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Husband Writes Down Every Time His Wife Refused Him Sex, Sends Her An Email After She Leaves For A Work Trip
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Marriage isn’t easy and everyone one of us heard the saying ‘marriage is work’ at least once. And yes, once the honeymoon stage is over, it’s not so easy to maintain a fulfilling and wholesome relationship, but there must be certain red flags that obviously show that the relationship isn’t working the way it should be. If so, what are those red flags? Is lack of romance and intimacy a red flag? What about a passive-aggressive excel spreadsheet displaying all of the days you refused to sleep with your partner?
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One wife took social media to share a letter she received from her husband before leaving on a work trip
Image credits: Sophia Louise (not the actual photo)
The excel sheet he attached displayed all the times he was trying to be intimate with her but she refused
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This post quickly received a lot of attention online with people having all sorts of different reactions to it.
While some were not in the mood to support the husband
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Other’s tried to find a solution to their problem
And some were in the complete support of the husband
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What do you think ?
Person2638 5 years ago
Neither of them owe each other sex and I think that was very immature on the husband's part.
Serbob 5 years ago
Came here to say the same thing. Marriage does not mean you must put out when the other demands it. Getting a spreadsheet like this would not convince me to be intimate. It would achieve the exact opposite.
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Michelle Dodson 5 years ago
After turning down my ex, he would rant and rave, call me a c**t, tell me what a b***h I was and THEN try to talk me into having sex with him. He was a f*****g psychopath. I kicked him out before our 1st anniversary.
Todd Jones 5 years ago
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Really? You've only got one side of it. She says she cooks and cleans for him, but we've only her word - maybe he does everything. If you're refused sex that often, his point is maybe they shouldn't be together - it shouldn't be a chore.
Lisa Onitnelot 5 years ago (edited)
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sounds like he wasnt demanding at all or it should have been more times then 3 in 7 weeks. maybe, just maybe, he tried talking to her and she didn't listen because her show was on. apparently she's not attracted to him so why did she marry him? money??
Christophe Ferreira 5 years ago
I think in relationships, nothing is owed. The only that I would agree is the fidelity.
Chris Smithson 5 years ago
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Lol. Fidelity is owed but sex is not? It's both or neither.
FanDaPanda 5 years ago
Its almost 2019, Lisa...we quit demonizing other women quite some time ago
Issss 5 years ago
Lisa Ointelot, in this link https://www.heart.co.uk/news/quirky/funny-sex-excuses-spreadsheet/ she clearly sates the list of all REASONS for not sleeping with him, that includes gassing, grossing and whiskey d**ks. Add to the fact that he considers stomach bugs and periods to be mere excuses for not getting intimate. Insult to injury - she should get stomach bug more often so that she loses more weight......
RaroaRaroa 5 years ago
Whatever the problem, an email and a spreasheet is not the answer. He should have talked to her face to face, said he felt their sex lives had diminished too far and asked what he could do to revive it. I suspect if he's this much of a jerk, and she's that disinterested, if sex is important to either of them, then get a divorce.
Jacqueline Lavanchy 5 years ago
Not only is this totally immature, but it shows a crack in that guy's brain ! I think he might even get dangerous. I would leave at once.
Joseph Walker 5 years ago
He is immature yes, but her sharing it to the world was just as immature as it was meant for her eyes
Aunt Messy 5 years ago
If he can't handle being outed as an a*****e, that's HIS problem, not hers.
guy greej 5 years ago
wow 9 months late. What's the point having a marriage partner who does not want to give you sex. Are you saying sex is ONLY a selfish thing you don't get to do for your partner. *gasp* People can put other's need before theirs. II'm aware massages don't feel good for the one giving them. SOmetiems when we love each other a certain responsiveness is expected. My dad used to throw me n the air just so I laughed. Not always when he felt like it. It feels like denying this is one way to show lack of love. What is someone who wants it supposed to do in ur opinion. Even If she will instantly evaporate from the act the best she can do is hire an escort for him stating, I don't want you neglected and I don't want to sleep with you either lest I evaporate. here's a surrogate for ya.
First Name 5 years ago
If you're married, you DO owe your partner intimacy. That's why people divorce! Acting like it's okay isthe problem.
