Buzzing your head is, to an extent, the thoughts and prayers of cancer treatment. I'd probably do it for a loved one, but l can see why people would refuse. It does literally nothing to the healing process. And come on, we all know how important hair is for a girl that age. She sounds like the kind of mum who wants to compete with her own daughter for looks.

Literal child abuse. Forcing a girl to shave her head against her will, for no reason, is child abuse.

" I would never forgive you..." Those words to my kid would end my relationship. I have been through , cancer, stroke and now hospice, with my Husband - and I would NOT forgive if he purposely abused our Son. Stress of cancer etc - can cause a lot of problems ( I feel like I have been through them, all) But as a PARENT - we protect our kids at all costs. Personally - if wife does not apologize and get counseling - my marriage would be over.

Experienced something similar with family friend. She found out she had cancer and proceeded through the initial treatments. Then found out that the response to treatment was fantastic, she was going to make 100% recovery. After she let everyone know the good news, she complained that she wasn’t getting any “support anymore, everyone forgot she has cancer.” My mother decided to have a get together for her to raise her spirits. She shows up to the party, her head is bald. She had hair the previous week, and was no longer doing chemo or radiation, hadn’t been for about 2 months, and didn’t experience the hair loss common with those treatments. Everyone just doted all over her. Party ended, everyone left. Mom and dad are getting ready to take the woman home, and the woman broke down, that people didn’t care for her if she wasn’t sick, it comes out she shaved her damn head to regain attention she was showered with when she got her diagnosis. She moved not long after, lost touch

If she's healthy enough and physically stable enough [check with the doctor(s)], separate from your wife immediately, move out, and take your 17-year-old daughter with you. You shouldn't have to move past this and you won't be able to. Your wife did something that broke the family: her bond of trust with her husband and her bond of trust and caretaking with her daughter. I say "immediately" because your daughter needs to see you be strong enough to draw a healthy line with your soon-to-be-ex-wife, lest she think this is normal married couple behavior and expect something similar from her future marriage (should she even choose to get married at all after witnessing this); your daughter desperately needs to see that she will be defended in full force by her father even if her mother loves herself more than anyone else at the moment and maybe for good. Once you're both moved out, you can calmly and correctly get the divorce papers lined up. You're strong. You've got this.

Mother was envious of daughter and made her suffer the same. Mother has shown true nature, that she’s a malicious witch. Shame on her. I’d divorce over that level of abuse. How bad can a person be that they inflict suffering on her own daughter. Hate is a word that comes to mind.

If it was me, I’d take my daughter out to help me pick out some wigs to wear until my own hair grew back in. She could help me pick wigs for everyday, for going out, and for fun, or even just to try some different styles, colors, and lengths. THAT’S enlisting the daughter’s help and support—-and making a fun and memorable mother-daughter kind of day out of it—-whereas coercing her into cutting off 3 or 4 (or more) years of hair growth in one fell swoop is most definitely NOT. This one sounds like Mom being jealous of her daughter’s hair, maybe her overall appearance. I have known some vain moms, the type of women who have skated by on their looks their entire lives (we’ve all run into them), who purposely did stuff like cut their daughters’ beautiful hair off and get it styled almost like a little boy because they felt their daughters were prettier—-compounded by being younger, of course—-and taking the spotlight off Mom. Like their own flesh and blood is in competition with them for the male gaze, ffs. Sick and twisted AF.

WTF. "Hey, show support for me by doing this thing I demand you to do that you don't want to or I'll dislike you, but doing so will ironically make you resent me thus actually wanting to be less supportive."

Oh she won one with the daughter. She's gonna play the cancer card now an see how much she can get people to do for her. I feel bad for the daughter. Hope the hair was donated. Maybe they can do some wig shopping trips together to repair that issue. Don't let mom go "but you should want to do x for me. I have cancer".

My parents have been through so many illnesses and they would never expect anything like this from my siblings and I. This mom is horrible to her daughter and her husband needs to take their daughter and get away from her. Cancer doesn't give you the right to mistreat your child and essentially make threats to them.

I am sorry your wife is fighting cancer and lost her hair. Manipulating your daughter to shave her head was cruel & selfish. Your wife wanted your daughter to feel horrible about her looks as this is how your wife feels. Your wife needs psychological help ASAP and so does your daughter after your wife cruelly made her shave her head. I am sure your daughter is embarrassed & angry. Your wife crossed the line but she did show her true colors...something you need to think about. IMHO your wife is abusive and I am sure this was not the first time. Please in the future protect your daughter from your wife.

I did the "bald chick" routine when I went through chemo. I would have never expected--much less, guilted anyone into shaving their head to show solidarity. It sounds like the mother is jealous of her own daughter, and decided that she wouldn't tolerate standing out. What better way to humiliate a teenage girl than to pressure her into shaving off her locks? It wouldn't surprise me in the least if OP decides to separate and eventually divorce his wife because of this.

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She's probably seen the stories where families do this and wanted to b able to tell her her friends and family that her daughter loves her SO MUCH that she wanted to do this, rather than let her daughter make a choice on her own. And there r plenty of other ways to support someone going thru cancer

Wanna bet she took out the girl for shopping to be able to pressure her into this? Cut her off from dad, make it impossible for her to go back to her room/leave and put her on the spot in a very public environment where a teenager might not have the emotional fortitude to stand up for themselves. The wife is a classic abuser and I'd be kicking her out the door without any remorse.

The wife didn't want solidarity ir comfort, she was jealous of her daughter and couldn't stand to look at her long hair. What a terrible parent

17yo is old enough for her opinion to be considered in court. I'd be divorced as soon as legally possible.

Shaving you head to show sympathy with a cancer patient can be a really beutiful thing to do. However if the only reason you are doing it is because somebody shamed you into doing it, it is kind of like the point has gone missing. Thinkin along the lines of "I suffer and so should people around me" like the wife seem to do, is not very constructive, and doing so almost alway only lead to a bad outcome. His wife sounds very selfish, and though she might be technically right that it was a choice that the daugther made on her own, it doesn't sound like she made it any more easy for the daugther to choose the option that she would have liked. Instead it sounds like the wife did whatever she could to scewed the playing field so the daughter would make the choice that pleased her instead of the choice that was in the daugter's best interest. That is manipulation and it is a very selfish thing to do. TShe should have loved her daugter enough to her best interest prioritised.

Cancer patients can get drastical personality changes depending on the tumor location and cancer treatment! And they can even loose the competence/ ability to understand, what they do is wrong/ manipulative/ hurtful. Of course there are those who have always been a*holes. Dealing with those personality changes can be VERY hard for family and friends and can end even strong relationships 😢. Another thing: cancer patients are never the same afterwards! This is a life altering situation. Is it OK to be an a*s about it? NO. Nervertheless in a lot of cases patients just can't help themselves.

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