“I Don’t Want Her”: Man Divorces Cheating Wife, Faces Backlash From Friends For Not Saving Marriage
Marriage is often considered a holy union of two souls who take oaths to stay together till death does them part. But not all marriages get a happily ever after. Some end in a separation while some end in a divorce. In fact, due to many reasons, around 43% of first marriages in the US end in divorce.
And that’s the story with this Redditor. He immediately filed for divorce after finding out about his wife’s affair. Surprisingly, some friends asked him to fight for his marriage, while his wife said that she would’ve chosen him if asked to choose over her affair partner.
More info: Reddit
As soon as the poster finds out about his wife’s affair, he moves out and files for divorce then asks netizens if he’s a jerk for doing so
Image credits: Ron Lach (not the actual photo)
Wife argues that she would’ve chosen him if he had asked and given her the choice between him and affair partner
Image credits: u/Significant_Air_1550
Image credits: Odonata Wellnesscenter (not the actual photo)
Some of the couple’s friends thought that he should’ve fought for their marriage, he retorts by offering to sleep with them or their wives and then let them judge that situation
Image credits: u/Significant_Air_1550
He is paying his half of their apartment lease, while working and staying in all-inclusive resorts
The story began when Reddit user Significant_Air_1550 found out about his wife’s affair. Without further ado, he moved out of their apartment and filed for divorce. He didn’t even want to think about couples’ counseling as he wanted nothing to do with her. His reaction was quite genuine as nobody wants to be cheated on. Research has also proven that infidelity is one of the most commonly reported major contributors to divorce.
The wife reacted by saying that he should have given her a choice between him or her affair partner as she would have chosen him. The man was further annoyed and so disgusted by this, saying, “Gross. I don’t want her.” Even the Redditors called out the wife for this and said that she already made her choice by cheating on him.
When the couple’s friends found out about the whole situation, some of them expressed that he should have fought for his marriage and tried counseling with her. This further vexed the poster. He had a snarky retort ready for these people when he offered to sleep with them or their wives and then see how they felt about it. Well, that shut them all up and no one said anything to him.
The original poster (OP) also wrote that he is paying his half of the lease on their apartment and just four months are left before it ends. Meanwhile, he is working in a fly-in fly-out camp and living in all-inclusive resorts. This is cheaper for him rather than getting another apartment for himself. After he narrated the whole story, he asked online folks whether he was a jerk for not trying to save his marriage and they all jumped to his rescue.
They declared that he was not in the wrong. Anyone can be affected when the person that they are committed to cheats on them. According to the Mayo Clinic, “The partner who has been cheated on might feel traumatized by the betrayal of trust and loss of emotional safety.” OP must have been extremely hurt to immediately make a big decision like divorce.
Image credits: Pixabay (not the actual photo)
Cheating and divorce can have a lasting impact on the mental health of the partner who has been betrayed. It has been observed that the trauma associated with cheating can also lead to post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), which includes flashbacks, nightmares, anxiety, and mood swings, among other things.
Author and clinical psychologist Dennis C. Ortman talks about this trauma and calls it post-infidelity stress disorder (PISD) in his book Transcending Post-Infidelity Stress Disorder: The Six Stages of Healing. People can never imagine what the poster might be going through after the divorce.
Needless to say, cheating is a mental scar. Healing from such a scar is not as quick as getting a divorce or immediately moving out of the house. It takes a lot of time and patience. Phoenix Men’s Counseling states that infidelity can also negatively impact your future relationships as the betrayed person develops walls and barriers to further intimacy and vulnerabilities.
It’s a truly sad thing that the poster had to go through. And, looking at the number of people who get heartbroken and cheated on, it looks like there are quite a few who might suffer from PISD, we can never know. So, to decide whether to fight for their relationship or not totally depends on the person suffering through it and not any of the friends even if they mean well. It was wise of OP to make his decision instead of listening to his friends.
Some Redditors pointed out that they really liked the poster’s response to friends who suggested that he should try out counseling with her. Some also applauded him for ending it and standing up for himself, while sharing their experiences about how they were not able to do so. All of them agreed that he was not in the wrong for filing for divorce. Many of them were amused by the wife’s statement that she would’ve chosen the poster over the affair partner. One even said that OP had indeed asked her to choose, right at their wedding.
Now, before we head over to take a look at the comments, we want to hear from you. Have you (or anyone you know) ever been stuck in a similar situation? If you would like to share your experience or express yourself about the scenario, please do so in the comments below!
Redditors told him that he was not in the wrong as even the wife could’ve fought for their marriage by not cheating
Image credits: Snow White (not the actual photo)
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"She tried saying that if I asked she would choose me." Yeah - she made that choice, and made promises to that effect when they married. The fact that she decided to have an affair meant she stopped choosing the spouse, and choose someone else. - - - She is an adult, she can choose what to do. Her spouse is also an adult, and can make different choices. He decided where he boundaries lay (no cheating, no lying), and acted accordingly. His actions seem very reasonable.
"She tried saying that if I asked she would choose me." Yeah - she made that choice, and made promises to that effect when they married. The fact that she decided to have an affair meant she stopped choosing the spouse, and choose someone else. - - - She is an adult, she can choose what to do. Her spouse is also an adult, and can make different choices. He decided where he boundaries lay (no cheating, no lying), and acted accordingly. His actions seem very reasonable.
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