Nicole Marie 5 years ago
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No but be turned down relentlessly and all you want is to have that deep intimate moment because you've been deprived of it for a year and tell me then how its "not important" because believe me it will have you feeling like they are getting it somewhere else. Sex isnt the only form of intimacy but when sex lacks everything else usually does too.
Kizito 5 years ago
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Sorry luv, she owes him big time. Where does she expect him to get some from? I think the only immature person in the conversation is you. The man has shown enough restraint. 27 times? Doesn't this B- have any hot friends? Or even the maid. Jeez!
John Smith 5 years ago
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Obvious: Person2648 is single.
hail beavis 5 years ago (edited)
We love you, incel troll. Who hurt you? Are you okay? I'm hugging you with my mind.
Kate 5 years ago
Whew. I hope they get to a better place in their relationship (whatever that means). I would personally be pissed if my husband put all of that energy into a passive aggressive stunt like that. I would much rather he just tell me how he is feeling. A couple does not owe sex to one another and if one of the two feel like they would like to be having more sex, then that's a conversation to be had. That being said, the worst part of this imo is that he then ignored her calls/texts. Honestly, that would be a HUGE issue for me. I don't know them and I don't know what their relationship dynamic looks like is like - but I know that for me, communication is one of the most important things in maintaining a healthy marriage (or any relationship). Not only is ignoring a partner's attempts to reach you rude and immature (of course there are exceptions to this if a relationship is abusive/volatile) , but in the instance it seems like an intentional way to make the other person suffer. Not cool man
Birdgirl45 5 years ago
Yeah his behavior was not only super petty, but crossed the line in many places /:
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Bunzilla 5 years ago
Seriously messed up. Honestly, a lot of this is on him. If he felt upset that she was repeatedly 'ignoring' him, he should have just talked about it. Making a freaking spreadsheet, sending it to her before she leaves for a work trip, and then ignoring her attempts to contact him, shows abusive, childish, petty vindictiveness. Clearly, this guy has too much time on his hands. His wife is doing everything for him (Cooking, laundry, cleaning), so would it kill him to pitch in a bit since he also lives there and it's clearly putting a lot on her shoulders? Maybe then she wouldn't be so exhausted and stressed out all the time. Horrible.
Carol Emory 5 years ago
@ Lisa You have a woman who is going to the gym, telling her husband she feels gross, that she doesn't feel good. Sounds to me like she may be dealing with depression issues on top of a rigorous schedule. I've had to deal with this in my relationship with my husband. Unlike this douchebag, my husband recognized the issue and sat down with me to talk about it. I offered to let him see what my days were like by leaving for a few days and leaving him in control of the house and our autistic adult son while he maintained going to work. When I came back, he never complained again and said that he had no idea how exhausting it was for me until he was in complete control of everything. After that, he understood that if he wanted any "fun time" with me, it meant he had to pitch in and help around the house.
Kathryn Horne 5 years ago
I'm just going to say this for Lisa: many of the times she was watching TV. The way the spreadsheet made it sound, he had already put distance between them so he wasn't spending time with her either. And after a long day of work, you want nothing more than to relax. And who knows, maybe she has a lower sex drive than her husband. That's fine, that just means their desires for sex don't line up. The sex drive between my husband and I don't line up, but he would never pull this b******t. That's what porn is for. Putting time-spending-initiation on her shoulders is not the solution. Especially with so much already there.What happened is the husband, clearly having issues with things going on to the point he had to put his Excel skills from High School to use, didn't sit down with his wife and tell her "we need to talk" ... You know, like a f*****g adult that values his marriage? Marriage is built on trust and communication, and it looks like Mr. Spreadsheet has neither of those skills.
John Smith 5 years ago
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"His wife is doing everything for him..." LOL I don't think Bunzilla paid attention at all.
Lisa Onitnelot 5 years ago
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how do you know he didn't try? you're getting her side of the story. and not once was her excuse for not having sex 'I'm tired from cleaning today'. she wasn't tired to go to the gym. maybe she should have taken one day off from the gym and spent quality time with her husband.
hail beavis 5 years ago
Not just can - it is. Silent treatment is textbook emotional abuse. He's cut her off from him completely, though temporarily, because he knows it will hurt her. Just a hunch based on his master-level passive-aggression, but I bet he answers her calls in a few days or more and blames the whole thing entirely on her. I'd honestly like to know how this turned out.
hail beavis 5 years ago
Nia, emotional manipulation with the intent of harming or controlling another person IS abuse. I fully agree that physical abuse is extremely serious, but emotional abuse is real and dangerous and also should not be minimized. It's pretty clear he's trying to do harm to her emotionally (cutting her off when she needs her wits about her, frequently insulting her weight) instead of talking about the issue like an adult. Hurting someone you "love" just because you think they "deserve" it is always abuse, whether physical or not.
