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Guy Oversleeps For Work, Loses It After Seeing That His Wife Didn’t Lift A Finger To Help Him With Lunch
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Healthy personal boundaries are essential for thriving relationships. These clear-cut lines you set with the people close to you create mutual respect, strengthen your emotional health, and, let’s be honest, make life a heck of a lot easier. But as simple as all of this sounds on paper, navigating expectations from both partners can be difficult. Especially in some cases when loved ones test your limits by expecting you to break one of your rules.
A few months ago, a person who goes by Helpwithlunch on Reddit reached out to the AITA community after getting into a serious fight with his wife… over lunch. As the man detailed in the story, it all started with him waking up late for work. “It was completely my fault,” he immediately owned up to his mistake and asked his wife to pack him lunch as a favor so he could leave on time.
But when she responded with a sharp “no,” this left the user surprised and angry, encouraging him to ask the internet for perspective. Let’s see how this story unfolded, as well as how the community reacted, and then be sure to share your thoughts in the comments.
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This man asked the internet for advice after getting into a fight with his wife, who refused to pack him lunch as a favor when he was running late for work
Image credits: Timur Weber (not the actual photo)
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Image credits: Alex Green (not the actual photo)
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He later updated the post with a few details to clarify the story
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Image credits: Helpwithlunch
Even though every relationship manual (wait, is there such a thing?) tells us that setting healthy boundaries and clearly defining them is crucial between two partners, the responses to this story have been mixed. Some readers expressed that the author is definitely in the wrong here, some blamed both partners for finding themselves in this situation, and others sided with the man, saying that spouses should help in stressful moments.
According to social worker Karen Salerno, MSSA, LISW-S, healthy personal boundaries is the framework we set for ourselves on how we want to be treated by others and how we treat other people. Taking responsibility for your own actions and emotions while not feeling responsible for the actions and emotions of others promotes physical and emotional well-being, “and it respects your needs and the other person’s needs in a relationship.”
The first step in setting these lines is knowing what you need to feel healthy, have good self-esteem, and retain your identity. “It’s important to set up healthy boundaries early on so that people know how to best communicate and interact with you,” Salerno told Cleveland Clinic. “You also want to make sure you follow through on your boundaries. If you don’t act on them, it may make it harder for other people to trust your boundary setting.”
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Salerno pointed out that when it comes to romantic relationships, these boundaries help strengthen your bond by ensuring that your space and autonomy, as well as your partner’s, are respected.
Of course, as it happens in any long-term coupledom, things may change over time. You may decide that you no longer want to maintain these limits, or maybe your attitude toward them changes. In these cases, clear and honest communication is crucial before any minor annoyances begin to strain your relationship.
“As much as you know another person, you never 100% know what their thoughts are or what their comfort level is,” Salerno added. “Their boundaries and comfort level may shift based on what’s going on in their life, so it’s important to check in with your partner every now and then to confirm where they stand on certain topics and issues and learn if anything has changed for either of you.”
Bored Panda would love to hear your thoughts on this situation down below. Do you think it would have been kind of the wife to help her husband out? Or was he being unreasonable to ask his spouse to cross a boundary she firmly believes in? Feel free to share your opinions, as well as personal experiences, in the comments below!
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Readers responded with mixed reactions, with some saying that either both partners or the husband was at fault in this situation
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And others have sided with the author, here’s what they had to say
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Ieva is a writer at Bored Panda who graduated in Scandinavian studies from Vilnius University. After learning the Swedish language and getting completely lost in the world of Scandinavian mythology, she figured out that translating and writing is what she's passionate about. When not writing, Ieva enjoys making jewelry, going on hikes, reading and drinking coffee.
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Ieva is a writer at Bored Panda who graduated in Scandinavian studies from Vilnius University. After learning the Swedish language and getting completely lost in the world of Scandinavian mythology, she figured out that translating and writing is what she's passionate about. When not writing, Ieva enjoys making jewelry, going on hikes, reading and drinking coffee.
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What do you think ?
Paul Rabit 2 years ago
What nonsense. Imagine being so petty that you would literally rather sit there and watch your partner struggle rather than help them out by making a frigging lunch because “tHaTs My bOuNdAry”. I’ve never heard of anything so utterly ridiculous. Marriage is a partnership - you help your partner out even if it is something you don’t want to/have to do.
K80.127 2 years ago
I couldn't believe that people honestly thought he was TA. I'm astounded at how many people have such a petty mindset. When you're in a relationship, boundaries for something so petty SHOULD BE FLEXIBLE! For example: my hubby spent his whole childhood washing everyone's dishes so they had clean plates etc to eat off of. No one else in his home EVER did this. Knowing that, I have been the one to maintain the kitchen. I don't ask for help, he doesn't complain if it gets "behind". However, if I am sick, have had surgery, a bad day, etc- he does the dishes for me (he has other chores around the house that I *won't* do - change oil in card, take out trashes...). Part of being in a partnership is realizing your SO needs you and being there for them. TBH: I would have expected her to make the lunch without even being asked. Loving someone means putting them first when applicable- especially when it's something so small in the grand scheme of life.
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Gary Owens 2 years ago
I totally agree with you on this. I'm a stubborn a hole at times but try not to be petty like she was.
Joseph Singer 2 years ago
Loving yourself means knowing where your limits are and being firm about them....
