrote in a comment. That’s when the alarm bells started ringing off for many Redditors who had experience with the medication. “That’s a really high dose,” user u/mildambition wrote. “I have used it 2x in the last 5 years, the second time I had to stop early due to extreme anxiety.”
UK-registered pharmacist Helen Marshall, BPharm, MRPharmS writes for Healthline that phentermine has psychological side effects. What’s more, these side effects are more likely to occur if a person is taking a higher than the recommended 37.5 mg dose.
“Phentermine can often cause mood changes, such as feelings of intense excitement or happiness,” Marshall explains. “It can also cause feelings of unease and restlessness.” When used differently than prescribed, the medication can cause irritability, personality changes, and even psychosis.
One study documented a young female’s experience with recurrent psychosis after phentermine administrations. The study’s researchers from The Catholic University of Korea concluded that “phentermine can cause psychotic episodes repeatedly, resulting in chronic occupational and social impairment.” According to them, “government regulations for physicians prescribing and an education for patients taking phentermine are urgently needed.”
Hopefully, the OP has taken the advice from other Redditors and spoke about his concerns with his wife’s doctor. Still, the damage to the wife’s relationship is already done. “When she [comes] off those meds and [realizes] how she’s been behaving and that she ruined her daughter’s wedding, she might have a bit of a crisis,” Redditor u/ohdearitsrichardiii wrote. “Be prepared for that.”
Netizens asked whether his wife’s usual behavior was like this, and suggested looking into medical reasons why she might be acting like this
However, almost everyone agreed that going off on the daughter like that was going to have some serious negative consequences
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What do you think ?
Melissa Harris 2 weeks ago
He needs to talk to his daughter and other children. It's likely his wife has actually been like this all along and has been hiding it from him. This is their most independent child and she originally eloped for a reason. I bet losing control of her youngest child, not getting to control the wedding and getting older is making it harder for her to mask.
Broadredpanda 2 weeks ago
I also don't believe she never behaved like this! It's reeks of jealousy! How sad. I'd not forgive my mum if she pulled this stunt, and I would leave if I was her husband. Even if these were only temporary measures where these things can be rectified with an apology? This mum could have easily gotten her hair done before the wedding week. She knew what she was doing!
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Andrea Pereira 2 weeks ago
Are those people crazy??? 400 dollars in product would at least gave crazy lady a decent wig. I don't understand. Really don't. If it was my daughter wedding I'd use a freaking bonnet or a hair bun and called it a day. Because it's not MY DAY. It's hers.
Orange Panda 2 weeks ago
That's part of why I think this is a fake story.
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Mason Kronol 2 weeks ago
No one colors someone’s hair 3 times in 2 days unless you are trying to go from dark brown to really blonde.
Broadredpanda 2 weeks ago
This mother knew what she was doing! Her behaviour was Narcissistic and smacks of jealousy. I would never forgive her without a full apology. I'd also be out the door if I was her husband! She's just vile for doing this and only drastic measures will make her see what she's done, but if she is a true narcissist then she won't and I can't imagine how I'd feel if one of my three daughters never spoke to me again, but then again, I wouldn't behave like this. I hope her hair is ruined! Sorry
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FreeTheUnicorn 2 weeks ago
If this is truly out of character, get the wife checked for something going on with her brain, there are some conditions that agression and drastic mood swings are indicators. But more likely she's been like that to her daughter all along and she saw this as her last chance to be controlling before a husband would step in and stop it. The reason this seems likely is that the daughter couldn't say no, even after the first two times. It takes a lifetime of conditioning to just go along with that type of behaviour. It sounds like new husband is supporting her tstanding up for herself and breaking away. It'll blow up the family dynamic and I would guess OP will find his wife isn't who he thought she was.
E.V. 2 weeks ago
Me thinks it's not about the hair at all. The daughter is the youngest and her getting married put her mother in a tizzy. Maybe she felt like she's losing her daughter or losing control of her. The dad said she is the most independent out of all their children. The mom resents her for it. Some mothers feel resentment when they feel like their children don't need them at all. She needs a therapist for sure.
Lyoness 2 weeks ago
I think this was punishment for the elopement. As in "You took away my chance to see you get married? I'll take away your celebration." It's sick.