Gwen Brown 5 years ago (edited)
Lisa- she isn’t giving him the silent treatment when watching her shows. She says to him, let me finish the show and then we can talk. She didn’t say she didn’t want to be physical with him. She said she has been working her a*s off and has been too tired and that the tapered off sex life is temporary. Her work load doubled when people got laid off. She has to do all of that work and then come home to cook, clean and do laundry. I don’t think it said how long ago her workload at work doubled. But if it is fairly recent, she has to get used to it and figure out how to balance workload and home duties so she isn’t so exhausted. If double the work was just one day dumped into your lap, you’re not gonna automatically know how to juggle it all so no one should expect her to know either.
hail beavis 5 years ago
To everyone downvoting, please educate yourselves on Narcissistic Abuse. Claiming that abusive behavior is only as you personally define it is unbelievably harmful and dangerous to countless men and women trapped in situations that have gone much further than the one described above.
Pretty Pangolin 5 years ago
His timing, and then refusing to answer after firing off his manifesto - really passive-aggressive and lame.
Carol Emory 5 years ago
@ Nia Loves Art. Not abuse? So would you consider a mother that turns away from and ignores her child on purpose as someone who is not being abusive. It's emotional abuse. Abuse is an act in which one person, through their actions, seek to control another person. It does not have to be physical. it could be as simple as someone turning someone else away from normal emotional contact. Sex is not required to have a deep emotional connection to another person. And she was not getting up and leaving the room in front of him when she refused to have sex. I've read the excuses he wrote down. He's clearly missing the fact that she's suffering from depression. For him to miss that means he's putting his own needs above hers. After all, he married the love of his life..not a whore.
First Name 5 years ago
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Oh, please. He can't be silent but she can withhold intimacy? I don't think so. He's obviously very upset with the way she's been neglecting his needs.
Nia Loves Art 5 years ago
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I would not call that abuse. It is petty and immature, but abuse is a serious thing that shouldn’t be minimized.
Lisa Onitnelot 5 years ago (edited)
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how about the silent treatment she gives when her show is on? how about why did you marry someone you don't want to be physical with? how about if you feel gross, take a shower? how about just being honest and saying I'm not into you physically?
Danielle Paris 5 years ago
Yes her husband should put the energy he used to whine about being told no and making this spreadsheet, into helping his wife around the house more, and wooing her. Make her feel sexy and wanted. He probably considers saying, "let's have sex" as initiating sex.
Cassie 5 years ago
I think this guy, and maybe the woman, too, has a real problem communicating. Sounds to me like he felt rejected repeatedly. I mean, I know it would hurt my feelings if my husband didn't want to do something with me, be it sex or snuggling or whatever, just because he was watching a TV show. We have the technology now to readily record and pause shows, so that really shouldn't be a legitimate reason to not do something else with a loved one at least on occasion. I mean, he expressed it in a really lousy way, but I can see where he's coming from. They sound like two people with separate lives just living together. They need to communicate and do something bonding to be something more.
Andrew Lodge 5 years ago
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And it was a Friends rerun ffs......probably seen a hundred times already
D C 1 year ago
Why isn't she telling him the real reasons then? "I'm watching a show." I would be extremely offended if my desire for my husband was dismissed as less important than a TV show. If their desire for the TV is higher than their desire for me there's a problem in this relationship.
Popescu Adina 3 years ago
I think his s*x deprived brain is ready to nuke the relationship as he said he won't miss her on her trip... and showed her exactly why. I don't think he wants her back... at least not right now. It's shame it got this bad but in my experience, people don't go to this length (making spreadsheets for this long) without any reason... IMO she gaslighted him regarding this issue before he started the spreadsheet so he did it specifically to have proof.