Rhia Corvalis 2 years ago
Being married means you love your partner, as well. If she's not interested in the whole "through thick and thin, richer and poorer, sickness and in health" kind of "hangup" that comes with that, then maybe she shouldn't have signed up for it.
Rose Thorns 2 years ago
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He had other options for food.. and it was a demand, if she was expected to just do it. That is not loving her.. plus it broke their agreement.
Paul Rabit 2 years ago (edited)
Rose, I hope you are never in a relationship where your partner plays on their phone because to help you out would “break your agreement” and because in your panic you didn’t request nicely enough.
Angi Hillin 2 years ago
One lunch is not why men need women. This is how ridiculous this has gotten.
Mitsurugi Sorachi 2 years ago
"Oh wah, she didn't help one time" "Oh wah, he wanted to cross her boundaries so he is toxic." The real assholes are the people trying to make it a 'men need women' or a 'women need to step up' thing. She is the a*****e, she didn't need to even put in effort, literally just toss bread and cheese into a box with an orange and a bag of chips. It's called respect. She only works part time, she isn't even getting ready for work. She was a petty b***h for it. He is an overreacting turd with how upset he is over this minor dispute. Don't beat around the bush
Kristi Wozniak 2 years ago
I agree. And read thru the other comments- but yours was simply put. Idc what I hate the most- if I'm needed bc of a special circumstance- I'm going to help! Later on- maybe I would've stated something about it, but you can make or break someone's day with a tad of kindness... especially your LIFE partner!
SoñaSatiVa 2 years ago
I agree 100%. I'll do pretty much anything to make my husband happy(and he wouldn't expect or demand anything that makes me unhappy) especially when he's leaving for work because I want him to think sweet things about me throughout the day. Geez the marriage doesn't sound very romantic and if it's not practical either- what's the point?
serenyaa 2 years ago
My bf had a car accident and he doesn't like to drive in very trafficked areas or trafficked places he doesn't know. I had to go see a car which was 4 hours away, he said he'd bring me there and there was no problem (I'll have my car licence in a month). The night before the trip he tells me he wasn't feeling like driving in a big city he doesn't know and asked me to cancel the appointment. I did cancel and told him it was okay. This is what couples do, support each other. The girl has always had this problem with packing lunches, and it might be a small thing for you but it might be big for her.
Jennie Brown 2 years ago
Yeah I was thinking the same thing, the whole "that's my boundary" thing shouldnt be used here, she should know her husband well enough (I would think) to know that this isn't something that's going to become a regular thing and it was his fault that he overslept but like you said, it's a partnership, you help each other out- if it becomes a habit because your partner is being lazy or whatever then there's an issue but not a one off like this. Just make a lunch for the guy!
Candice Cook 2 years ago
EXACTLY! This is supposed to be a person you love and care for so much that you chose to spend the rest of your life with them. It doesn't matter if it was their own fault, they are asking for your help and if you truly loved this person you would WANT to help them. There are going to be a million times in life that require you to make concessions and compromises is packing a lunch really THAT much of a chore that you feel like it's crossing some kind of boundary? What does an obviously unspoken agreement between your parents even have anything to do with you or impact your life in any way? What is wrong with these people? All of these people thinking he's a jerk... What!? I would hate to be their partner bc they obviously have much animosity towards them. Geez. Like don't ask me for shyte even though I'm supposed to love you.
Laura Isabel 2 years ago
👏 👏 👏 👏 As a Woman, and if I had a better half 😆, I would absolutely LOVE packing his lunch! I'd also include love notes in it to remind him that I love him and that I'm proud of him for working hard. It's hard to find that nowadays and if you have a good, healthy and equally working+loving partnership/marriage, hold on to it. I don't think he's TA at all...
Leila Abdelmeguid 2 years ago
Never heard of something so petty? You've must of never met a feminist😜
Fifth313ment 2 years ago
Why are people down voting this, she's making fun of feminist. I guess they don't get the joke, lol.
lilith_lamb 2 years ago
He should of made his lunch while watching his shows, it's called multi tasking.
Jessika Nina Krush 2 years ago
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I would like literally be like that petty.
Fifth313ment 2 years ago
I went to your profile and read many of your posts on this thread. You are a piece of work. At one point you say, he should go hungry so he learns a lesson. I hope you use that same teaching for your child (which you shouldn't even be allowed near). I am self-employed and I do I.T. I do service calls and my schedule varies from day to day. However, I get up everyday at 630am to help my wife get to work. I start her car, pack her lunch (she usually makes it) gather her purse and other items and place them all in her car. I even set her GPS for her job. So all she has to do it hop and and take off. This gives her a little extra sleeping time. I've done this for years now, even when I had normal jobs in which I didn't go to work till like 8am. I love my wife and want the best for her. You sound like a third wave feminist, I date women and men and my husband can go hungry, blah blah blah. Your husband will one day realize that you are toxic and leave you. Mark it!
Dylan Armstrong 2 years ago
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Oh look...another man who thinks women shouldn't have boundaries and that those boundaries shouldn't matter when men are inconvenienced...what a shock
Paul Rabit 2 years ago
I don’t know where you came up with that incredibly sexist take, but I promise you my opinion would be the same no matter the gender. Boundaries are important, but so is flexibility in a committed relationship where your partner needs help.
Rose Thorns 2 years ago
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You don't EVER cross a boundary with a hard limit. He knew it would upset her . That upset is for hours, mental memories.. not just while making lunch. He demanded,she denied.. he had other options.. no one suffered..
