One of my last xmasses with my now ex husband, I saw a little pair of gold earrings. Nothing expensive mind you! I showed him and he was like "you're here with me, I can't just buy them with you around, it would spoil the surprise! And besides, we don't really have the $$ for them." (I'll say again, not expensive, from one of those kiosks in the middle of a mall with more gold plated things honestly) With that being said, he and his brother were there that day with me and they were looking at presents for their dad. They went into an electronics store and bought an expensive blue ray disc player (expensive even when they split the cost down the middle for both of them). Yeah, FIL got an expensive blue ray, I got a s***y, ugly pair of cheap earrings from AVON that his mom gave him. The look on my face was utter disgust and he was like "aren't they cute?!?" I was like "sure, cute.. I got you an Xbox last year and I get junk." He wondered why I hate xmas!

Is he being passive aggressive with the sports gear and the XL pants??

Buy him an XL butt plug and some lube - problem solved.

Maybe I read the letter wrong, but what kind of an idiot puts a gift in the cupboard in plain view? Is she sure it's actually what she's going to get? Sounds like a set up/ distraction to me.

If you want something specific, let him know, but why not steer him towards tickets to something, or a destination? Or just don't do Christmas gifts between the two of you, if it's going to create stress and resentment. It sounds like you're putting too much on something wrappable. Either have an honest conversation about what you need or adjust your expectations.

It depends - is he thoughtful in other ways? Does he make you endless cups of tea, bring you breakfast in bed, stick your socks under his jumper to warm them before offering them to you, insist he brings in the groceries when it is pouring with rain (which is most of the time here in the UK, lol), anything? If so, then it could be that shopping is just one blind spot. Otherwise, yes, he's just not even trying.

Husband and I ask each other what, if anything, we would like. If budget allows, we buy it otherwise we don't buy anything. Or we might just get something for the home instead, that we both like.

Mom forbade all of us from buying her clothes or fitted accessories. Didn't matter if we knew her size perfectly. Tell him "no clothes or fitted accessories - EVER". Then walk him past those fine shops and point out a few things from each that you like. There's no excuse for being that lazy. And be sure to ask him what he wants and respect his choices. Marriage takes effort to get it right.

If he doesn't know her size, he is being lazy in not finding out. Anyway, banning presents for adults is sensible - we stopped years ago. After a while one runs out of gifts unless one partner is a collector of something; then one retires and gets to chuck out a whole load of clutter that's of no use to anyone (or dies and someone else has to go through it all).

....and then there was my husband once out by himself to buy new trousers. I got a call from him: "Do you know what my size is? There are way too many options!" Of course I know such things because they are not important for him. Sometimes I think that some men need a list with sizes, favourite colours, allergies and dislikes from all nearly relatives.

We give lists of things we want. Then, the person can pick something off the list. We're still surprised and still get something we want. Win-win.

Make it make sense. So they are married. Presumably he loves her, but he cannot be bothered to get her a gift for Christmas most times. Now he finally bought something random and not in her size for a "gift" which he put about 4 seconds worth of effort in ( click on website, click on gift, click pay) and people are seriously arguing he did his best. SERIOUSLY??? You think the best a grown man should be expected to do for the person who should be the most important in his life is to spend a whole 30 seconds to buy something 3 times her size ? It just drives home how internalize misogyny has given guys a free pass to put in less effort than it takes them to choose a candy bar and be considered "trying".

How does she know that what she found was her present? Maybe they were his.

He bought a gift. It might not be for her, so she should wait and see. She could drop a hint or be completely direct about what she would like. Especially if he always says he doesn’t know what to get her. If that IS her gift, then she gets the receipt and exchanges it for something better. It’s not difficult and it’s a common scenario. Mine used to tell me just to buy myself something. So she’s got one better than mine :)

He got you a gift ... that's more than my ex.ever did

If you look at a pair of leggings, they look like they would not fit a young teen. Men might not realize how they stretch. He could have held them up and said 'oh, these look like they will fit' and never look at the tag