Load More Replies...
A S Mora 2 weeks ago
Narcissists love to take other people's big events and not only make themselves the center but ruin the entire event in the hearts and minds of those who should be at the center. Ask me how many times my mom picked fights with my dad on his birthday or would bully me into accepting gifts from her for my birthday she knew I absolutely did not want before even buying them so she could play victim. This is why I won't ever have a wedding unless she's buried or cremated.
Panda Boom 2 weeks ago
He said in a comment that they had eloped before, so this was a celebration and not an actual wedding. I wonder if the wife is pissed she wasn't invited to the actual wedding.
Bowtechie 2 weeks ago
After reading the comment about why OP put "wedding" in quotes I have a feeling this was the wife's way to lash out at her daughter and punish her for eloping and not having a "proper" wedding.
KatSaidWhat 2 weeks ago
Mother pissed that she didn't get the grand wedding she clearly wanted to be a main character in so deliberately sabotaged the celebration, and her relationship with her daughter as well.
Traveling Lady Railfan 2 weeks ago
This is a control issue, not a hair issue. Dad, keep the lines of communication open. Also, you say wife visits the doctors MONTHLY (but there's nothing wrong with her)?!? Does that sound really odd to anyone else?
Lyoness 2 weeks ago
I'd say there's DEFINITELY something wrong with her, probably something she hasn't told him about. I'd guess a mental disorder of some kind (including NPD).
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Sinclair13 2 weeks ago
The wife is jealous of the attention her daughter was getting for the wedding.
Dusty's mom 2 weeks ago
Tumors can create such aggressiveness and are often hard to detect without special equipment. You wife may be outwardly "healthy as a horse", but as a person who had a serious medical condition overlooked by several "specialists", I would DEMAND your wife get scanned. And yes, perimenopause can also trigger her. Your wife is not behaving normally. There's mother/daughter spats. This is completely abnormal behavior.
Mad McQueen 2 weeks ago
Mom wanted to be center of attention. That's it. Her Daughters wedding was just background noise to her having her daughter slave over her. Glad op paid his kid back. I know how long hair takes. That's like at least $2000 in services over 3 days. Not to mention she asked on the morning of the wedding too!
Upstaged75 2 weeks ago (edited)
I don't understand why the daughter kept saying yes to doing it! She just should have told the mom she was too busy and be done with the whole thing.
Celeste Grant 2 weeks ago
It often isn't that easy. If you have a mother who is forceful and expects her daughter to acquiesce to her, saying no is going to have no effect. And often the daughter is brow beaten over many years and had grown up never being allowed to say no to the mother. Plus it's easier to keep the peace than deal with the tantrum. I know it sounds implausible, but saying no isn't that easy.
Load More Replies...
Angie May 2 weeks ago
""Is premenopause a thing I heard that's a myth". Yes, it's a thing. It can go on for years. I sincerely wish we didn't treat women's biological functions like they're some sordid, taboo thing. The amount of people, both men and women, who don't know how periods work is testament enough that more education is necessary.
Livingwithcfs 2 weeks ago
2 things strike me. First - his wife sounds like she's incredibly jealous and has destroyed her relationship with her daughter. I don't wonder about OP wanting to get out. Second - what is up with everyone saying about menopause as an excuse,. As a woman of that age and stage I find this as extremely sexist of commenters and it isn't an excuse for the nasty petty behavior.
Jay Scales 2 weeks ago
For some women (I was one), menopause comes with a huge dose of rage that distorts who you naturally are. Not all women suffer this, but some do. It does subside after a year or two.
Load More Replies... JE 2 weeks ago
Did this grown man really say that he isn’t sure whether or not perimenopause is a myth? Yikes! Women can start having excessive hormone fluctuations as early as their late 30s that can cause all sorts of issues from weight gain to hair loss to mood swings. It can be similar to puberty, but much longer.
kath morgan 2 weeks ago
The fact that the daughter didn’t tell her to get stuffed after the first attempt and seems to NEED to please her, tells me that the daughter had been raised this way and taught it’s normal for a long time. Probably she has just failed to hide it from her spouse this time,
Gwyn 2 weeks ago
It sounds like the wife has always been a controlling person and this sent her off the deep end. The husband also sounds somewhat passive, I think he's been letting her abuse people for years and putting blinders on, but now it's so bad even he can't tolerate it anymore. And the daughter is following after him and being passive as well. The entire family needs to go NC with this woman!