D C 1 year ago
Yeah I wouldn't be surprised. He probably said something and asked what was going on and she denied there was a problem. Or denied that it was as often as he was making it out to be. I've done the same for my husband.. he doesn't think something is as big if an issue until I bring the recorded evidence. It vice versa I thing something is happening more often than it is until he brings me the recorded evidence.
atl.XVI 5 years ago
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I don't think it's fair to pass judgement on him for what he did. Something has to have built up for him to actually make this spreadsheet and get to this level. All I'm saying is that maybe they need to put their "busy lives" on a quick hold to figure out what's going on in their marriage and make it work. Everyone has different things "love languages" that makes them feel loved. Maybe acts of service (i.e. cooking, cleaning, laundry) makes her feel loved or it's what she was taught makes a man feel loved and she rolls with that without actually realizing that physical touch is his love language and that's all he needs every now and then to show him he's loved. 2018, 2019, 20whatever, learn what each other's needs are and fulfill them (both ways).
Rafaella Bueno 5 years ago
Yeah, I think the way he went about it was pretty ridiculous, but if he really was such a nice guy for so many years they were together, it must have built up to a point where he just snapped. As someone else said, if he started this sheet 7 weeks ago, it must have been happening long before that... and with only her testimony, we can't know if he really didn't actually try to talk to her about it many times before. We also don't know if she just didn't have sex with him all this time or if she was refusing any intimacy at all (like, also not cuddling, nor kissing nor anything). I don't think it's fair to judge *either* of them nor their relationship based on the information we have alone. There are always two sides to every story, and not necessarily any of them are right nor wrong.
Aunt Messy 5 years ago
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That would be a deal breaker for me. I would have gone instantly to the bank and put half of everything in the joint accounts in a new account that ONLY I would have access to, THEN called a lawyer to force him out of the house.
Todd Jones 5 years ago
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He was probably too busy banging hos to answer her calls/texts. Sounds like that marriage was just about over, if you refuse sex that frequently...I mean, it shouldn't be seen as a chore, and if it is you're not attracted to them. No kids, just end it.
Joy Cadwallader-Tutor 5 years ago
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Kate.. you obviously have no respect for men.. you automatically get pissed because he didnt answer his phone or texts, but... you dont even consider how he felt all those times she blew him off when he tried talking to her... I feel sorry for your husband. He TRIED to talk to her... she kept blowing him off.. obviously she isnt into him any more and should just get him lose...
Keith Richard 5 years ago
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Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah... b******t.....and I'm sure she "does his laundry/dishes...etc".....my a*s
John Smith 5 years ago
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Kate, blah blah blah. Passive aggressive? It's literally the opposite of that. He literally made a list of the actual things he's annoyed about and gave it to her!
hail beavis 5 years ago
Dude that is like the dictionary definition of passive aggressive behavior. He didn't give it to her, he sent it to her work email while she was on an important business trip and then rebuffed all her attempts to contact him and talk about it. Just out of curiosity, what do you consider passive aggressive?
Jen 5 years ago
I remember when this went viral a year ago; I'd be interested in any updates on the situation. My first thought was that this is a guy who keeps score, and you can't change a brain that works that way. He's quite literally punishing her by rejecting her attempts at communication, so keeping score + tit-for-tat = a petty, emotionally immature partner. They've both got a lot of work ahead in establishing common ground for effective communication.
Dean Rihari 5 years ago
He's with someone else now. She's still doing laundry, cooking etc
Load More Replies... Todd Jones 5 years ago
This didn't come out of nowhere, and sounds like it came from desperation. We're only getting her side, so we don't know what the reality is. Sex shouldn't be an obligation, but it shouldn't be a chore. If you refuse that often... Just sounds like a desperation move, not a guy who routinely "keeps score." I bet he left her after that, was busy getting his own place, etc., figured it was better to ignore her until then.
Kathryn Horne 5 years ago
No, I wouldn't want to know more. This doesn't come off as desperation. It comes off as entitled and selfish. The doc even says many times she was falling asleep after he asked. She doesn't owe him sex just because he gave her a ring. And yeah, sex shouldn't be a chore but neither should communication which this guy obviously can't do. If he was desperate, he would have done the adult thing instead of this childish, passive-aggressive b******t. No wonder they don't have kids yet, she's already raising one!
Craig Reynolds 3 years ago
If he was that desperate he could have taken matters into his own hands, literally.
Craig Reynolds 3 years ago
Yeah, you better stay single with that mindset. You just told the world that you not getting a sufficient amount of sex at home justifies your cheating.