Fifth313ment 2 years ago
OMG, I need a safe space or a crying room! Ah, he had the nerve to ask me to make him lunch, oh my God this is 2022, yas queen tell him off! Women like you are the reason our country is heading to being China's b!tch. But you know what women become in every war, commodities! So there are some pluses, lol!
Klara Lorinczi 2 years ago
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He stayed up late watching tv instead of preparing his lunch, over slept, which is his fault, and then is actually angry at his wife for not bailing him out? His a big baby and needs to grow up!!!
D. Nicole Hiljus 2 years ago
Bail him out? He didn't ask her to call in sick for him. He didn't make a demand he asked for help,, "just this once" getting ready because he made a mistake. I'm sure she makes mistakes and needs a hand occasionally. What's the point of partnering up if everyone is on their own?
s0nicfreak 2 years ago
A question you can't say no to is just a prettied up demand. What's the point of partnering up if your partner expects you to let them cross boundaries when they create problems for themselves?
Janet N 2 years ago
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“Just this once” is a lie. Guarantee it would be precedent. Maybe eating from the vending machines this time will help him do better in future.
Paul Rabit 2 years ago
He overslept once, Klara. He asked his wife to “bail him out” once. She wouldn’t do it. Is that the kind of partnership you’d want? Someone who just watches you struggle when you make a mistake?
Rhia Corvalis 2 years ago
Ah, but Janet N's "guarantee" MUST be 100%, as she's...either the wife in this scenario, or the marriage counselor. Otherwise I can't understand what is backing that "guarantee".
Jessika Nina Krush 2 years ago
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Listen, Klara sounds lit and I agree with her. You could never handle a woman like me,I'll tell you that right now Paul. If I'm late to work for whatever reason and my husband's sleeping in bed on his day off, I'm not going to demand that he wakes up and goes and turn the car on for me when it's snowing outside and it's f****** freezing. Nope, I'm gonna go out in the two feet of snow, shovel my little parking space And scrape the ice off my car and go to work late and not expect no one to do nothing for me. He's not struggling, he's being annoying and demanding. And yea, maybe she should just go down there and make love to him in the shower and say, you're never late so it will be ok let's just connect and then eat breakfast real quick and I'll help you make your little sandwich but she probably won't because he just leaves her alone at night while he stays up late and watches TV
Eric Johnson 2 years ago
Wow... You're really reading a lot into this. I bet the kids love you at storytime! 🤣
MimSorensson 2 years ago
… Everybody make mistakes. I’m not sure it should automatically disqualify you from receiving any form of help from other people.
Skylar Jaxx 2 years ago
So let me find out. U never had a significant other help u with ANYTHING. Klara mows her own lawn changes her tires. Never needed AA because she mistakenly ran over something and got a flat tire. It's called and assist. That word exist for a reason. This would be my petty hill to reconsidered the relationship on.
Benjamin Ploski 2 years ago
Learn to read, he did not demand, he even said please. No one agrees with this because if you rather be on your phone then help your partner, you need to grow up. I am sorry but thank god my women helps me and I help her too, thats a relationship. If you want to be single miss independent then don't find love.
Jessika Nina Krush 2 years ago
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He said I need you to make me a sandwich. No words that any woman with any self respect is going to take seriously.
Rose Thorns 2 years ago
If you knew a big dog in the house would remind your partner of the time he got stitched in chest cause of a mailing, you would not bring a big dog in to sit on couch with him. Not when it could sit in garage. And not upset him. This is her on couch, the dog is the lunch.. the garage is he had other means to get food
Jo Sargent 2 years ago
To Jessica Nina Krush and Rose Thorns, you both sound like petty a*s birches and some serious dykes who just hate men.
Jessika Nina Krush 2 years ago
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Please, I can change a tire so freaking quick. By the time I call my husband and wait for him to get there I could have already done did it , drove down to discount tires the next day with my little donut on and got a new tire because I'm smart enough to buy the warranty. With my own money that I earned by the way. I've bailed my husband out $10,000 of credit card bill debt and didn't get petty one time. Okay? He needed assistance and it affected our finances also. Yeah I'm going to give you $10,000 when you screw up. But no I'm not going to wake up and make you a godda* sandwich. That's the god honest truth.
Fifth313ment 2 years ago
Yeah, I'm sure you can change your own tire. Lol, tire lugs are put on so tight that it's even hard for me to break the nut but you do it no problem. And your pic looks like you are a hundred pounds soaking wet. And it sounds like you resent your husband. Lol
Buddy JACKSON 2 years ago
Sounds like you have some SERIOUS issues. WTH is wrong with you?!?!?!?
Jus 2 years ago
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I agree with you, he stayed up late for entertainment, maybe she had expected him in bed or something? Who knows, maybe she was additionally angry, maybe it's his habit, we don't know. He was being late anyway, could have bought lunch on his way. It's rarely a big problem to buy food in a city or town. Maybe she's petty, but maybe she's right. Maybe he is childish and ignores her when she needs him.
Ryan Delperdang 2 years ago
A lot of petty people on here. If my wife was in the same situation, even if we were fighting at the time, I would help her out. Because we are on the same team!! Oh...he said she does more housework...he said he does more yardwork. PETTY @SSH@LES IN HERE!!
