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Husband Hates Wife’s Parenting Methods, Considers Divorce After Teacher’s Call
Interview With Expert
For a child, having involved parents who care about their development is a huge blessing. If Mom and Dad are too hands off, kids might miss out on valuable learning opportunities. However, if their parents are helicopters, it might be challenging for a child to fully develop their imagination and creativity.
One concerned father reached out to Reddit asking for advice after he noticed that his wife was treating everything as a lesson for their sons. Below, you’ll find the full story that he shared, as well as a conversation with Dr. Samantha Rodman Whiten, aka Dr. Psych Mom.
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Children are constantly learning more about the world and themselves
Image credits: Levi Meir Clancy/Unsplash (not the actual photo)
But this dad thinks his wife has taken her structured teaching moments way too far
Image credits: Guillaume Issaly/Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Direct-Caterpillar77
The father later provided an update on the situation after speaking to his son’s teacher
Image credits: Will Francis/Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: JSB Co./Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Ryan Fields/Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Direct-Caterpillar77
“Kids get infinite benefits from unstructured play and letting their imaginations dictate what they do”
Image credits: Phil Goodwin/Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Getting an education is extremely important, but it doesn’t necessarily need to begin the second that a child enters the world. Actually, it probably will start before parents even realize, as their child’s brain will start soaking up information like a sponge from a very young age. But one of the biggest priorities parents should have for their little ones, especially before they start attending school, is having plenty of play time.
To learn more about the importance of play, we reached out to Dr. Samantha Rodman Whiten, aka Dr. Psych Mom, who was kind enough to have a chat with Bored Panda. “Kids get infinite benefits from unstructured play and letting their imaginations dictate what they do,” the expert shared. “They develop resilience from trying things out and seeing what works and what doesn’t without a parent’s micromanagement or intervention.”
“When parents try to make everything into a ‘teachable moment,’ they are directing the child endlessly and preventing this play. Over time, the child grows less creative and more frustrated with their parent as well,” Dr. Whiten explained.
But that doesn’t mean that parents aren’t allowed to teach their children. “Learning opportunities arise naturally in the environment when a child asks their parent a question about how things work, what to do or to help with something,” the psychologist noted. “Then, the parent’s advice or help is taken as actually helpful instead of as another form of control.”
If parents don’t see eye to eye on how to teach their kids, Dr. Whiten says, “Couples therapy can help teach parents about what’s normal for kids at each developmental age and how to negotiate a compromise between parenting approaches. Parents can learn to respect each other’s opinions even if they don’t completely agree, and the child can see how parents can work together even if they have differing philosophies, which is ironically an invaluable learning opportunity!”
And if you’re looking for advice on how to get your child to play independently, you can find Dr. Whiten’s blog post on this exact topic right here.
“Learning opportunities arise naturally when a child asks their parent a question about how things work, what to do or to help with something”
Image credits: Hrant Khachatryan/Unsplash (not the actual photo)
According to Nidirect Government Services in the UK, play is an extremely important tool to help children improve their cognitive, physical, social and emotional well-being. Playing can teach kids more about the world around them, as well as themselves, and it can allow them to build skills that will be useful for their entire lives. Through play, children can develop confidence, self-esteem, resilience, social skills, independence, curiosity and learn how to cope with difficult situations.
Physical health can also greatly be benefited by playing, as it allows kids to have great physical fitness and strengthen their agility, stamina, coordination and balance. Plus, playing is a wonderful way to develop social skills. Kids can explore their feelings through games and characters when playing, which can also help them learn how to express their emotions.
Nidirect encourages parents to play with their little ones without directing what will happen at all. The child should be the one making decisions and letting their imagination run wild, while their mother or father can simply play along. Through play, kids have an opportunity to explore their limits safely, which can be exciting and allow them to feel even more confident when Mom and Dad aren’t around.
Even for adults, every experience in life can be a learning opportunity. But we don’t need someone standing over our shoulder at all times making sure that we’re “building skills” or writing down what we’ve learned. Kids need space from their parents to explore and be creative, and the last thing any mom or dad wants to be is a helicopter parent.
According to Parents.com, helicopter parenting can include being overprotective, micromanaging children, putting excessive pressure on kids and having an intense desire to provide a different childhood for your kids than you had growing up. But this overbearing approach can backfire when kids aren’t given the space to develop that they need.
Helicopter parenting can decrease a child’s self-esteem or confidence, can prevent kids from developing coping skills, can increase a child’s anxiety, create a sense of entitlement in kids and hinder their self-advocacy. If Mom and Dad are always around to solve your problems, why would you need to learn how to fix them yourself?
We would love to hear your thoughts on this situation, pandas. Do you think this father is right to be concerned about his sons? Feel free to share, and then if you’re interested in checking out another Bored Panda piece discussing child development, look no further than right here!
Readers shared messages of support for the father and agreed that the mom’s parenting approach is doing more harm than good
What do you think ?
Snow_White 1 month ago
Yeah but I found it strange that there is nothing mentioned about the wife's responses.
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Alyssa Phillips 1 month ago
I sympathize, but agree that the dad should take a little more hands on (as he admits). Say "I'm taking the boys out today" and go do something fun. Phrase it as a "mom gets a self care day" or whatever. She won't be on board to start with, she's been left in charge for 4 years. But the combination of therapy, preschool, and dad jumping in may get this turned around.
Rahul Pawa 1 month ago
I'd imagine when he tried that, she insisted on going with them, and ignored OP's feelings about wanting to spend time with his kids without her. She's an oppressor, of not only the kids but OP too.
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Tiger 1 month ago
My mom, bless her, actually made sure my twin and I got chances to play. I even remember her kicking us out of the house one summer morning (late 90s, no Facebook or cell phones or doomscrolling existed) and telling us the only way we could come in before 5pm was if we had to pee or eat lunch. We sulked in a giant cardboard box for half an hour and then made the sweetest fort you could ever imagine - at 8 years old we were somehow smart enough to use hay bale binder twine to weave sticks together and make “walls” and we even had a little crude log table and chairs in there. Then we used random plants and weeds to make “salads” to feed to the horses lmao. It sticks out in my mind as such a fun day.
Snow_White 1 month ago
Yeah but I found it strange that there is nothing mentioned about the wife's responses.
Load More Replies... Alyssa Phillips 1 month ago
I sympathize, but agree that the dad should take a little more hands on (as he admits). Say "I'm taking the boys out today" and go do something fun. Phrase it as a "mom gets a self care day" or whatever. She won't be on board to start with, she's been left in charge for 4 years. But the combination of therapy, preschool, and dad jumping in may get this turned around.
Rahul Pawa 1 month ago
I'd imagine when he tried that, she insisted on going with them, and ignored OP's feelings about wanting to spend time with his kids without her. She's an oppressor, of not only the kids but OP too.
Load More Replies... Tiger 1 month ago
My mom, bless her, actually made sure my twin and I got chances to play. I even remember her kicking us out of the house one summer morning (late 90s, no Facebook or cell phones or doomscrolling existed) and telling us the only way we could come in before 5pm was if we had to pee or eat lunch. We sulked in a giant cardboard box for half an hour and then made the sweetest fort you could ever imagine - at 8 years old we were somehow smart enough to use hay bale binder twine to weave sticks together and make “walls” and we even had a little crude log table and chairs in there. Then we used random plants and weeds to make “salads” to feed to the horses lmao. It sticks out in my mind as such a fun day.
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