Jacqueline Lavanchy 5 years ago
As you say, you cannot change a brain that works that way ! How could she let anyone treat her like that ? And how is it that she feels she has to do everything in the house ? They are both broken. But that guy sounds like a psycho.
Todd Jones 5 years ago
You've taken her word as gospel, which is weird, I'd want to know more before making any judgements like that.
Craig Reynolds 3 years ago
Knowing more would be nice but nothing, absolutely nothing, justifies him going 'NO CONTACT' after the email. That can't be excused by anything.
Person2638 5 years ago
Neither of them owe each other sex and I think that was very immature on the husband's part.
Serbob 5 years ago
Came here to say the same thing. Marriage does not mean you must put out when the other demands it. Getting a spreadsheet like this would not convince me to be intimate. It would achieve the exact opposite.
Load More Replies... Michelle Dodson 5 years ago
After turning down my ex, he would rant and rave, call me a c**t, tell me what a b***h I was and THEN try to talk me into having sex with him. He was a f*****g psychopath. I kicked him out before our 1st anniversary.
Todd Jones 5 years ago
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Really? You've only got one side of it. She says she cooks and cleans for him, but we've only her word - maybe he does everything. If you're refused sex that often, his point is maybe they shouldn't be together - it shouldn't be a chore.
Lisa Onitnelot 5 years ago (edited)
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sounds like he wasnt demanding at all or it should have been more times then 3 in 7 weeks. maybe, just maybe, he tried talking to her and she didn't listen because her show was on. apparently she's not attracted to him so why did she marry him? money??
Christophe Ferreira 5 years ago
I think in relationships, nothing is owed. The only that I would agree is the fidelity.
Chris Smithson 5 years ago
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Lol. Fidelity is owed but sex is not? It's both or neither.
FanDaPanda 5 years ago
Its almost 2019, Lisa...we quit demonizing other women quite some time ago
Issss 5 years ago
Lisa Ointelot, in this link https://www.heart.co.uk/news/quirky/funny-sex-excuses-spreadsheet/ she clearly sates the list of all REASONS for not sleeping with him, that includes gassing, grossing and whiskey d**ks. Add to the fact that he considers stomach bugs and periods to be mere excuses for not getting intimate. Insult to injury - she should get stomach bug more often so that she loses more weight......
RaroaRaroa 5 years ago
Whatever the problem, an email and a spreasheet is not the answer. He should have talked to her face to face, said he felt their sex lives had diminished too far and asked what he could do to revive it. I suspect if he's this much of a jerk, and she's that disinterested, if sex is important to either of them, then get a divorce.
Jacqueline Lavanchy 5 years ago
Not only is this totally immature, but it shows a crack in that guy's brain ! I think he might even get dangerous. I would leave at once.
Joseph Walker 5 years ago
He is immature yes, but her sharing it to the world was just as immature as it was meant for her eyes
Aunt Messy 5 years ago
If he can't handle being outed as an a*****e, that's HIS problem, not hers.
guy greej 5 years ago
wow 9 months late. What's the point having a marriage partner who does not want to give you sex. Are you saying sex is ONLY a selfish thing you don't get to do for your partner. *gasp* People can put other's need before theirs. II'm aware massages don't feel good for the one giving them. SOmetiems when we love each other a certain responsiveness is expected. My dad used to throw me n the air just so I laughed. Not always when he felt like it. It feels like denying this is one way to show lack of love. What is someone who wants it supposed to do in ur opinion. Even If she will instantly evaporate from the act the best she can do is hire an escort for him stating, I don't want you neglected and I don't want to sleep with you either lest I evaporate. here's a surrogate for ya.
First Name 5 years ago
If you're married, you DO owe your partner intimacy. That's why people divorce! Acting like it's okay isthe problem.
Nicole Marie 5 years ago
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No but be turned down relentlessly and all you want is to have that deep intimate moment because you've been deprived of it for a year and tell me then how its "not important" because believe me it will have you feeling like they are getting it somewhere else. Sex isnt the only form of intimacy but when sex lacks everything else usually does too.
Kizito 5 years ago
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Sorry luv, she owes him big time. Where does she expect him to get some from? I think the only immature person in the conversation is you. The man has shown enough restraint. 27 times? Doesn't this B- have any hot friends? Or even the maid. Jeez!
