Is she this unreasonable and selfish in the rest of the relationship? I can't imagine the answer is no, OP didn't present it as out of character. I'd hate to live in that house.

Luckily, my co-workers are more open to my roommate interrupting, especially when the said roommate shows his butt and meows at the camera.

Wow! Their 4 year old daughter is way more mature than his bratty wife. His wife is definitely the AH here, not him.

As someone who's partner has the opportunity to work from home 50% of the time in medical field too, I simply can't understand how the op's wife can be that inconsiderate without it being some sort of malicious non-compliance. As in she didn't want the op to wfh, but decided not to say anything and drive the op out of the house instead while playing the victim. If a four year old can understand the rules and the adult can't, it can't be just accidental, right?

His wife is an idiot.

Whomever left the comment that said your poor wife, girl divorce him, guarantee that was the wife. That wife is incredibly ignorant and selfish, and it's pretty bad a four year old understood but she was incapable of understanding

How dumb is your wife?

This man does not have a "wife" that is a grown woman acting still as a child... Pathetic and alarming. How is the 4 year old more responsible?

NTA - I unfortunately was in the same situation several years ago. Young kids, wife, working from home. Also had a mother in law there. Mother in law and wife would constantly interrupt me while I would be working. One time I was in a meeting with a client and she left me with my screaming toddler son. No matter what I said, how I said it, she wouldn't change her behaviour. The relationship didn't last much longer after I lost my job (for the third time due to her antics). I would be considering at the least family counseling. This lady does not respect you.

The wife sounds both lonely and stupid. Also, the way he described sitting her down and telling her what hed decided and how its going go was an odd dynamic for a married couple. If the kid is four, shes old enough to be in jk. And it sounds like they have options for childcare. Its time for the wife to work again, at least part time. It might do her and the family dynamics some good.

I work from home and am on several zoom calls every day. I have a virtual background so people can't see my office space. My family comes and goes from my office, but always quietly and never interrupting unless it's an emergency. I don't, however, discuss confidential information. If I get on a project where I have to keep things under wraps, I'd have to move upstairs to a room I could lock, or at least be alone it. Probably run a noise maker at the door so I can't be overheard. I know my family would respect my space in these situations. I'm lucky in both regards.

Is your wife ‘special’? Because it seems she lacks more understanding than a four year old…

My mom works from home. For the most part we leave her alone. She doesn't have meetings but she's in medical transcription. We do pop in, mostly to deliver snacks or a drink she requested. Occasionally when I visit I'll just hang out with her quietly while she works (she wears headphones so I hear nothing and I'm playing mobile games on my phone while petting their cats so I see and hear nothing). Mostly though if we pop in and bug her it's no more than a few seconds to ask whatever question is needed and we're out. She's working, and it's not that difficult of a concept to grasp that she needs to do her job even if she's at home.

What an abusive ash sole she is. Get a divorce. She KNEW. She UNDERSTOOD. And she INTENTIONALLY interrupted work. That's narcissist behaviour. What else in the marriage is cuffed up if that's how she behaves?

To that user oamenicanoi who encouraged OP's "poor wife" to divorce him, hope he said that in sarcasm. Otherwise it would be interesting to see who'd get full child custody after the divorce, the breadwinner dad or the SAHM with no personal income?

If she couldn't understand those basic boundaries there's no talking sense with her. Also anytime she tries to put responsibility for returning to office on OP he needs to firmly place that responsibility back in her hands. She's the one that violated boundaries repeatedly and forced him back to the office. Everything that follows is the consequences of her own actions and nothing more. He's not doing accounting or something that can be overheard. As somebody that works in the medical field, you absolutely cannot have third parties hearing your conversations!

His wife is a moron. "I don't like being locked out of a room in my own house".... b*tch... it sounds like HIS house since he's the only person working...but ok... sure... he's not even in there working, he's probably just hiding from you lmao

Wife doesn't work and is biting the hand that is literally feeding her. She should be nicer to the cash cow she's got providing for her. As it is, she doesn't respect him whatsoever.

Keep the kid and send the spoiled whiney brat back to her Mommy cause she's not done growing up yet! How pathetic can she be.

A HIPAA violation can cost up to $50k and it is personally attributable: the company you work for isn't on the hook, YOU are. NTA.