J. Maxx 2 years ago
There are a LOT of folks commenting who should NOT be married. Petty doesn't even begin to cover it. I'd say most of the commenters are quite immature also. I also notice quite a few of the women who posted read a lot more into what the OP posted than what was actually stated. I think folks need to re-evaluate their own relationships, remove the chips from their shoulders and realize, s**t happens (he overslept) and sometimes we do things we don't like (make a friggin lunch) cause we love our partners. That's how a healthy relationship works.
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Diamond Eubanks 2 years ago
I agree with both of you. I'm actually a bit annoyed with the comments over analyzing the situation that the OP broke down quite well might I add. He stated he was at fault, said please to an already awake spouse that rather be on their phone than doing her husband a solid. I'm willing to bet he's the breadwinner that also helps both around the house and outside as well. So she couldn't get past her hang up one lousy time? Especially even after reading why she's like that. Her dad didn't seem to appreciate her mom. Well, her husband isn't her dad, doesn't expect this regularly, and pretty much begged for her to help. So totally different situations. With that said, it's still petty and both need to move on from this.
Parmeisan 2 years ago
Sometimes we also recognize when our partner has mental hangups and not expect them to suddenly move past it because you want to save 2 whole minutes from being late. It's not just one, either - he clearly thinks the smallest excuse in the world means she ought to do it for him, there will be a next time for sure. I get his frustration and I get your point, but he's making such a huge deal out of this. I think they're both TA but him more than her. S**t happens (she has issues) and sometimes we accept things we don't like (accepting our own consequences) cause we love our partners. That's how a healthy relationship works, right?
Neo Spence 2 years ago
Having issues is not an excuse to not treat a relationship like a partnership. I have had several relationships where they lead with pointing out past trauma's and I respect it, only for them to later use them as a weapon of guilt in increasingly unrelated areas of our relationship. A healthy relationship is setting boundaries, sure, but a healthy relationship is also getting over yourself to help your partner when they need it. I have hangups I have difficulty getting past, but when my significant other needs me, I get over it.
K Y 2 years ago
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I agree, the wife should not be married to the OP, she's way too good for him. Without her maybe he'll learn to be a responsible adult and employee and figure his own meals out instead of staying up all night watching TV like a child. I hope they don't plan on having kids, she obviously already has a baby.
Neo Spence 2 years ago
He does full time work, she only does part time. He does more yard work than housework, she does more housework than yard work. At what point in that whole story did you gather than he expects her to cook all his meals while he watches TV. You have your own issues, and clearly are projecting them here. Fix yourself.
Sim greenqueensim@hotmail.com 2 years ago
I don't think he's being an a**hole for pointing out the yardwork. He's only only trying to point out that he does his bit, and that he's not a**l about everything being 50/50 with the chores. 🙏😊
Dylan Armstrong 2 years ago
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Petty has nothing to do with it. It is 100% about men not respecting womens' boundaries and expecting women to cross those boundaries for their convenience rather than finding another solution to their (self caused) problem. THAT'S what this is about, and y'all do this sh*t ALL THE TIME.
ί𝔫ＣίŦᵃт𝐔𝐬 2 years ago
How have you guys been hurt? I have never dated a man who would dump these expectations that you and Klara are espousing, I don't know where you're all finding these losers. So, grow up and go to the places where the decent men hang out. Sorry I'm harsh, it just seems like some women date for shallow reasons and then are shocked when they end up with these types. I've dated for personality and kindness, have never had these problems, and my marriage is a marriage of equals. Plus my man is pretty, so...added bonus.
madbakes 2 years ago
I get what people are saying about boundaries. I also can't understand a marriage where one partner doesn't help the other in moments of stress. ESH.
Benjamin Ploski 2 years ago
Boundaries, the two seen each other naked lol. If my wife ever needed help, I would and she would help me too.
Load More Replies... Rose Thorns 2 years ago
He had another option to get food.. plus if he only asked her,then she could say no, and he should accept that. But it was a order..and she rejected it. So he is pissed
Neo Spence 2 years ago
Begging is not the same as an order. And in a marriage, you SHOULD be able to expect your significant other to willingly help you in times of stress. His shock wasn't because "she rejected an order." It was shock that even in this rare circumstance, as his wife she wasn't willing to help. You KNOW from the story he respected the boundary, and this was an extreme exception to the rule.
Benjamin Ploski 2 years ago
Read the article, he said please. I would stop helping her too, because your ego is bigger then your love for him.
Sylvia Bailey 2 years ago
Rose Thorns, once and for all: HE DID NOT ORDER HER. Go back and reread it. SMH
Grith Darksteed 2 years ago
I don't see where he ordered her to make his lunch. From the article here all I can see is that he asked her politely from the shower to help him with his lunch. See said no. He added a please. That doesn't seem like a demand. When you demand or order around someone. You generally don't add a please to it.
janice shimizu 2 years ago
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I know but he couldn't handle "No" for an answer. SMH
Klara Lorinczi 2 years ago
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Because men take everything for granted. If you fix his lunch once, he’ll expect it everyday. It’s not her job to take care of him - he needs to grow up and take care of himself. It’s a good lesson for him. The real problem here is that he’s angry with her when it’s ALL his fault! She did the right thing by standing her ground.
Derrick McKain 2 years ago
Klara, this is the slippery slope fallacy. It is a terrible argument and assumes too much outside the facts. He even rebutted this by saying this was rare... And then you start this off with a sexist remark "men take everything for granted". Big oof from me.