John Smith 5 years ago
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Obvious: Person2648 is single.
hail beavis 5 years ago (edited)
We love you, incel troll. Who hurt you? Are you okay? I'm hugging you with my mind.
Kate 5 years ago
Whew. I hope they get to a better place in their relationship (whatever that means). I would personally be pissed if my husband put all of that energy into a passive aggressive stunt like that. I would much rather he just tell me how he is feeling. A couple does not owe sex to one another and if one of the two feel like they would like to be having more sex, then that's a conversation to be had. That being said, the worst part of this imo is that he then ignored her calls/texts. Honestly, that would be a HUGE issue for me. I don't know them and I don't know what their relationship dynamic looks like is like - but I know that for me, communication is one of the most important things in maintaining a healthy marriage (or any relationship). Not only is ignoring a partner's attempts to reach you rude and immature (of course there are exceptions to this if a relationship is abusive/volatile) , but in the instance it seems like an intentional way to make the other person suffer. Not cool man
Birdgirl45 5 years ago
Yeah his behavior was not only super petty, but crossed the line in many places /:
Load More Replies... Bunzilla 5 years ago
Seriously messed up. Honestly, a lot of this is on him. If he felt upset that she was repeatedly 'ignoring' him, he should have just talked about it. Making a freaking spreadsheet, sending it to her before she leaves for a work trip, and then ignoring her attempts to contact him, shows abusive, childish, petty vindictiveness. Clearly, this guy has too much time on his hands. His wife is doing everything for him (Cooking, laundry, cleaning), so would it kill him to pitch in a bit since he also lives there and it's clearly putting a lot on her shoulders? Maybe then she wouldn't be so exhausted and stressed out all the time. Horrible.
Carol Emory 5 years ago
@ Lisa You have a woman who is going to the gym, telling her husband she feels gross, that she doesn't feel good. Sounds to me like she may be dealing with depression issues on top of a rigorous schedule. I've had to deal with this in my relationship with my husband. Unlike this douchebag, my husband recognized the issue and sat down with me to talk about it. I offered to let him see what my days were like by leaving for a few days and leaving him in control of the house and our autistic adult son while he maintained going to work. When I came back, he never complained again and said that he had no idea how exhausting it was for me until he was in complete control of everything. After that, he understood that if he wanted any "fun time" with me, it meant he had to pitch in and help around the house.
Kathryn Horne 5 years ago
I'm just going to say this for Lisa: many of the times she was watching TV. The way the spreadsheet made it sound, he had already put distance between them so he wasn't spending time with her either. And after a long day of work, you want nothing more than to relax. And who knows, maybe she has a lower sex drive than her husband. That's fine, that just means their desires for sex don't line up. The sex drive between my husband and I don't line up, but he would never pull this b******t. That's what porn is for. Putting time-spending-initiation on her shoulders is not the solution. Especially with so much already there.What happened is the husband, clearly having issues with things going on to the point he had to put his Excel skills from High School to use, didn't sit down with his wife and tell her "we need to talk" ... You know, like a f*****g adult that values his marriage? Marriage is built on trust and communication, and it looks like Mr. Spreadsheet has neither of those skills.
John Smith 5 years ago
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"His wife is doing everything for him..." LOL I don't think Bunzilla paid attention at all.
Lisa Onitnelot 5 years ago
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how do you know he didn't try? you're getting her side of the story. and not once was her excuse for not having sex 'I'm tired from cleaning today'. she wasn't tired to go to the gym. maybe she should have taken one day off from the gym and spent quality time with her husband.
hail beavis 5 years ago
Not just can - it is. Silent treatment is textbook emotional abuse. He's cut her off from him completely, though temporarily, because he knows it will hurt her. Just a hunch based on his master-level passive-aggression, but I bet he answers her calls in a few days or more and blames the whole thing entirely on her. I'd honestly like to know how this turned out.
hail beavis 5 years ago
Nia, emotional manipulation with the intent of harming or controlling another person IS abuse. I fully agree that physical abuse is extremely serious, but emotional abuse is real and dangerous and also should not be minimized. It's pretty clear he's trying to do harm to her emotionally (cutting her off when she needs her wits about her, frequently insulting her weight) instead of talking about the issue like an adult. Hurting someone you "love" just because you think they "deserve" it is always abuse, whether physical or not.