Broadredpanda 2 weeks ago
I'm mortified by your wife's behaviour! This "woman" knows/knew exactly what she was doing! She could have had her hair done before the week of the wedding, but chose to put on her daughter probably knowing she'd do this for her mum. I'm absolutely gutted for your daughter and I'm so glad she hasn't cut contact with you and her siblings. I'd never want to speak to my mum if she pulled this stunt, not once or twice but three times, using six hours of her daughter's wedding day! Unforgivable!!! A huge apology is needed by your wife! I don't think that will happen though. I personally couldn't live with this insufferable behaviour (even if it's not normal) how dare she? I think that only drastic action will make this narcissistic mother understand what she's done. It all reeks of jealousy and that's really bad. I would go and see your daughter personally! She needs a big hug from her dad and hopefully this will help a bit because I bet she's cried a lot of tears since. Good luck OP!!!
Abby Gould 6 hours ago
Did anyone read the article where it says she was taking too much of a med that makes her crazy?
Michelle Randazzo 2 weeks ago
Your wife is a self absorbed narcissistic witch. She has always acted like this, you didn't notice. I hope your daughter has a wonderful life and cuts this cancer out.
Joshua David 2 weeks ago (edited)
As a stylist, i can affirm that even with a thick full head of hair, that the product couldn't have been over 400. We get product for cheap and we charge for our time. Either way, divorce the ɓitch.
Robin Roper 2 weeks ago
This woman is narcissistic and toxic. The daughter should have told her mother, "No, it's my wedding and if you want your hair done, then go to a salon.? Then she should have turned and walked away.
CatWoman1014 2 weeks ago
The mom sounds horrible! To make her daughter’s wedding about her precious hair? If daughter goes no contact I wouldn’t be surprised
Schmebulock 2 weeks ago
YTA 100% for not stepping in at the start to stop this complete nonsense. Now you should send a big check to your daughter to make up for it and divorce your wife for being a c**t.
Alexandra 2 weeks ago
Every time I read about someone ruining someone else's happy day or happy event or happy whatever, it makes me so mad. If you don['t agree, if you don't want to see someone, do something, eat something or if they don't serve this or that or whatever, just keep away! Have the decency This woman destroyed her daughter's happy event and for what? For effing what? She trampled all over her daughter rough-shod! Just give her a firm kick in the butt, right out of the door. The daughter should stay NC with her mother and her husband deserves a medal for keeping his cool when he saw his wife crying because his MIL kept her on her feet for so many hours just for some hair.
Lyoness 2 weeks ago
Right? I've never understood why some people obsess over their hair. Having said that I agree with a lot of other posts that this wasn't about hair.
Load More Replies...
Melissa Harris 2 weeks ago
He needs to talk to his daughter and other children. It's likely his wife has actually been like this all along and has been hiding it from him. This is their most independent child and she originally eloped for a reason. I bet losing control of her youngest child, not getting to control the wedding and getting older is making it harder for her to mask.
Broadredpanda 2 weeks ago
I also don't believe she never behaved like this! It's reeks of jealousy! How sad. I'd not forgive my mum if she pulled this stunt, and I would leave if I was her husband. Even if these were only temporary measures where these things can be rectified with an apology? This mum could have easily gotten her hair done before the wedding week. She knew what she was doing!
Load More Replies... Andrea Pereira 2 weeks ago
Are those people crazy??? 400 dollars in product would at least gave crazy lady a decent wig. I don't understand. Really don't. If it was my daughter wedding I'd use a freaking bonnet or a hair bun and called it a day. Because it's not MY DAY. It's hers.
Orange Panda 2 weeks ago
That's part of why I think this is a fake story.
Load More Replies... Mason Kronol 2 weeks ago
No one colors someone’s hair 3 times in 2 days unless you are trying to go from dark brown to really blonde.