NTA - However, your boundaries were slushy. Consider making them hard and immovable. No time for child play during the day except at lunch. You are not the backup babysitter, At all, ever. Its incredibly irresponsible of her to leave the child alone while you are at work. Then she sends you a text about it? No no no. She can take the child with her. It is not optional. It seems incredibly odd, that your wife does not get the gravity of the situation. Disturbing you is not an option, ever, barring a true emergency. Wanting to leave the child home while she shops is not an emergency. A fire, a serious injury that requires a doctor trip or hospital visit, those are emergencies. Set firm boundaries and don’t let anyone break them. Your family is 100% dependent on you keeping your job.

Absolutely NTA, but I do wonder if the way he talks to her could impact her response. He "sat her down", he "explained why" it would be good for them, he said she had to "knock quietly and ask permission" to enter and that his 4 year old got it but his wife didn't. So...he was talking to his wife and his toddler the same way. He didn't discuss the decision with his wife, he told her. Yes, she's wrong, but if that's the way their relationship goes, isn't it possible she's passive aggressively sending him back to the office so she isn't treated like a toddler?

Better question why does she want hom out of the house!? She is disturbing him on purpose!

We've always had an office in our home but when COVID came and he had to WFH, I gave him space, especially when F2F meetings were going on (mayor, councilors, Health, etc.). Then he started teaching and the university told the professors in advance that it would be online so I gave him space during the evening too. My youngest son returned to school, didn't have space for a closed office, so he and his wife came up with if his lamp was turned on, she had to leave him alone (online for school w/teachers and/or other students), if the lamp wasn't on, it was okay to talk. Simple. Respectful. OP is NTA and it's too bad he had to go back at the office.

I am medically retired and my wife WFH. It is awesome! But when she has meetings, I take the dogs into the bedroom and leave her tf alone! The wife should have treated him like he wasn't home when the door was closed. She ruined something for all of them.

This is a bit off topic but.... I used to work full-time night shift because of the extra pay rates. However I had a partner who would expect me to do things like e.g go pick up the dry cleaning, put gas in the car, run assorted messages during the day. They just did not get that I slept during the day because, guess what, at night I was working. No, not sleeping, or watching movies or whatever. Actually working.

Definitely NTA - My (M66) wife (F66) who works as an accountant for a major global company, was given the amazing option, during covid, to WFH. Her office was 40+ miles from our home. Imagine her driving 40 miles each way, in rain, sleet, snow, etc. (which would make me very nervous!) Gas, tolls, wear and tear on car etc. 4 years later and she still is able to WFH full time. They provide her with her computer, and pay part of our internet. But no wear on the car, no gas, no tolls, I'm retired so I get to make her coffee, breakfast, lunch & dinner (I'm the chef of the house! LOL!) but the money we save is pretty damned good. She has online meetings, some casual, some are intense. I know not to bother her when I see the headset on. My cats, not so much! But hey, I wish I could have taken my cats to work!

This is from a year ago. Is there an update to this? I can't access reddit here

My husband was on staycation last week. I worked from home 3 days. Day 1, exactly 2 minutes after I clock in he bursts in to talk to me about something we not only already spoke about not 12 hours prior but had also come to a resolution on. The absolutely vital conversation he has to have with me 2 minutes after I clocked in to work? "We're low on hotdogs, think I should go get some?" SMH we already decided the night before that picking up some hotdogs would be good for the kids at the BBQ

Geez is your wife mentally a two year old. You are NTA but your wife is. You set boundaries fur a change that benefits your whole family and she is so selfish and self centered, that her actions jeopardized your livelihood and made you vulnerable to being sued for violating HIPPA. Your wife needs to grow up.

I have a question. Have you or has any former partner of your wife ever cheated on her? If she suspects that there is unfaithfulness in the relationship, imagined or not, this could be affecting her judgment. Paranoia is also a possibility. Either way she seems to be dealing with some insecurities that you should address, if you love her and wish to have a healthy relationship. Frustration aside this is a symptom Dr. Please answer her cry for help in a way that supports your family best.

Wife is an idiot. She has it made, doesn't have to work, can use the car within reason more days a week, and she still doesn't appreciate that he's working to keep her in tampax? Puh-leeze, she's an idiot. Even the daughter gets it.

NTA assuming we have all the information BUT I see some big red flags here. He's a DOCTOR. Why doesn't she have her own CAR? Left home with a 4 yo and no transportation? If she's as simple minded as he describes, why did he marry her? Just wondering if there aren't some control issues on his part.