Gwen Brown 5 years ago (edited)
Lisa- she isn’t giving him the silent treatment when watching her shows. She says to him, let me finish the show and then we can talk. She didn’t say she didn’t want to be physical with him. She said she has been working her a*s off and has been too tired and that the tapered off sex life is temporary. Her work load doubled when people got laid off. She has to do all of that work and then come home to cook, clean and do laundry. I don’t think it said how long ago her workload at work doubled. But if it is fairly recent, she has to get used to it and figure out how to balance workload and home duties so she isn’t so exhausted. If double the work was just one day dumped into your lap, you’re not gonna automatically know how to juggle it all so no one should expect her to know either.
hail beavis 5 years ago
To everyone downvoting, please educate yourselves on Narcissistic Abuse. Claiming that abusive behavior is only as you personally define it is unbelievably harmful and dangerous to countless men and women trapped in situations that have gone much further than the one described above.
Pretty Pangolin 5 years ago
His timing, and then refusing to answer after firing off his manifesto - really passive-aggressive and lame.
Carol Emory 5 years ago
@ Nia Loves Art. Not abuse? So would you consider a mother that turns away from and ignores her child on purpose as someone who is not being abusive. It's emotional abuse. Abuse is an act in which one person, through their actions, seek to control another person. It does not have to be physical. it could be as simple as someone turning someone else away from normal emotional contact. Sex is not required to have a deep emotional connection to another person. And she was not getting up and leaving the room in front of him when she refused to have sex. I've read the excuses he wrote down. He's clearly missing the fact that she's suffering from depression. For him to miss that means he's putting his own needs above hers. After all, he married the love of his life..not a whore.
First Name 5 years ago
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Oh, please. He can't be silent but she can withhold intimacy? I don't think so. He's obviously very upset with the way she's been neglecting his needs.
Nia Loves Art 5 years ago
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I would not call that abuse. It is petty and immature, but abuse is a serious thing that shouldn’t be minimized.
Lisa Onitnelot 5 years ago (edited)
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how about the silent treatment she gives when her show is on? how about why did you marry someone you don't want to be physical with? how about if you feel gross, take a shower? how about just being honest and saying I'm not into you physically?
Danielle Paris 5 years ago
Yes her husband should put the energy he used to whine about being told no and making this spreadsheet, into helping his wife around the house more, and wooing her. Make her feel sexy and wanted. He probably considers saying, "let's have sex" as initiating sex.
Cassie 5 years ago
I think this guy, and maybe the woman, too, has a real problem communicating. Sounds to me like he felt rejected repeatedly. I mean, I know it would hurt my feelings if my husband didn't want to do something with me, be it sex or snuggling or whatever, just because he was watching a TV show. We have the technology now to readily record and pause shows, so that really shouldn't be a legitimate reason to not do something else with a loved one at least on occasion. I mean, he expressed it in a really lousy way, but I can see where he's coming from. They sound like two people with separate lives just living together. They need to communicate and do something bonding to be something more.
Andrew Lodge 5 years ago
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And it was a Friends rerun ffs......probably seen a hundred times already
D C 1 year ago
Why isn't she telling him the real reasons then? "I'm watching a show." I would be extremely offended if my desire for my husband was dismissed as less important than a TV show. If their desire for the TV is higher than their desire for me there's a problem in this relationship.
Popescu Adina 3 years ago
I think his s*x deprived brain is ready to nuke the relationship as he said he won't miss her on her trip... and showed her exactly why. I don't think he wants her back... at least not right now. It's shame it got this bad but in my experience, people don't go to this length (making spreadsheets for this long) without any reason... IMO she gaslighted him regarding this issue before he started the spreadsheet so he did it specifically to have proof.
D C 1 year ago
Yeah I wouldn't be surprised. He probably said something and asked what was going on and she denied there was a problem. Or denied that it was as often as he was making it out to be. I've done the same for my husband.. he doesn't think something is as big if an issue until I bring the recorded evidence. It vice versa I thing something is happening more often than it is until he brings me the recorded evidence.
atl.XVI 5 years ago
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I don't think it's fair to pass judgement on him for what he did. Something has to have built up for him to actually make this spreadsheet and get to this level. All I'm saying is that maybe they need to put their "busy lives" on a quick hold to figure out what's going on in their marriage and make it work. Everyone has different things "love languages" that makes them feel loved. Maybe acts of service (i.e. cooking, cleaning, laundry) makes her feel loved or it's what she was taught makes a man feel loved and she rolls with that without actually realizing that physical touch is his love language and that's all he needs every now and then to show him he's loved. 2018, 2019, 20whatever, learn what each other's needs are and fulfill them (both ways).