Broadredpanda 2 weeks ago
This mother knew what she was doing! Her behaviour was Narcissistic and smacks of jealousy. I would never forgive her without a full apology. I'd also be out the door if I was her husband! She's just vile for doing this and only drastic measures will make her see what she's done, but if she is a true narcissist then she won't and I can't imagine how I'd feel if one of my three daughters never spoke to me again, but then again, I wouldn't behave like this. I hope her hair is ruined! Sorry
Load More Replies... FreeTheUnicorn 2 weeks ago
If this is truly out of character, get the wife checked for something going on with her brain, there are some conditions that agression and drastic mood swings are indicators. But more likely she's been like that to her daughter all along and she saw this as her last chance to be controlling before a husband would step in and stop it. The reason this seems likely is that the daughter couldn't say no, even after the first two times. It takes a lifetime of conditioning to just go along with that type of behaviour. It sounds like new husband is supporting her tstanding up for herself and breaking away. It'll blow up the family dynamic and I would guess OP will find his wife isn't who he thought she was.
E.V. 2 weeks ago
Me thinks it's not about the hair at all. The daughter is the youngest and her getting married put her mother in a tizzy. Maybe she felt like she's losing her daughter or losing control of her. The dad said she is the most independent out of all their children. The mom resents her for it. Some mothers feel resentment when they feel like their children don't need them at all. She needs a therapist for sure.
Lyoness 2 weeks ago
I think this was punishment for the elopement. As in "You took away my chance to see you get married? I'll take away your celebration." It's sick.
Load More Replies... A S Mora 2 weeks ago
Narcissists love to take other people's big events and not only make themselves the center but ruin the entire event in the hearts and minds of those who should be at the center. Ask me how many times my mom picked fights with my dad on his birthday or would bully me into accepting gifts from her for my birthday she knew I absolutely did not want before even buying them so she could play victim. This is why I won't ever have a wedding unless she's buried or cremated.
Panda Boom 2 weeks ago
He said in a comment that they had eloped before, so this was a celebration and not an actual wedding. I wonder if the wife is pissed she wasn't invited to the actual wedding.
Bowtechie 2 weeks ago
After reading the comment about why OP put "wedding" in quotes I have a feeling this was the wife's way to lash out at her daughter and punish her for eloping and not having a "proper" wedding.
KatSaidWhat 2 weeks ago
Mother pissed that she didn't get the grand wedding she clearly wanted to be a main character in so deliberately sabotaged the celebration, and her relationship with her daughter as well.
Traveling Lady Railfan 2 weeks ago
This is a control issue, not a hair issue. Dad, keep the lines of communication open. Also, you say wife visits the doctors MONTHLY (but there's nothing wrong with her)?!? Does that sound really odd to anyone else?
Lyoness 2 weeks ago
I'd say there's DEFINITELY something wrong with her, probably something she hasn't told him about. I'd guess a mental disorder of some kind (including NPD).
Load More Replies... Sinclair13 2 weeks ago
The wife is jealous of the attention her daughter was getting for the wedding.
Dusty's mom 2 weeks ago
Tumors can create such aggressiveness and are often hard to detect without special equipment. You wife may be outwardly "healthy as a horse", but as a person who had a serious medical condition overlooked by several "specialists", I would DEMAND your wife get scanned. And yes, perimenopause can also trigger her. Your wife is not behaving normally. There's mother/daughter spats. This is completely abnormal behavior.
Mad McQueen 2 weeks ago
Mom wanted to be center of attention. That's it. Her Daughters wedding was just background noise to her having her daughter slave over her. Glad op paid his kid back. I know how long hair takes. That's like at least $2000 in services over 3 days. Not to mention she asked on the morning of the wedding too!
Upstaged75 2 weeks ago (edited)
I don't understand why the daughter kept saying yes to doing it! She just should have told the mom she was too busy and be done with the whole thing.
Celeste Grant 2 weeks ago
It often isn't that easy. If you have a mother who is forceful and expects her daughter to acquiesce to her, saying no is going to have no effect. And often the daughter is brow beaten over many years and had grown up never being allowed to say no to the mother. Plus it's easier to keep the peace than deal with the tantrum. I know it sounds implausible, but saying no isn't that easy.
Load More Replies... Angie May 2 weeks ago
""Is premenopause a thing I heard that's a myth". Yes, it's a thing. It can go on for years. I sincerely wish we didn't treat women's biological functions like they're some sordid, taboo thing. The amount of people, both men and women, who don't know how periods work is testament enough that more education is necessary.