Syl Clark 2 years ago
Yeah Klara, maybe thats why youre single. Marriage is give and take. Sometimes you have to be the reed instead of the rod and bend a little. He knows thats a issue for her and normally makes his own lunch, but he needed a hand that day and it wouldnt have killed her to put down her frigging phone and help him out. Women are just ridiculous at times and then wonder why they are alone.
Madison Arthur 2 years ago
It's getting really common among woman to act like this. They have mistaken helping someone as serving them. Sad this next generation.
Jessika Nina Krush 2 years ago
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Everyone is ridiculous at times. The ones that are alone and the ones that are not. I'd rather be alone without someone asking me to make a sandwich. I'm never lonely when I'm alone anyways.
Benita Valdez 2 years ago
I know right? So only men take things for granted? As a women, I can definitely confirm that women definitely take advantage, take for granted and out right abuse the kindness of their partners. Everyone is capable of doing so regardless of gender
Rhia Corvalis 2 years ago
I don't mean to make that assumption but...he IS the one that works full time...
Buddy JACKSON 2 years ago
What's the point of being married THEN?!?!? I thought the point of marriage was you finally put aside the "me" and it's about "us"?!?!? It's not like he expects it every day, he just asked for help the one day. It's because of him that she's able to only work part time, and she doesn't have to work full time. And your general statement that "men take everything for granted," have you dated every single man on earth?!?!?
josegljr 2 years ago
Don't you know that women can never take things for granted only men do such things. This is what I hate about society now a days. More and more people can't be bothered to do the bare minimum for one another and just eat the cost. Selfish is okay but not when others are suffering. I understand that everyone wants to worry about themselves first but it is because of that, that nobody stays together for very long. People can't have true friendships and people are ending up more and more alone. While they complain about others not doing more.
Jessika Nina Krush 2 years ago
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I've dated a lot of men sir. I've also dated a lot of women. And guess what? Most of them did take a lot of things for granted, just like I did. My husband wants to work full time because he loves his job. At the moment I'm pregnant and I'm not working full-time and guess what ? I still wouldn't make him a sandwich in this circumstance.
Paul Rabit 2 years ago
What nonsense. Imagine being so petty that you would literally rather sit there and watch your partner struggle rather than help them out by making a frigging lunch because “tHaTs My bOuNdAry”. I’ve never heard of anything so utterly ridiculous. Marriage is a partnership - you help your partner out even if it is something you don’t want to/have to do.
K80.127 2 years ago
I couldn't believe that people honestly thought he was TA. I'm astounded at how many people have such a petty mindset. When you're in a relationship, boundaries for something so petty SHOULD BE FLEXIBLE! For example: my hubby spent his whole childhood washing everyone's dishes so they had clean plates etc to eat off of. No one else in his home EVER did this. Knowing that, I have been the one to maintain the kitchen. I don't ask for help, he doesn't complain if it gets "behind". However, if I am sick, have had surgery, a bad day, etc- he does the dishes for me (he has other chores around the house that I *won't* do - change oil in card, take out trashes...). Part of being in a partnership is realizing your SO needs you and being there for them. TBH: I would have expected her to make the lunch without even being asked. Loving someone means putting them first when applicable- especially when it's something so small in the grand scheme of life.
Load More Replies... Gary Owens 2 years ago
I totally agree with you on this. I'm a stubborn a hole at times but try not to be petty like she was.
Joseph Singer 2 years ago
Loving yourself means knowing where your limits are and being firm about them....
Rhia Corvalis 2 years ago
Being married means you love your partner, as well. If she's not interested in the whole "through thick and thin, richer and poorer, sickness and in health" kind of "hangup" that comes with that, then maybe she shouldn't have signed up for it.
Rose Thorns 2 years ago
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He had other options for food.. and it was a demand, if she was expected to just do it. That is not loving her.. plus it broke their agreement.
Paul Rabit 2 years ago (edited)
Rose, I hope you are never in a relationship where your partner plays on their phone because to help you out would “break your agreement” and because in your panic you didn’t request nicely enough.
Angi Hillin 2 years ago
One lunch is not why men need women. This is how ridiculous this has gotten.
Mitsurugi Sorachi 2 years ago
"Oh wah, she didn't help one time" "Oh wah, he wanted to cross her boundaries so he is toxic." The real assholes are the people trying to make it a 'men need women' or a 'women need to step up' thing. She is the a*****e, she didn't need to even put in effort, literally just toss bread and cheese into a box with an orange and a bag of chips. It's called respect. She only works part time, she isn't even getting ready for work. She was a petty b***h for it. He is an overreacting turd with how upset he is over this minor dispute. Don't beat around the bush
Kristi Wozniak 2 years ago
I agree. And read thru the other comments- but yours was simply put. Idc what I hate the most- if I'm needed bc of a special circumstance- I'm going to help! Later on- maybe I would've stated something about it, but you can make or break someone's day with a tad of kindness... especially your LIFE partner!
SoñaSatiVa 2 years ago
I agree 100%. I'll do pretty much anything to make my husband happy(and he wouldn't expect or demand anything that makes me unhappy) especially when he's leaving for work because I want him to think sweet things about me throughout the day. Geez the marriage doesn't sound very romantic and if it's not practical either- what's the point?
serenyaa 2 years ago
My bf had a car accident and he doesn't like to drive in very trafficked areas or trafficked places he doesn't know. I had to go see a car which was 4 hours away, he said he'd bring me there and there was no problem (I'll have my car licence in a month). The night before the trip he tells me he wasn't feeling like driving in a big city he doesn't know and asked me to cancel the appointment. I did cancel and told him it was okay. This is what couples do, support each other. The girl has always had this problem with packing lunches, and it might be a small thing for you but it might be big for her.