Rafaella Bueno 5 years ago
Yeah, I think the way he went about it was pretty ridiculous, but if he really was such a nice guy for so many years they were together, it must have built up to a point where he just snapped. As someone else said, if he started this sheet 7 weeks ago, it must have been happening long before that... and with only her testimony, we can't know if he really didn't actually try to talk to her about it many times before. We also don't know if she just didn't have sex with him all this time or if she was refusing any intimacy at all (like, also not cuddling, nor kissing nor anything). I don't think it's fair to judge *either* of them nor their relationship based on the information we have alone. There are always two sides to every story, and not necessarily any of them are right nor wrong.
Aunt Messy 5 years ago
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That would be a deal breaker for me. I would have gone instantly to the bank and put half of everything in the joint accounts in a new account that ONLY I would have access to, THEN called a lawyer to force him out of the house.
Todd Jones 5 years ago
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He was probably too busy banging hos to answer her calls/texts. Sounds like that marriage was just about over, if you refuse sex that frequently...I mean, it shouldn't be seen as a chore, and if it is you're not attracted to them. No kids, just end it.
Joy Cadwallader-Tutor 5 years ago
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Kate.. you obviously have no respect for men.. you automatically get pissed because he didnt answer his phone or texts, but... you dont even consider how he felt all those times she blew him off when he tried talking to her... I feel sorry for your husband. He TRIED to talk to her... she kept blowing him off.. obviously she isnt into him any more and should just get him lose...
Keith Richard 5 years ago
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Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah... b******t.....and I'm sure she "does his laundry/dishes...etc".....my a*s
John Smith 5 years ago
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Kate, blah blah blah. Passive aggressive? It's literally the opposite of that. He literally made a list of the actual things he's annoyed about and gave it to her!
hail beavis 5 years ago
Dude that is like the dictionary definition of passive aggressive behavior. He didn't give it to her, he sent it to her work email while she was on an important business trip and then rebuffed all her attempts to contact him and talk about it. Just out of curiosity, what do you consider passive aggressive?
Jen 5 years ago
I remember when this went viral a year ago; I'd be interested in any updates on the situation. My first thought was that this is a guy who keeps score, and you can't change a brain that works that way. He's quite literally punishing her by rejecting her attempts at communication, so keeping score + tit-for-tat = a petty, emotionally immature partner. They've both got a lot of work ahead in establishing common ground for effective communication.
Dean Rihari 5 years ago
He's with someone else now. She's still doing laundry, cooking etc
Load More Replies... Todd Jones 5 years ago
This didn't come out of nowhere, and sounds like it came from desperation. We're only getting her side, so we don't know what the reality is. Sex shouldn't be an obligation, but it shouldn't be a chore. If you refuse that often... Just sounds like a desperation move, not a guy who routinely "keeps score." I bet he left her after that, was busy getting his own place, etc., figured it was better to ignore her until then.
Kathryn Horne 5 years ago
No, I wouldn't want to know more. This doesn't come off as desperation. It comes off as entitled and selfish. The doc even says many times she was falling asleep after he asked. She doesn't owe him sex just because he gave her a ring. And yeah, sex shouldn't be a chore but neither should communication which this guy obviously can't do. If he was desperate, he would have done the adult thing instead of this childish, passive-aggressive b******t. No wonder they don't have kids yet, she's already raising one!
Craig Reynolds 3 years ago
If he was that desperate he could have taken matters into his own hands, literally.
Craig Reynolds 3 years ago
Yeah, you better stay single with that mindset. You just told the world that you not getting a sufficient amount of sex at home justifies your cheating.
Jacqueline Lavanchy 5 years ago
As you say, you cannot change a brain that works that way ! How could she let anyone treat her like that ? And how is it that she feels she has to do everything in the house ? They are both broken. But that guy sounds like a psycho.
Todd Jones 5 years ago
You've taken her word as gospel, which is weird, I'd want to know more before making any judgements like that.
Craig Reynolds 3 years ago
Knowing more would be nice but nothing, absolutely nothing, justifies him going 'NO CONTACT' after the email. That can't be excused by anything.
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