Livingwithcfs 2 weeks ago
2 things strike me. First - his wife sounds like she's incredibly jealous and has destroyed her relationship with her daughter. I don't wonder about OP wanting to get out. Second - what is up with everyone saying about menopause as an excuse,. As a woman of that age and stage I find this as extremely sexist of commenters and it isn't an excuse for the nasty petty behavior.
Jay Scales 2 weeks ago
For some women (I was one), menopause comes with a huge dose of rage that distorts who you naturally are. Not all women suffer this, but some do. It does subside after a year or two.
Load More Replies... JE 2 weeks ago
Did this grown man really say that he isn’t sure whether or not perimenopause is a myth? Yikes! Women can start having excessive hormone fluctuations as early as their late 30s that can cause all sorts of issues from weight gain to hair loss to mood swings. It can be similar to puberty, but much longer.
kath morgan 2 weeks ago
The fact that the daughter didn’t tell her to get stuffed after the first attempt and seems to NEED to please her, tells me that the daughter had been raised this way and taught it’s normal for a long time. Probably she has just failed to hide it from her spouse this time,
Gwyn 2 weeks ago
It sounds like the wife has always been a controlling person and this sent her off the deep end. The husband also sounds somewhat passive, I think he's been letting her abuse people for years and putting blinders on, but now it's so bad even he can't tolerate it anymore. And the daughter is following after him and being passive as well. The entire family needs to go NC with this woman!
Broadredpanda 2 weeks ago
I'm mortified by your wife's behaviour! This "woman" knows/knew exactly what she was doing! She could have had her hair done before the week of the wedding, but chose to put on her daughter probably knowing she'd do this for her mum. I'm absolutely gutted for your daughter and I'm so glad she hasn't cut contact with you and her siblings. I'd never want to speak to my mum if she pulled this stunt, not once or twice but three times, using six hours of her daughter's wedding day! Unforgivable!!! A huge apology is needed by your wife! I don't think that will happen though. I personally couldn't live with this insufferable behaviour (even if it's not normal) how dare she? I think that only drastic action will make this narcissistic mother understand what she's done. It all reeks of jealousy and that's really bad. I would go and see your daughter personally! She needs a big hug from her dad and hopefully this will help a bit because I bet she's cried a lot of tears since. Good luck OP!!!
Abby Gould 6 hours ago
Did anyone read the article where it says she was taking too much of a med that makes her crazy?
Michelle Randazzo 2 weeks ago
Your wife is a self absorbed narcissistic witch. She has always acted like this, you didn't notice. I hope your daughter has a wonderful life and cuts this cancer out.
Joshua David 2 weeks ago (edited)
As a stylist, i can affirm that even with a thick full head of hair, that the product couldn't have been over 400. We get product for cheap and we charge for our time. Either way, divorce the ɓitch.
Robin Roper 2 weeks ago
This woman is narcissistic and toxic. The daughter should have told her mother, "No, it's my wedding and if you want your hair done, then go to a salon.? Then she should have turned and walked away.
CatWoman1014 2 weeks ago
The mom sounds horrible! To make her daughter’s wedding about her precious hair? If daughter goes no contact I wouldn’t be surprised
Schmebulock 2 weeks ago
YTA 100% for not stepping in at the start to stop this complete nonsense. Now you should send a big check to your daughter to make up for it and divorce your wife for being a c**t.
Alexandra 2 weeks ago
Every time I read about someone ruining someone else's happy day or happy event or happy whatever, it makes me so mad. If you don['t agree, if you don't want to see someone, do something, eat something or if they don't serve this or that or whatever, just keep away! Have the decency This woman destroyed her daughter's happy event and for what? For effing what? She trampled all over her daughter rough-shod! Just give her a firm kick in the butt, right out of the door. The daughter should stay NC with her mother and her husband deserves a medal for keeping his cool when he saw his wife crying because his MIL kept her on her feet for so many hours just for some hair.
Lyoness 2 weeks ago
Right? I've never understood why some people obsess over their hair. Having said that I agree with a lot of other posts that this wasn't about hair.
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