Jennie Brown 2 years ago
Yeah I was thinking the same thing, the whole "that's my boundary" thing shouldnt be used here, she should know her husband well enough (I would think) to know that this isn't something that's going to become a regular thing and it was his fault that he overslept but like you said, it's a partnership, you help each other out- if it becomes a habit because your partner is being lazy or whatever then there's an issue but not a one off like this. Just make a lunch for the guy!
Candice Cook 2 years ago
EXACTLY! This is supposed to be a person you love and care for so much that you chose to spend the rest of your life with them. It doesn't matter if it was their own fault, they are asking for your help and if you truly loved this person you would WANT to help them. There are going to be a million times in life that require you to make concessions and compromises is packing a lunch really THAT much of a chore that you feel like it's crossing some kind of boundary? What does an obviously unspoken agreement between your parents even have anything to do with you or impact your life in any way? What is wrong with these people? All of these people thinking he's a jerk... What!? I would hate to be their partner bc they obviously have much animosity towards them. Geez. Like don't ask me for shyte even though I'm supposed to love you.
Laura Isabel 2 years ago
👏 👏 👏 👏 As a Woman, and if I had a better half 😆, I would absolutely LOVE packing his lunch! I'd also include love notes in it to remind him that I love him and that I'm proud of him for working hard. It's hard to find that nowadays and if you have a good, healthy and equally working+loving partnership/marriage, hold on to it. I don't think he's TA at all...
Leila Abdelmeguid 2 years ago
Never heard of something so petty? You've must of never met a feminist😜
Fifth313ment 2 years ago
Why are people down voting this, she's making fun of feminist. I guess they don't get the joke, lol.
lilith_lamb 2 years ago
He should of made his lunch while watching his shows, it's called multi tasking.
Jessika Nina Krush 2 years ago
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I would like literally be like that petty.
Fifth313ment 2 years ago
I went to your profile and read many of your posts on this thread. You are a piece of work. At one point you say, he should go hungry so he learns a lesson. I hope you use that same teaching for your child (which you shouldn't even be allowed near). I am self-employed and I do I.T. I do service calls and my schedule varies from day to day. However, I get up everyday at 630am to help my wife get to work. I start her car, pack her lunch (she usually makes it) gather her purse and other items and place them all in her car. I even set her GPS for her job. So all she has to do it hop and and take off. This gives her a little extra sleeping time. I've done this for years now, even when I had normal jobs in which I didn't go to work till like 8am. I love my wife and want the best for her. You sound like a third wave feminist, I date women and men and my husband can go hungry, blah blah blah. Your husband will one day realize that you are toxic and leave you. Mark it!
Dylan Armstrong 2 years ago
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Oh look...another man who thinks women shouldn't have boundaries and that those boundaries shouldn't matter when men are inconvenienced...what a shock
Paul Rabit 2 years ago
I don’t know where you came up with that incredibly sexist take, but I promise you my opinion would be the same no matter the gender. Boundaries are important, but so is flexibility in a committed relationship where your partner needs help.
Rose Thorns 2 years ago
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You don't EVER cross a boundary with a hard limit. He knew it would upset her . That upset is for hours, mental memories.. not just while making lunch. He demanded,she denied.. he had other options.. no one suffered..
Fifth313ment 2 years ago
OMG, I need a safe space or a crying room! Ah, he had the nerve to ask me to make him lunch, oh my God this is 2022, yas queen tell him off! Women like you are the reason our country is heading to being China's b!tch. But you know what women become in every war, commodities! So there are some pluses, lol!
Klara Lorinczi 2 years ago
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He stayed up late watching tv instead of preparing his lunch, over slept, which is his fault, and then is actually angry at his wife for not bailing him out? His a big baby and needs to grow up!!!
D. Nicole Hiljus 2 years ago
Bail him out? He didn't ask her to call in sick for him. He didn't make a demand he asked for help,, "just this once" getting ready because he made a mistake. I'm sure she makes mistakes and needs a hand occasionally. What's the point of partnering up if everyone is on their own?
s0nicfreak 2 years ago
A question you can't say no to is just a prettied up demand. What's the point of partnering up if your partner expects you to let them cross boundaries when they create problems for themselves?
Janet N 2 years ago
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“Just this once” is a lie. Guarantee it would be precedent. Maybe eating from the vending machines this time will help him do better in future.
Paul Rabit 2 years ago
He overslept once, Klara. He asked his wife to “bail him out” once. She wouldn’t do it. Is that the kind of partnership you’d want? Someone who just watches you struggle when you make a mistake?
Rhia Corvalis 2 years ago
Ah, but Janet N's "guarantee" MUST be 100%, as she's...either the wife in this scenario, or the marriage counselor. Otherwise I can't understand what is backing that "guarantee".