This is why I always liked the catalogs from Penney's, Sears and Wards. I would have my kids go through and write their letters. Then I would cut out what I wanted, size, color would get written on it. We always have a limit on presents so I did extra so he could choose and I would still be surprised. It was my letter to my Santa. lol

first off it seems he didnt put thought into her gift and even if he did he wouldve gotten the correct size. 2nd its messed up he lied about no shops being near his office and even if he was telling the truth amazon exsists. 3rd he clearly didnt care if she found it or not. wen u get a gift for someone u should b excited about giving it and hide it very well or wrap it immediately. i do think she should confront him about it but do it calmly and dont mention she tried them on. she should still b grateful he got her something but her husband made it easy to find and got the wrong size so she isnt in the wrong discussing it with him. me and my husband always get each other funny gifts and serious gifts. i got him a hoodie with a highland cow saying "sorry im late i saw a fluffy cow" (we r big highland cow fans), a book "50000 facts that sound like bullsh!t but r actually true" (he loves tricking ppl by telling them bullsh!t facts while sounding confident. ppl always believe him), a little duck with a sign saying "i ducking love you" and the thing he actually needs a brand new gaming controller since the one he has had to b fixed 5 times and is on a limited life span now. i told my mom he needed gutair strings and wanted a huge metal water bottle so she got those for him as well as a silly gift of her own. idk wat the other gifts he got me r but he asked me if it would b ok if 2 of my gifts could b promises. i asked wat he meant he said he hadnt gotten me a big gift in awhile bc i never asked or seemed interested in big things so he wants to get me the switch 2 on release day and the new pokemon game coming out in 2025. first thought in my mind was that i could tell how much he wanted to get it for me. i naturally told him that it sound perfect to me. he just had a huge smile on his face. my in laws have also built up suspense saying how my husband told them wat to get me and im gonna love it. i put thought into every gift not just my husband gifts. my father in law retired and since hes an engineer he started doing all sorts of projects. a few he cant finish bc he cant see things without taking it completely apart or its in a odd spot. i got him a camera wire that u can slip into small spaces. the wire connects to ur phone and its 9ft long so he can use it for a variety of projects even ones he hasnt gotten too yet. my mother in law is all about self care so i got her this face cream shes always wanted but never got cuz she thinks its over priced. i also got ducks for my inlaws only the say "dad i ducking love you" and "mom i ducking love you". my brother in law is big into gaming and has yet to play elden ring and showed alot of interest so we got him elden ring plus the dlc. my dad had his favorite ice cream bowl break a month ago so i got him a giant mug/bowl that has "dad's ice cream" written on it and it comes with a spoon "dad's ice cream shovel" and scoop "dad's ice cream scoop". my mom loves hummingbirds so i got her a solar power lantern with a hummingbird design. wen on the light projects the shapes of hummingbirds and flowers everywhere. it matches the hummingbird wind chimes i got her last year. as for my bday yesterday my husband got me a variety of flowers of every kind and color. i woke up to 3 vases full of flowers yesterdays with a little highland cow weighted plushie lying infront of them. thought needs to b put into gifts to make them fun and even if the thought was off the mark the thought and effort was still there.

There are people that find this difficult - men and women. I'm terrible with birthdays, maybe remember the month. My husband kept track of that stuff. If I walk past the same shop everyday, I will forget it's there. I am one that will find a great gift for an occasion and then not want to wait to give it to you.

I would let it go . The find out where he purchased them and buy the exact same thing in my size and put the bag back.

This might be a silly idea...wife gets herself something she really, really likes. Wraps it extra special, then pretends it's from him!

Lordy, lordy. She went looking for the gifts, tried them on, etc? This is not normal behavior. GIft expectations is a symptom of greed IMHO. My wife and I haven't given holiday gifts in 15 years, Instead we give to a charity in our family's names.

Keep the leggings as pyjamas, throw out the man/return him to his mama's house. He has the whole year to pick out a gift that is something perfect for his wife, the internet is filled with gifts to buy so there's no need to rely on 'the shops near the office' (I can't believe OP doesn't balk at him saying that, it's so stupid), and being married to someone you should know their tastes and intricacies well enough to be able to buy a decent present. Since husband does this year after year and makes up constant excuses, he clearly doesn't care about OP. Sounds like another woman with the blinders on ignoring all of husbands red flags and being a doormat. Wives/girlfriends: you are not responsible for raising and educating these men into being functional adults, send them back to their mothers who obviously failed at the task.

I think it was pretty crappy of her to be so presumptuous as to go try the clothes on. That’s just wrong. Wait until he gives them to you.

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Here's a piece of logic for you... instead of bitching every year, tell him to get you a gift card for somewhere you like.