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Many people will go above and beyond for the sake of love. Some will uproot their lives and move to be with their partner across the globe. Others will even switch religions to spend a lifetime with another person.
Then, there are a few who would take things a step further. A man hesitatingly agreed to have a vasectomy because his wife didn’t want any more children. But after his spouse divorced him years after the procedure, he began to harbor regret and deep resentment toward her.
The author has since chosen to stop communicating with his ex-wife and is asking the AITA subreddit if he was wrong for doing so.
RELATED:
Vasectomies are significant, life-changing procedures for any adult male to go through
Image credits: cottonbro studio / pexels (not the actual photo)
This man agreed to go through the procedure because of his wife, who ended up divorcing him
Image credits: Alena Darmel / pexels (not the actual photo)
Filled with regret and resentment, the author cut all communications with his former spouse
Image credits: Oleksandr P / pexels (not the actual photo)
He has stood by his decision, but it made him wonder if he was in the wrong
Image credits: ComplaintNod
There are procedures to reverse vasectomies, and they have a high success rate
Vasectomies are reversible, contrary to what the author stated in his post. According to an article by Stanford Medicine, vasovasostomy procedures have a 90 to 95 percent success rate.
These operations are rampant since six percent of men (around 30,000 each year) change their minds about their desire (or lack thereof) to have children again.
There also is no specific timeline as to when you should have your vasectomy reversed after having it done. According to the article, patients have high success rates three decades after the procedure.
The recovery process is likewise relatively hassle-free. Patients can return to their desk jobs after three days and strenuous activities after a month. However, it can take between a month to a year before signs of sperm presence can appear in their semen.
The author could find a second opinion and have his vasectomy reversed, especially if he still has plans to have children with another woman.
Image credits: Karolina Kaboompics / pexels (not the actual photo)
The “no contact” rule is sometimes necessary after a breakup
While both parties are affected by their failed marriage, the husband carries more burden because of what he has to endure. It may take him a while to let go of the resentment he harbored.
A “no contact” rule may help in this situation. As NYU Steinhardt’s Dr. Ernesto de la Rosa explained in an interview with Very Well Mind, breaking this agreement may only keep the intense, bitter emotions at an all-time high.
Family therapist Leanna Stockard, LMFT, shared a similar sentiment in the same interview. According to her, having zero communication can help prevent a person from sliding back to their old relationship ways and bring them back to square one in their progress.
In the husband’s case, being on speaking terms with his wife could make him feel like nothing happened. It could only cause him to hold onto his grudge and prolong his misery.
He could eventually restart communication with his ex-wife, knowing his fixable situation could help him patch things up. But in the meantime, the author has the right to go without contact, especially if it helps him heal.
What do you think, readers? Was he out of line for cutting communication with his ex-wife/the mother of his only son?
Image credits: SHVETS production / pexels (not the actual photo)
The author shared more details by answering some questions
People in the comments had mixed reactions, while a few of them shared some advice
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What do you think ?
SillyPandaBunny 4 months ago
Extremely immature person. She didn’t hold a gun to his head and force him to get a vasectomy. If they were still married would still refuse to talk with her? She could be crying over so many different things that have nothing to do with him. He’s assuming she’s crying because he won’t talk with her. Sounds like the only person he’s really hurting is his son. Parents usually will put their children’s feeling first not their own.
AndyR 4 months ago
It sounds like he has problems owning his own behaviours. He chose to go through with it and would have been warned about the risks.
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StevieLove 4 months ago
YTA. Grow up and educate yourself. You’re hurting your child. Stop being a garbage person.
BeesEelsAndPups 4 months ago
I think using the sister as a go-between is stupid. There are co-parenting apps. I have one and use one. I also communicate via email and text if there's an emergency. But I don't chat with my ex, her choice entirely. That's fine by me, it's what she wants. HOWEVER, it would not be okay for me to bring my child into a dispute with her. If I were to start crying or complaining that I miss her or some such nonsense in front of my child, that is now parental alienation. I am attempting to make my child hate their parent for hurting me. This is what this dude's ex is doing. Is he being childish? 100%. Does he have a right to not communicate with his ex? 100%. Should she be complaining about him to their kids? NO
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Nicky 4 months ago
You can also have sperm withdrawn post vasectomy and do IVF. I did this with my then partner. A vasectomy doesn't mean the man can never father biological children if he is willing to do this simple needle withdrawal procedure.
EmJay 4 months ago
“You make it sound hopeful”. There. I fixed it for you
Load More Replies...
SillyPandaBunny 4 months ago
Extremely immature person. She didn’t hold a gun to his head and force him to get a vasectomy. If they were still married would still refuse to talk with her? She could be crying over so many different things that have nothing to do with him. He’s assuming she’s crying because he won’t talk with her. Sounds like the only person he’s really hurting is his son. Parents usually will put their children’s feeling first not their own.
AndyR 4 months ago
It sounds like he has problems owning his own behaviours. He chose to go through with it and would have been warned about the risks.
Load More Replies... StevieLove 4 months ago
YTA. Grow up and educate yourself. You’re hurting your child. Stop being a garbage person.
BeesEelsAndPups 4 months ago
I think using the sister as a go-between is stupid. There are co-parenting apps. I have one and use one. I also communicate via email and text if there's an emergency. But I don't chat with my ex, her choice entirely. That's fine by me, it's what she wants. HOWEVER, it would not be okay for me to bring my child into a dispute with her. If I were to start crying or complaining that I miss her or some such nonsense in front of my child, that is now parental alienation. I am attempting to make my child hate their parent for hurting me. This is what this dude's ex is doing. Is he being childish? 100%. Does he have a right to not communicate with his ex? 100%. Should she be complaining about him to their kids? NO
Load More Replies... Nicky 4 months ago
You can also have sperm withdrawn post vasectomy and do IVF. I did this with my then partner. A vasectomy doesn't mean the man can never father biological children if he is willing to do this simple needle withdrawal procedure.
EmJay 4 months ago
“You make it sound hopeful”. There. I fixed it for you
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