Jessika Nina Krush 2 years ago
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Listen, Klara sounds lit and I agree with her. You could never handle a woman like me,I'll tell you that right now Paul. If I'm late to work for whatever reason and my husband's sleeping in bed on his day off, I'm not going to demand that he wakes up and goes and turn the car on for me when it's snowing outside and it's f****** freezing. Nope, I'm gonna go out in the two feet of snow, shovel my little parking space And scrape the ice off my car and go to work late and not expect no one to do nothing for me. He's not struggling, he's being annoying and demanding. And yea, maybe she should just go down there and make love to him in the shower and say, you're never late so it will be ok let's just connect and then eat breakfast real quick and I'll help you make your little sandwich but she probably won't because he just leaves her alone at night while he stays up late and watches TV
Eric Johnson 2 years ago
Wow... You're really reading a lot into this. I bet the kids love you at storytime! 🤣
MimSorensson 2 years ago
… Everybody make mistakes. I’m not sure it should automatically disqualify you from receiving any form of help from other people.
Skylar Jaxx 2 years ago
So let me find out. U never had a significant other help u with ANYTHING. Klara mows her own lawn changes her tires. Never needed AA because she mistakenly ran over something and got a flat tire. It's called and assist. That word exist for a reason. This would be my petty hill to reconsidered the relationship on.
Benjamin Ploski 2 years ago
Learn to read, he did not demand, he even said please. No one agrees with this because if you rather be on your phone then help your partner, you need to grow up. I am sorry but thank god my women helps me and I help her too, thats a relationship. If you want to be single miss independent then don't find love.
Jessika Nina Krush 2 years ago
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He said I need you to make me a sandwich. No words that any woman with any self respect is going to take seriously.
Rose Thorns 2 years ago
If you knew a big dog in the house would remind your partner of the time he got stitched in chest cause of a mailing, you would not bring a big dog in to sit on couch with him. Not when it could sit in garage. And not upset him. This is her on couch, the dog is the lunch.. the garage is he had other means to get food
Jo Sargent 2 years ago
To Jessica Nina Krush and Rose Thorns, you both sound like petty a*s birches and some serious dykes who just hate men.
Jessika Nina Krush 2 years ago
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Please, I can change a tire so freaking quick. By the time I call my husband and wait for him to get there I could have already done did it , drove down to discount tires the next day with my little donut on and got a new tire because I'm smart enough to buy the warranty. With my own money that I earned by the way. I've bailed my husband out $10,000 of credit card bill debt and didn't get petty one time. Okay? He needed assistance and it affected our finances also. Yeah I'm going to give you $10,000 when you screw up. But no I'm not going to wake up and make you a godda* sandwich. That's the god honest truth.
Fifth313ment 2 years ago
Yeah, I'm sure you can change your own tire. Lol, tire lugs are put on so tight that it's even hard for me to break the nut but you do it no problem. And your pic looks like you are a hundred pounds soaking wet. And it sounds like you resent your husband. Lol
Buddy JACKSON 2 years ago
Sounds like you have some SERIOUS issues. WTH is wrong with you?!?!?!?
Jus 2 years ago
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I agree with you, he stayed up late for entertainment, maybe she had expected him in bed or something? Who knows, maybe she was additionally angry, maybe it's his habit, we don't know. He was being late anyway, could have bought lunch on his way. It's rarely a big problem to buy food in a city or town. Maybe she's petty, but maybe she's right. Maybe he is childish and ignores her when she needs him.
Ryan Delperdang 2 years ago
A lot of petty people on here. If my wife was in the same situation, even if we were fighting at the time, I would help her out. Because we are on the same team!! Oh...he said she does more housework...he said he does more yardwork. PETTY @SSH@LES IN HERE!!
J. Maxx 2 years ago
There are a LOT of folks commenting who should NOT be married. Petty doesn't even begin to cover it. I'd say most of the commenters are quite immature also. I also notice quite a few of the women who posted read a lot more into what the OP posted than what was actually stated. I think folks need to re-evaluate their own relationships, remove the chips from their shoulders and realize, s**t happens (he overslept) and sometimes we do things we don't like (make a friggin lunch) cause we love our partners. That's how a healthy relationship works.
Load More Replies... Diamond Eubanks 2 years ago
I agree with both of you. I'm actually a bit annoyed with the comments over analyzing the situation that the OP broke down quite well might I add. He stated he was at fault, said please to an already awake spouse that rather be on their phone than doing her husband a solid. I'm willing to bet he's the breadwinner that also helps both around the house and outside as well. So she couldn't get past her hang up one lousy time? Especially even after reading why she's like that. Her dad didn't seem to appreciate her mom. Well, her husband isn't her dad, doesn't expect this regularly, and pretty much begged for her to help. So totally different situations. With that said, it's still petty and both need to move on from this.
Parmeisan 2 years ago
Sometimes we also recognize when our partner has mental hangups and not expect them to suddenly move past it because you want to save 2 whole minutes from being late. It's not just one, either - he clearly thinks the smallest excuse in the world means she ought to do it for him, there will be a next time for sure. I get his frustration and I get your point, but he's making such a huge deal out of this. I think they're both TA but him more than her. S**t happens (she has issues) and sometimes we accept things we don't like (accepting our own consequences) cause we love our partners. That's how a healthy relationship works, right?
Neo Spence 2 years ago
Having issues is not an excuse to not treat a relationship like a partnership. I have had several relationships where they lead with pointing out past trauma's and I respect it, only for them to later use them as a weapon of guilt in increasingly unrelated areas of our relationship. A healthy relationship is setting boundaries, sure, but a healthy relationship is also getting over yourself to help your partner when they need it. I have hangups I have difficulty getting past, but when my significant other needs me, I get over it.
K Y 2 years ago
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I agree, the wife should not be married to the OP, she's way too good for him. Without her maybe he'll learn to be a responsible adult and employee and figure his own meals out instead of staying up all night watching TV like a child. I hope they don't plan on having kids, she obviously already has a baby.
Neo Spence 2 years ago
He does full time work, she only does part time. He does more yard work than housework, she does more housework than yard work. At what point in that whole story did you gather than he expects her to cook all his meals while he watches TV. You have your own issues, and clearly are projecting them here. Fix yourself.
Sim greenqueensim@hotmail.com 2 years ago
I don't think he's being an a**hole for pointing out the yardwork. He's only only trying to point out that he does his bit, and that he's not a**l about everything being 50/50 with the chores. 🙏😊
Dylan Armstrong 2 years ago
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Petty has nothing to do with it. It is 100% about men not respecting womens' boundaries and expecting women to cross those boundaries for their convenience rather than finding another solution to their (self caused) problem. THAT'S what this is about, and y'all do this sh*t ALL THE TIME.
ί𝔫ＣίŦᵃт𝐔𝐬 2 years ago
How have you guys been hurt? I have never dated a man who would dump these expectations that you and Klara are espousing, I don't know where you're all finding these losers. So, grow up and go to the places where the decent men hang out. Sorry I'm harsh, it just seems like some women date for shallow reasons and then are shocked when they end up with these types. I've dated for personality and kindness, have never had these problems, and my marriage is a marriage of equals. Plus my man is pretty, so...added bonus.
madbakes 2 years ago
I get what people are saying about boundaries. I also can't understand a marriage where one partner doesn't help the other in moments of stress. ESH.
Benjamin Ploski 2 years ago
Boundaries, the two seen each other naked lol. If my wife ever needed help, I would and she would help me too.
Load More Replies... Rose Thorns 2 years ago
He had another option to get food.. plus if he only asked her,then she could say no, and he should accept that. But it was a order..and she rejected it. So he is pissed
Neo Spence 2 years ago
Begging is not the same as an order. And in a marriage, you SHOULD be able to expect your significant other to willingly help you in times of stress. His shock wasn't because "she rejected an order." It was shock that even in this rare circumstance, as his wife she wasn't willing to help. You KNOW from the story he respected the boundary, and this was an extreme exception to the rule.
Benjamin Ploski 2 years ago
Read the article, he said please. I would stop helping her too, because your ego is bigger then your love for him.
Sylvia Bailey 2 years ago
Rose Thorns, once and for all: HE DID NOT ORDER HER. Go back and reread it. SMH
Grith Darksteed 2 years ago
I don't see where he ordered her to make his lunch. From the article here all I can see is that he asked her politely from the shower to help him with his lunch. See said no. He added a please. That doesn't seem like a demand. When you demand or order around someone. You generally don't add a please to it.
janice shimizu 2 years ago
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I know but he couldn't handle "No" for an answer. SMH
Klara Lorinczi 2 years ago
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Because men take everything for granted. If you fix his lunch once, he’ll expect it everyday. It’s not her job to take care of him - he needs to grow up and take care of himself. It’s a good lesson for him. The real problem here is that he’s angry with her when it’s ALL his fault! She did the right thing by standing her ground.
Derrick McKain 2 years ago
Klara, this is the slippery slope fallacy. It is a terrible argument and assumes too much outside the facts. He even rebutted this by saying this was rare... And then you start this off with a sexist remark "men take everything for granted". Big oof from me.
Syl Clark 2 years ago
Yeah Klara, maybe thats why youre single. Marriage is give and take. Sometimes you have to be the reed instead of the rod and bend a little. He knows thats a issue for her and normally makes his own lunch, but he needed a hand that day and it wouldnt have killed her to put down her frigging phone and help him out. Women are just ridiculous at times and then wonder why they are alone.
Madison Arthur 2 years ago
It's getting really common among woman to act like this. They have mistaken helping someone as serving them. Sad this next generation.
Jessika Nina Krush 2 years ago
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Everyone is ridiculous at times. The ones that are alone and the ones that are not. I'd rather be alone without someone asking me to make a sandwich. I'm never lonely when I'm alone anyways.
Benita Valdez 2 years ago
I know right? So only men take things for granted? As a women, I can definitely confirm that women definitely take advantage, take for granted and out right abuse the kindness of their partners. Everyone is capable of doing so regardless of gender
Rhia Corvalis 2 years ago
I don't mean to make that assumption but...he IS the one that works full time...
Buddy JACKSON 2 years ago
What's the point of being married THEN?!?!? I thought the point of marriage was you finally put aside the "me" and it's about "us"?!?!? It's not like he expects it every day, he just asked for help the one day. It's because of him that she's able to only work part time, and she doesn't have to work full time. And your general statement that "men take everything for granted," have you dated every single man on earth?!?!?
josegljr 2 years ago
Don't you know that women can never take things for granted only men do such things. This is what I hate about society now a days. More and more people can't be bothered to do the bare minimum for one another and just eat the cost. Selfish is okay but not when others are suffering. I understand that everyone wants to worry about themselves first but it is because of that, that nobody stays together for very long. People can't have true friendships and people are ending up more and more alone. While they complain about others not doing more.
Jessika Nina Krush 2 years ago
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I've dated a lot of men sir. I've also dated a lot of women. And guess what? Most of them did take a lot of things for granted, just like I did. My husband wants to work full time because he loves his job. At the moment I'm pregnant and I'm not working full-time and guess what ? I still wouldn't make him a sandwich in this circumstance.
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